#i may be projecting...

[aiendeeay]

klance where they skirt around each other and flirt, but it doesn't mean anything because they're young and stupid and it can't mean anything because love in the middle of a war isn't really in the cards.

and then keith has the nerve to finally speak up about it, to address the elephant in the room. it's just a small little question, simply just asking if they turn it into something real. but even though lance wants that more than anything, he turns keith down--maybe it's because he doesn't think he's even worth keith's time, maybe it's because he doesn't think he deserves it.

it's not like he doesn't feel the same way about keith, there's no way in any universe that he wouldn't feel the same, it's just... there's so much going on. there are priorities, missions to complete, and alliances to form. even though they're just kids, they have this massive, unbearable weight of responsibility that just plopped itself on their shoulders. and what if they became real, what if it was keith and lance against everything? with lance's luck, the universe could take advantage of it and use them against each other. and they can't afford to put the entire universe in jeopardy because they can't compartmentalize these feelings and emotions.

and keith is taken aback because this is lance, this is the team goofball, the comic relief. except it's not. because in all of their time in space, fighting this war that's bigger than life itself, they've lost the naive innocent life earth had provided them. and instead of seeing the boy who always ticked off iverson, or the boy who would fail his simulator tests just to try out some videogame-esque technique, he sees lance: paladin of voltron, defender of the universe. and this lance, born from battle and loss, is so much more than the paladin everyone thinks he is.

this isn't some schoolboy crush. no, keith loves him. because in spite of it all, between arguing about who's besting who and cultivating an instinctual kind of trust, he simply is just lance. he always has been.

and lance is right. they've seen firsthand what the galra empire has done in its pursuit for power. they can't expose any of their weaknesses. so they let their feelings linger in the space between them as they turn and walk away from each other. of course keith is disappointed, why wouldn't he be? but he understands why it has to be this way. he's keith after all--cold, mysterious, and emotionally distant. he's been this way all his life, why not just for a little longer?

[aiendeeay]

something about lance being lonely in the castle while keith is out with the blades. everyones got their own thing going and it kinda just sucks. even when keith is back, he's busy so he can’t really pay much attention to lance. and lance, who was super excited about keith coming home, feels a little butthurt bc he likes keith, theyre buds, but it kinda of just feels like theyre nothing.

but when keith finally has time to breathe, they find a routine. whether its training or watching movies or making their own food goo concoctions, its fun and comfortable and for the first time in a long time, lance feels like himself again.

but keith leaves again.

and the cycle repeats. over and over, and sometimes keiths missions aren't too long, but sometimes they drag on for what feels like forever. and time doesnt exist in space, so lance starts to spiral.

just when he finally finds something to hold onto, just when he finally feels like he isn't drifting off into the abyss, it has to go. he always has to leave.

its a form torture lance wouldnt wish on even his worst of enemies, and that's saying something considering the people they've had to fight. he's come to terms with his feelings for keith, but what is he supposed to do with these feelings, this love, if there's never a chance to give it?

and lance just exists as a ghost, trying to find the pieces of himself to keep himself together for when keith comes back, but its just so so so hard when he knows all thats in store for him is the inevitable heartbreak.

[aiendeeay]

iwaoi ldr where theyre on videocall and iwaizumi is in bed, laying on his back, phone propped up against the wall, and oikawa has this marvelous view of his bfs arms.

the gym is doing wonders for iwaizumi's figure (he was always in good shape, just now he's getting more beefed up and oikawa is all for it) and every time he shifts to readjust the blanket or prop himself up to talk to the camera, oikawa can’t help but stare at his biceps and just imagine what itd be like to get his teeth on them.

[aiendeeay]

akaashi spending almost every waking moment thinking of bokuto and his smile, his positive energy, his laugh when he makes his dumb little jokes, and most importantly, his arms and chest and back !!!

holy shit, akaashi doesnt know he's surviving long distance!!! why would he willingly be staying late at the office waiting on udai to finish the next chapter of his newest manga when he could be in osaka with his hands and mouth all over his boyfriend!!!!

[aiendeeay]

(more bokuaka bokuto TA au!!! i love beefy nerdy bokuto) (pt1!)

"here's my email address on the board," bokuto chirps. "i don't have anything going on tonight, i'll probably just be gaming with my bros, so if you guys have any questions, or need help studying, just shoot me an email!"

its the night before the exam and all of akaashi's classmates are filing out of the room. supplementary class be damned--absolutely no one is passing this test.

"i'll also put my LINE! just in case you really need something and i don’t check my email in time."

at this, akaashi's head shoots up. it's definitely not slick at all. luckily no one notices, least of all bokuto, who was busy writing his LINE address on the board under his email. akaashi surreptitiously scribbles 'bokou9t4a' at the top corner of his paper.

he stares blankly at his worksheet, the scraping of chairs against the floor and shuffling feet becoming the backing soundtrack to his perpetual confusion and inability to understand torque.

bokuto had just gone over the problem, step-by-step. it should be easy to figure out--akaashi has the answers right in front of him, but alas! he cannot, for the life of him, figure out how bokuto determined the resulting force vector to be going into the page as opposed to out of the page. wtf is the right hand rule and how does that shit work!!

"how are you guys feeling about the test? have any questions on the material?" bokuto leans forward against the table in front of him, so easygoing, so carefree. akaashi tries not to stare at his biceps. or his chest. he tries to meet bokuto's eyes. nope, can’t do that either!

it's only akaashi and one other classmate left in the room with bokuto, and the other guy has already slung his backpack over his shoulder, ready to leave.

"have a nice night," the guy says, throwing a hand up in a casual wave. akaashi is pretty sure his name is nagata.

"email me if you need anything," bokuto calls after him.

and then they were alone. just akaashi and bokuto in the empty classroom. akaashi tries not to think too much about it or bokuto's smile, or his back--akaashi is definitely not staring as bokuto starts to erase what's on the chalkboard.

"did you get this down?" akaashi quickly looks away from bokuto's physique. bokuto, obliviously, turns around and gestures to his LINE id. akaashi only nods, preferring to appear engrossed in the practice problem again. bokuto's writing is erased in one firm swipe of the eraser.

"did you have any questions?" bokuto's moved from behind the podium to in front of it, closer to akaashi. he's smiling that bright, kind smile of his, and akaashi can barely meet his eyes. if he does, he's afraid bokuto will automatically be clued in to his massive crush.

"actually, i was wondering if we could go over some of the problems yamiji-sensei assigned. i was a little stuck on this one." akaashi flips through his notes and finds the problem in question. bokuto comes forward a little, but still far enough away that he has to crane his neck to see exactly what akaashi is pointing at.

"oh yes, this is a good one!" bokuto practically skips back to the chalkboard. he starts to write something, but abruptly stops and turns back around. "actually, can i borrow that?" he points to akaashi's paper with the problem. akaashi slides it over. yes, of course, bokuto-san! anything for you, bokuto-san! bokuto-san, i am in love with you!

as bokuto rewrites the problem on the board, carefully isolating the important information, akaashi pushes all unprofessional thoughts of his TA out of his head and thinks only of the exam he is definitely going to fail tomorrow. he neatly writes down the knowns and makes notes of the unknowns of the problem.

they go over the problem, and it becomes increasingly clear to akaashi that bokuto koutarou is quite possibly the most intelligent person he knows. he doesn't even have to look at any notes to remember how to do the problem!

by the time they finish the problem with what looks to be a very realistic and probable solution, akaashi's brain feels like mush. even though it only took a few minutes and he kind of actually understands how they got an answer, he absolutely will not remember how to go through the process under the pressure of the exam.

"did you want to go over anything else?" akaashi looks up at bokuto and nearly jumps back. he hadn't realized how close they were. at some point, bokuto had sat beside him and they had been poring over the problem, arms very nearly pressed up against each other.

"uh, no," akaashi stutters. "i know it's late. i'm sorry for taking up so much of your time." he starts to gather his things and bokuto slowly stands up.

"don’t worry about it!" leave it to bokuto to sound so cheery and full of energy at 830pm after doing math for two and a half hours straight. "i would've just been rotting my brain playing video games, anyway. do you feel better prepared for the exam?"

akaashi taps his papers on the desk to straighten them. "we'll see," he says with a chuckle. he is not confident at all.

bokuto goes back to his bag and starts putting his stuff away, humming some official higedandism song, and akaashi can feel himself falling even harder. he checks every one of akaashi's boxes and it's becoming increasingly clear that he may just be the man of akaashi's dreams.

"don't forget, you can always hit me up on LINE if you need anything," bokuto says slinging his bag over his shoulder. hit him up? for anything? oh, akaashi has a few things in mind. (but that's super unprofessional, so he's not going to read too much into it.)

before akaashi leaves the room, bokuto hits him with another blinding smile. "good luck tomorrow!"

akaashi thanks him quickly, bowing low enough to hide his reddening face, and leaves before he spontaneously combusts on the spot.

[aiendeeay]

ldr iwaoi and oikawa keeps getting these funny silly videos on his explore page where its like 'being productive until my bf calls me!' so obviously he wants to do it bc it's motivation to be finally do chores around the house!

and so its 3pm on a sunday (10am california time) he texts iwaizumi something like 'good morning! lets call today!' and then puts his phone down and locks in.

he clears up and washes all his dishes that accumulated over the week. no call yet, but thats okay, it's been 30 minutes. plus, it's still morning in california, maybe iwaizumi's still sleeping.

since he's in the kitchen, he takes the time to scrub his counters and the stove. wow! he didnt realize how dirty and grimy it can get! that takes a while, around an hour to get everything clean enough for his standards. he checks his phone again. just a promotional email from some skincare company whose products are way too expensive for oikawa to even think about buying. he deletes the email and moves on to the next thing.

he puts his laundry in the wash and puts on the highlights from a random fivb match to play in the background. he sweeps up the floor and takes out the trash. he checks his phone, just to see if iwaizumi at least texted him back. nothing. its fine though, iwaizumi's probably busy with some assignment for school or something. oikawa changes his laundry to the dryer and sits around for a bit just for a little break.

it's already around 5pm. it is still noon in california, so there's still basically all day for iwaizumi to call. but oikawa does have early training in the morning and would like to get enough sleep... but who goes to bed before 9pm LOL!

oikawa sits and scolls on his phone while his laundry finishes. he only half-expects iwaizumi to call him, for his video to pause and an incoming call notification to pop up, maybe just a simple text, but nothing happens, his video continues without pause, and he convinces himself that he isn't at least a little but disappointed.

he folds and puts his laundry away, and by the time he's finished he's starting to get hungry. he pulls on a sweatshirt and stuffs his keys and wallet into his pocket and as he steps put of his apartment, puts his ringer on, just in case he doesn't feel the vibration while he's out.

he makes a takeout order from his favorite hole-in-the-wall restaurant and by the time he's makes it home, ready to eat, it's almost 730.

so it's been almost five hours and all he's gotten is radio silence from iwaizumi. when you look at the grand scheme of things, five hours is nothing! five hours is just a miniscule fraction of a lifetime. oikawa knows that iwaizumu has priorities, he knows that he gets busy sometimes.

but he can't help the twinge in his gut, that sinking feeling that their connection is fading, that their relationship has become more one-sided than he has been willing to admit to himself.

they don't text as much, the five hour time difference makes it hard for them to text in a timely manner. they're calling less and less, but oikawa's becoming mote busy with training and iwaizumi has exams coming up, so its to be expected.

when they do call, oikawa never mentions it. perhaps he gets too caught up in the excitement that he forgets about the anxiety when they're not talking.

when oikawa finishes his meal, there's still no call, no text, and all he can do is clean up and get ready for bed. something about all the built up anticipation for nothing to end up happening is just so exhausting.

by the time he's cozy in bed, its nearly 9pm. hes not upset about not talking to iwaizumi today, not really. just a little disappointed maybe. but he can't be, iwaizumi can't help when he has things to do and oikawa's just stressing himself over nothing. probably.

he puts down his phone and closes his eyes, ready to sleep, ready to let go of the stress and anxiety just for a few hours.

his phone dings and vibrates. its iwaizumi. of course it is. it's just a photo of some food on a table, captioned 'sorry, can we call in a bit? we had a birthday party for my friend!'

and oikawa is happy for him, truly. he loves that iwaizumi is making friends and having the time of his life in california. but he can’t help but feel a little neglected, and maybe even a little jealous. why is it that his boyfriend can set up a whole party for someone he met a couple months ago and his own boyfriend isn't spared as much as a mere text to say 'sorry i’m busy, i'll call you at this time to make up for it'.

but oikawa just sighs as he types out a response: 'looks fun! i’m actually about to go to sleep, but i hope you enjoyed the party! ╰(*´︶`*)╯'

iwaizumu reponds a few seconds later, because of course he would, after the whole day of nothing. 'okay goodnight!'

and oikawa just puts his phone down, turns over, and pretends that the feeling will just go away.

[aiendeeay]

bokuaka au where bokuto is akaashi's physics TA (i 🫶 smart bokuto)

akaashi's struggling so bad bc wtf even is angular velocity vs angular speed!!! he goes to lecture and his professor talks wayyy too fast and its so hard to keep up

why he decided to take calculus-based physics despite pursuing a literature degree is beyond him. (his friends, and literally everyone else he meets tells him that he might be clinically insane. this may be true.)

but he convinces himself that it's all worth it bc he's fulfilling grad requirements AND, for a grand total of 50 mins a week, his required supplementary classes are led by the most attractive boy he's ever seen in his entire life. (konoha-senpai calls him a simp. akaashi will never admit to konoha, or even himself, that he is right.)

the TA (bokuto) who leads the class is so nice and so helpful, he stays to make sure everyone understands how to do the practice problems well after the class is supposed to have ended.

sure, akaashi thought he was a bit odd at first--his hair, the way it sticks up and its black and white streaks, and his voice louder and deeper than he'd expected. luckily for akaashi, he soon came to realize it was all part of bokuto's charm!

it's definitely a plus that bokuto's just so smart and it seems so effortless. he knows exactly how to explain the problem in a simple way, and for some reason, it just makes so much more sense than akaashi's lecture notes. who said intelligence isnt sexy!!!! (it gets akaashi all hot and bothered just thinking about it.)

sakusa kiyoomi, who is on the school's men's volleyball team, informs akaashi that bokuto is also happens to be on the team. he tells akaashi that bokuto is definitely Not Sexy. judging by sakusa's taste in men (read: miya atsumu), akaashi decides that sakusa is Wrong.

and it doesnt help at all, with the way bokuto is aboslutely Ripped. akaashi didnt notice at first bc bokuto would always come in hoodies and baggy awestshirts. but the day bokuto comes in wearing the tightest shirt that clings to his chest and shows off his chest and biceps, akaashi swears he's seen heaven. like who said physics majors can’t be beefy little guys that have you drooling in your seat when you’re supposed to be drawing force diagrams?

as an academic driven by good grades and maintaining a high GPA, it is pointless to be disteacted by such trivial things. but that doesn't stop akaashi from watching bokuto's back muscles shift under his shirt as he writes on the board.

sue him if his eyes wander a little too far down into dangerous territory--bokuto has a great ass.

bokuto's eyes are the most striking akaashi has ever seen. theyre gold flecked with a chocolatey brown that akaashi could stare at forever...... wait, what did he just say about conservation of energy?

and when he smiles (which he does A LOT), akaashi just wants to melt into the floor, its honestly a little embarrassing. if he was genetically indisposed to blushing, he'd be clocked on the spot. is it normal to be this down bad for a TA??? bokuto's dimples have akaashi internally slamming his head into the desk.

and its like,,, maybe akaashi's delusional, but how can he not be when bokuto smiles at him, and looks at him like that...

akaashi never really understood why people hook up with their TA's just to get the grade, but now... he may understand it a little bc DAMN does he want bokuto so bad. and its not even FOR the grade, he's just so helplessly gay for this one dude that lights up every room he enters.

and if akaashi books tutoring sessions SPECIFICALLY to see bokuto, that's no one's business but his. (okay, but he actually needs help. like wtf is rotational inertia!!! wtf is the right hand rule!!!) (he's failing physics.) (he got a 60% on the first exam.) (and that was WITH the curve...)

(pt 2!)

[aiendeeay]

iwaoi ldr where they're on video call and iwaizumi is like walking home from the gym or from the grocery store or something (bonus points if its raining and he's all wet) and all oikawa can think of is how good it would look for iwachan to have hickeys all over his neck (left by oikawa of course, no ones taking his man)