#i'm going to hell...

[digital-corruption]

Me writing:

Also me writing:

[puckingwild]

[thehumming6ird]

So, last night I began listening to Octopussy (narrated by Tom) at bedtime...

I only made it 2 minutes in... 

Two. Damn. Minutes!

Repeated purring (Yes, purring!) of phrases such as 'pussy', 'darling', ‘spit’, ‘tip of…’, ‘suckers’, ‘lump of meat’, ‘spear’, ‘whip out’, ‘jab with his spear’, and even ‘tentacle’ had me flailing.

In short, Thomas describing an octopus is porn! 😩

[momobunniisims]

[sayorkunau]

Kirk walks into coffee shop because we all know time travel is tiring as fuck.

He sees a tall lanky freckled man.

“Well hello,” he smirks.

[katieswinforddiaries]

Reasons I Don't Date Men In My Hometown Demonstrated With Two Conversations

My Mom: You know you are old enough to have a boyfriend.

Me: Yeah I know I am, but I don't want the type of guy who's driving down back roads saying. "Hold my beer and watch this."

My Mom: They aren't all like that.

Me: *Me looking at her like she is insane.*

My Mom: I mean look at some of the boys at church. Like ZZ and guys like that. Just look at them in a different way.

Me: *Thinking um no I don't want to date my brother's friends.*

************************************************************************************************

Me: I need a man who doesn't think Shakespeare is an action.

My Best Friend Liz: *Facepalms and starts laughing.* I wish I could say that wasn't true, but I can't. I just can't.

[chicagosavant]

“…that the lady had moreover qualities & accomplishments, belonging to her sex, which might form a chapter apart for her: such as music, modesty, beauty, & that softness of disposition which is the...