Welcome! This blog is dedicated to sharing, in a picture(s)-of-the-day type format, the amazing and beautiful mammals broadly grouped as “ungulates” observed around the world via the citizen science platform iNaturalist.
About Ungulates
Ungulates, or hoofed mammals, are members of a few different taxonomic groups, principally the orders Artiodactyla (even-toed ungulates) and Perissodactyla (odd-toed ungulates) in modern times. How these major two groups are related to each other is not entirely settled: historically they have been classified together in a larger group Ungulata (an arrangement which has been revived by some recent phylogenetic research as the “Euungulata Hypothesis”), while other phylogenies find them to be not-especially-close relatives in a group that also includes bats, pangolins, and carnivorans. One notable change to the relationships of the classic ungulate orders is the revelation that the old “order” Cetacea (whales, dolphins, and porpoises) is deeply nested within Artiodactyla, thus is included as part of the remit of this blog.
Several extinct lineages could also be considered ungulates, perhaps most notably the numerous lineages of “South American native ungulates” that lived almost exclusively on South America from about 66 million until about 12,000 years ago; their relationships to other mammals, and to each other, remain contentious. There is also another living mammal group, Paenungulata, that is included in this blog. In modern times, Paenungulata consists of hyraxes, sirenians (manatees and the dugong), and elephants. These strange animals have historically been difficult to place in the mammals’ evolutionary tree, though up through the late 20th century, hyraxes were often allied with perissodactyls. Thus, despite the fact they are not exactly “typical” ungulates especially in a modern parlance, in reflection of historical hypotheses in which they have been united with artiodactyl and perissodactyl groups and some general similarities to these other ungulates, paenungulates are also featured as part of this blog.
About the Blog (and me)
All images featured on this blog are in the public domain or under a Creative Commons license, which will be linked to in each post. The original iNaturalist observation will also be credited and linked. At present, my plan is that all images will be reasonably clear, reasonably hi-res, featuring a live ungulate (though I may eventually start adding good photos of bones), without any watermarks etc. on the image (though, again, I may eventually break down and start making an exception for trail cam images).
The taxonomy used on the blog is not derived from any one source, and does not always follow the rather overlumped and sometimes-slow-to-change iNaturalist taxonomy. I am a taxonomic splitter, so often recognize subspecies as full species, or populations as subspecies, when there is reasonable behavioral, biogeographical, morphological, and/or especially genetic basis for doing so and some precedent for it in the literature. Since this is blog is dedicated to showcasing the beauty and diversity of the world’s ungulates and is not meant to be a taxonomic treatise on them, I don’t expect the taxonomy I employ here to be thought of as the “right” one, but I do base my splits (and my rarer lumps) on proposals in the scientific literature that I feel to be reasonably sound.
I may eventually write more about taxonomy, and about identifying ungulates and their natural history, as things progress here, but again, this is meant to be a blog full of pretty pictures. I will keep this blog queued up with a few pictures a day, so there’ll be plenty of content in a steady stream even if I’m not around to manage things actively.
For a bit about me, I am a vertebrate palaeontologist with a research focus on proboscideans, especially mastodons. Though my heart belongs to megafauna, I have an avid interest in natural history in general and my professional background is in museum collections management. Though I am a keen user of iNaturalist (IDing other people’s beautiful observations more so than uploading my own more-modest ones), I want to emphasize here that this blog is in no way affiliated with iNaturalist, it is just my personal endeavor to show off some cool creatures in line with the Creative Commons licensing on the images.
I hope you’ll join in on this journey through the world’s ungulates, and enjoy the beauty of these diverse and fascinating animals!
Weiss:Hey Summer, I got a call from a producer. They wanna know if you wanna be on a song.
Summer:*writing* You know I don’t do duets.
Weiss:It’s a feature. They only want you for the chorus.
Summer:….put them on speaker.
Weiss:Done.
Producer:Hello?
Summer:In five sentences or less, explain to me why I should feature and what the song is about? I’ll give you handicap. Don’t say it’s good publicity.
Weiss:(Oh boy…)
Producer:Umm well our artist is more alternative rap and while being good, the darker nature of their song lacks a soul to it. We haven’t heard you on a song of this genre yet but your voice has such range and presence that we really think you can captivate the listeners to play it on repeat. If you aren’t busy that is.
Summer:I’m a Schnee. We’re always busy. However….I guess my interest is peeked. Send my a section of his lyrics and the beat.
Producer:Ummm what about your section?
Summer:If you want people hooked on my voice then it has to be my lyrics. I can’t just make other people’s lyrics come to life. Not unless they’re remarkably talented. Is that a problem?
Producer:No ma’am. Thank you for your time. *hangs up*
Weiss:Wow. He already sent the file. I really made a monster huh? Try not to scare people on the phone.
Summer:I’m not a fan of features typically, but I like the concept which is why you bothered to ask me in the first place. *rests head* send it and I’ll listen to it while I nap. How long do I have?
Weiss:Two weeks. Try not to procrastinate.
Summer:You know artists. Inspiration is a fickle thing. *closes eyes*
[A week later]
Producer:Umm Mrs. Schnee? We’ve received no contact from Summer. Is she making progress?
Weiss:Truthfully…I couldn’t say. She’s constantly listening to the sample on loop and sleeps to it, so I know it’s on her mind. We still have a week.
[30 minutes before deadline, the booth]
Producer:WHERE-
Weiss:Don’t scream at me.
Producer:Where….is the chorus? Where’s your daughter in general? She’s refused calls, texts, emails; I bet she’d ignore a carrier pigeon!
Weiss:Sigh….*bows* I have no idea.
Producer:I was told Summer Schnee took singing seriously. As a producer and manager, I get the people we endorse are all a bit quirky in this industry but messing deadlines on other people’s songs-
Weiss:Disrespectful and reputation harming. I am the last person you have to preach that to, or did you forget I used to be a “quirky” person that was endorsed?
Producer:All the more reason why I’m shocked. If Summer has writers block or isn’t up for the task-
The door opens and Summer walks in, dark rings under her eyes and headphones on. Despite the abrupt entrance and clear fatigue, Summer silently walked inside the booth with grace after queuing up her section of the song.
🎶I don’t know where to begin.
Anger keeps fueling my sin; controls me deep from within.
But still won’t let me drown~
I’d wipe the slate to stop the pain. These fucked up thoughts inside my brain won’t fade.
I might never find my way, but we’ll make the world bleed gray…🎶
Producer:…..
Summer:*removes headphones* Do you need another go at it?
Producer:N…No that can work. That’s…wow.
Summer:*smiles* I wish your artist luck on the project. And please…next time my people will call you if I can’t do something. More than half of yours go right to spam. *leaving* Let’s go mom.
Weiss:Hold on a- sigh. I’m sorry about her. Good luck. *leaves* Summer!
Summer:Hmmm?
Weiss:Why did you make this such a hassle!? Where did you go!?
Summer:Oh I didn’t want them complaining and having me come to the booth repeatedly or experimenting, so I ran the clock down. I also asked Oscar if it would be a good idea to use thoughts from a journal as lyrics.
Weiss:That chorus came from your therapy journal?
Summer:Why are you surprised? Half of your best songs are ranting about your father. We do our best work when we’re frustrated.
Weiss:…..I can’t deny that. Let me know next time at least. I’m still your manager you know? I have half a mind to work with a more agreeable talent.
Summer:Pfft, I know you’re joking, but who would ever truly rival me?
Weiss*grabs phone* Hey Nick do you want-
Summer:*grabs phone* Wrong number! *hangs up* I will keep you in the loop next time. This is our thing.
Weiss:That’s my girl. *hugs her*
Summer:Hmmm🎶
xxxx
Nick…..
Nick:Summer is stealing mom’s affection. I must correct this. *grabs guitar*
Jaune:Stop being petty.
Nick:*strums once* No~🎶
Jaune:Just steal all my affection.
Nick:Okay! Let’s go to the movies!
xxxx
Summer:( I gotta hangout with dad before Nick wins.)
Weiss:…(I hope my two lovely men are enjoying time together.)
summary: Michael really wants to go to Sydney’s most famous haunted house. He may or may not get super startled by one of the actors, and may or may not hit them in the nose by accident. And, after that, he might keep coming back to to try and apologize properly. And the haunted house might just have a never-ending supply of cute guys working there. (That’s a lie. There’s only three he cares about). ao3 found here
prompt: “I’m working as an actor in a haunted house and when I scared you, you punched me in the nose. Now I’m bleeding and someone had to get me an ice pack, and you won’t stop apologizing. You’re lucky you’re cute” (except i changed the POV because i wrote the prompt and i can do what i want thank u <3)
word count: 12,433
content warning: blood! there is nothing too graphic, but, as depicted in the prompt, someone is accidentally hit, and there is a nosebleed. it is all handled and fine, though, and it isn’t too detailed. lots of pining :)
A/N: whew! i’ve worked on this baby for the last two months and only just finished her this week but i am PROUD! i actually really love the way it came out, and my plot! please let me know what you think, i’m a slut for feedback! this was done for my sexy, sexy halloween event that is happening right now! massive shout out to @mikeycliffords and @glitterblazercalum for beta’ing this! maddie ur comments gave me endless validation and i adore u, and iba u caught all my sexy grammatical errors and i love u for it (and ur reaction to luke’s major <3). and to both @calumcest and @clumsyclifford for having to listen to me scream and not know what i was writing. unfortunate shoutout to Mr. Gerard Way for the vibey Halloween song i named this after. baby, you’re a haunted house slaps.
Michael loved Halloween. He was pretty sure it was his absolute favourite holiday, and would say that to almost anyone who dared to ask, though most people who knew him knew not to. It was in Fall, so it was nice and chilly, and he had an excuse to bundle up in hoodies and stay there until spring. And he was an absolute slut for horror movies of any sort. He absolutely adored them, no matter how cheesy and poorly-produced. If he had any talent in it at all, he said fairly regularly to his few friends, he’d be an SFX artist. But he didn’t, and he was stuck working as a barista and getting his degree in film studies.
So when his best friend in the whole fucking world landed a job working with Sydney’s infamous haunted house - known for being realistic, and terrifying, and all the makeup being technically perfect - and invited him to come see it, insisted he can get him in, who was he to say no? He absolutely couldn’t refuse - didn’t even want to, and he’d wanted to go for years, so this was the opportunity of a lifetime - and that was that. It was most of his favourite things all rolled up into one, with the bonus of it being sort of exclusive. Because it was so well known, they always ended up having to open a month early, and the line still wrapped halfway around the block every night. Michael was going to get a backstage pass to all sorts of shit.
He dressed fairly warm for the occasion, even if it wasn’t quite cold enough yet to justify it, with his hoodie on, oversized so he could cover his hands with the sleeves. Sue him, okay, it was comfortable and warm and he liked tugging on the sleeves or his hoodie strings when he was anxious. Not that he ever wanted anyone to know he’s anxious. Michael worked fairly hard on keeping that part hidden away, so no one else could ever see it. It wasn’t that he was embarrassed, exactly. He just...didn’t want anyone knowing. It took level eleven Michael friendship to unlock his insecurities, thank you, and even then, there weren’t many he'd really disclose.
Sydney never got properly cold, so the hoodie was more than enough to keep him warm in the chilly end-of-September breeze. He made his way to the haunted house, queuing up in the line with the rest of the people preparing for the best fucking scares of their lives.
The waiting process was the worst part of the whole thing. It was just him standing by himself in line, bouncing slightly on his heels every so often and worrying with his sleeves, from excitement, nerves, and maybe it was actually slightly chilly for once. He texted his friend a few times, only to get no reply. He frowned at his phone after twenty minutes of trying with no success. He was supposed to come get Michael at some point. If he was waiting to show him around at the end, wouldn’t he want to know which group he’d be in, or when he was going through the haunted house? Or at least answer him and tell him what his plan was? Apparently fucking not, though, since he made it up to the front without a single stupid text.
His jitters weren’t helped at all by that, but he eventually just jammed his phone into his hoodie pocket and hoped it didn’t fall out in the house. Michael and the people around him were finally let into the haunted house and given the long list of instructions. It was all the usual shit, that everything inside was fake, and to keep that in mind. To remember that the actors were just actors. And to go over the last few warnings - like that the actors would jump out, target people to scare them, ask questions, and generally, you know, act. Everyone agreed to the rules with varying degrees of excitement, and then they were all corralled into the waiting area.
Michael was back to bouncing slightly in place, hoodie sleeves fully over his hands at this point. The decorations weren’t too scary yet, just meant to keep the haunted mansion theme going. The premise was something about a doctor and his torture chamber and all his patients gone wrong or something. Michael has forgotten a couple of the details, but he remembered the gist of it. He couldn’t make out anything specific, really, not through the awful dim lighting and the light fog rolling in close to the ground, thanks to the hidden fog machines, only adding to the chill in the cold building.
One of the women in front of him was murmuring quietly to her boyfriend, gripping tightly to his hand. She didn’t seem much like she really wanted to be there. Michael hoped, for her sake, she’d remembered the safe word. Which was a nice touch, making sure everyone could yell it if needed. That rule was burned into his brain: if you yelled the safe word - mercy - any actor nearby would drop their act and escort you to the nearest exit, and you would absolutely not be allowed back in. Michael wanted to make sure he remembered it, but this was practically a once in a lifetime chance, and he really didn’t want to blow it.
Finally - finally - they were allowed into the actual haunted house. The first room wasn’t too bad, just the doctor guy’s living room with some narration about who he’d been and a little about his ‘abominations’. Michael got enthralled in the story pretty quickly, gaze lingering on the (fake) family portraits on the (equally fake) mantle and on the walls.
Room two brought a couple of scares, but he still wasn’t doing too badly. They were easily moved from room to room, sticking together in a clump. When the narration ended, basically, that was their cue to move on. Or for some sort or scare to jump out.
But, of course, the greatest horror house in Sydney wouldn’t stay predictable. After room number three, the smooth transition was broken up by a long, dark corridor, with the sides pressing in on everyone as they went through. Michael curled in a little on himself, shuffling forward so close to the next person in line that he accidentally stepped on their heels. They didn’t even have time to be annoyed before they were in the next room.
After room number four was worse. They went down an equally dark staircase, Michael’s grip on the handrail white-knuckled, pale skin almost luminous even in the pitch black. He shuffled forward once he managed his way down, unable to see anything, but didn’t bump into anyone. Which was...odd, given how tightly packed they’d all been up to this point. He took a gamble and swallowed his pride, sticking both arms out and stumbling forward, completely blind in the dark. Only then did the awful strobe light kick on above him, even fucking worse than the dark. He only got vague glimpses of where he was, and he couldn’t even see anyone around him in whatever room he was in. Fucking great, he had the best fucking luck in the entire world. Which he mumbled to himself as he continued his blind zombie-shuffle forward until his outstretched hand brushed a wall. Finally.
He kept that palm pressed against the smooth (fake) stone, moving in one direction he chose to believe was forward. He was pretty sure it was the opposite direction from the staircase, at least. Hopefully he’d make some progress that way. This was so fucked. Where had his group gone? He was very, very sure he’d been with them. They’d filed down the staircase with him, hadn’t they? Where the fuck were they? Where the fuck was he? This certainly seemed like a fucking dungeon.
He kept going until the shadows seemed to stay in one corner. He stretched out his unoccupied left hand, fingers brushing against another wall. He let out a frustrated groan, quiet and under his breath, even though he was pretty damn sure he was alone. He pressed his hand against it, palm against the cool stone, and he felt it open with a soft click. And he really didn’t care what was on the other side, he just wanted out of the stupid fucking strobe lights.
And, of course the strobe lights turned off as he stepped towards the open door. His luck was so fucking perfect today, wasn’t it?
He stepped through the hidden door (or whatever it was, Michael really didn’t care at this point), letting it slowly close behind him with the same soft click that definitely wasn’t ominous at all. This room, at least, wasn’t completely pitch black. There were lanterns hanging from the ceiling, and fake torches along one stone wall, that provided dim lighting. He skirted over to the side of the dungeon that was lit, gaze lingering on the shadowy side. His eyes still hadn’t really adjusted to the lighting, still absolutely fucked up from the stupid fucking strobe light. He would enjoy this a lot more if he knew this was intentional - if it was intentional - or if he was with his fucking group. Sue him, okay, maybe this shit was slightly better with company.
He heard something shift from the direction of the door, gaze sliding over there. The room really wasn’t that open, and was pretty small in size. He felt something brush his left shoulder and jumped, stumbling forward toward the shadowy side of the dungeon room - backward, now, maybe, since he definitely whirled around to look at whatever the fuck had poked him, only to find nothing but the stone wall. What the fuck was this fucking place? He knew that wasn’t a bat. Maybe it was a bat? He really, really didn’t know.
There was a weird sound from the shadowy side of the dungeon, which he was way, way closer to, now. He turned to look at it, only to flinch back when something lunged at him, snarling. Michael whirled around to look and let out an absolutely dignified shriek, reacting entirely on instinct, which was the only reason he realized, seconds too late, that that horrifying crunching noise had been his fist colliding with the thing’s nose.
The thing, that he was now realizing, was an actor, chained to the wall with long chains. They’d made the noise earlier, scraping against the floor, as the actor had shifted. Probably. “Oh, fuck,” Michael said automatically, eyes widening. His knuckles fucking hurt, sure, but he was more focused on the poor actor.
The makeup was, as promised, spectacular. He was a half-turned werewolf, shirtless and covered in gruesome patches of fur and deep, gory claw marks. He had some sort of fangs in, too, and weird orange contacts that definitely made him look feral. What Michael was most focused on, though, was the blood dripping from his nose that was definitely not stage makeup.
The actor had a small frown on his face, two fingers coming up to gently touch his nose. He let out a soft hiss, frown pulling more at his lips. “Damn,” he murmured.
“Oh, fuck,” Michael said, ever so eloquent. “Oh, fuck. Dude, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. I don’t- I’ve never hit someone before in my life, I don’t know what the fuck-“
The actor shook his head. “It’s alright. It happens.” He gave him a small smile, one corner of his lips pulling up, before it dropped right back into a frown. Probably aggravated his injured nose. That Michael had done. Fuck. “Hazard of the job, you know? I told them not to activate the strobe lights and then put a jump scare after them. They make people jumpy since they fuck with your vision. They put people on edge. And then to have someone jump at you out of the dark….” He just looked sort of amused. Vindicated, too, maybe. “I figured it would happen at some point. I just got lucky until now, I guess.”
“Fuck, I’m so….I don’t even…..I’m so sorry,” Michael said again, brows drawing together. He really hadn’t meant to. Had he made that clear enough yet? He hadn’t meant to. His panic wasn’t helped by how fucking cute the werewolf was.
The werewolf just ran a hand through his brown curls, pushing them back out of his eyes. “It’s alright. Really. It happens.” He eyed Michael, amusement in his eyes despite Michael’s clear panic. “I’m Ashton, by the way.”
Michael felt like he was still a few steps behind. Shouldn’t the werewolf be mad at him? Or kicking him out of the haunted house or something? “Oh. Uh. I’m Michael.” Ashton was a pretty name. And Michael was pretty sure it suited him, since it was clear Ashton was pretty attractive, even under all the makeup. And the blood. His nose was definitely bruised.
Speaking of his bloody nose, Ashton pressed two fingers right below it again, frowning as they came away covered in blood. “Well, Michael, you can definitely pack a punch.” He looked almost amused again before it gave way to concern. “Are you okay?”
Michael’s internal monologue still hadn’t shifted from ‘fuck. Fuck. fuck. Fuck. fuck. Fuck. fuck. Fuck.’ on loop in his head, so it took him a second to register the question. He still felt like he was short circuiting, adrenaline from the scare and the acute embarrassment immediately after still tingling up his spine and all the way to his shaking hands, fingers trembling a little where they were uncovered by the hoodie sleeves. “Wha- me? I’m- yeah? Fine, I- yeah, uh, think. I think, I mean. I mean I am, I’m fine. Okay. Yeah. Good.”
Ashton raised an eyebrow, stepping just a little closer. Michael was pretty sure he could hear his own heartbeat, too loud and too fast, echoing in his ears. Not loud enough to cover the unsettling scrape of metal against stone as Ashton’s chains moved with him. He focused on breathing, pretty sure he’d stopped for a second, inhaling the stale taste of the synthetic fog, permeating through the entire building, though the air lacked the telltale haze of a fog machine, and the equally stale, dank smell of the room itself. It was grounding, sort of. He was definitely not freaking out, though. Not at all. Not with Ashton right in front of him now, gaze fixed on him, Michael’s right hand still tingling, knuckles still aching. This definitely wasn’t social anxiety nightmare fuel. He was definitely perfectly fine.
Ashton reached for Michael’s hand, Michael numbly letting him take it, unable to do much more than watch. Ashton leaned forward a little, chains scraping again against the floor to make the worst sort of unholy noise, grating on Michael’s frayed nerves, thankfully on the edge of what he was paying attention to. He was too focused on how warm Ashton’s hands were, fake blood splattered over them like he was supposed to look like he’d been clawing at himself. “You’re bruised,” Ashton said, inspecting Michael’s knuckles where they’d made contact with Ashton’s nose. “Or, you will be, at least. You didn’t hit as hard as you could have, so I think you’re okay.”
With Ashton tilted forward, it was easier to see that he was definitely still bleeding - which, fucking duh, it hadn’t been that long since he’d punched him - dripping slowly but steadily onto the floor. Noticing Michael’s gaze, probably, Ashton took a few steps back out of Michael’s space, head still tilted forward a little. He lightly pinched the bridge of his nose, giving Michael what was probably supposed to be a lazy half smile.
“Should you- do you need help?” Michael asked lamely. It was a pretty fucking stupid question, since he’d literally just punched Ashton in the nose. And he was bleeding.
“It’s not that big a deal,” Ashton said, as calm and collected as he’d been the whole time. And fantastic, at least one of them was. “I’d go tell someone, but I’m a little bit stuck.” He raised his free hand, chains rattling a little bit. “I’m actually chained to the wall. Someone comes by and lets me out between every couple groups or every couple hours so I can use the bathroom and grab a drink and all that shit. I can’t get myself out on my own.”
“Oh, fuck.” Michael frowned. “That seems like a pretty big fuckin’, like design flaw. Who the fuck came up with that?”
Ashton laughed, short and sweet before he cut himself off, probably because his nose hurt. Which sent a jolt of regret and embarrassment through Michael. “There’s a lot of stuff like that for the sake of ‘authenticity’. Don’t tell anyone I told you, they’d have my head. I don’t mind too much, though. Only lasts two months every year, and it’s fun. Well, except for the occasional scare that goes too well.” He gestured at his face to prove his point, smile tugging slightly at his lips again before it dropped.
Michael didn’t get a chance to reply before someone came in, freezing at the sight of Ashton slightly tipped forward, nose still dripping, but much slower before, and Michael standing stiff and shocked in place. “Oh, fuck,” the stranger said, echoing Michael’s sentiments. “What the fuck happened?”
“Well, Michael here got so startled when I jumped out that he hit me.” Ashton answered for the two of them. “We’re all good, he didn’t mean to. He’s been keeping me company.” He winked at Michael, making Michael’s face heat up, especially noticeable in the gloomy chill of the fake dungeon room.
“Fuckin’ hell, man,” the strange guy said, immediately moving forward to free Ashton from the stupid chains. “So, you mean, the same shit you kept saying was gonna happen, happened?”
Ashton let out some sort of noise that was probably meant to be a laugh. “Yeah, pretty much exactly.”
“Fuckin’ hell,” the stranger said again, succeeding in freeing Ashton. He leaned in close to look at his nose, frowning. “Well. You definitely need to be cleaned up. You’re out of commission for tonight, we’ll just leave the room empty and the supervisors can suck my dick. Come on, let’s clean you up and get you an ice pack or something, and you can sit down for a while.” He wrapped an arm around Ashton, hand splayed out in the middle of his back. They were clearly comfortable with each other, and had the easy familiarity of close friends. Or something. The stranger nodded his head at Michael. “You, uh, Michael, was it? You can come with us, we’ll get you out.” He paused. “Unless you want to finish the house..? But I’m gonna take a wild guess and say probably not, after that.”
Michael startled a little at being addressed, temporarily forgetting he had a corporal form. “Oh. Uh. No, not really. I”m- that was enough, I think.”
The stranger nodded his head. “Makes sense. You kind of got separated from your group, it looks like. Usually people are in groups of two and three. You sort of had shitty luck tonight, huh?” He said it kindly, though. Like he was sympathetic. “My name’s Calum, by the way.”
“He’s not usually the responsible one,” Ashton teased, shooting Calum an amused look, only making Calum roll his eyes.
“Yeah, yeah. Ashton. You’re always Mr. Responsible. That’s why we’re going to patch up your boo boo.” Calum patted his back consolingly, shooting Michael a grin. “So is this your first time here?”
Michael glanced up, fingers pausing mid-tug where he’d been fiddling with his hoodie sleeves. “Oh. Yeah, it is. Uh. Always wanted to come but it’s hard to get in and last year I got stuck closing most days and couldn’t make it early enough.”
Calum nodded, like it was a solemn affair, or he was thinking. Michael’s ability to figure things out - he was pretty sure it was called perception, but it just proved his point - was absolutely shot through with his adrenaline. He was still waiting for someone to get pissed at him, to kick him out and ban him for life. “It’s a fun place, yeah. I can’t remember if I actually ever went through it before getting to work here and see ‘behind the scenes,’ but we get pretty good reviews.” Calum grinned. “I’d say a bloody nose means you’re pretty fuckin’ scary, Ash.”
Ashton let out a half laugh. “Yeah, I guess so. Or people scared shitless and blind in the dark don’t like jumpscares. One of the two.”
Calum had led them through a couple dark, narrow back hallways, clearly meant for the employees, the whole time they’d been chatting. They get to the doorway of a brighter-lit room and hear a woman gasp. “Oh, Ashton! What happened to you? Oh, god, it wasn’t those dicks from last night again, was it? I swear I’ll hunt them down-”
“No, it wasn’t,” Ashton consoled, stepping into the room where the woman started fawning over him, leaning up to inspect his face and make sure he was okay. Calum, letting her take over, gently nudged Michael out of view and stepped back into shadow with him.
“Look, Ashton’s a trooper, he’s okay,” Calum murmured, nothing but soothing sincerity in his eyes and coating his voice. “I promise. You seem pretty worried but, uh...The floor managers might not be too happy, you know? We’re missing our werewolf for the rest of the night, so the room will be empty...No one else gives a shit, I promise, I just mean that if you want to come back, you might want to leave before anyone figures it out, you know? Not personal at all.” He gave him a sweet smile that probably would’ve rendered Michael incoherent and weak-kneed any other time, but with his nerves as wired and burnt-out as they were, it only tugged at his anxiety-ridden heartstrings.
“Actually,” Calum continued, tilting his head, “I can get you a ticket or something for another night if you want to do this again.” He gave him a lopsided smile. “You know, as long as you don’t hit another actor again.” Michael assumed he must’ve looked panicked, because Calum was quick to console him. “Hey, hey, I’m kidding. Sorry, too soon.”
“Holy, fuck, Ashton, is that real?” Someone else asked, entering the room behind them.
Calum looked back at Michael, expression apologetic. “I’ve gotta- I’ll have to run damage control, Alisha - the girl - is nice but he’ll need, uh, help. Uh...The exit’s right through there, down the stairs, to the left. If you can get back before we open sometime, cut the line and ask for me. Uh. Calum. That should get you in.” Michael only realized Calum had put a hand on his arm at some point when he squeezed it gently and let go.
With another hasty apology, Calum had to return to Ashton and the whole mess Michael had caused. Michael stumbled on nerve-numb feet through the dark employee back-passageways, hearing the occasional shriek from the haunted house proper. He couldn’t help but berate himself and wish he’d done the entire fucking thing differently. And where the fuck had his friend been? Maybe he wouldn’t have been so nervous to begin with if the fucker had actually texted him back at some point.
This whole thing had been social-anxiety massive-fuckup nightmare fuel. Seriously, Michael thought as he finally managed to make his way out of the stupid house into the city, shivering in the much-cooler nighttime air, this was going to haunt him for years. Let alone punching anyone in the first place - his hand still sort of hurt, though not a proper hurt, more like the vague ache wrapped in the anxiety-spiking memory of what he’d done - but punching an absolutely gorgeous guy in the face? Fucking hell. Worst thing he could think of.
It was still fresh on his mind as he tucked himself into bed, fresh from a shower as he’d tried to scrub the stupid memory off his skin. He just hoped he managed to actually get over this and it didn’t haunt him forever. Though, he’d been pretty fucking haunted when he’d gone to grab pizza and when the guy had said “enjoy your meal,” he’d said “you too, thanks, mum.” He hadn’t even realized his mistake until he’d gotten outside with his prized pizza. In his defense, he’d been texting his mom, and gotten mixed up. There wasn’t really a defense here.
Fuck. He really hoped this didn’t haunt him.
-----------------------------------
Well. It haunted him. That first night had really, really sucked. Like...really sucked. It had taken ages to manage to fall asleep after that, since every time he tried, he was painfully reminded of the moment he hit Ashton right in the nose, and how awful that had felt. And everything afterward had just been an anxiety-fueled mess.
He had class the day after, too, which really fucking sucked, but it meant he didn’t have to sit and dwell on every single mistake he’d ever made in his life. The biggest one was obviously his birth, followed very closely by hitting Ashton. He decided, though, by the end of that day, that he definitely wanted to go apologize again. Just because it hadn’t felt quite like enough just saying he was sorry. He needed to actually prove it somehow. Maybe. Or he was just an idiot. Only time would really tell.
He got a gift card for the coffee shop where he worked, because he got a discount on it, and everyone liked coffee. Did Ashton like coffee? He really hoped he did. He was still kicking himself for not getting his number so he could make sure he was okay and apologize, but, in his own defense, everything had gone upside-down topsy-turvy really, really fast.
He got down to the haunted house, still a while before it actually opened. He went straight to the front of the line, remembering Calum’s promise to get him in. Hopefully he could use the advice to apologize properly to Ashton. The guy at the front of the line was kind of a dick towards him, but Michael managed to find a worker in one of the designated t-shirts for the house.
“Hey, uh, is Calum or Ashton here?” Michael asked, praying he didn’t seem near as awkward as he felt. He just wanted to apologize and leave before he embarrassed himself any further, that was all. Everything was fine. It was fine.
“Oh, yeah. Are you one of their friends or something?” The guy glanced at him before shrugging. “Calum’s working customer service and merch. Come on, I’ll show you.”
Michael followed the guy into the house, down a hallway that wasn’t super obvious, to what was clearly right after the exit of the house. There was a booth set up, shirts dangling from the top and displayed in the back, along with magnets and other sorts of merch along the table. Calum was sitting behind it, earbuds in, focused solely on his phone. The guy Michael had been following tapped on the table to get his attention, making Calum’s eyes snap up. He grinned over at Michael, pausing his music and tugging his earbuds out.
“I’ve got to get back to the front, but this guy was asking for you and Ashton. You know him?”
Calum’s smile didn’t dissipate. It didn’t do much to sooth the suddenly overactive butterflies in Michael’s stomach. “Yeah, I do. I’m good, you can go.” The guy nodded and left, leaving Michael alone with Calum.
“Hey,” Calum greeted, grinning again. “I wasn’t sure you’d come back. I was hoping you would. Are you here for the house?” His smile went coy. “Or for me?” He was clearly teasing, but Michael’s face flushed.
“Uh. I- well. Uh. I came- well, I’m here to apologize. Yeah. To, uh. To Ashton. Again. For hitting him. I mean, by accident. I didn’t mean to.” And wow, way to be smooth. Michael just didn’t know how to function around cute guys at all. Especially not when they sounded like they could possibly be flirting with him, if they were on another planet, where people actually flirted with Michael.
Calum just gave him another sweet smile, standing and leaning against the table. Michael definitely didn’t pay attention to the way Calum’s back arched, or the way he tilted his head sometimes without meaning to, or how good his jeans looked on him. He didn’t see any of that at all because he was a good person. He just..wasn’t blind. And Calum was cute. “Ashton’s fine. I think he’s working tonight, but I can shoot him a text.” Michael didn’t even have to reply before Calum was pulling his phone out of his back pocket and sending a text, presumably to Ashton.
“The house opens soon,” Calum continued, “but we’ll see if we can get him up here.” He smiled a little. “You know, after you hit him by accident, they tested out some fake chains. They thought it worked great - until they did a test run, and Ashton broke them when he moved forward. Guess even plastic couldn’t hold up to his upper body strength, huh?” He smiled, eyes squinting a little when Michael flushed darker. Everything was absolutely, perfectly fine.
Calum’s phone vibrated again and he checked it. “Oh, shit. He’s a bit hung up right now. You want to stick around for a minute and see if he can swing up here? I can give you a bit of a behind-the-scenes tour.”
Michael considered but nodded. “Yeah, uh. That would be great.” His friend - who still hadn’t fucking gotten back with him, it had been two days, asshole - was supposed to do that when he’d originally come to the house. Better late than never, at least, even if he’d never gotten to actually make it through the haunted house proper. He just had to survive spending time with a super cute guy in the stupidly narrow employee hallways.
Calum grinned again. “Great!” He slid over the top of the table, knocking a couple magnets to the floor. He glanced at them before shrugging. “I’ll deal with that when I’m back. Come on.” He grabbed Michael’s wrist, his hold warm and gentle, and lightly tugged him towards another hallway. “So what do you want to see first? How we put everything together? How we make a couple of the rooms function? Where we keep all the fog machines?”
“Uhhh……” That was….a lot of options. Michael honestly wasn’t sure where to start. The last comment earned Calum a laugh, short and a little nervous. “Anything?”
Calum nodded sagely, like Michael had made some interesting comment that could be considered, instead of fumbling over his words. “I’ll just start with the basic tour then.”
Calum tugged him into another room, launching into an explanation of how they put it together, and how it matched up with the other rooms in the house. He talked about how they had speakers in each room, and made sure the haunted house genuinely felt like an old rundown mansion with a stone basement. The next room was every bit as interesting, if a bit colder.
“That,” Calum explained, “would be because we keep one of the fog machines in this false wall.” He knocked on it, the sound hollower than a real wall would have made. “It adds to the vibe.”
Michael just agreed that it did, in fact, add to the general vibe of the haunted house, unsure what else to say to that.
“You know,” Calum said, eyes lighting up a little when he smiled, bright and mischievous, “I’m pretty sure they spent most of the decorating budget on the fog machines. In order to get the light fog in the dungeons, we had to keep one every couple rooms. And then the one in the front room, so people know we’re spooky.” He wiggled his fingers with his free hand, his other hand still warm on Michael’s wrist where he hadn’t let go yet.
Michael laughed, earning another triumphant smile from Calum. “That sounds right,” he said honestly. The basement - or what little he’d seen of it, at least - had definitely been neat, with the very light fog swirling around his ankles. He just hadn’t really made it that far.
And, like Calum was a mindreader, he almost immediately said “Hey, you didn’t finish the house, right? Want to get a tour of the basement? I can show you where I had to use Klorox wipes to get Ashton’s blood off the floor.” Another grin, clearly amused with himself.
“Uh...Yeah, okay, that sounds good,” Michael said, ever so eloquent. Being in the presence of a pretty guy did not help him at all, only serving to shut down any critical thinking skills he’d ever had.
“Great! This way-” Calum started to gently lead him out of the room, hand still warm on Michael’s wrist in the chill of the room, before he was interrupted by his phone buzzing. “Fuck, what now?” He pulled his phone out of his back pocket, which Michael found impressive given how stupidly tight they were. Calum let out a huff, letting go of Michael’s wrist so he could send a text back. “Fuckin’ hell. I’m gonna have to go.” He gave Michael a look that really looked like apologetic puppy dog eyes, but Calum somehow pulled it off. “We’re letting in the first group soon. I’ve gotta go back to my booth.”
“Oh, shit.” Michael was pretty sure that was the right response. He was still distracted by the smiles Calum had flashed him just moments before. Sue him, his weakness was cute guys, okay? And social interaction. Especially social interaction with aforementioned cute guys. Like Calum.
“I’m sorry. I guess Ashton will be wrapped up in that, too.” Calum frowned, thinking for a moment. “Are you free tomorrow?”
Michael flushed, a natural reply to being asked that by A Cute Guy. “Uh. Yeah. I have class in the morning, but I’m free after.”
Calum grinned again. “Great. Swing by here again? You can ask for either me or Ashton. We’ll get you taken care of, don’t worry.” He winked at Michael, smile still on his face. Michael felt himself flush deeper, praying it wasn’t too visible in the dim lighting of the haunted house.
“Yeah, uh, okay. I can...I can do that.” Maybe he was reassuring himself a little bit. But it would be fun. Calum led him back out of the room, his hand going to the small of Michael’s back, warm even through his hoodie. If Michael’s blush had faded, that brought it back full force. Calum’s hand dropped once they were back in the hallway, but his hand brushed Michael’s on every other step as he led him back to the front, to the area where Calum’s merch booth was.
“Here we are. I’ll see you tomorrow?” Calum asked, expression earnest. He squatted to pick up a couple of the magnets and buttons that he’d knocked to the floor earlier. Michael definitely didn’t glance at his butt, because he was a very nice person, and very good at resisting things.
“Yeah, I’ll, uh, I’ll be here.” Michael was completely fucking incapable of going one sentence without stumbling over his words. It was annoying. It was like being near any attractive guy whatsoever made his brain completely short circuit and stop working. He was pretty sure he just suffered from Dumb Bitch-itis or whatever. It was fine.
After a quick goodbye, Michael made his way to the exit and started the walk back home again. He couldn’t say that excursion was really a failure but he still hadn’t done what he’d meant to do. How many cute guys could work there, anyway? That had to be it. So hopefully he’d function properly next time he had to go, even if Calum and Ashton both completely shut his brain down. The gift card was still in his pocket, even as he reluctantly shucked his outside-hoodie to switch to his sleeping-hoodie. At least this time he didn’t have too much to haunt him before he fell asleep.
Except punching Ashton, his brain helpfully supplied. And with that, his hopes for some peaceful sleep went out the window, just like his critical thinking skills had earlier when he’d had to talk to Calum.
-----------------------------------
Michael prayed that this was the last time he’d have to go to the house. He didn’t dislike it, honestly, it was interesting and incredibly well put together. But he really just wanted to apologize to Ashton and have the whole thing be done with. Or, half of him did, at least. He hated when things got drawn out like this, and something hung over his head. He didn’t like feeling like he owed any debts at all. The other half of him, though, kind of didn’t want it to be over. Because then he wouldn’t get to see Calum or Ashton again. And alright, maybe he was a bit of an emotional masochist knowing that they wouldn’t like him but it was...nice, kind of, hanging out with people. And he wasn’t going to complain about getting to hang out with cute guys. Like...ever.
The thing was, though, it wasn’t like he could really be friends with them. He’d fucking punched Ashton right in the face for fuck’s sake. The friendship ship had long since sailed, and he’d lost any chance of talking to him like a functional person as soon as he’d panicked and hit him. Which sort of destroyed any chances he had in befriending Calum. And maybe he was a little bit lonely, and tired of spending all his free time by himself. The cute guys at the haunted house were a no-go, though, so he wanted to be done with them as soon as he could be.
Michael tugged his hoodie back on, and made his way back out into the outside world, where people weren’t so kind, and there were cute boys to accidentally hit and regret your entire life over. He didn’t want to think about having to talk to Ashton again, or Calum, doing his best to save all of his brain power for actually having to socialize, rather than wasting it on indulging his anxiety now.
He cut through the line again, though it was a bit earlier this time, so it wasn’t as long as it had been, and made his way to the front of the house. One of the workers, in the same haunted house shirts he’d see the others in the days before, stopped him.
“I’m here for Ashton?” Michael said, still not entirely sure of himself, like this wasn’t the second time he’d come back to the house and had to ask for them. “Or Calum.”
The girl glanced Michael up and down quickly, seeming to assess whether or not he was telling the truth. And really, why the fuck would he bother lying? He wasn’t even really trying to get into the house, but apologize fully to Ashton so he could hopefully stop being haunted by the memory of his major fuck-up.
“Alright, come on,” she said, turning on her heel and leading him inside. He followed her back through the room Calum had been stationed in the day before, the merch booth left empty, now, no cute guys with equally cute smiles there to drag him through the maze of the house.
The girl led her down a couple hallways Michael definitely didn’t remember, but he really hadn’t been paying as much attention to the hallways of all things the last time he’d been there. But he was pretty sure he didn’t remember any of this. Which was only reaffirmed when she stopped in a doorframe. “Luke,” she called in, hand on the doorframe. “This guy’s asking for Calum and Ashton. I’m busy downstairs. Can you try and track them down for him?”
Michael could see over her shoulder, but couldn’t see who she was talking to. Luke gave her some form of affirmative, he guessed, because then she was turning back to look at him. “Right. You stay here with Luke. He should be able to find Calum and Ashton. You can wait with him. Good luck.” She turned and headed off back down a couple narrow hallways, leaving Michael more confused than he had been before she’d tried to help.
“Come in, I don’t bite,” came a guy’s voice from the other side of the room. Michael reluctantly shuffled in, already tugging his hoodie sleeves down over his hands. How many times was he going to be shuffled from person to person before he managed to actually give Ashton his stupid gift card and go back to his life of reclusivity, hidden away in his single dorm room. Then he’d finally get to forget how massively he’d fucked up, and not have to think about all the stupidly cute boys that worked at the stupid haunted house.
The room had several chairs set up, with a couple of tables cluttered with a bunch of weird bottles, makeup palettes, and gallons of stage blood. It was empty, except for a girl sitting in one of the chairs, and a guy working on her makeup. He was tall, with ridiculously long legs, and his blond curls pulled back into a small bun, messy, with flyaways wisping around his temples and a couple strands of hair in his eyes when he flashed Michael a quick smile. “Alright,” the guy said, pulling back to inspect his work. “You’re good to go. But maybe try not to fuck up your chest wound next time? It’s not so easy to fix.” She murmured some sort of agreement - and what sounded like an apology - before heading back out, probably to wherever she was supposed to be stationed.
The guy turned to Michael and flashed him a smile, tucking his brush behind his ear and wiping his hands on his thighs before offering one to Michael. “I’m Luke. But, uh, I think you already knew that.” His smile went a little sheepish. Michael just shook his hand, internally cursing himself for having cute boys as a major weakness. Because Luke was definitely cute.
“I’m Michael,” he said, because he was pretty sure he hadn’t yet, and it seemed like the proper time for an introduction. His brain might short circuit a little bit around cute boys, but he didn’t completely forget everything. Usually. Not yet, at least. He was just hoping to keep at least a fraction of his critical thinking skills. So he didn’t end up hitting him in the face, his brain supplied helpfully, even though that had only ever been the one time, and under very different circumstances. It didn’t make him feel much better.
Luke broke into a smile almost immediately, letting out a laugh - more of a giggle, really - that made his nose crinkle. “You’re the guy that punched Ashton,” he said, eyes crinkling a little with amusement. “Holy shit. You’re a legend.”
Michael flushed, feeling his whole face heat up, even though the room was just as chilly as the rest of the haunted house. “Uh. Maybe just a little. The one time.” He scuffed the toe of his sneaker against the ground, suddenly a little nervous. Or...more nervous. Luke was just as cute as the others had been, stray glitter stuck to his hands (and Michael’s palm, now, after he’d shook his hand), and his hair in that stupidly endearing bun. And apparently he knew about the biggest fuck up in Michael’s entire life, which really wasn’t all that good for his already not so fantastic self esteem.
Luke nodded, still looking only a couple seconds from laughing. “The one time. Yeah. Ashton thought it was hilarious. It worked out, though, he got the rest of the day off, and convinced them to fix his position so it hopefully wouldn’t happen again. Well, I mean, they mostly agreed that he could keep his phone on him as long as it was silent so he could call Calum or something to come get him if something happened. But he counted it as a win.”
Luke leaned against the table, hip causing a couple bottles to fall over. Luke flushed, pink covering his pale skin, as he rushed to sort everything out, right all of the bottles. He knocked one of them off the table, squatting down to grab it and smacking his head against the edge of the table on his way back up. It knocked the brush from behind his ear, which hit the floor with a quiet clatter. Luke managed to stand up properly, though, his face red, and clearly flustered. “Um. Anyway. So you- Uh.” He shook his head, more curls coming free of his bun and dancing around his temples when he moved. “Ashton wasn’t upset, you’re okay. He’s kind of hard to rattle. Calum and him have been joking about it, mostly. They just didn’t mention you were cute.”
Michael had watched Luke’s moment with the bottles, eyebrows furrowed in concern, but he hadn’t wanted to overstep. He’d gotten it sorted, anyway, and his head seemed fine. So he didn’t ask, just watched him with the same slightly cautious expression. Luke’s last sentence threw him off, though, and it was Michael’s turn to flush, staring at Luke a few beats longer than socially acceptable. “Oh, uh- you think- I’m not- I’m pretty, just, you know- uh. Thank you. You’re- the same. Cute. I mean.”
Luke laughed, soft and gentle and warm, meant to be with him rather than at him. Michael’s blush darkened, but he didn’t feel quite so bad about being an absolute idiot. “Thank you,” he said, head tilting a little to the side, smile back on his face. Luke was tall. Taller than Calum and Ashton had been, enough to make Michael aware of the difference. No wonder he’d been clumsy, though he’d seemed to have reclaimed his grace now, lanky limbs seeming only to add to his charm and poise rather than detract from it now that his footing was stable and no bottles were falling on the floor.
“So why’d you come back, again?” Luke asked, yanking Michael out of his reverie. He’d moved to straighten some of the bottles and makeup palettes cluttered on the table. He glanced at Michael before his eyes shifted back to what he was doing. And yeah, that was definitely stray gold glitter stuck to his hands, front and back.
“Oh. Uh. I wanted to say sorry to Ashton again. I just...haven’t been able to catch him. Came back yesterday and same thing.” Michael tugged at one of his hoodie sleeves, watching Luke’s long fingers tighten what looked like a tall bottle of latex. And okay, maybe he’d watched a few too many behind the scenes videos of his favourite horror movies, and wasn’t completely brand new to SFX stuff.
Luke glanced up at him again, interest in his blue eyes and all over his face. His hands paused where they were. “You were here yesterday?”
“Uh. Yeah? I was just with Calum for a while but then he got some text and I didn’t get a chance to see Ashton before I had to leave.” He didn’t know what about that was so interesting, but whatever. At least he wasn’t tripping over his words now and could talk to Luke like a proper functioning human being.
Luke hummed but didn’t offer an explanation for asking. “Do you want me to do your makeup or something while you wait?” He asked, as random and out of nowhere as anything.
“What?” Michael asked, brows drawing together again. He was pretty sure Luke hadn’t said what he thought he’d said.
“Do you want me to do your makeup while you’re waiting?” He repeated, gaze as earnest as ever. He wasn’t lying.
“I mean, holy shit, yeah,” Michael said, maybe just a tad too eager. Get his makeup done by a makeup artist at the haunted house that had won awards for SFX? Hell fucking yeah! He wasn’t turning that opportunity down. Hopefully it went better than attending the haunted house had.
Luke beamed, looking absolutely pleased with himself. “Okay, come over here and sit down and I will. Do you want, like, a cut or something? I have a couple spare prosthetic injuries I could use. I know I can’t do the missing eye one on you, you can’t really see in that one. I have a couple of the small claw ones, like I think I used on Ashton? If you want some of those.”
“Uh. Yeah, that works.” Michael made his way over and sat down in the chair, shifting a little bit. He’d never really had his makeup done before, but he was more excited to get to see someone do SFX up close. On him.
“Can you pull the hoodie off?” Luke asked over his shoulder, starting to sort through his supplies. “I need more space. I can do it right below your collarbone, I think. That’s enough space. With Ashton, I think I slotted some at the top of one of his pecs and then some on his ribs, on his side.”
Michael flushed but tugged his hoodie off, getting his head stuck in the stupid thing only momentarily, before it was off and he could ball it up in his lap. Luke turned back to look at him, humming softly to himself. He tugged his hair free from the bun, curls falling freely to frame his face, before pulling it right back again. Just like before, curls too short to fit in the bun curled around his temples and his ears. Luke ignored it, stepping closer with the small prosthetic in hand.
He hummed a little again, eyeing Michael’s collarbones and chest. He tugged the neckline of Michael’s shirt down a little bit, holding the prosthetic up, just below his collarbone as he’d said. “This should work pretty well. Has anyone ever done makeup on you before?” Luke turned to grab something else, probably his adhesive, before turning back and frowning. “It might be easier, since I’ll need both hands for this. You can put it back on afterward, it’ll sit right above your neckline. Right here.” Luke tapped a finger lightly where he planned on putting the prosthetic.
Michael flushed. “Uh. Yeah, okay, I guess.” He really wasn’t used to this. Going shirtless in front of a cute guy? Yeah, that really didn’t happen. Like, ever. He reluctantly tugged his shirt off, though, still not about to turn this opportunity down. The shirt joined his hoodie, both balled up in his lap. He was rewarded with a sweet smile from Luke, before he was surveying the area he wanted to stick the prosthetic, which did little to help Michael’s blush.
“This might be a little bit cold. It’s room temperature, kind of.” Luke started applying the adhesive, completely in Michael’s personal space. “So did you like the house?” He asked, fanning the adhesive with his hand, gaze shifting to Michael’s face. “When you came? Before the thing with Ashton, I mean.”
“Yeah, I did. Uh. I’ve been wanting to come here for years, and I finally got to get a look. I really, really like horror shit, and thought about being an SFX artist but I don’t have the talent at all.” Michael resisted the urge to shift in place, or bounce his leg. He didn’t want to fuck up whatever Luke was doing. “It’s, uh, really well put together. No wonder it’s won awards and shit.”
Luke hummed, tapping the adhesive before grabbing the prosthetic and leaning down, tongue sticking out a little in concentration, as he carefully stuck it down. He held it in place for a moment, pulling back to inspect his work. He moved to grab one of his makeup palettes. “Yeah, it’s a lot of work to pull it together and get everything set up properly. But I can get out of some of it sometimes, since I do makeup.” He grinned at him before starting to add colour to the prosthetic. “You wanted to do SFX?” His gaze flickered up to him again, before again it dropped to what he was doing. “I could always show you some stuff, if you wanted. I’ve been doing it for a couple years, so I think I’d probably be okay at that.”
“Didn’t you guys win something last year for your makeup?” He asked, tilting his head a little bit.
Luke turned pink. “Well, yeah, but that wasn’t just me, that was the whole team. But, um. If you wanted that, I definitely could.”
It was then that it really clicked what Luke was offering. This was a chance for Michael to actually get hands-on experience with SFX and get to see it up close. Not only that, but he’d get the chance to actually do it himself, with someone else’s guidance, and see if he was actually shit at it. And that someone happened to be award winning. And really cute. “Fuck yeah, I definitely want that.” Okay, he needed to curb his excitement. Just a little.
Luke let out another one of his giggles, still working on the colouring of the prosthetic. “Okay. I’m happy to show you. I’ll get your number when I’m done? So we can set up a time?”
Michael definitely didn’t turn pink at that or anything. He was totally suave, totally used to getting cute guys’ numbers, especially while he was shirtless in front of them. Obviously. And maybe that was a little bit of a lie, and this was brand new. And maybe he was a little bit pink. “Uh. Yeah, that sounds good.”
Luke hummed, attention mostly back on the prosthetic. He was silent for a few moments before he spoke up again. “You said you wanted to do SFX. So what do you do instead?”
“Oh, I’m a film student. I work at, uh, Great Awakenings? The coffee shop a couple blocks down from here on campus.” Michael, again, had to resist the urge to shift around in place. Not because it felt weird, but because he didn’t know what to do with himself, or his nervous energy. He couldn’t even tap his foot or anything on the ground, for fear of fucking up what Luke was doing.
“Oh, that’s neat! I’m doing philosophy right now. Ashton’s doing English. Focusing on literature, I think. And Calum’s doing psychology,” Luke flashed Michael a bright smile before going back to his work, still carefully adding pigment to the prosthetic.
“Oh, that’s, uh...pretty cool. What made you choose philosophy?” Michael asked.
Luke hummed a little to himself. “I dunno. Just thought it seemed interesting. I’m pretty happy doing this, but I don’t know if I can make a career out of it. Or if my skills are even enough to try.” He paused. “I know I’m good enough to work here, I just don’t know about beyond that,” he corrected, fingers stilling where they’d been working. It only took a moment before he was back at it again.
Michael understood that, honestly. “Yeah, I know what you mean. That’s why I’m in film. I don’t know how far I’ll make it, either,” he said honestly.
Luke gave him a frown, more adorable than it had any right being. “I’m sure you’ll be good at it, Mikey.”
Michael flushed at the nickname, but didn’t have any time to add anything before Luke was turning around to face the table. “Okay, I just have blood and then I’m done.” Luke grabbed the bottle and a tiny brush, turning around to face Michael yet again. He gave him a tiny smile before he was back to work, tongue poking slightly from between his lips in concentration.
Luke was pretty. Michael was struggling to think about anything else, even with how desperately he wanted to do SFX, and how much he’d wanted to visit the haunted house. It only took a few minutes before Luke pulled back slightly, surveying his work. Good thing, too, Michael was starting to get chilly. “Okay,” he said, eyes still on the prosthetic, forehead creased slightly, lips pulled into a small pout. He looked thoughtful. Michael refused to admit it was adorable. “I think I’m done.” He gave Michael another smile, nose crinkling slightly with this one.
Michael’s number one weakness was definitely still cute boys, because his brain short circuited immediately. He was saved from having to say anything, though, when a girl poked her head in the door, knocking twice on the doorframe to get Luke’s attention. “Hey, house’s opening in a few. Stand by in case of any fucked up makeup.” Luke just nodded, and then she left.
Luke frowned a little at Michael. “Okay, you’ll probably have to go before we officially open and groups start coming through. I might get busy, and we aren’t supposed to have visitors.” Luke chewed at his lip, thinking. “Okay. Uh.” He pulled his phone out of his pocket - Michael didn’t know how he fit anything in his pants pockets, they were stupidly tight and didn’t look all that comfortable - and offered it to Michael. “Give me your number? I’ll text you and figure the whole Ashton thing out so you can say sorry to him or whatever. And then I can show you how to do makeup.”
Michael nodded, taking the outstretched phone from Luke and obediently putting his number in. “That, uh, sounds really great. Thanks, Luke.” He passed his phone back and earned another smile from Luke that definitely didn’t make his stomach flip. Michael went ahead and tugged his shirt back on, careful not to fuck up his new prosthetic.
“Okay, sweet. Can you find your way out or do you want me to show you?” Luke asked, as sweet as he’d been the whole time.
Michael shook his head at the offer, though. “I’m okay. I can get out. Thanks, though. I’ll...I’ll catch you around?”
Luke gave him another smile. “Yeah. See you, Mikey.”
Michael made his way out of the haunted house for the third time, hoodie balled up in his hands despite the evening chill so he didn’t get fake blood on it. And maybe he stopped in front of the mirror once he got home to look at his makeup, stupid grin on his face remembering Luke (and the other cute boys that worked there). And maybe, just maybe, that was the first night since he’d punched Ashton that he didn’t seriously struggle to sleep.
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Michael had almost forgotten the whole dilemma, when he woke up to a text from Luke. The phone screen was stupidly blinding in the darkness of his bedroom, and he cursed himself for bothering to check his phone in the first place. To be fair, though, he’d only wanted to see the time - he slept with his phone on do not disturb for this very purpose - he hadn’t expected the text.
Luke H: hey, r u free 2day? :-)
Michael stared at the text, blinking sleep out of his eyes, before he managed to get his brain to function enough to reply. And of fucking course Luke added a nose to his emojis. He might have only met the guy once, but it definitely seemed like a Luke thing to do.
Michael: yeah I should be. y?
Michael didn’t have a chance to even roll over before Luke had replied, phone buzzing again in his hand. Did Luke have nothing better to do? It had to be fucking early in the morning, and Michael’s main priority was going back to sleep. Though, in Luke’s defense, it usually was.
Luke H: no reason
Luke H: can u meet me at that coffee shop @ 1 later 2day?
Luke wasn’t making any more sense, even with his clarifications. And Michael was way too tired to think too much about his cryptic messages. So he just agreed.
Michael: yeah
His phone buzzed again, seconds after he’d hit send. Did Luke have nothing better to do than text Michael at fucking nine am on a Saturday morning? Didn’t he know how to sleep in?
Luke H: great :-)
Michael tossed his phone to the side with a sigh, resolving himself to being awake way, way too early. This wasn’t usually how he spent his mornings; normally, he slept in until noon if he didn’t have work, and spent the day catching up on homework he didn’t feel like doing during the week, and finished the day with pizza and a few rounds of FIFA. He didn’t usually meet cute boys at the coffee chop, for god knows what reason, and he usually didn’t wake up so fucking early.
The rest of his day passed slowly, starting with two cups of coffee to try and keep himself awake and functional. He could hear his mum in his head, reminding him that nine am isn’t even that early, that most people were already awake and functional by that point. So he just shook his head and told his imaginary mum to piss off, and that he wasn’t most people.
He managed to waste most of the day away until he was already running late to meet Luke. He tugged on a hoodie that he’d only worn once that week, making it objectively cleaner than most of his other ones.
By the time he made it to the coffee shop, he was a couple minutes past one. Which was fine, it was pretty standard for Michael. He never really knew what time it was, but he tried his best. At least he was only a couple minutes late this time. Hopefully Luke didn’t mind too much.
Speaking of the devil, Luke had taken a seat in the corner and, when Michael spotted him, was mid-laugh at something Ashton had said to him. Ashton, who was sitting right next to him, grin on his lips. Oh, fuck. Had Michael just been invited to fucking third wheel them or something? You could third wheel a friendship. Michael knew that, from trailing after a pair of best friends when he was a kid, before he’d just decided to be a loner for the rest of his life. But they seemed awfully cuddly now, too. Maybe they’d just invited him to laugh at him.
Or, the much smaller rational part of his brain pointed out, maybe Luke had invited Ashton since Michael had wanted to apologize to him again and had never gotten the chance. Maybe Luke was just being nice.
Michael just did his best to shove all those thoughts aside. There was no point in freaking himself out now that he was already here. Better to just figure out what Luke had planned and get it over with. Or enjoy it, maybe. Maybe.
Michael made his way over to their table, awkwardly taking his seat in front of them. Luke turned and gave him a bright, happy smile. “Hey, you made it!” He greeted, clearly pleased. “I went ahead and brought Ashton, I hope you don’t mind. You said you wanted to apologize, and we both think you’re pretty cute, so-” Ashton smiled fondly, but nudged Luke anyway.
“Don’t freak him out right after he gets here,” Ashton chided gently. He gave Michael that warm smile, shifting in his chair. “Hey, Michael. Good to see you again.”
Michael nodded a little, socialization abilities immediately leaving him. “You look good,” he said, before flushing. “No, you don’t. I mean - fuck - I don’t mean that, I mean you look good now that you’re not covered in blood. Or, you looked good then too. Well, not really, because I hit you in the nose-” Michael snapped his mouth shut. “I mean, it’s good to see you too.”
Ashton just laughed, good naturedly, but Michael was pretty sure he was one fuck-up away from them hating him. Still, though, his laugh managed to calm some of that built-up nervousness he was holding on to.
“You look good too, no worries,” Ashton said, corner of his mouth pulling up into a smile.
Michael just nodded a little, steeling himself before he spoke. “I’m, uh. Really sorry about hitting you. I didn’t mean to at all, and still don’t know how I managed to fuck up that badly.”
Ashton gave him another smile. Luke was busy fiddling with one of his curls, clearly only half paying attention to the conversation, if at all. “It’s okay. Really. You didn’t do any lasting damage, and you didn’t mean to. I’m fine now, and it made the managers have to reconsider the position. Besides, it just meant Calum and Luke were a little overprotective for a few days. I’m fine now, but they were worried for a couple days about bruising and possible lasting damage. You should really be apologizing to Luke for having to deal with blood.” Michael must have looked confused, because Ashton continued. “I don’t know why, but it freaks him out. He’s fine with all the SFX shit, he’s okay with gruesome fake injuries and fake blood, but any time there’s real blood? He freaks out.”
Luke abandoned his curl, tucking it behind his ear, to pout at Ashton. “Hey. I just don’t like it.”
Ashton gave him another stupidly fond smile and draped an arm over the back of Luke’s chair. “I know.” Michael felt like he was third wheeling, again. Which, okay, Ashton and Luke were cute, but he couldn’t help the way his stomach dropped a little. He’d thought they were pretty cute, and he hadn’t deluded himself into thinking anything would happen with either of them. But it didn’t really make it feel much better to realize he was third wheeling.
Sometime into his quiet sulking (which only could’ve lasted a minute or two at most), Calum had come up behind him, because now he was pulling out the chair next to him. Michael was effectively caged in now by attractive guys. Which, okay, was manageable. If his brain would stay functional. At least now he wasn’t third wheeling Luke and Ashton by himself anymore.
“Hey,” Calum greeted all of them, smiling in the way that made his cheeks squish up and his eyes squint. And okay, yeah, Michael definitely needed to get back into the dating world.
“Hey,” Luke said, brightening a little again at the sight of Calum. “Michael came.”
Calum nodded, giving Luke the same fond smile Ashton had. “I can see that, babe.”
Luke reached his hand across the table, towards Calum. Calum took it, gently squeezing his hand. And fucking great, had Michael gone from third wheeling to fourth wheeling? Was fourth wheeling even a fucking thing? It clearly was, if what he was thinking was correct. Because Calum, Luke, and Ashton seemed awfully fucking close - Calum had just called Luke babe, for Christ’s sake - and he was pretty fucking sure they were all dating. Or involved together in some way. So why fucking bother inviting Michael if they were going to act like that? It wasn’t like he thought it was a date or anything, but it seemed...rude to just be all couple-y with a fourth person there.
“I’ve gotta take a call,” Michael said, and the excuse to step out sounded lame even to his own ears. But it had seemed like they’d been...maybe not flirting with him, but flirty, and he felt pretty fucking awkward fourth wheeling them the way he was doing. So he wanted an excuse to step outside for a moment and breathe. He pushed his chair back, wincing at the noise it made, and awkwardly stumbled outside of the door. The bell above the door chimed as he did, which did nothing for his annoyance.
He took a few steps to the side, so he wasn’t in anyone’s way if they tried to go into the little coffee shop. He leaned back against the wall with a sigh, forgetting his excuse, and completely forgetting that he should probably at least pretend to be on the phone. Even if his phone hadn’t been ringing in the first place.
His melodramatic inner monologue of suffering was interrupted by the stupid bell chiming again. It earned enough of his attention to look up. And none other than Luke was standing there in front of him, apologetic smile on his face. “Hi,” Luke said, making his way a little closer.
“Hey,” Michael said, a little unsure.
“I just, uh...I’m sorry,” Luke said, fidgeting a little in place. His gaze shifted down to his feet, where he was absently scuffing the toe of his converse against his other foot. “I should have warned you about us. We just...it’s still kind of new, telling people, and we all...well, we all thought you were really cute, and I thought the rest of it would be easy if I managed to get you here. But life isn’t really like the movies, and I was kind of a dick to not at least warn you. Ashton said I should have, and he was right. I should have.”
Wait...what? Michael was left reeling a little. At least he wasn’t fucking crazy, and he’d been right about the three of them being together. Or, that was what it sounded like, at least. But the rest of it? What did Luke mean by them thinking he was cute? What the fuck? Why did Luke have to be so cryptic? “What?”
Michael was pretty sure Luke blushed. He just scuffed his toe against the ground again, before making eye contact. “I’m dating Calum and Ashton. Or, we’re all dating each other. Um...and we thought you were cute. We think you’re cute. And I fucked up and should have explained all of that earlier. So you didn't, uh...get blindsided by it when you got here.”
Well, that was...a lot. And unexpected. “So...is this a date or something?”
Luke shrugged. “It is if you want it to be.”
Michael considered that for a moment. Did he want it to be? He’d never dated more than one person before - hadn’t really dated many people in general, honestly. But he didn’t dislike the idea. He had gotten along with all of them individually pretty well...and they were already established, right? So maybe it would be easier for him to just join that. Maybe. “I think so, yeah.” He nodded a little.
Luke grinned, shoulders sagging a little with relief as. “Great! I’m sure we’ll talk about everything soon. Like, boundaries and limits and telling other people and the future and stuff like that. Ashton and Calum are pretty good about all that.” Luke reached for Michael’s hand, and he took it, letting Luke lace their fingers together. “For now, though, let’s go get coffee.” Luke tugged him back into the coffee shop, a triumphant grin on his lips. Michael couldn’t help the smile he gave him, just as fond as the ones Calum and Ashton had worn earlier. Something about Luke’s happiness was just...contagious and sweet. It made you happy to see him so happy.
-----------------------------------
The relationship ended up working out like a fucking dream. Michael had never felt so supported in his life, and he was pretty sure his boyfriends felt the same way. After the initial coffee date, they’d gotten themselves established, and talked about what they wanted and what they wanted the relationship to look like, and the future, just like Luke had said. And, to absolutely no one’s surprise, the conversation was guided by Ashton.
Telling his mum had arguably been the hardest part, but even that was made a little easier with their support. Answering her questions hadn’t been fun - he’d deflected the over-the-line questions, as anyone else would, and flat out refused anything rude - but they’d gotten it taken care of, and she’d been about as accepting as Michael could have hoped.
As promised, they managed to get Michael a job at the haunted house the following year. One of the managers had gotten fired after the incident with Ashton - not that that had been the cause, but he’d been a massive dick about it, according to Calum and Luke, and it hadn’t been a good look, so he’d gotten canned - which let Calum get a promotion. Ashton was happy to stick with being an actor. As long as, he’d said when they’d broken the news to Michael, stupid grin on his face, no one else punched him in the face. He didn’t want another boyfriend. It had earned him three eye rolls, and three fond smiles, from each of his stupidly indulgent boyfriends.
But it had meant there was an opening for the merch stand, and Michael would get three glowing reviews. So they’d managed to get him the job. And, Calum had reminded them at the time, pleased smile on his face, they had a lot of sway with one of the managers.
So after everything got settled, Michael’s life was the best it had ever been. He had three loving, supportive, wonderful boyfriends, a job he loved, and date night every Friday. Even if he was working, they were happy to come sit and entertain him until he was off. He didn’t feel left out with them anymore, either; after that first time, they’d gotten it sorted, and were quick to comfort and console him.
Ashton never fucking let him live down the way they met, though. He made dad jokes about it as often as they let him - “watch out for Michael, he packs a punch,” “ah, Michael’s got quite the feisty personality,” “Michael’s really got a nose for this sort of thing. He fucked up mine, so it’s only fair, I suppose” - which was way, way too often, given how bad they all were. Michael couldn’t even bring himself to care, though. Not when accidentally punching him in the face had been the one thing to pull his life together. Ashton’s dad jokes were definitely worth all of that.
I feel like i’ve been close to shifting these past two days (like really close), especially the day before yesterday. I think that if I’d been persistent and resisted scratching my side (it was too much I was dying) maybe I would’ve been able to do it.
Unfortunately last night was a bit of a mess and didn’t go as well as it had before; I tried some new methods involving songs, but youtube ads had this really funny idea of wanting to completely take me out of the experience and then Spotify also did me dirty by automatically playing more songs than I had queued (and no, the queue wasn’t looped, so it wasn't that either). The setbacks made me feel super frustrated, which obviously didn’t help, so I decided to keep giving those methods a try some other day and went back to using the raven and sunni method combination, which (as I mentioned in a previous post) has so far worked the best for me and shown me the most progress.
Now, there’s two aspects of this that I want to explore, firstly it’s why I think I’m getting close, what have I noticed that changed? What’s different? What am I doing right? And the second one is why I feel like I haven't shifted yet, what am I missing? What am I doing wrong?
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As for what I’m doing right, I feel like the Raven/Sunni method combination is working the best and most efficiently, and think I should stick to that one until I manage to learn how to shift with ease before trying something else and risking setting back or stalling my progress the way I did last night.
Now, there are a couple of reasons why I think I’m getting close: the symptoms have been coming way easier and more persistently than they did the first few days. The first few days that I started trying to shift I only seemed to get to a point of meditation and stopped there, which is great, it helped me concentrate and focus on visualizing, so that felt like a good first step, but recently, I’ve gotten past that and actually felt a bit different.
I’m going to talk a little bit about the symptoms that I’ve felt in more detail, mostly because I feel like most people who talk about them just say “dizziness, feeling like you’re floating” which, yes, that is what it feels like but personally for me, sometimes its hard to just base everything off of one word, because to me, there are different kinds of “dizzy”, for example.
Now, because I know these symptoms aren’t necessarily something that everyone experiences, but they seem to be the most common and generally accepted ones, as well as the ones that I have personally experienced so far and I will list them. They are in no particular order, since they all happen but don’t seem to have particular pattern in which I experience them.
Floating
This one is a bit confusing for me, not in the literal sense of the word, but it sort of overlaps with Detachment. The closest thing I can compare it to is when you’re swimming and you just completely relax your arm in the surface of the water and it’s, well floating.
I like to think of it as air fairies holding my arm up so it doesn’t fall through the mattress, I sort of stop feeling the sheets of my bed and the cold air of my AC, it’s this sort of just neutral feeling. In general, it’s just very relaxing. However it is with this symptom that I personally have the most trouble dealing with because as I start feeling it, at first its just calm and comforting, but after a few minutes, I start to get itchy spots (mostly in my legs and torso, which are the worst for me personally) and I have to concentrate really hard not to scratch them or think about them.
Dizziness
I felt dizzy, but it was a strange sort of dizzy. I’m anemic so, I’m pretty familiar with bed-dizziness, and for a second, I thought it was just that, but, it felt different. Instead of it being like everything around me was moving, it felt like I was the one moving. My back was still to the bed but it felt as if I was standing and the mattress was behind me. And yes, the world around me does move a little bit, though its not painfully disorienting, it just feels sort of like when you get off of a trampoline, or done a lot of exercise a lot and your legs make the ground feel wobbly, but in my head.
Detachment
I don’t know if this is what people call but the best way I can describe it is feeling detached from my body, something similar to disassociating (if you know what that feels like). To me, it feels the way a 3D movie without glasses looks, off kilter, like my body is the red and I am the blue. When I say I, I mean my brain, my soul, my essence, whatever you’d like to call it, but thats what it feels like. They’re not quite separated from one another yet, like in a 3D movie, they’re still touching, but they’re definitely out of phase.
The most noticeable parts for me are the arms, sometimes they feel a bit shorter for my actual, physical arms (which makes sense, since I did script that I start at a younger age in my DR) and they want to move forwards and reach for what I’m visualizing in front of me. The only thing that has stopped me from actually doing this (re: reaching out) is that a lot of different elements are still the same (i can still feel my sheets, i can still hear my AC running, etc.) and I don’t want to break concentration until I’m sure 100% I’ve shifted.
Other Symptoms
Some other symptoms that I’ve been feeling (but honestly I don’t think too much of them for a couple of reasons) are seeing Angel Numbers and Migraines /Headaches. Now why am I talking about these separately? Because they don’t particularly mean anything to me, but they are listed as some of the most common symptoms you experience during the day when you’re close to shifting (but not necessarily attempting).
Migranes/Headaches are something I experience quite often, it’s just something that runs in my family and my caffeine addiction doesn't help at all, so even though I had one throughout the entire day yesterday (the day after I have felt the closest ever to shifting), I don’t want to get my hopes up about it, since it’s not an uncommon thing to happen to me, however, it is still worth noting (if this is something you experience though, and it doesn’t happen to you often, then I’d probably take it as a sign that you’re close! Hooray!)
And as for Angel Numbers, they’re something that I’ve been seeing a lot of in these past two-three days (of course, when I say “a lot” I mean once a day or so.) I don’t count the Angel Numbers I see on my fyp on Tik Tok for example, because it makes sense to me that I’d see them on posts regarding Shifting Realities because those feel a bit like cheating, of course I’d see them under that particular topic. Though not gonna lie, I’m a little bit of a skeptic when it comes to Angel Numbers (I know i shouldn’t be but i just can’t help it), but it doesn't take away the fact that I HAVE been seeing them
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Now that I have the positives down and the changes I’ve felt identified, I want to focus on why I think I haven’t shifted yet. Other than the fact that yesterday all the shifting setbacks really threw me off from the progress I thought I had made, it made me feel really frustrated and I feel like that negative thinking and feeling carried on with me until I fell asleep, which is never good, so I need to stay positive, and I think I will, now that I’ve mulled it over, so that should be good.
I’ve also had a really busy week so I’ve been super distracted in general and haven't been able to prepare as well as I would’ve liked for the Sunni method, but I’m going to try to get some preparation in before I go to bed, and since I can sleep in tomorrow, I won't feel as much pressure. I hope that’ll give me the last little push that I need to shift.
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As of writing this, its 11pm and I’m going to prepare as best I can for the Sunni method before I wash off and then go to sleep. Hopefully today will be the day, and if not, I hope it’ll be soon.
Speaking practice: talked about my family and Brexit
italki session
Mysteriet av Nils Chapter 30 + read Chapter 31
I started rewatching SKAM season 2 this week (I still haven’t actually finished season 4 but honestly it was kinda boring so I’m just going back to my favourite season lol). I kept subtitles on but tried to use them as little as possible. There are definitely some characters I have more trouble understanding than others (mostly Jonas - stop mumbling ffs lol) but I also have moments where I understand pretty much everything. I might even try turning the subtitles off this week!
I wanted to read more of my book but I ended up not having the time/energy. I’ve been trying to get my TEFL assignments all finished, but I didn’t really manage it, and I felt like I didn’t deserve to do any reading until I’d finished them. Which is a bit silly really. I also ended up hyperfixating on creating blog content for my new blog (seriously all my content for the week is now queued and I have about 70% of next week’s written up and the rest is all planned out, although tbf I’m only doing like 2 posts a day for the time being). So I’ve been feeling simultaneously too burned out and like I’ve not worked hard enough to earn reading time. Which is stupid! So this week I’m going to schedule in reading time and treat it like an appointment.
I had another italki session this week. I didn’t do quite as well as last time, I think probably because I was tired (I’d had about 4 hours sleep and I’d just finished training). I’ve booked another session for two weeks time, plus I’ve got one this coming Wednesday with a different teacher. Guess we’ll see how they compare. I also did some speaking practice to myself on Wednesday that went really well - I just ended up talking to myself for like 15 minutes without stopping. Brexit really gets me going lmao I have a LOT of opinions on that.
A little plus though: I realised I was halfway through my physical Norwegian journal, so I decided to reread my earlier entries. I always write new vocabulary in a different colour so I can identify it easily and you know what, all that vocab that was new in 2019 is now firmly in my head to the point I forgot that at one time I didn’t know it. It’s weird because I feel like I haven’t made much progress but then I see all those words I didn’t know back then that are second nature to me now and that’s honestly pretty cool.
I also tried to watch a video on my Danish friend’s instagram of someone speaking Danish... I understood literally nothing apart from her age :| (and I thought she said she was 52 at first and was amazed at how young she looked, but on the second listen I was like “ohh... five and twenty... twenty-five...”). I should really listen to more Danish! It’d be nice if next time I go to Denmark to visit my friends I could understand them lol.
Other Languages
I’ve continued dabbling in Japanese, doing a little uTalk as well as bits of Duolingo and Lingodeer. I don’t think I’m going to get much further with it if I don’t start trying to actively learn it, but I’m not sure I’m ready for that commitment lol.
I also revisited some difficult Finnish vocab and wowwww I did not remember much. Some things I sort of vaguely remembered but not well enough to say I knew the words, other things I couldn’t remember at all. Guess I need to go back over some vocab!
Productivity grid:
Plans for this week:
Apply for at least one TEFL job
Read lots!
Continue watching SKAM
Italki session
More self-care
Stretch at least every other day (seriously I enjoy it and I feel so much better and more productive when I stretch, idk why I don’t just do it??)
I created a studyblr over the summer and was really excited to do well in my first year of college, but now that I'm actually in school I have no motivation to do my work anymore and it's preventing me from actually posting anything. Do you have any advice on how to get more motivated?
hello anon and welcome to studyblr! hmm how to get more motivated in what respect? posting on studyblr or doing work? or just motivation in general... either way i’ll try to address everything in the context of studying
gaining and maintaining motivation
motivation is extremely hard to maintain and is not lasting, that being said, i won’t be quick to recommend disciplining yourself because even that is harder if ‘re struggling to find motivation in the first place. however, you can make small changes that can contribute to better discipline and work ethic! these are just some little tips to make you motivated and hopefully improve your work ethic~
motivation
find something new and interesting to be excited about in your work - honestly, sometimes studying can be dreadful but if you try and find something to be excited then you’ll be much more eager to learn! finding joy in the little things will help you immensely. whether that be being excited at the thought of learning a new formula, teaching your stuffed animal a new concept, playing with new stationery or reading a new poem for class, looking forward to something will keep you on your toes. learning is exciting!
set goals for yourself - these will help in keeping you accountable and having something to work towards. they don’t have to be straight-forward but they do have to be achieveable, manageable, specific and realistic (i can elaborate more on this / goal setting in general if you’d like). along with your goal add the reason why you want to achieve it to increase the likelihood of you actually doing it.
Goal:
What: Finish The Picture of Dorian Gray by the end of the month
When: in two weeks
How: by reading # of chapters / # of minutes daily
Why: So I can fangirl to my friend about it and finally understand all the shitposts I see on my dashboard
try to find a study buddy or someone to hold you accountable - learning with someone makes the entire experience more fun!! so, if you can, befriend someone in your class or even find someone online to study with. even if you don’t share the same classes / course, you’ll still be able to talk with each other about your achievements, struggles, tips, advices, materials and resources~ this also applies with making studyblr friends!
share to others - relating back to the previous point, express your achievements and struggles to others / someone. the studyblr is a welcoming and inviting community that will readily aid you in anyway shape or form. especially at times of great academic success and hardship.
reward yourself - after finally accomplishing your goals treat yourself to something nice! i like to just lie on my bed , eat some snacks or watch films
discipline
sometimes we have days where we just don’t want to do anything. on those days here are some of my tips:
set three achievable tasks, daily - to do lists can bog you down. by setting three achieveable tasks a day it gives you an idea of what tasks are the most important and allows you to make a dent in your list.
track your progress - i like to do this by posting daily accomplishments or writing on my desktop’s post-it notes with the tasks i completed that day. this helps with visualising what you’ve accomplished
something is better than nothing - whether it be 5 hours or 5mins, any achievement contributes to something in the long run. we can’t always operate with high energy but as long as we do something we’ll get there in the end
an object in motion stays in motion - favourite saying to motivate me now (thx physics). essentially, once you get going, you get going.
studyblr
admittedly, i don’t frequently post original content, let alone studyblr content, but i am working on it. here’s some advice and things i also hope to do when posting original content:
make posts in batches - i usually like to take photos in large batches so i don’t have to consecutively shoot, edit and post onto my acc. however, lately i haven’t had the time or resources to just sit down and take said pics so i definitely recommend finding time to do so.
queued posts are your best friend - once you shot your batches start drafting and queuing posts up so you don’t have to post them yourself at a given time
not all posts have to be a e s t h e t i c pics - there are other forms of original contents like masterposts, “journal entries” or daily accomplishments. i like to do the latter two when i don’t have any pics taken so peole know i’m alive and studying haha
queue is your best friend - again, queueing photos (usually reblogs) is such a lifesaver when you go through periods of inactivity. some days i’m on tumblr longer than usual and my queued posts can reach up to 100. i usually posts / set the queue “timer” to 5 pics daily during peak hours on tumblr.
all in all, finding motivation and maintaining it is hella difficult but when mixed with discipline you can achieve anything, as long as you do something. goodluck and wishing you all the best! if you think i haven’t answered your question or would like to further talk my inbox + dms are always open 💞💗
A/N: Requested by a lovely anon: “Can you write an imagine where it’s readers and colby’s first Christmas together and Colby goes all out cause he wants to make their first Christmas together special 😌” Happy Holidays, everyone!
Your apartment looked like Santa’s Workshop. White, fluffy snowflakes were hung around the apartment. Colby had purposely lowered the air conditioning, to the point where you were shivering, and the tip of your nose was always pink. When you asked him why, he claimed it was for ambiance. You rolled your eyes at that, but you couldn’t help but be amused by it. Tinsel sprawled across your window sills, and the whole apartment smelled like a Christmas tree.
Much to Colby’s dismay, there would be no snow on Christmas day. You didn’t mind, but Colby had insisted on buying a shit ton of fake snow. “It’s gonna make our place feel like our own Christmas wonderland!” He’d told you. You had rolled your eyes once again, but your heart fluttered in your chest; you loved that Colby was going all out for your first Christmas together. It was so fucking cute. He was so eager and chipper about making the apartment having the “Christmas time” vibe.
Earlier this morning, he demanded that the two of you bake Christmas cookies. You had readily agreed, because, food. The two of you baked trays and trays of gingerbread men, coupled up with homemade icing. You were quite proud of how the cookies came out- they were delicious, and they were aesthetically pleasing.
Then, Colby had disappeared off to Sam’s apartment to film. It was almost night time, when he came barging back into the apartment carrying a plastic bag. He was practically bouncing in his spot when he called for you to come see his purchase.
“Baby, come look at what I bought!” Colby’s voice echoed around the living room. You hefted yourself out of bed, pinching the bridge of your nose. While Colby’s enthusiasm was beyond adorable, sometimes he really tried your patience. “What’d you do, Cole?” You asked, walking out into the living room.
Colby was sitting on the couch, a santa hat perched atop his head. Your heart melted in your chest. Colby’s cheeks were rosy and his lips were spread into the softest smile you’d ever seen. He held up another santa hat. “This is for you, baby.” He offered the hat to you. A wide grin spread across your face, and you, as usual, rolled your eyes playfully, but took the offered hat from him. You plunked it onto your head, your smile softening as you glanced over at him. “Does that make us Mr. and Mrs. Claus?”
Colby winked at you, his bright blue eyes shining at you. “Oh, so we’re married now, are we?” Colby asked, his voice teasing. Your cheeks flushed a pretty shade of pink, and you bit your lip to contain your megawatt grin. “Hopefully one day,” You replied, shrugging in the most nonchalant way that you could manage. Colby’s playful expression softened into one of adoration and love, aimed directly at you. “Not hopefully one day,” Colby corrected you, his voice soft and shy. He glanced over at you, biting his own lip. “Definitely one day.”
Your blush deepened, and you cleared your throat, adjusting your hat on your head. Colby took your hand, entwining your fingers with his. “I’m serious,” Colby’s voice was still soft, serious. “I want to marry you, one day.” You glanced over at him, giving his hand a gentle squeeze. Your eyes twinkled at him, a beautiful smile spreading across your face. “I want to marry you too, Colbs,” Your voice was soft, shy. “One day.”
Colby pulled you onto his lap, and you gladly snuggled into his embrace. You rested your head against his shoulder, letting out a content sigh. The apartment smelled like gingerbread and cinnamon, due to the gingerbread cookies you and Colby had baked earlier that morning.
“I want a cookie,” You sighed, your breath fanning over the soft skin of Colby’s neck. He chuckled. “So go get a cookie.” He replied. You let out a whine, shaking your head. “I don’t wanna get up…” Colby let out another chuckle, and he hefted himself off of the couch. “You’re lucky I love you,” He teased, but you nodded, beaming. You really were lucky that he loved you. It was one of the best things that had ever happened to you.
Colby hurried across the room to the kitchen counter, snatching up the tray of gingerbread cookies. He walked back over to you, placing the tray onto the coffee table. You grinned at him, and he grinned back, lifting two cookies from the tray. He handed one to you, then bit into his own. You sighed contentedly, chewing on the baked good. “Yummy,” You murmured. Colby hummed in agreement, shoving the rest of the cookie into his mouth.
You reached for the remote, but Colby beat you to it. Of course, queued up on the screen, was a Christmas movie. Colby had been watching them almost religiously. It was rare to see anything other than a Christmas movie on your television. “Which one you wanna watch, babe?” He asked.
You hummed thoughtfully, tilting your head, your gaze focused on the screen in front of you. Colby watched you, his bright blue eyes glimmering in the dying rays of the sunset. “How about Nightmare Before Christmas?” You suggested. Colby made a noise of approval, and clicked on the movie.
You reached for another cookie, taking another bite of the baked good. Colby grabbed another cookie as well, then wrapped an arm around your waist, pulling you closer. You smiled, then slung your legs across his lap, leaning back against the couch. Colby rested his hands on your legs, his gaze focused on the television screen. The two of you happily munched on the tray of cookies as the movie progressed.
Halfway through the movie, your eyelids felt heavy, and you stifled a yawn. Colby glanced over at you, and his heart melted. Your oversized hoodie practically swallowed your frame. Your cheeks were rosy, and the tip of your nose was the slightest bit pink.
You met his gaze sleepily, and offered him a soft smile. He smiled back, running a hand down your legs gently. “Hey, Colbs?” You asked, your voice soft and sleepy. He looked over at you, his soft smile still on his face. “Yeah?” He replied. Your expression was unbelievably soft and fond. “I love you.”
Colby’s smile widened, and his cheeks flushed. He’d never get tired of hearing you tell him that you loved him; it was quite possibly his favorite sound in the whole world. “I love you too, baby.”
So, this is all queued up because I’m on vacation right now so over the next few days one of six parts of my Reverse Big Bang Piece is going to come out. But thank you to @sanderssidesfanfiction for holding this event and thank you to @munchydork6 for the beautiful artwork that inspired this piece. Go check this out and the music that also helped me write this. And, without further ado, enjoy!
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Part 1 - I Think It’s Arrogance
Word Count: 1073
The stage was set for conflict.
Roman sat at the kitchen table, scribbling more videos ideas into a spiral notebook. Occasionally he’d rip out a page and throw the crumpled page of an idea into the trash, and sometimes he’d be caught staring at a random wall in a daze. Otherwise his determined eyes never left the page as more words flowed from his gel pen tips. Cross outs in red and annotations in gold with notes to self in purple over pink ideas.
Logan sat across from him, looking over his book of ideas. Not speaking; simply observing as he let the creative side do what it did best. Sometimes the logical nodded as Roman tossed something away, or checked his watch. But Logan mainly remained motionless: fingers clasped and eyes darting with every word Ro wrote.
Patton watched the tension silently grow between the pair from the safe distance of the couch. He’d try to offer the boys the food or a break, anything to break the silence they were drowning in, but Roman would wave him away while Logan shook his head. He clenched the cushions as Logan rose sharply from his position. It was about to begin.
“Roman, we not have the time to entertain every fantastical idea that enters your head. It’s been months since Thomas has made a video and the fans are getting impatient.” Logan stated, before throwing his hands on the table. “You need to settle on an idea and stick with it.”
“The day I settle with mediocrity is the day I die.” Roman proclaimed, whipping his head up sharply to look straight into Logan’s determined eyes.
“You … do understand that we cannot actually die. As manifestations of Thomas’ personal...”
“The point still stands!” Roman’s voice rose at the injection, causing Patton to hide all but his eyes behind the edge of the couch. He did not like fighting at all, despite Lo and Ro’s arguments becoming all too more commonplace nowadays. “All these ideas simply do not meet the high standard that Thomas sets for all his videos.”
“Unfortunately, Thomas also has a TIME standard requiring videos to be produced at a sufficient rate.” Logan refuted. His voice never rose, which a good sign to Patton. If Logan’s voice rose, then the two had hit the point of no return. “The last video of yours that met your unrealistically high standard was six months ago! We need to stop procrastinating and decide on a concept.”
“I am NOT procrastinating! I have been churning out idea after idea to fit our and Thomas’ needs.” Roman pushed back his chair, rising now to meet Logan’s level as he continued to rattle off his thoughts. “Reasonable budget, high production standard, balance of screen time, easily presentable and understood moral, serious yet lighthearted, progression of the story Thomas wants to tell. All these factors must be taken into consideration.”
“Well, maybe your priorities are being insufficiently managed. Under my observations you’ve seemed to produce several ideas that, with some more elaborative brainstorming, could yield promising results.” Logan took a step closer to Roman. Patton watched the standoff unfold. The signs of failing restraint on Logan’s end and the frustration clearly etched in Roman’s features.
“Yet none were the right idea. The idea that is not like the last, but better. All I can think of are ... basic premises and hasty executions. Clearly you don’t understand the struggles that come with Creative Block.”
Logan took a breath before continuing. “I believe that your creative flow is not being segmented but rather your struggle for a suitable concept is due to your warped narcissistic vision of perfection.” Patton shot up from hiding in alarm. The facade Logan likes to preserve was fading with a rising voice. If this argument were to progress much further, he wouldn’t be able to stop it.
“A view of perfection warped by your logical constraints! Clearly you don’t understand the truth that YOU are not the solution but part of the problem!” Patton has to say something to de-escalate them both. But what? What could he possibly bring to the table that would make both of their points valid, which they were. And would they even listen? All they ever saw him as was comic relief.
“I’M RIGHT AND YOU’RE WRONG!”
There they were. The five words that were the catalyst; the ones that signaled the point of no return. Patton closed his eyes and sighed as his fellow ideas launched into the verbal equivalent of war. Both Logic and Creativity—practical opposites—vomiting our their arguments in a desperate and vain attempt to prove that their side was right. Unable to end due outstanding pride both refused to admit they had, usually only stopping when …
“Where’s Virgil?” Patton asked to oblivious ears. The anxious side was both the only one with the guts to stop the bickering and nowhere in sight. Virgil, unfortunately, was the person to try and avoid any conflict the second it escalated. He was, after all, Anxiety. Patton had to find him. He walked past Logan and Roman like a ghost in the night. This was a common occurrence when the two argued: the world around them fading unless something jarring or someone very directly interrupted them. Patton was not one of those things, so he was simply ignored.
He stood in the hallway of the mindscape, where the doors of all Thomas’ Sides resided. The four core ones—himself, Ro, Lo and Virge—rested at the front while the ones yet to be revealed, similar to how Deceit used to be, lay beyond. But Morality didn’t care about those doors at this current moment in time. His eyes instead lay to rest on Roman’s door. A soft purple glow leaked out of its small opening, and soft music echoed in Patton’s ears. A song he didn’t recognize from a voice he did.
Virgil.
Patton pushed the already ajar door open more so he could see in. His movements were soft and controlled to avoid startling Anxiety. But he wasn’t there. The door to the imagination, however, was unlocked. It’s signature golden light leaked into the Creative side’s room as it intertwined with glittery dark purple, nearly black, light. The song Virgil sang was louder, but the words were still unintelligible
Only a fool would intrude Anxiety during such a personal moment. But like the fool he was, Patton entered.
