The Consequences of Exploration
In keeping with the theme of 'exploration', I have to bring up my son's curiosity and need to explore, and the consequences I fear and experience with it. Cristian (my son), loves water. He loves the bath, putting his hand through a puddle or stream of water, and his new outdoor kiddie pool. If I were a one year-old again, I'm sure I would love water too. This also includes ice cubes. Occasionally, Cristian gets to hold an ice cube, because as his mom...I like to have him touch new things, watch his face scrunch in confusion, and try to figure things out.
Last night, I gave him a big piece of ice and I was sitting right in front of him, watching him pick it up and drop it and squeal because it was so cold. I am amazed at how the most simple of things can interest a kid; I think we are just going to wrap a box up for Christmas and watch him get excited over...well, nothing! He will think it's the best gift ever and so will we since we will spend about $2! But I digress. Stupid me...failed to remember that ice melts and the size of the ice cube shrinks. Before I knew it there was water everywhere, the large piece of ice was small and headed to Cristian's mouth. And yep...he quickly swallowed it. I'm not kidding when I say it was about 2 seconds for this all to happen.
I freaked out, and reached for him ready to do my baby CPR while cursing myself for being so stupid.
How could I even let him play with ice?
How could I let it get to his mouth before stopping him?
How could I have put his life in danger like that?
Am I that bad of a mom?
For new/first time moms I'm sure you have had something happen with your little one that had you questioning your ability as a mother, possibly crying, and stressing that you just barely missed a horrible disaster by being so absent-minded about your kid! I admit, I did tear up...and felt like a bad person for letting it happen. Cristian? He was just mad that the ice was gone and that I had squealed in horror. My husband tried to let me know that it was ok, I wasn't a bad mom and to hold my son and let him know it was ok (he is more cautious than I am, and had reminded me a couple times that ice was not a good idea).
My point is, I know things will happen. Cristian will get hurt, many things will be out of my control, but in this situation what made me so mad was that this was something in my control. After 1 year of life, have I become so complacent with his safety? I want him to explore and learn and grow, and honestly I do want him to get hurt (not bad) and get sick, because that is the only way we learn...but I don't want it to be because I failed to protect him.
Stress? Oh yeah, that's an every day thing for me...especially now that he is walking. And I often wonder how my mom, or my grandma managed to raise kids with the same amount of dangers around, kids that were probably even more independent, and less remedies and support for those "ICE: In Case of Emergency" situations? Each day is a chance for exploration; for Cristian to learn something new and for me to test my emotional boundaries as his mom.