I had watched the X-Men animated series when I was too little to understand anything besides the opening display of mutants vs mutants with humans caught in the middle, & that Cyclops was the leader in blue therefore my fave. X-Men rekindled as an obsession for me in 2000. But for me, it wasn't only because in 2000, I had happened to come across on the DirectTV movie channels an X-Men movie that the info actually said came out the year before that I'd had no idea about. That movie sparked a new wave of X-Men everything.
For me, it was because in 2000, from how *I* remember it...
It was a strangely freezing cold grey rainy day in June, in NJ. [The temperature was not low, maybe 60's; but I was cold.] I had just gotten my first period the day before, but felt too weird about it to tell my mom yet. In school, they had told us that the first time you get your period, you most likely won't get it again the next month, because when you first start you will definitely be very irregular and there could be any amount of times between the first and next and subsequent ones, as your hormones level out to the usual 28-day cycle. I was counting on getting some more time to come to grips myself psychologically with the fact that I suddenly was at this stage. Another 3 months maybe? Yeah, that'd be nice. I'll be ready to tell her then.
Just my mom and I were in the car on our way up to my cousin's (the only one on my dad's side) wedding shower, for which I was the Junior Bridesmaid for, somewhere in Sussex County. Northwest corner of NJ, mountainous, everything unfamiliar to us.
We had a list of written directions, in the form of just the order of roads to take. (Remember it was only 2000; we didn't even have internet yet for MapQuest.) My mom did at least have a cell phone by that time. I had the giant atlas on my lap in the front seat. But I could not find Rt 20 for the life of me. Something like this, only denser:
And I started feeling sick. Splitting headache. Nauseous. Gas pains. Felt like diarrhea brewing. All in the middle of this long car trip to some unknown place for an expensive party for someone my family didn't really like cuz generational trauma/drama. Put it all together, I felt like I was going to pass out. My vision was going blurry, and a few times even sound got a bit drowned. Sooo much fucking PAIN, but it's all based around my stomach. I was wavering in my seat, hunched over this atlas, trying to keep it together.
It must have been something I ate. This only ever happens after I ate something that didn't agree with me. But man was this BAD. I could tell that the Always maxi pad I had put on was soaked, but that couldn't have anything to do with it.
My mom's driving, on unfamiliar wet mountain roads, frantically yelling at me -at least only in stressed frustration and not anger- that I HAVE TO FIND RT 20.
I'm trying, man, but I don't see it. I lost where we even were ourselves. She knew; we weren't that lost, but I didn't know where on the map we were. I couldn't keep track. I couldn't think. I couldn't see. I couldn't look back and forth between signs and the map. I'm yelling & practically crying back that she needs to pull over and look herself cuz I don't feel good. There is nowhere to pull over.
I'm also freezing. I'm already damp from having gotten rained on before getting in the car. Toes probably numb. Shivering.
BUT I HAVE TO FIND RT 20.
Staring at the mess of veiny roads I can barely read anything of anymore. It was one of THE MOST stressful times of that year alone. Nothing like that had ever happened to me before, that I was so vividly aware of. I remember feeling nauseous in the car on the way to the doctor's sometimes when I was ill, but it was nothing as all-encompassing as this, while still having to conduct a task.
And all it had me thinking of, was the opening scene of X-Men. =/ Not the place, obviously, but the rest:
Stressed. Wet. Cold. Yelling. Crying. Nausea. Pain. STRESS! Passing out.
"These mutations manifest at puberty, and are often triggered by periods of heightened emotional stress."
...If you know, or look it up, you'll see that Rt20 is muuuch farther south. I think it turned out I was looking for the wrong road entirely. It was either supposed to be Rt23 or 202, I forget now of course.
Once we got there, and I got to go to the bathroom, and had something to eat and drink, and warmed up a little, it did pass. Whew. That was weird.
...
Then the same EXACT thing happened again, exactly 28 days later. And every exactly-28 days for the next... 23 years, up til this past summer 2023.
What was happening to me?!
I told my mom that 2nd month, that I had gotten my period. And that I had actually had it the month before, for the first time, when I was sick on that car trip. And, that something was probably very wrong. Cuz I was sick in the same way again. Was I supposed to get so SICK?
No, she said. These must be 2 completely coincidental occurrences. Periods don't do any of these things to you. At least at the 3rd month, she at least believed me that okay, my period makes me sick.
Okay, well, I also had already learned that puberty & all these hormones were controlled by the pituitary gland, and the thyroid gland, which also control a lot of other basic bodily functions. The only thing that had suddenly happened to me was my period, which means my pituitary &/or thyroid did something wrong. Right?
I threw myself back into everything I could: the old show, the movies, Evolution, & the Ultimate comics series. Because mutant powers suddenly manifesting made about as much sense as anything else that was happening to me. Only no mad scientist was interested in my problems, unfortunately. And I couldn't find anybody else who had anything close to my same problems.
From 12-15, the only persistent symptom I had all the time, was headache. Don't people get CAT scans or MRIs when they have inexplicable prolonged chronic headaches? No... I just need to go to bed earlier. Stop playing video games. I need to actually wear my glasses. I could only get relief with certain songs blaring in my headphones, or pressing on the left side of my neck muscles.
...Now I know that prolactinomas can press on an optic nerve. I still don't know if that's what was causing those headaches, but it would finally make sense why it was only on the left. Luckily never really affected my vision, that I can tell. Apparently peripheral vision's supposed to go first if it is, and mine's always been great. Also the headaches did subside once I started wearing my glasses more regularly. But then I stopped for quite a few years with no headaches. Then started wearing them again & now if I don't I get a headache. SO WHO KNOWS 😩
As long as no one was gonna take me seriously & believe any of this was a medical issue at all, I was gonna pretend I had psychic powers I just hadn't learned to control yet. 😌 Although, on actual period days, I felt more like Phoenix or Rogue or someone from Muir Island, possessed, untouchable, alone, weak, helpless, unfit to be amongst the supermodel X-Babes because my mutant power was not sexy but was my own body destroying itself every month, more like Ultimate's version of Xavier's son David...
23 years later now, and I'm holding back tears again. I have an Endo regularly monitoring ALL my hormones; including ones I didn't even know were hormones, like DHEA & Pregnenolone, & Prolactin. & still all the thyroid things, including auto-immune antibodies, to monitor how my body is attacking my own thyroid & it's lagging ability to do its own job. I had a freaking MRI yesterday, because FINALLY, someone wants to look at my pituitary gland. 🥺 Because that's not doing exactly what it's supposed to either.
It's almost like I was RIGHT.
23 YEARS AGO.
...huh & she's right outside of NYC 🤔
Haven't been as into the franchise obsession as of late, what with Ultimate going downhill & the movies gone to garbage. (Even DoFP f'ed up ugh.) But I do still keep my love for it all, & still have a metal X symbol on my keys- my only keychain on them besides a tiny little paopu fruit. 🖤✖
