It is so much easier this time. Someone I like, someone who has only ever been kind to me, someone who deserves every bit of happiness. It does not feel so out of reach. Her experience could be mine. I could be surrounded by helpful hands, I could be met with love instead of disgust and disdain. I want to be love for her, to help however I am permitted. Joy, for another, and to mean it so earnestly. I could do that.
It is so very difficult this time. Only a few nights after experiencing a fantasy, feeling the impossible, and being so afraid that it will remain as such. A dream that feels so unattainable, still, forever. Titles I had but are long gone. Emotions that are better removed than felt, excised quickly, no matter the blood loss. Nowhere to go, nowhere to hide.
The world still turns, the sun still sets, the prayers are still made, and the heart still breaks.