Tea Time?
So I have(had) this crush on a guy who's in my only small friend group, let's call him Dylan. I was trying to not have any feelings toward him ,basically in denial, because of some very good reasons.
1. I have already dated 2 of the guys in the main group (which apparently would make me look like a *)
2. He probably doesn't like me
Anyways I wasn't being very good at hiding these feelings because my mom called me out almost immediately ☹😂. I should've figured If she knew...that he could too, but did I? No I didn't.
It turned out that my nice ex, who was a Gryffindor (insert eye roll here), let's call him Freddy, had information that I didn't know about until I asked him. He was at a volunteer thing with Dylan and my first bf (We're calling him Dilan). Apparently they somehow got onto the subject of me and of course Dilan called me basic and Freddy defended me somewhat telling the harsh truth that I may be anxious and indecisive at times but definitely not basic. Sigh if only I could interject with a classic "I may be basic, but I'm still better than you".
Down to the cringe...Dylan said something around yeah I know that she likes me for a fact, but you two dated her so I don't think I will. ShOoK? Yeah me too. Freddy said he was going to tell him that it was a stupid reason but he wanted to avoid confrontation lol. Oh btw me and Freddy are still good friends- I broke it off because I thought we were better that way. As for my first boyfriend Dilan...well I'm pretty sure I rub him the wrong way, but he still showed up to my birthday party so?...There's way more tea surrounding Freddy and little J but I'm not ready to post about that yet, that being said this is a mental release page so it will be posted.
The way this information came to light in a convo was because I had technically screwed up-well not really Dylan was just being a tad bit sensitive but I can't judge. I got into a situation where Dylan's best friend Artemis(fake name) asked me to text or call Dylan to see if he could look for his wallet at his house. Me being a kind hearted person agreed and texted and called Dylan over Discord...not biggie righ t? Just asking a question? Nope. He said in a monotone voice "I already did" and hung up🙃 My soul left my body then.
A little context for why Artemis' wallet was missing, he was at Dylan's birthday party with me, Freddy, and Jake(a kind hearted soul/friend). Which would mean my thinking to Dylan at least likes me as a friend. OH that's another thing! I saw a drawing that I gave Dylan for his birthday last year on the wall...which lead me to draw him two more which made things even more awkward. I was meaning for it to be a friend thing because if I couldn't have him as a bf I'd be the best friend I could to him...clearly that didn't work out.
Back to the call. I framed out because of the time and sent him a paragraph text(only 3 lines) simply explaining that I was sorry that If I made him uncomfortable or annoyed and that I was only doing a favor for Artemis. In retrospect I shouldn't have done that because HE LEFT ME ON READ. It's okay to do that in certain situations but not when you know someone gets anxious and is apologizing for literally nothing...but it's all good righ t? Nope. I text him again a day later a little agro that he didn't respond "I see how it is" then a "okay I really don't see how it is" after the following few days. all left on read. That's when I turned to Freddy. He supplies my tea anyways, might as well see who's talking behind my back anyways...I would be destroyed emotionally but it's better knowing.
The advice I was given by Freddy was to be chill and talk to him (explain to him that I just wanted to be friends and nothing more-which I didn't but told him anyways), I was told by Logan, my internet froend to "call him out on his BS and/or find a better crush" So I kind of did both...[UPDATE: I just went to look for the text I sent him but kik apparently hates me and made me sign in again, clearing all of the chats🙄] I believe I made a paragraph nice in the first few sentences and a last phrase kind of sly. It's been weeks and I sent memes relating to him hoping to get a response- no use I only got a reply from Freddy because I needed an aliby if he asked the other guys lol. That was during a Mood swing...
Now it's been even WORSE because I come off as a crush obsessed person, which I rightfully am. I came to school and saw the guys to just listen in and be my antisocial self. Guess what happened. I walked to stand between Dylan on my left and Dilan on my righ t. He then LITERALLY moved across to stand next to Freddy. No one EVER does that...even Dilan and he barely says a word to me although I did provide Freddy and Dilan with a brownie. It was even more humiliating because Little J was watching and judging. I had to take control of the situation and leave to maybe find a friend or classroom.
Anyways if anyone actually read through this, you probably think I'm a horrible person who should just stop attempting to socialize. You're right, I'm years out of practice even with the friends I do have they aren't really close. It used to be easy to be alone but I've tasted what it's like to be socially happy you know
For now I think I'll stay away because even with the help of Dilan who is also a Slytherin or Freddy he'd probably be uncomfortable which is what I'm not here to do. It's just sad because he really was nice and actually was helpful too.
Bonus: Dilan was watching me interact with Dylan b4 the whole mess and we made eye contact. He then proceeded to ask Dilan if he was gay implying that Dilan knew something was up. Also my mom highly thinks Dylan and Freddy could be a thing because I saw them pass by me before the break (Freddy getting a ride from Dylan in his car) While Freddy is clearly Bi, Dylan claims he's straight every single time. So either:
A. He's lying and isn't straight
B. He's straight and doesn't like me straight up
C. He's straight and Dilan is wondering why he isn't making a move or what the heck is HaPpENinG
Thank you if you've made it to the end. Comments and concerns welcomed. Critism that's not warranted isn't cause I'm already beating myself up aha.