#iceblastandkitkats

[iceblastandkitkats]

It’s been a while, tumblr. How are ya?

[iceblastandkitkats]

It's been 5 months already, wow. For the past years, I was so scared of being alone, and I think, conquering that fear, these past few months, was actually bigger than any transition that I had my entire life. I don't ever want to have to need someone again, where you feel like without them, you just can't be yourself..

[iceblastandkitkats]

To whatever it was that we had

I never knew about your existence and you never acknowledged mine. I was fine being by myself, being the girl by the sidelines. But somewhere along the line, I guess you noticed me and began taking interest in me. I didn’t know how to respond to that. So I decided that being friendly would cause no one any harm or trouble.

I was charmed by you. A little too much, a little too fast, but I didn’t care. You made me smile. I was lonely and you were bored. Many all-night texts, sideway glances, smiles, and kilig moments later, people started to notice and began to label us an item. I wasn’t comfortable being tied down to someone. I wasn’t comfortable with them associating me and you together, because I didn’t know what page we were on. I was in the unfamiliar territory of this so-called relationship. Years passed, we were inseparable, until that day.

I heard about her. Not from you, but from them. I talked to you about her, but mostly wanted to know what our status was. You told me you loved me, but you still had unrequited feelings for her. Then you avoided me and left me hanging.

I was disappointed. Yes, by you. I was your little distraction from facing all your demons. I was your practical joke as you mentioned to me. It was disheartening, because I trusted you. But I was mostly disappointed in myself. I was beginning to build my world around you and I opened a little part of me not many people see.

I let you in again, only because you said you loved me. I said it back just to make you stay with me, but I never really meant it. I didn’t know what love was yet—neither did you. You were bored and maybe desperate to feel love. I had no one I called friends and I needed someone to keep me company. We used each other for our own selfish benefits and desires. We eventually started running back and forth from one person to the other, then back to each other. Then we finally grew tired.

Ironically, we were together for a while. I know you liked me, but it wasn’t enough for you to even be satisfied and forget about her. You know I liked you, but it wasn’t enough for me to give up my individuality to be with you. I stopped whatever we had. Although we were more than friends to each other we never defined our so-called relationship. We were never on the same page. I guess that’s why it didn’t work out. We created a fantasy of who we wanted to be, not even glancing at what we really were.

It’s been a long time now since “we” happened. I have never felt this better without you. I know you feel the same. I cried about you, a lot. I’ve moved on quickly, but that doesn’t mean that I had no feelings for you then. When I hear about you, I am sometimes reminded of what we had. It doesn’t hurt and it doesn’t sting. I’m happy with the results that came out from whatever we had. I suppose what we had was still worth it to be called an "us". But whatever that was, whatever we shared, it was beautiful while it lasted.

I can see we're both doing good now. You, on your work, you had more time to spend with you friends family and workmates. Me, exploring the world without you. Free as a bird. And accepting the fact that people do come and go. The thing is, we're better off without each other and we're better off this way by far. I am happy now with whatever I have and who I am with. I wish you the same

[iceblastandkitkats]

Hi blog

It’s been a while since I’ve posted something personal. I have been busy with work and family. It’s basically how my life is, right now: I wake up.. Get ready for work.. Then go straight home after my shift.. Sometimes, when I’m not a lazy ass, (which I am 99% of the time) I go out with my friends. Do some drinking, clubbing, what typical 20’s ppl would do. Drunkards etc. As they’ve said, “eat, sleep, rave, repeat”. It’s fun. It’s what living the life means at 20’s. It’s “YOLO-ing”. But it’s also exhausting…

I got my degree, passed my boardexam, have a wonderful job.. It’s already too much of a blessing.

Still, I don’t know what step to take next. To sort out what I really want from what I really need? Do I just do my job? I don’t want to rush things, it’s just that I do the same routines over and over and I’m thinking.. Is this all that’s going to be?

I want something more.. Different. Adventurous. Exhilarating. Guess you can’t have it agad no? Oh well..

I don't even make any sense lol k bye

[iceblastandkitkats]

Weeks after

Barely left my room today. I’m either super OA outgoing or not at all. No in betweens. I just want solitude.

Distance-ing yourself socially isn’t bad after all. It gives you time to think and enjoy life for yourself and not for anybody else.

Who said solitude was for the weak? It’s for the strongest and bravest, it’s for those independent people who understand that you can find happiness in solitary moments.

I am happy :)

[iceblastandkitkats]

Ashtrays and heartbreaks

I honestly couldn’t bare the words you’ve said and the things I’ve learned and the things I’m about to know. I couldn’t.

I looked damn stupid. I looked damn desperate. My ego is looking at me with pity and saying “You’re not like that, you’ve never been like that.” In search of answers this is what I’ve got. I should’ve just left it alone. I knew what it was, I guess I wasn’t just prepared to know I was right.

And I say, never again will I feel this way. Never again will I allow myself to be down like this.

You don’t deserve it.

Sorry not sorry but whatever, I’m hurting.

[iceblastandkitkats]

April 22, 2014

It’s official! We’re graduating! After all the hardships we had to go through, all the anomalys happening around us… After trying to fight for what we deserve. Here we are, finally.

Thank you, Lord, for always always giving us more than what we deserve.

AUF: CAMP- Pharmacy, batch 2010-2014

[iceblastandkitkats]

Pag sabay sabay ang problema grabe parang sasabog na utak ko HAHA :(