#ican'tanymore

[honeybunchesofjoy]

Everytime I think I'm getting better... It just slowly comes back...

[lovee-will-conquer-all]

Too sick to go to classes so instead I’ll play sims university and do college on there...

[trxfalgar-archive]

.

[gingerungraceful]

feeling all alone, when there are so many people around you..

[sei-tan48]

going through nana's tag right now is too dangerous...

[elusify]

pufferfish started the duck face trend - really, think about it.

[michael-wonder]

So my mom took me and my brother to Gamestop to use his giftcard. My mom was waiting in line to pay for the game and my brother gets bored. He saw another boy (he looked about 13 and my brother is 9) playing Mario kart and asked if he could play. The older boy said "Sure but I'm gonna beat you so bad you'll be crying to your momma!" My brother then says "my momma's right there let's go!" My little brother beat that kid's ass so bad. And when we left my brother says to the older boy "later loser"

[wouldnotcouldnot]

I'm sure a lot who know this would agree, last night I was an embarrassment. I don't remember everything, but it was the worst that I had ever felt. My day started off good and then dissolved around me into nothing, and then came the drink. It numbed my senses long enough for me to feel happy for a while, but soon enough it had gone to far, I had gone too far. I found myself at ten o'clock at night, sat on the pavement with my friend's arms wrapped around me while i screamed my existence to the world, i must have woken the whole neighbourhood with that scream and to all I apologise. Yes, last night i drank. I drank and drank until i could feel no more and then i broke again i broke into a million pieces and then, like the BITCH that i am, expected my friends to pick up my jigsaw puzzle and put it back together. (shit metaphor i know) many people would think the reason all of last night happened because of the Alcohol, but I never can blame it on that, because I haven't drank like that in many months and I regret it. I wanted to forget the day i had, the day that made me so angry that punching someone seemed like the best solution. I know that I ruined all of their nights because i was such a mess, my walls had been broken, by this sledge hammer that had appeared and i couldn't move, or avoid it because it caught me by surprise. I now know that depression and Alcohol don't mix well and maybe i shouldn't have bothered going if i was in the state i was, but i needed to get out of that house because i did something i would regret. 

My anger is the source of my problems, the reason i'm so FUCKED UP, the reason why i can't let anyone in, why i shouldn't let anyone in, because I know they care too much and that upsets them, it upsets them to see me like this and that makes me feel worse, knowing that i'm the reason for their unhappiness, just proves people's point doesn't it. I dont like being called selfish, because I find it so hard to admit to myself that i am. I wanted to dive head first into this hole of unhappiness last night, and let it swallow me up because what i did was unforgivable. Believe it or not I've never cried like that. Everyone says it's okay to cry but its not, its really not. it's my warning system for what is to come and only i know what's to come for my SELFISH soul. 

three hours into last night, and i already had tunnel vision, i could stand but because of my break down my knees wanted to buckle, they did. I collapsed twice on my friends, I felt pathetic, selfish and disgusted with myself and my actions. I sat there for twenty minutes crying on my friend because i'm a screw up. 

I guess this is me the pathetic one of the group, the over emotional one because until last night i had never felt so numb, and so loved. this is weird for me to say but I've never felt so loved, so wanted sometimes and now when i'm not wanted i get worried, i feel like i'll collapse again and never want to get up again. I never want them to see me like this again because I know it hurts them, destroys a part of them, every time i become so weak and useless. I wish I could go back and have control of it, so i could keep my demons at bay for a little longer.

sorry for any spelling mistakes....

Neither Here Nor There