They call it cuffing season, but you don’t have time for a relationship – finals are coming up, and it’s your junior year at your dream school. But there’s something about this guy, Sam, that makes you forget all about your degree. And his brothers seem to like it when he brings you around.
Pairing: Sam x female!Reader, Jake x female!Reader
Word Count: 80k (complete)
Cover by the lovely @bimbokiszka
General Tags: College AU, sexual content, friends to lovers, marijuana use, cigarette use, alcohol use, angst, debilitating levels of mutual pining, this is technically a forbidden twin fic
i actually have a theory......i think johnnys actually around 6'2 or 6'3 bc hes actually a couple inches taller than jae in most of their pics....i am probably like dislocating my shoulder w this reach but i refuse to say its wrong until i see them irl!
HONESTLY THATS VALID
I definitely think he’s taller than 6 ft but maybe not 6’3,, because rowoon from SF9 is 6’4 and Johnny is maybe a couple inches shorter than him
of course idk that Johnny is standing up completely straight but John is definitely more than one inch taller than jae,, (who is “5’11” for reference)
19 year old Swedish singer songwriter Anna Leone captured us with her debut single a few months ago when she released My Soul I, a smoky raw folk meets intimate soul ballad that showcased her inspirations, which include Bob Dylan, Lana Del Rey, Bon Iver, Laura Marling, and more. She’s since debuted a new music video and song via French Vogue named I Never Really, a gently affecting, melancholic and contemplative beauty. Anna Leone’s new song also reminds me of a folksier, dustier Lianne La Havas at times, it’s a sincere and brittle gem steeped in vulnerable emotion. Anna says, “The song deals with the idea of suppressing things you don’t want to deal with and wondering if that’s right or wrong and how that impacts your life and relationships. This is the most recent song I’ve written and the latest one recorded in the studio so it all came together very quickly. I was writing a lot at home and this one stood out as something very sincere. I discovered the riff first and everything sort of fell into place after that, both the lyrics and the melody.” I Never Really is available, here.
The knock at your door came early in the day, exactly 2 days after the house show. You opened it to see Sam standing there, a look of determination on his face, his brow furrowed and his jaw clenched.
“We need to talk,” he said, breathless, like the words had to be forced out of him.
“Alright,” you said cautiously, inviting him in, sitting down at the head of the bed. “Am I in trouble?” You asked, though humor didn’t quite manage to reach your words.
“No. But I’m sick of this. I’m sick of all of this. I’ve said it before, but we never fucking talk, and I’m tired of the cycle. We can’t keep doing this.”
Every worst case scenario raced through your mind. He was being a bit too vague, and it scared you. “What do you mean?”
“Do you want to be my girlfriend?” He said it far too loud, blurted out like he couldn’t stop it if he tried. “I mean, fuck, I meant to say that a bit more, like– oh, god damn it, can I start over? That was so lame, I–”
“I'd love to.” You didn’t even have to think. Not that you wanted to go over all of it again, anyway. A smile creeped up in the corners of your lips as it all registered, slowly. He finally said it. You never really thought he would. He kept on babbling for a second, and you watched him, not minding it at all. You liked watching him speak.
“Wait.” He stopped, blinking at you a few times. “Did you say yes?”
You nodded, feeling the hot sting of tears in your eyes. “I did.” Your voice broke on both syllables.
“Hey, why are you crying?” He took your face in his hands, his touch so familiar and gentle that the tears started to fall freely, running over his thumbs and down his wrist. “Stop. Or I’m gonna cry too,” he laughed, his voice sounding just as broken as yours, his brow tilted up as he fought back tears of his own.
“Sorry,” you laughed in response. “I never thought you’d ask. But, how–” your voice caught on the lump in your throat, and you had to pause. “How are you ever going to forgive me?”
“I already have.” He stopped fighting it, and now both of you were crying, with smiles on your faces. “I’m sick of this. I’m sorry I sucked at being there for you. I’m sorry for everything. I promise you won’t ever have to go through anything like that again.”
“I should be the one apologizing!” You wrapped your fingers around his wrists. “I–”
“Enough!” He half-shouted, half-hissed, pressing a finger to your lips. “We’re both sorry. That’s it. We don't have to say anything more than that.”
You stared at him for a long while, seeing the stars behind his eyes. The ones that he’d pointed out to you the first night you’d met. Every part of him was so familiar to you, the curve of his jaw, the shape of his brows, the length of his eyelashes. You could see his face in everything, in the bark of every tree and the petal of every flower, in the way the sun warmed the Earth and the stars cast soft light on the trees in the forest. There simply was no life without Sam.
“I love you,” he said, giggling a bit as he did, and sniffling. “Sorry I’m crying. I probably look like a loser right now.”
“I love you too.” You threw yourself into his arms, planting a kiss to his lips. It was like coming home, the way he kissed you. Soon he was under you, your legs on either side of his waist, his hands splayed on your back. “Have I ever told you you’re the prettiest man I’ve ever seen?”
The hint of a blush colored his cheeks. “Stop it.”
“It’s true.” You ran your thumb along his cheek, down the side of his neck, down to the peek of collarbone visible through the neck of his shirt. “Every part of you.” As if it was second nature, your fingers trailed down the length of his torso, down to where your thighs pressed against his hips.
“Hold on, pretty girl. There’s something else I forgot to ask,” he said, a sly smile on his lips.
“What's that?” You wiped your eyes and leaned your way down to kiss him gently.
“Do you want to come with us on tour?” He asked it quietly, with a hint of hesitation, like he thought you were going to say no.
“Are you serious?” You exclaimed, sitting back upright. “Like, actually for real?”
He nodded against the pillows. “Very serious. We got the deal. Tour starts a week after school ends.”
“Oh my god, Sam– of course I want to come with!” The idea of getting to travel to places you've never been, even though it was technically business, was like the deal of a lifetime to you. You hadn't gotten to travel much, and you'd only seen a few corners of the country. “Are you sure that’s okay? I mean, I don’t want to take up too much space, and are you sure you can afford an extra person? I don’t want to bankrupt you before you guys can even get your feet on the ground.”
“You don’t have to worry about a thing, baby. I already talked to all of them about it. Jake gave his approval. We can bring you. And I think we could use a neutral party so we don’t all kill each other.”
“I wouldn’t exactly call your girlfriend the neutral party.”
He opened his mouth to speak, and paused. “My girlfriend. Right. That’s you.”
“That is me,” you breathed.
“Then you’re coming with us. We’ll figure out the details later. You should go back to what you were doing.” He tapped your wrist with two fingers. You got the message, and reached for his waistband once again.
* * *
The end of the semester came almost too quickly. You scraped by well enough on your finals to keep your near-perfect GPA intact. Sam skated by on the bare minimum, but he was far more than smart enough to have extracted everything necessary from the classes. Not that he would use it, evidently, since the band was already going on tour. Things were hectic from the moment you walked out of your last final. Sam had been waiting there for you when you left the building, cheerful smiles on both of your faces.
Sam and Danny had helped you move your things from the dorm, loading up their cars with your belongings piled haphazardly wherever they could fit. There wasn’t time to pack it all and move it back home, so it was all shoved into a corner of the house. It was surreal, seeing all the things you’d used to make your dorm into something resembling a home, all piled up in a corner to be left there for months.
In the coming week, you lived at the house. You’d been apprehensive when Sam had suggested it, saying you could probably convince your parents to rent out a room for you somewhere for a week. He called the mere notion silly – you’d be living with the family all summer, better get used to it now. It had gone a lot smoother than expected. Things were tense at first, but it was all in your head.
Jake had sat you down the second day, when Sam was out with Josh picking up the trailer they’d bought for the tour. You’d been in Sam’s room, sitting on his bed, reading a book he’d suggested but you couldn’t bring yourself to focus on. A soft knock at the door caught your attention, and there had been Jake, standing in the doorway with one hand in his pocket.
“Hey,” he said, softly.
“Hi, Jake.” You’d avoided him for the past 48 hours like he had the plague. You knew it would catch up with you eventually, but this had come sooner than expected.
“Can I talk to you?”
“Sounds like I’m about to be scolded.” You said it to ease your own worries, but you couldn't even absorb your own humor.
“No scolding.” He made his way into the room, pulling the chair away from Sam’s desk close to the bed. He sat backwards on it, letting his elbows rest on the back of the chair. “Just want to clear the air.”
You sighed, setting the book off to the side and facing Jake. “Alright.”
“I told you I’d make it easier for you,” he began. “I talked to Sam. Told him to man up. Seems like he took my advice.”
“You did?” The memory of that night flashed through your mind like a whip of razor wire. The cold, the snow, the way your hand had bled onto the ice, the way you’d wanted to smack the shit out of Jake. Subconsciously, you ran your fingers over the fading remnants of the scar on your palm.
“I wanted to tell you that I’m sorry. For my part in all this. It was never my intention to hurt either of you the way I did.” There was deep remorse behind his eyes, and a hint of something else. A deep platonic love, you’d eventually come to realize.
“It’s okay. I’m sorry too. Sorry it all turned out the way it did.”
“It seems the two of you figured it out, at least.”
You nodded, suddenly unable to meet his eyes. “We did. We couldn’t just keep running around in circles.”
“I’m happy for you.” He smiled, and you searched his eyes for any sign of dishonesty. You found none, only the faintest glimmer of jealousy, but that was his to deal with. “Both of you. We all are.”
“Thank you, Jake.”
“And,” he began, lacing his fingers together. “It’ll be a weight off of all of us that the two of you are finally together. Maybe he’ll stop talking about you so much.” He cracked a smile.
“He’ll probably talk about me even more now. Sorry.”
“Yeah, you’re probably right. Anyway, are you sure you want to come with us?”
“I’m certain.”
“It’s not going to be easy living. Far from a vacation.”
You shook your head with a smile. “If you think you’re gonna talk me out of it, you might as well give up right now.”
“Not trying to talk you out of it. I just don’t want you to be miserable when you realize what it’s actually like.”
“Well, it’s not like any of you have much idea what you’re doing, either. We’ll all figure it out together.”
He nodded, looking away for a moment and chewing on the inside of his cheek. “You’re right about that. And I know it would tear Sam up to not have you around. If your heart is set, I won’t try to change it. Just be prepared.”
“I’m ready as I’ll ever be.”
* * *
Tour was both the greatest and worst thing that ever happened to you. Hotels, sightseeing, shows. Sweating in the summer heat of the south, skinny dipping in the ocean with Sam, bumper stickers and shot glasses and fridge magnets filling the few empty spots in your suitcases. Jake had been right, it wasn't like a vacation, but it was damn close. The pressure was low, the shows casual, the venues mostly pleasant and welcoming. The only major downside, in your eyes, was that it was nearly impossible to get alone time with Sam. You’d had to resort to a late night rendezvous in the car on more than one occasion.
The audience at the shows shocked all of you. Word had clearly spread, through some channel of the internet you weren't privy to, and large crowds gathered almost every night. There were a few stinkers in the bunch, where you had to watch them play to crowds of less than twenty people, but those shows were more fun. You became the de facto social media girl for them, taking shitty photos with your phone to post. You were laughably bad with a camera, but the guys loved it anyway.
When the tour was winding down, with the end of the era came remarkable levels of sadness. It was hard to get anyone in the group excited about anything, when you all knew that the fun and stress of the past month and a half were coming to a close. The last show had been a tearful one, and you’d even caught Jake shedding a few tears behind the venue.
Through it all, you and Sam grew together. You somehow became even closer, even more in tune with each other. You never fought, only disagreed, and even that was rare. It felt at times that the two of you were already married, the way you’d been accepted into the fold of the family so flawlessly. You’d sometimes joke about the past, how it would have been such a shame to lose each other. And although you disguised it under jokes, you knew that if things had gone just a bit differently, and you’d lost him, it would never be a laughing matter.
When the tour ended, there was no question about what you’d do. You stayed with them, followed them, moved with them across the country. You’d gotten your first apartment with Sam, and your first house with Sam, all within a few years. You made yourself useful to the band as a creative force, and you finally managed to learn how to take decent photos. You wrote poetry based on their music and explained overarching themes in their universe that would be lost to the average listener. And, most importantly, you were a glue.
A band of brothers is a volatile thing, but your presence made it all easier. You were the neutral party who would talk Josh off the ledge after he ‘quit’ the band, or stop Jake from throwing an empty bottle at Josh’s general location during recording, or defuse the situation after Sam had been a bit too much of a smartass with a joke. You were essential, and they all loved you.
Sam grew his hair longer. Josh cut his. Danny got a girlfriend. Josh got a boyfriend. Changes happened, the fabric of your lives continued to be knitted and pulled along. But through it all, you and Sam were a force that could not be stopped. Your relationship was rock solid, built on a solid frame. Despite the past, you never worried. You knew a man who was willing to fight so hard for you was one you didn't need to worry about. You made music, you made love, and you thanked the universe every day for sending this man in search of a cigarette on one fateful night.
* * *
Italy was beautiful this time of year. Made even more so by the handsome man on your arm. He’d treated you to dinner, had you put on your nicest dress, got your nails done, and was now leading you to some secluded cliff while his hands shook. You knew where this was going, but it still excited you all the same. The view was breathtaking. Clear blue water, rocky cliffs, and a short, completely deserted beach. The sun had just set, the moon starting to cast its beautiful glow over the town.
“That’s a planet,” he said, pointing with the hand that wasn't wrapped in your arms towards a bright light in the sky.
“Which one?” You asked, as the two of you stopped in the sand.
“Dunno. They’ve got a different sky out here.”
Neither of you said anything for a bit, just basking in the moment. The waves lapped against the shore, just quiet enough that you could hear his slightly quickened breathing.
He drew in a breath, hesitated, and spoke. “There’s something I have to ask you.”
Butterflies danced so ferociously in your stomach that it made you nauseous. “What's that, babe?”
You watched him with bated breath and a smile so wide it could split your face in two as he got on one knee, digging in his pocket to pull out a tiny box. Inside was a ring, perfect for you, that checked every box you’d laid out during your brief discussions about rings. Tears were already welling up in your eyes before he even spoke.
“Ever since I laid eyes on you, I knew I’d never be able to forget you.” His voice was trembling with nerves, his hands just barely holding the ring steady. “I can’t imagine spending any of my life without you by my side. My love, will you marry me?”
You had to physically restrain yourself from tackling him, but you nodded, shouting out yes, yes! again and again until the ring was on your finger. When he finally stood, you leapt into his arms, both of you giggling like mad between kisses. That night, the two of you watched the stars, suddenly so grateful that they would always hang above you.
Warnings: Alcohol use, mention of marijuana, brief mention of cocaine (not consumed by any main characters), smut (18+ only)
Sexual content: choking, fingering, oral (f rec), unsafe sex, plain ol' fuckin, and of course I would be lost without a creampie
Playlist | Masterlist
If the last party had been a bit overwhelming, then this party could be described as sensory hell. Within only a few seconds of being there, you saw a group of zombies playing beer pong in the front yard, and two Sesame Street characters doing cocaine off the kitchen table. You were a bit nervous, sticking close to Sam’s side as he guided you into the house. His brothers stood in the living room, a drink in each of their hands, chatting happily with the group assembled out there.
“Sammy boy!” Jake exclaimed upon seeing the two of you, running over to give both of you a hug. He was dressed as a pirate, the pieces of his costume almost a bit too accurate, like he’d stepped out of a different era. When he wrapped his arms around you, you were hit with that familiar scent, memories of the last party rushing back to your head.
He looked you over, trailing his eyes over your figure the same way he’d done the first time you met him. It made something inside you ache, something you couldn’t quite describe. He caught your eyes and you noticed he’d put on eyeliner, just a bit, just enough to make his gaze feel even more piercing.
Josh followed close behind, pulling you into a tight hug. “You look incredible, sunshine. My lord.” He looked you up and down, gesturing at you with a point of his finger. “Doesn't she look amazing?” He asked, looking between Jake and Danny, who had come over to join you.
“Quite beautiful. Very angelic,” Jake said.
“You look outstanding. None of these guys deserve to see it,” Danny joked with a whisper, cupping a hand to the side of his mouth like he was telling you a secret.
A blush rose into your cheeks, and you shook your head. “I just…wanted to look nice. And you guys all look awesome.”
Josh was dressed in a classic hippie getup, with a pair of huge sunglasses, flared pants, and a vest over his otherwise bare chest. Danny was dressed as a cowboy, and he’d gone all-in on the fit, cowboy boots and all. He had on a hat that looked far too nice for a Halloween outfit.
“Is that your hat?” You asked.
He tipped the brim at you, doing a goofy bow with one hand on the comically large belt buckle he was wearing. “Darn tootin’, little miss. Got it alongside the boots a few years ago.”
You placed a hand over your heart, returning the mock accent he’d put on. “Oh, my. What a gentleman you are!”
Jake offered to grab you and Sam a drink, and you happily accepted, following him into the kitchen while Sam took a seat in the living room with the other two.
“So, who are you trying to impress? Or make jealous?” Jake asked, taking the top off of a bottle of tequila.
“I’m sorry?”
He gestured towards you. “The costume. You’re the hottest one here, no contest. Did you get your heart broken recently?”
“I…no. Well…” You watched his hands as he poured you a drink that would certainly be too strong. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
“I won’t pry. Unless you want me to.” He handed you your drink, and started making another one.
You took a cautious sip, pleasantly surprised. You could barely taste the alcohol. “This is good.”
“Thank you. My secret recipe.” He finished his own drink, swirling it around in his hand for a moment while he leaned against the counter to face you. “I’m guessing you made up with Sam?”
You nodded. “He apologized. He explained how–” You cut yourself off. You definitely shouldn’t repeat his explanation to Jake, of all people. “He just explained why he was mad. But it’s all okay now.”
“That look in your eye,” he pointed at you, squinting his eyes. “You’re still mad at him, aren’t you?”
It was genuinely annoying how well Jake could see right through you. Like he was reaching into your brain and stealing your thoughts. It almost felt violating, the way he seemed to always just know.
“A little.”
“Because of that fight?”
You hesitated for a moment too long. “Yeah.”
He gave you a knowing smile. “You don’t have to lie to me.”
“I’m not lying.”
“So what was his excuse?” He eyed you over the rim of his cup as he took a swig.
“I don’t want to get into it, honestly.”
“I won’t push. Just want to make sure you’re alright.” He was being genuine, that much you could tell for certain.
“I appreciate that, Jake. I really do.”
He gave you a smile, the kind that made you a bit weak in the knees, and gestured towards the living room. Sam and Danny were deep in conversation on the mantle of the fireplace, and Josh was in the corner chatting up some group of people you didn’t recognize. The two of you took a seat on the couch, and you made yourself small in the corner against the arm rest, your legs tucked under you.
Jake was a good talker. He made worthwhile conversation, even though you weren’t entirely in the mood to talk about anything. He asked a lot of questions, and the two of you would spiral off into a tangent regarding that question. At one point, he mentioned the band, the one Sam had said they were trying to drag him into.
“Do you guys have a name?” You asked.
He shook his head. “It's not serious enough for that, not yet. I want a name to come organically, when it’s time.”
“Makes sense. It would suck to pick a name and want to change it later.”
“Exactly.” He flicked his finger against one of your wings, sending it bouncing back and forth. “You should come to one of our little shows some time.”
“Where at?”
“We just play out of the garage, or back there, typically.” He gestured to the back of the house.
“Are you any good?” You smirked.
He laughed a bit, then gave you a wide-eyed, serious look. “The best.”
“Text me about it some time. I’d love to come, if I’ve got some free time on my hands that day.”
“I will,” you smiled.
The two of you sat in comfortable silence, and you listened in to the conversations around the room. Sam’s voice reached your ears first, the sound of it so familiar and enjoyable that you seemed to pick it out of the crowd easily.
“She’s great.” He was still talking to Danny.
“You don’t sound very excited.” Danny's voice was harder to pick out, but you could hear it nonetheless.
“Nah, man, I was with her the other night. She’s a really sweet girl.”
Your skin prickled and your fingers tensed up. She. Her.
“She’s gorgeous,” he went on.
“Are you guys together, or what?”
“Not yet.”
You’d heard enough. Not yet. Those two words felt like a gunshot straight to your chest. You could barely hear Jake over the noise of your thoughts as he prodded you with a quiet “Hey.”
You didn’t respond.
“Hey.” He called your name, placing a gentle touch on your arm that finally snapped you out of your trance.
You blinked at him a few times, your fingers white-knuckled on the armrest of the couch.
“You okay?” He looked at you with genuine concern.
“Yeah, I just…” you cleared your throat. “I think I need another drink.”
“Not a problem. Follow me.”
You could feel Sam’s eyes burning a hole in the back of your head as you walked away with Jake, back into the kitchen, where he mixed you up another drink.
“Stronger this time,” he warned, handing it to you.
“Thanks. I need it.”
“Listen, sweetheart. What's going on with you?”
You shook your head. “I already said I don't want to get into it. Just exhausted, that’s all.”
“Well, letting it fester doesn’t seem to be doing you any favors.” He pinched one of your wings between his fingers and pulled at it. “Come here.”
He led you out the back door, and the two of you took a seat around the fire. He slid his chair across the grass as close to yours as it would go. “I can keep a secret, if that’s what you need. Just talk to me.”
“Jake…” This was only the second time you’d interacted with him. You weren’t ready to open up about anything to him – at least, not in your partially-sober mental state. “I appreciate you worrying about me. I really do. But I can't get into specifics with you.”
He toyed with the ruffled sleeves of his shirt. “Then be vague.”
“Well,” you sighed. “Do you ever just feel like everything is crashing down around you all at once?”
He nodded. “I know the feeling quite well.”
“That’s just kind of where I’m at right now.” He was basically a stranger to you, but you couldn’t help but open up just a bit around him. He radiated an aura that made you feel seen and understood, and the way he was apparently able to read your mind lent greatly to that feeling.
“I don’t want to overstep, but you know you can come to any of us about anything. These guys–” he gestured at the house. “They care. I care. Sam, especially. He really–”
“He is the issue,” you blurted out, cutting him off.
Jake shut his mouth, rocking his chair back and looking into the fire, processing your outburst. “So…” he trailed off, clearly not sure how to proceed.
“I just can’t figure him out.”
“You did only just meet him a month ago,” Jake countered. “Just give it some time. Don't let one fight taint your entire image of him.”
You were quickly painting yourself into a corner with this line of discussion. You couldn't exactly tell him why you were upset, without a full declaration of your love for Sam. “You’re right.”
“He’s smart. Smarter than anyone else I know. Guys like that can be a bit confusing.” He gave you a small smile. “Just let it go, whatever you’re still mad at him about. Your whole world doesn’t have to fall apart over one argument.”
You wished that this was something so simple, something you could just let go of.
“You need a sippy cup for that?” He pointed at the drink in your hand, still mostly full.
“Yeah, actually,” you giggled. “A princess crown too.”
For just a little while, Jake was able to make you forget all about the pain that still throbbed in your heart. Your typical worries washed away with every sip of the drinks he made you as the minutes turned into hours. You watched as all types of ghouls, monsters, and characters shuffled around the fire. The occasional couple in matching outfits would sometimes come by, and you had to avert your eyes every time, your mind drifting to the other half of your angel-devil getup that was wandering around the house somewhere.
Sam made an appearance at one point, sitting right next to you. Jake gave him a side-eyed look, glancing between you and him a few times, but he kept his mouth shut. You were a bit nervous he would leave the two of you alone. You weren’t sure you could handle that right now. Just looking into Sam’s eyes was enough, you didn’t want any more than that. He could sense it, you were certain. Something had shifted, and the air between you was thicker now. Conversation between the two of you was brief and clipped.
When he finally walked off with some guys you’d never seen before, things felt different. Jake was gazing at you intensely, giving you that same look he’d given you at the first party. Looking at you like he could eat you alive.
“You know,” he began, leaning a bit closer to you. “We never finished our conversation from the other week.”
You wracked your brain trying to recall what he was talking about, visibly lost.
“So would you be mad if I was?”
His words seemed like complete gibberish at first. But when he raked his eyes over your body, it came rushing back in like a tide, a knot forming in the pit of your stomach and your legs crossing a little tighter. That had been his response when you’d asked him if he was flirting with you.
“Not at all.” You said it with no hesitation, not a doubt in your mind. He was enchanting in a way you couldn’t describe even with a thousand metaphors.
He ran a hand through his hair, a gesture that reminded you deeply of a certain someone. If you couldn’t have him, then you’d take the next best thing. The thought felt evil, dirty, sickening, even. That you were even considering the one thing you knew would hurt him more than anything else…it wasn't like you.
As if right on cue, the yard became eerily silent. Something had drawn the crowd inside for now, and it was just the two of you, a group quietly passing a joint in the opposite corner of the yard, and the crackling of the fire. His hand came to rest on your thigh, just below where the stockings were wrapped in a neat little white bow. It was there for comfort, but the warmth of his palm singed your skin and sent flames raging through your body. Your stomach dropped, and you wondered how a man could make you have such a reaction to such a simple, innocent touch.
“You okay with this?” He asked.
Whether he meant his advances, or his fingers burning right through your skin to the bone, was not clear to you.
You would lie to yourself every chance you'd get, but you weren’t stupid. Jake was clearly into you. The tension was palpable now that the two of you were alone, if only just for a moment. You were a perfect level of drunk at this point. Still lucid, but your inhibitions dulled to just the right level. “I’m fine, but…this costume,” you whined. “It’s so uncomfortable.”
Jake looked at you with a fire in his eyes that could scorch you, so intense you averted your gaze. It was like he had grown bigger, eclipsing everything in your vision. He burned brighter than the fire that illuminated his stunning features in a brilliant orange. “Is that so?”
You nodded.
“What a shame it would be if someone took it off.” His tone implied that he was joking, but the look on his face said quite the opposite.
“Yeah,” you giggled. “I look so nice, I can’t imagine what I would look like with less clothes.” Flirting, especially the kind you were doing now, wasn’t something you did often. In fact, you weren’t sure you’d ever done this kind of thing before.
He tilted his head at you, raising an eyebrow. “Is the little angel trying to ask me something?”
“Am I not making it obvious enough?”
You knew the gravity of the choice you were making. This would be a secret you could not keep forever, actions you wouldn’t be able to take back. None of that mattered anymore, though. There was one man you truly, unequivocally wanted, and he was not yours. He would never be yours. If he wanted you, he would be the one next to you right now.
“Plenty obvious, dear lady.” He belted the words in an accent you’d heard a few times before. “Come with me.”
“I expected something a bit more romantic from you, Jakey.”
He smiled at you, but the fire never left his eyes. “I don’t think I need to seduce you any further. Shut up and follow me.”
You felt dazed, completely out of your body as he took your hand in his and rushed you through the house and up into his room. Before you had time to come back down to reality your back was pressed up against a door and Jake was mere inches from your face, eyes piercing straight through you, his hand wrapped around the back of your neck. He pulled off the headband that held a halo to your head, tossing it away somewhere behind him. So sickeningly poetic, an obnoxiously obvious metaphor.
“You’re sure you want this?” He asked, drawing a bit closer.
You weren’t completely sure of anything anymore. The one thing you knew was that this was real, he was here, and those gorgeous eyes were staring right through you. Eyes you saw in many dreams. You’d been holding back from running your fingers through his hair all night, and it had now become impossible to deny the way he made you feel. Your heart raced, blood rushing through your veins at an impossible speed. He smelled different this time, some different type of cologne. Yet there was still the underlying scent of him, of Jake.
He leaned forward and you were certain your insides turned to ice water when his lips met the side of your neck, placing a delicate kiss there. “I won’t take the most intense fuck-me eyes I’ve ever seen in my life as an answer, angel. Speak.”
“Yes.”
“I need more than that.”
“Jake, please…” you whined, drawing a gasp when his teeth raked across your skin. “Please just…just touch me.”
His fingers snaked up into your hair, giving a gentle tug to the side as he finally bit down on your neck. A soft moan escaped your lips as he sucked bruises into your skin. You knew you should stop him, tell him he can’t, people will see if he marks you up. But you just didn’t care anymore, and it felt far too good to stop him. So what. Let them see.
He wrapped his arms around you, walking you back towards the bed before almost throwing you onto it. He practically ripped his shirt off, throwing it to some dark corner of the room. He put a knee up on the bed beside you, and you leaned back as he leaned forward, until your little wings touched the mattress. He was crouched over you, silhouetted by the lamp light behind him. You were suddenly very aware of how quickly you were breathing.
“You alright?”
“Jesus, how many times do I have to say yes?”
“My name is Jake, actually. And I just want to make sure you’re happy, little angel.” He gave you such a sweet smile you thought your heart would burst right then and there.
“I couldn't be any happier right now.”
He descended onto your bare collarbones, biting against your skin with perfect pressure. You couldn't say a word, only gasp and whine under him. It felt too fucking good to finally have him like this.
You weaved your fingers through his hair, tugging at it gently, pulling him away from your neck. He moved willingly under your touch, more than you expected. You arched your back and reached for the zipper that held your costume around yourself, but his fingers wrapped around your forearms, squeezing just a bit too hard.
“Keep it on.”
“But–”
“I said keep it on. Did you not hear me, or are you choosing not to listen?”
Your heart skipped a beat, and he took your stunned silence as a chance to lean forward. There was a pause when your lips brushed. This was it, this was the point of no return. When you would awake from a dream where Jake had been right where he was now, sweat drenching your sheets and a throbbing between your legs, this was the thing you swore you would never do. This was the line you swore you would never cross, for fear of hurting Sam. None of that mattered anymore. He didn’t want you. He fought with you. He yelled at you. The line disappeared, and you crossed it without a doubt in your mind.
You pulled Jake in, unceremoniously, and your lips crashed together. He was soft, gentle, he moved with you. Your grip tightened in his hair when he sucked your bottom lip between his teeth, giving it a gentle bite. You pulled him away from your lips and he went with ease, staring at you with wide eyes.
He seemed so compliant, so eager to please you. You ran your thumb over his lips, and you couldn't help but envision him buried between your thighs. And as if he could read your mind, he began to crawl down the length of you, leaving kisses wherever his mouth could reach. He rested his head against your thigh, eyes flicking between you and the fabric draped across your lap. Like he was preparing himself.
“Jake…” You shifted your hips, growing desperate for some kind of touch.
He shushed you, trailing his fingers up your bare leg, just barely grazing the skin, making you shudder. “Wanna take my time.”
Painfully slowly, he pushed your skirt out of the way, the fabric gathering around your hips, your lacey panties on full display now. You propped yourself up onto your elbows to get a better look at him, though the sight of him there was almost too much to bear.
“You look soaked already. All I’ve done is kiss you, sweet girl.” A grin spread across his face as he met your eyes. “You need me that bad, huh?”
“Obviously,” you whined.
He ran his thumb across the fabric of your panties, gently pulling them to one side. He ran a finger through your folds, staring at you like you were the most beautiful thing he'd ever laid eyes on. “All for me?” he breathed.
“All for you.”
He tore your panties off as quickly as he could, and slid a finger into you, and you felt completely breathless, dropping back down against the sheets. He moved masterfully, working you open, playing with you like you were a little toy for him.
“Oh fuck, Jake…” you stuttered over your words, every syllable a whimper.
“Louder, angel.”
You looked down at him, his eyes blazing into yours, dark and hungry.
“But they'll hear–”
“Let them.” He dropped down, laving his tongue over your clit, and you couldn’t stop the choked oh, god that fell from your lips.
“I can’t, that's so…” you couldn't finish your sentence, your words interrupted by gasping moans that you bit back, mortified by the idea of anyone hearing you.
“I’ll just have to make you louder, then.” He spoke the words pressed against you, the vibrations of his lips making you writhe. You tangled a hand in his hair, unconsciously pushing him closer against you.
“You’ve been driving me crazy all fucking night,” he growled between licks of your clit. “I waited long enough to hear you.”
You had to bite the back of your hand to keep quiet when he added a second finger, curling them in just the right way, your other hand grabbing onto his hair for dear life.
“I didn’t even do anything,” you whined, sounding downright pathetic.
“Really?” He pressed his thumb against your clit in the absence of his tongue, sending a shiver through your body. “The whole night you were staring at me like you couldn’t wait for this.” He brought his tongue back to your clit, drawing a needy whine.
He was good at this, finding every spot you loved so quickly, testing different movements and angles, figuring out what made you moan the loudest or grab his hair the hardest. You were quickly unraveling beneath him.
“You want me to fuck you?” He asked, his mouth still against you.
“Isn’t that what we’re doing?”
He pulled away from you, looking up at you with those wide eyes that made you feel insane, his fingers still moving. Your own wetness was smeared across his lips, his mouth curled up in a sly smile. “You know what I mean.”
You barely gave it a second thought before you whispered out a quiet “yes.”
“What was that, baby?”
You repeated yourself, gasping out the word a bit louder this time.
He brought himself up onto his knees, placing one hand on the side of your head, looming over you while his fingers still worked you perfectly. “I need more than that.”
All of this, the talking, the way his voice was a bit more raspy than normal, the way his hair hung down into his face, it was all too much. You were rushing towards your peak far too fast, the buildup far too long, and the feeling must have reflected in your face a bit too clearly.
“Are you gonna cum? Already?” He said it so cocky, so snarky, with almost a laugh behind it. Like he couldn’t believe his eyes.
You nodded, words becoming impossible to form, your eyes slipping shut as your back arched off the bed.
“Look at me,” he demanded.
You looked at him through half-lidded eyes, barely able to take in his dreamlike appearance. “Jake…” you whined, reaching for him, wrapping your arms around his neck. He let you pull him closer, brushing his lips against yours as he collapsed onto you. “Yes, baby?” You could feel his lips curl into a grin and he tasted like you.
You couldn’t find words, only choked moans came out of you as the heel of his hand pressed against your clit. You were so close, holding yourself back, for what reason you weren’t entirely sure.
“Go on, do it.”
Just those simple words of coaxing were enough to send you crashing over the edge, a sound coming out of you that you didn't even know you could make. Your teeth latched onto his collarbones, biting and sucking at his skin and earning you a few soft moans from his lips.
“That’s it…good girl.” He whispered into your ear in a way that made you shiver and twist your fingers into the fabric of his shirt, your entire body on fire. It felt like it would never end, his words prolonging every sensation as he talked you through it, with words of praise and filthy commands. “Keep going, angel, doesn’t that feel good?” He asked as you started to curl in on yourself, trying to tuck your knees to your chest. Whatever he was doing to you right now, nobody had ever done before.
It felt like the longest orgasm you’d had in your life, and you wouldn’t be surprised if it was. When he felt you’d had enough, and you started reaching for his wrist to pull it away, he finally relented, slowing and eventually stopping. As you came down, he pulled back, looking into your eyes with that fiery gaze that pierced right through you. He needed the same thing, and god did it have you throbbing all over again.
“Fuck me,” you whispered.
In one fluid motion he pulled away and flipped you over, yanking your hips up and putting a hand on the small of your back to hold you down. You yelped, surprised he was able to just…throw you around like that. The sound of his belt clinking behind you was erotic enough to draw a small moan out of you. Then the sensation of him dragging himself over your core – you nearly collapsed back down onto the bed.
“Don’t worry, angel. Gonna fuck you nice and sweet.”
You buried your face in the sheets to hide the agonized groan that ripped out of you as he pressed into you. He filled you so perfectly, in a way nobody else ever had. And then he just…stopped. He leaned down over you, his forehead resting against your back.
“Jakey–” the nickname slipped out unconsciously. “Please move, please–”
“Patience, angel.” You could feel his chest rising and falling with shaky, quick breaths.
You made a pleading, desperate sound, tightening yourself around him and trying to rock your hips back against him.
“Oh, don’t fucking do that,” he growled.
You needed this for longer, needed him as long as you could possibly have him. You felt a pressing need to be good for him.
He pulled his hips back, and snapped them forward again, sending stars across your vision. You clawed at the sheets, downright unholy sounds escaping you as he settled into a rhythm.
His hands roamed over your body until one of them landed on your lower stomach, just below your navel. He pulled you closer with that hand, adding just a bit of pressure in just the right place. “I’m right there, baby. You feel it?”
You whimpered, your mind scattered in every direction – you weren't used to this kind of dirty talking. Of course you could feel him, impossibly deep, taking up every square inch of you. “Yeah, I do,” you choked out, each word punctuated by a gasp.
“You’re taking it so good, sweet girl.” His hand wandered a bit lower, grazing across your clit, just enough to make you buck your hips, but he gave you no more than that light touch.
“More, please,” you gasped, trying to draw deeper breaths to keep yourself grounded. But he knocked the wind out of you with every thrust of his hips.
He clicked his tongue and murmured a pitying aww. “Does my sweet angel need something?”
“I need to see you, please, I want to–”
Before you could finish your sentence he was spinning you around to face him, practically throwing you down onto the bed. The ease at which he could manhandle you was stunning.
You clawed at his chest as he guided himself back into you, and you were certain you’d leave scratch marks on his skin. His expression as he did so was something that you felt burn into the back of your mind, something you would never forget. Like a song lyric you couldn’t stop replaying in your mind. His jaw slack, his upper lip curled up just a bit in something like a sneer, his brows knitted together, his head tilted slightly to the right, as if he was trying to get a better view.
It felt gentler now. The rush and frenzy of it all had worn off, and he moved slowly and deliberately. When his eyes met yours, the sensations caught up with your mind, and a brick wall of bliss crashed against you. You dragged your nails down his chest, your back arching off the bed when he bottomed out inside you.
“Is that better?” The smirk on his face alone was enough to make you tighten around him.
“Much better,” you sighed.
He settled into a rhythm again, one hand wrapped around your thigh and the other gripping the top of the headboard. Like he was putting his body on display for you. He hadn't taken off the chains around his neck, and the amulets made a lovely clinking sound as they swung back to collide with his chest with every thrust. You lifted yourself up off the bed, trying to drape your arms over his shoulders–
He pushed you back down with a hand against your chest. He shifted, his hands coming to rest on either side of you.
“I want to be closer to you,” you whined, like a spoiled brat.
“I want to watch you.”
You pouted, wrapping your arms around his neck once again and trying to pull yourself up. But something held you back.
“You’re pinned, angel.”
It clicked – he was holding you down by your wings. The tiny bits of feather and fabric and wire strapped tightly around your shoulders. You wriggled under his grip, desperately trying to pull away, trying to get just a little closer to him, needing to feel more of him on you.
“You were taking it so good, baby,” he groaned. “Why all the fuss now?”
“Need you.” You tried to speak the words, but they came out as a full-fledged moan. It was almost embarrassing how needy you sounded.
His expression twisted into a cruel smile. “Need you,” he mimicked the way you’d moaned it, almost perfectly. “I need you to let me fuck you the way I know you’ll like it.”
You were stunned into silence, only able to take small sips of air through his thrusts.
But he mimicked that too. “You sound so pretty. I figured you would.” He always had a way of rendering you speechless.
All of his words, the perfect angle of his hips, the way you were pinned down, all of it was leading to a cliff edge you knew so well, the tension in your body rising to a level you didn’t think possible. It almost scared you a bit, and Jake must have read the fear in your eyes, from the way he grinned.
“Is the pretty angel gonna cum for me?”
You nodded frantically, words evading you.
“You didn’t ask permission first.”
Your eyes rolled back, your jaw dropping open in stunned silence at his words. Ask permission?
You managed to mumble out a “please” between moans.
“Nowhere near good enough,” he hissed. “Try again, or I’ll stop.” He wasn’t joking either, his hips slowing their pace, angling just away from your clit.
Every ounce of inhibition you had left went out the window at that moment, your eyes locking with his “Please, Jake, please, can I cum, sir? Please, I'm trying to be so good for you–” The words rushed out faster than your brain could process what you were saying.
He seemed to break a bit, his hips snapping forward harder than before. His hand came up to wrap around your throat, his fingers placed perfectly on top of your veins. “Say it again.”
“Please, sir,” you sobbed, feeling a tear roll down your cheek. “I can’t– I can’t wait any longer–”
“Since you asked so nicely.” He pressed himself against you again, grinding his hips into your clit, and it only took a moment before you were cascading off the edge into the abyss. It felt like falling, your entire body tightening all at once, before you burst into sheer bliss, a smile gracing your lips as Jake’s hand tightened around your throat just right. Through your clipped breaths you called his name, not a thought in your mind about who may hear.
Through your daze of pleasure, you could hear his voice, sweet and soft in your ear, talking you through it. “That’s it baby, cum for me, I’m right there with you,” before his words devolved into groans so sweet they could rot your teeth. You could feel him pulsing inside you, filling you, spilling out of you onto the sheets.
The two of you stayed like that for a while, his hand slipping off your neck to stroke the side of your face, brushing away the tears that gathered on your cheeks. He collapsed down onto his forearms, breathing heavily, burying his face in the crook of your neck.
Your voice came out of you cracked and broken, still the whisper of a moan on your tone. “Did you…”
“Yeah. I did. Fuck, I’m sorry.” He shook both of your bodies with silent laughter. “I swear I didn’t mean to. Are you…”
“Yes. Don’t worry.”
“Oh, I’m going to.”
You giggled, a pure, clean sound that cut through the fog of tension in the room. “I forgot how good that feels.” You started to tremble, wrapping your shaking hands around him. “They definitely heard me, by the way.” You could hear laughter and conversation from the floor below – there was no chance they didn’t hear you shouting his name.
“Whatever.”
You laughed again, raising an arm to run your fingers through his hair, now damp with sweat. “That was…” you couldn't find the words to describe it.
“Too rough?” He propped himself up to look at you. “You look a mess.”
You could imagine it, mascara running down your face, hair disheveled, costume wrecked. “Perfect,” you smiled.
“Really.” He planted a kiss on the tip of your nose. “Glad to hear it.” Looking you up and down, he heaved a sigh. “You’re leakin’ on my sheets, though.”
“Sorry, sir.” You crossed your legs and shot him a smirk.
He narrowed his eyes at you, a smile dancing on the corners of his lips. “Let me grab you something to clean up.”
“Not gonna do it yourself?” You teased as he rolled off the bed, pulling on a pair of sweatpants.
“What, you want me to eat it out of you? There’s a three course meal in there right now.” He shot you a look over his shoulder, and you felt a blush creep into your cheeks.
“So vulgar.”
“Nah, just rock and roll.” He tossed you a towel and you cleaned yourself up the best that you could, before rolling over to haul yourself out of bed. You stood on wobbly knees, a dizziness suddenly crashing down over you, like your mind had forgotten you were still drunk until this moment. Jake was there in an instant, his arms hooking under yours to keep you on your feet.
“Careful now.”
He helped guide you into the bathroom as a content daze washed over you.
“Shout if you need anything,” he said in a hushed tone, letting go of you and retreating from the bathroom, shutting the door behind him.
Emotions you hadn’t felt in far too long rushed together through your mind all at once as you sat down on the toilet. You hadn’t had time for sex in college. Too focused on your degree, too focused on your future, you had no interest in pursuing any of the men on campus. But maybe this is what you’d been missing this whole time. This was the piece of you that you’d been stifling, holding down. The reason you couldn’t seem to forget about Sam.
For now, you could push him out of your mind, the space he’d been taking up now replaced with Jake. And that horrible, nauseating feeling of butterflies you got around Sam didn’t happen when you saw Jake. He was safe. This was platonic, this was no-strings-attached, just a good time between two friends-of-friends.
You were suddenly very aware of how uncomfortable your costume was. You threw it off in a hurry, standing naked in front of the mirror, pondering your own reflection. He’d left a few rosy bruises on your collarbones and your neck. Your fingers brushed across them, the sight of being claimed making you throb, just a bit.
Are you sore? From fucking my brother? Sam’s words echoed through your mind at an alarming volume.
I wasn’t then. But I am now.
A knock at the door startled you out of your haze.
“You okay in there?” Jake’s voice called through the wood.
“Yeah.” Your voice was broken and hitched. “I need clothes though.”
He opened the door and you quickly covered yourself with a yelp. He was holding a pair of sweatpants and an old t-shirt in his hand.
“I’ve already seen it all. You don’t have to hide it,” he chuckled. “Put these on.”
You did as he said, noticing the warm scent of vanilla that drifted off his clothes.
“I would offer to drive you home, but I…don’t think I should drive.”
You shook your head. The idea of being alone after that was an unpleasant one at best.
“You can sleep here, if you want.”
“I’d like that very much.”
He grabbed your hand and led you back over to his bed. He’d already made it back up neatly, the covers turned down, the room softly illuminated by only a small lamp in the corner. It didn’t feel intrusive to be here, it felt like home.
“I’m gonna go see how the guys are doing. You get some rest, alright angel?”
You crawled under the covers, your body immediately relaxing, releasing the tension you didn’t realize you’d been holding onto. “Alright,” you mumbled, eyes half-lidded.
You were nearly asleep before he even left the room.
Tag List: @dont-go-home-without-me @poochiesworld @stardustcatcher @83rkblogs @jaketsguitar
