Feb 17, 2017
Well, a sufficient number of elementary schoolers would defeat John Cena, as he's lawful good and wouldn't resort to violence until it's too late.
@normal-ghost
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Well, a sufficient number of elementary schoolers would defeat John Cena, as he's lawful good and wouldn't resort to violence until it's too late.
@normal-ghost
Sam: Holy fuck, a moose can run at more than 50 kilometers per hour.
Isaac: That's like...twice the top speed of Usain Bolt.
Me: Jesus Christ.
Sam: Just imagine Usain Bolt, sprinting at you on all fours at full speed.
Isaac: With gnarly horns.
Sam: Usain Bolt with gnarly horns at full speed and he is coming for you. Absolutely terrifying.
Me: Wait, but that's only half the sprinting speed of a moose.
[beat]
Isaac and Sam simultaneously: TWO USAIN BOLTS.
Me: Isaac, are you listening to Tibetan throat singing? Isaac: It's Mongolian throat singing, actually
Julia, sarcastically: Or maybe, you should take the money you were going to spend on that, and just buy me a really nice birthday gift instead.
Me: Well, I already bought you a gift--
Julia: NOOOOO! WHAT? YOU DON'T HAVE TOOOOOO
a saga
My roommate Julia just now: where's that condom?
Other roommate Isaac: ...um?
[julia holds up a wiimote sleeve]
Julia: you know, the condom! I mean, wait, the thing that goes IN this condom!
[I make some kind of extremely sophisticated visual gag representing a penis]
Julia: NOT THAT THING!
Isaac, who is across the room and can't see this: UM?
Julia: NO, THE OTHER THING THAT GOES IN THE CONDOM! THE WII!
Isaac: UMMMM??
[I continue to be spectacularly unhelpful]
Julia: DAMN IT WILL HELP ME FIND THE BLACK WII TO PUT IN THIS CONDOM I MEAN ASDFDG THE WIIMOTE HOLY FUCK KSGSSHDF STOP LAUGHING YOU LITTLE SHIT
so my roommate Sam walks in through the door and
Isaac: hey, I don't know if there's any pizza left, but you're welcome to have some.
Sam: No thanks, I already ate.
Isaac: well why don't you just take my heart outside and throw it off the balcony and scrape it off the street and put it in a trash bag and put that bag in the dumpster and then wait for the trash guys to pick it up on Tuesday? Why don't you just do that, Sam.
my entire apartment full of roommates are all separately playing undertale right now
I don’t want to spend that money, but man is it getting tempting
Sam: ...and if I had only known this cat, instead of my cat, I would have been like you, Will. Bitter and resentful of--
Isaac: of cats?
Sam: No, in general.
Isaac: ooOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH