I wasn’t going to do a #100happydays post today, on day 21... because I haven’t felt happy. Everything hurts, including breathing (probably because my lungs and throat tried to spasms shut yesterday) and lying completely still. I absolutely exhausted, physically and mentally. I messaged The Boyfriend saying exactly how I feel... that these constant spasms are bullshit, and horrible, and I’d like them to stop now, please. But they won’t. I am tired of being constantly terrified because of these spasms. I’m tired of having to be brave to be able to do anything. I am tired, and sad, and pissed off. Tomorrow is a new day, and I know I’ll feel better after a day of complete bed rest today. But today, I’m allowing myself to be angry and sad and scared; my therapist says it’s healthier than my old response, which was to push all that bad emotion down inside me like a trash compactor... at least this way, I feel it, and I let it out of my system. Anyway, like I said, I haven’t felt very happy about much today. But what did make me happy? - my incredible, amazing, understanding, supportive boyfriend, who is there for me on the ugly days, the bad days, the sad days, not just the good ones... and who makes those bad days better by being there for me. - my incredible, amazing, wonderful parents, for always being there, and always loving me. - my incredible, amazing, loving friends, for always thinking of me and sending lovely messages an unicorn gifs. - my incredible, amazing, endlessly kind nurses and carers... the ones who let me cry, the ones who make me laugh so I won’t cry, the ones to fetch hot water bottles and cups of tea without being asked, the ones who make me laugh, the ones who hold my hand. Even on the days I feel like giving up on myself and my life, there are SO MANY miraculous people fighting for me, with me. No matter how it feels, I am not alone. Blessed to be living this life, because even though it has some really shitty bits, it has far more good things, especially people ❤️ #100happydayschallenge #tiredbutstillfighting #somedaysicannothidehowdevastatediambythusdusease #todaywasabadday #butimblessedtobeme #iamsoloved #solucky (at Cardiff) https://www.instagram.com/p/BuhaPV-nckE/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=n615og5sceyh
