#iamnotunchanged

[xolbertijn]

I Am Not Unchanged

Hello... 

...It's me. I was wondering if after all these years...

Well, you get it, right? It's been quite some time, to say the least. It's been over a year even, and what a heavy last post. Yup, I read it all back, the sweet melancholy of the past. You know what it is? I feel like I'm changing, I feel me changing, sometimes literally by the minute, while other things seem to take ages to change at all. But no one can stop the time, we can only try not to let it regret us important things. We can live and love and hate and destroy. And we should while we can, we should do it all and deal with the consequences. Because I'd rather apologize than regret the things I never did.

I am not unchanged.

And I'm back. For good? I can't promise, I don't know. What I do know is that I didn't want it to end where it ended. Who knows the way the long road bends? God? Am I still a (good) Christian, the way I introduced myself in my very first post? I don't know. Sometimes you just don't, but I'm sure that's okay too. Doubt doesn't kill you, if it doesn't get to you. It did and it made me unstable, but now I feel like I'm standing tall again. Funny, while I was most insecure, I screamed the hardest. Reading back I sounded like such a huge miss-know-it-all. Such a bitch. And yes, I'm allowed to say that about myself. XD Clearly I did know myself, but didn't know the world that well, or maybe my fingers just swiped different words than my mind wanted. We'll probably never know, but excuse me for that attitude. And excuse me for any attitudes in the future, because honestly, who doesn't think they know it best? Who doesn't think they know themselves and the world around them very well if not almost perfectly? But I’ll try keep in mind that I’m still changing, still learning and discovering all about that thing called life.

I am not unchanged.

Yet I am, because I'll always carry my past with me. My mind is like an elephant's. It forgives but doesn't forget. Some things it never forgets, but that's okay. The past makes us who we are today. We change all the time, I am different than I was a few seconds before, but I'm fine. In my mind the melancholy of the past and at the same time the calling of a brighter future.

I hope to write soon.

Love,

Xanne-Li

"I am not unchanged, yet you'll know me, because I'll stay myself."

[seeker15]

So this is from like a week ago and I'm trying to procrastinate and realized I had completely forgotten to do it so here goes.

Tagged by: the always lovely amtepe :D

1. why did you choose your URL?

seeker15 is something I came up with when I was 8 or 9 (I'm 21 now so you can see how long ago that was) because I needed a username for whatever reason. So it's "seeker" because I was really into Harry Potter at the time and "15" because my birthday is on the 15th of October. So I've basically been using this for over half my life and see no reason to change it. It's basically my online name. If you see a seeker15 somewhere, it's probably me. Haha

2. what is your middle name?

I don't have one and it causes me much distress. I've always been oddly jealous of all you lucky ducks who get to have TWO names. *broods*

3. if you could own a fairytale/fictional pet, what would it be?

Probably a Pegasus. Both badass and practical.

4. favorite color?

Red. Though I'm also fond of both dark and light blue. (But not medium blue. Medium blue's just gross.)

5. favorite song?

I'm a musician. You can't ask me that question. (Though I've currently been binging "Prosthetic Love" by Typhoon.)

6. what are your top three fandoms?

Castle is currently the only fandom that I'm active in because it's all I have time for. I used to be kinda involved in the Harry Potter fandom but that was a while ago and things weren't quite the same. Once Castle ends, I'll probably hop on over to the Arrow fandom because that's currently my number two show.

7. why do you enjoy tumblr?

The people are awesome, it keeps me in the know, and all of the fun media content! Plus, what else would I do with my free time? Go outside?

8. tag eight blogs (only if you want to do it, of course!):

I can't think of 8 people to tag who haven't already done this so I'll just go with writingonthecastlewalls, iamnotunchanged, acecaskettuniverse, and whoever else feels like giving it a shot can consider themselves tagged.

[darbystanchfields-blog]

iamnotunchanged replied to your post “Dream  cast: Carrie Coon as my wife”

Omg. Carrie Coon is a gem. Loooove her.

She really is. She's the most talented member of The Leftovers cast and her performance in Gone Girl was just a great as Rosamund's. Also she's SO PRETTY.

[thereandtrashagain]

iamnotunchanged replied to your post:Castle kissing Gates is not the least bit funny,...

THIS. I hope it’s just one of those things that will be better in context. But even leaving harassment out of this, the scene itself was not funny at all and felt so weird.

YES! I'll be very disappointed with the writers if the reason for that scene is "comedic value". I hope he's under some heavy drugs or something, and if he's not at least let Gates give him an even bigger dress down than she did in 5x14.

[bunysliper]

mylittleredgirl replied to your post “*”

i cannot relate to this as i haven't seen my house key in 15 years. i live in a small town and we don't have locks we have dogs.

Hahaha, if we had dogs this issue would be totally moot. I won't lie. Sadly, our landlord doesn't let us have dogs. When I'm at home in my small town, we lock the house, but I don't lock my car... and there's a great dane there. haha But here it's pretty much a necessity to lock your house, and even if it weren't, the fact that we aaaasked her to should be enough. 

iamnotunchanged replied to your post “*”

One of my suitemates at school does this & it drives me nuts. Things have been stolen at my school before...I feel like you should ALWAYS lock the door before you leave, but esp. if no one else is there!

When I lived in the dorms I had a roommate who either never locked the door and/or gave her creepy ass boyfriend her key. Needless to say that was not a fun person to live with. And like, I live just off campus now, but it's in a neighborhood that's somewhat known for college kids getting robbed because criminals know we're easy targets (and 2 different police forces always trying to play the jurisdictional hot potato game doesn't help). In the last 2 weeks alone, there were like 3 car break ins (one being our landlord - who's our next door neighbor) and an attempted robbery, and we had someone just dump a pile of clothing in our backyard. It's a little sketchy sometimes. So leeeet's be smart and lock the door. This shouldn't be something you have to "develop a habit" for.

[writingonthecastlewalls]

iamnotunchanged replied to your post “Martha and Alexis dating advice is adorable. Busted. Castle…”

I love that she’s never cared about the money. And that he’s never cared about either when it was about her. That art piece he broke in the gallery was a different story..

I think one of the things that really surprised me about that scene was the fact that the idea of Kate having issues with his level of wealth has long been one of those things that was popular in the fandom. Particularly in fanfiction. I think it stems from her comment about working from a living in the pilot, but we never actually see her have any real discomfort with his money.

The funny thing about that scene is that it could’ve easily gone that way, but instead it was an entirely different concern. I wanted sort of callback the fact that she had almost been here once before, but he went with Gina instead.  so it ended up making for a very nice call back.

And yes, the concept of losing all of that money to the artwork was I think a very different – and s funny story.

[bunysliper]

iamnotunchanged replied to your post “Castle Ficlet: 15 Shares”

This is adorable 😍

Thank you! :D

[alwayswritewithcoffee]

Thank you for your Castle fandom PSA. That is all. Oh, and your blog is pretty sweet. Can't believe I'd never seen your blog floating around the fandom before!

You are definitely welcome! And thank you! I’m glad you like it!