Fandom: American Actor, RPF
Pairing: 50s! Austin Butler x Reader
Characters: 50s!Austin Butler, Reader, You, Original Female Character
Summary: And if you asked me if I love him, I'd lie.
Tags/Warnings: Young Love, Romance, Angst, Fluff, Leaving home, Song Fic, 50s AU, Mechanic Austin, Friendsto Lovers, Reader has a name, Grief, Grieving, I'd Lie // Taylor Swift
Notes: This was going to be about Graham Dunne but the lyrics are literally about austin idc what you say
SONG LINK // HALLOWEEN MASTERLIST
The wind was cold as you stepped out of the diner, enough that it forced you to pull your coat a little tighter around you, sinking your hands into the pockets so that your chilled fingers might find some warm relief. Austin smiled at you as you did though you wondered how he himself wasn’t shivering given that he was only wearing his overalls. He seemed unbothered though as he led you to the only car parked in the lot, opening your door and making sure you were inside before he jogged to the driver’s side.
As he slid onto the bench seat you watched him. He was completely unaware of you, more focused on getting the car started and setting off on the short journey to your house. This had become a regular thing for you two. You’d known Austin for a while given that he worked at the same garage as your brother and the two of them came into the diner you worked at next door almost every day. Yet when your brother had moved across town you’d felt bad about having him travel in the opposite direction to drop you at home and so Austin had volunteered citing it was no issue given that he passed that way anyway. And before you knew it he was taking you home almost every day and because of it you were in love.
You didn’t know when the transition had occurred, from platonic feelings to romantic ones, but now they consumed your every waking moment. Seeing him was the first thing you thought about when you woke up. Your stomach would flutter whenever he’d come into the diner to make sure you were still on for a ride home, always ending up taking a seat to talk for five minutes, or twenty, before he’d realise he’d overstayed and headed back to work, offering you a knee-weakening smile as he went. And every night, when he’d drop you home you’d watch him, awestruck at the way his blue eyes sparkled or the way he pushed his tousled locks off his face. He did it now, finally looking at you and offering you a smile as he said, ‘sorry, it’s a little frosty out tonight and these heaters don’t cope well with it.’
‘It’s not a worry,’ you said.
‘You sure?’ he said going to fiddle with the knobs on the dashboard again, ‘give me a minute and I’ll get ‘em workin’.’
‘Aus it’s fine,’ you giggled, placing your hand on the back of his to stop him from fussing. He paused, checking in on you one last time before he nodded and pulled back, finally relaxing for the journey.
‘So,’ he said, his eyes now fixed on the road, ‘how was your day?’
‘Good,’ you replied.
‘Wow Lainey,’ he chuckled, ‘I don’t know how I’m gonna take in all that info.’
‘Oh hush,’ you giggled, ‘what else can I say?! The diner is the diner. It’s the same every day though I guess I did make a decent amount of tips today.’
‘Larry been in again huh?’ he teased making you roll your eyes. Though you spent most of your time waiting for Austin to come in the rest of your shift was spent avoiding Larry, Austin’s baby-faced fellow mechanic who you’d made the mistake of being overly nice to on your first shift and now found sticking to you like glue any time he got the chance to come in.
‘Don’t tease,’ you said shoving him which made him smirk.
‘Hey now,’ he said raising his hands off the steering wheel in submission.
‘I mean it! I feel bad when he comes in he’s always so nice,’ you said. He was nice, completely and utterly pleasant, it was just unfortunate you couldn’t return his affections.
‘Hey take what you can I say,’ he chuckled, ‘I mean I would well if anyone bothered to tip us.’
‘Well maybe if you were better at your work they would,’ you said a smile on your face which grew as shock fell on his pretty features before he pushed his lips together, impressed by your ribbing.
‘You’re funny,’ he said with a smirk that made your stomach flutter before he sat back cockily, moving so that he was facing you more as if driving had now become an imposition, something he was able to do with one hand the other thrown up on the bench, so close to your shoulder his fingertips could almost brush against your clothed skin.
‘Well if you must know I kinda did get a tip today,’ he said.
‘Really?’ you asked, unable to be embarrassed at how quickly he could have you on the hook. You turned yourself to face him, your leg tucking under the other as you sat up eagerly.
‘Yeah, well if a phone number counts,’ he smirked. At first you thought it was a joke but as the words ran through your mind once more you realised it wasn’t and if it was it was one you didn’t find at all funny. Your heart squoze in your chest but your face didn’t change, a smile, less genuine than the one you had sported the entire ride, christening your face as you said, ‘oh, really? Who from?’
‘Oh uh her name was Charlotte, I uh, I’ve never seen her around here I figured she’d broken down when she came in but there wasn’t anything wrong with it,’ he said and you had to force yourself not to roll your eyes. Of course there wasn’t anything wrong with it, she’d probably seen him around and prayed he’d find something wrong when she brought her car in.
‘Must’ve been something else that attracted her,’ you said, offering him a tight smile.
‘Or maybe she thought she could get a discount,’ he joked. You didn’t know if he felt the shift in the air and was trying to get the momentum of your conversation back into its jokey nature or he simply was oblivious to the way your heart was no longer in it but you felt bad about it either way and offered him a slightly less hostile smile. Silence descended for a moment as you shifted back to face the window, a question bubbling on the tip of your tongue.
‘So, are you gonna call her?’ you asked, refusing to look at him as you fiddled with the material of your skirt picking at the remnants of a mustard stain that you had thought you’d managed to get every inch of.
‘Nah,’ he said, the casualness in his voice enough to make your head snap up. He was looking out the windshield, unaware your eyes were now on him and roving every inch of his face to see if he was being truthful or not.
‘Why? Isn’t she pretty enough?’ you said.
‘No it’s not that,’ he said, though you didn’t know if that was a fact to be happy or sad about, ‘it’s just what’s the point?’
‘The point?’ you asked, your brow furrowing as he looked at you and shrugged.
‘Of all that stuff,’ he said.
‘You don’t want to fall in love?’ you asked, your heart hammering in your chest as you awaited his answer.
‘It’s just not gonna happen is it,’ he said and suddenly your heart was no longer hammering because you were sure it had stopped. All your ideas about the possibility of the two of you going any further crashing down around you as you looked at him. His words had been firm yet as you looked at him he shifted awkwardly.
‘You don’t believe in love?’ was all you could ask, disappointment lacing through your voice though it turned to pity as his jaw tightened and he replied, ‘I don’t believe in much of anything anymore.’
If your heart had been aching before it was worse now as you thought about his reasoning. You understood why, your brother had told you about how Austin had lost his mother a little over a year ago, but for him to feel so hopeless felt wrong. Because for him not to have faith, to not dream of a loving and bright future, well that felt as though two lights had been robbed from the world, not just one. You didn’t know how long it had been since he’d spoken, or if you’d been staring at him incredulously the entire time but he was getting uncomfortable under your scrutiny as he said, ‘what?’
‘I just…’ you said, the words you wanted to say rushing to the surface first though you made yourself force them back and instead said, ‘I just don’t understand how you don’t believe in love.’
‘Because no one falls in love not really,’ he said, ‘not in this town anyway.’
‘That’s not true,’ you said. Your conversations were often like this, whilst he normally saw everything as black and white you leant more towards shades of grey which meant that you’d often end up debating topics the entirety of your journeys, sometimes even parking up outside your house for ages until you’d both concede just a little. But this wasn’t something you wanted to debate because you didn’t know how to explain how you could believe in something you’d only ever felt because of him.
‘No?’ he scoffed, ‘you think folks are thinking about love when they get together? No they’re out for a good time and then they’re stuck ‘cause they get knocked up. That or they get sick of bein’ alone so they convince themselves they’re in love.’
You fell silent. You could feel your brain screaming at you to challenge him. To ask him how that could be the case when you loved him. You weren’t out for a good time and if it was just about staving off loneliness why hadn’t you jumped at the chance at being with Larry? He was a decent guy, one who would probably make a good husband, so why weren’t you interested in him? If love didn’t exist why did your heart flutter just looking at him, as infuriatingly stubborn as he was? Again your silence made him uncomfortable but rather than backing down he turned, putting both hands on the wheel as his jaw tightened once more. He was angry.
‘You don’t believe me,’ he said quietly.
‘I just think that’s a sad way to think Aus,’ you said honestly. It wasn’t that you didn’t believe him, it was that you didn’t want to.
‘Okay,’ he challenged looking back at you, ‘how should I think?’
‘What?’ you asked.
‘Tell me what it’s like, this love thing, I mean if you believe in it,’ he said.
‘What?’ you repeated unable to compute what he wanted you to do. He sounded as if he was goading you, the friendly banter you had shared not ten minutes ago recurring, but there was a sadness to his eyes that didn’t escape your notice. As if he genuinely didn’t understand how love worked anymore.
‘I mean you must have had a glimpse of it right? If you can believe it exists,’ he said.
‘Love isn’t something you can prove Aus,’ you stammered, ‘it’s a feeling. Like faith or God.’
‘Now that’s a whole other debate Lainy,’ he said, offering you a smile for what felt like the first time in forever. It was a gesture that made you relax, whatever heated words passed between you now softening though the emotions he had stirred up were still bubbling under the surface and if you were going to explain yourself, even in the hopes of getting him to change his mind you needed to be careful. Unfortunately patience didn’t seem to be one of his virtues tonight considering you were on the fringes of your neighbourhood approaching your house with each passing second.
‘C’mon,’ he pushed gently.
‘Well,’ you started the words still sticking on their way out, ‘it’s not something you can really explain.’
‘See,’ he said a self-satisfied smirk on his face.
‘That doesn’t mean it’s not real!’ you protested, of course it was real how else could you explain how you felt about him? Why else would you be sitting in his truck now? Relishing in the short amount of time he spared for you on every one of these drives. How could it explain how you knew everything about him from his favourite colour to the fact those shining blue eyes staring at you resembled his father’s. How else could you explain how that cocky self-assured smile didn’t make you want to call him a jerk and run a mile but instead make you long to wipe it from his face with a breath-stealing kiss. But you didn’t do that. As he revelled in your silence you sat up in your chair, turning to him again as you prepared to speak.
‘Okay you want to know about love?’ you challenged making him shrug, an act that excited you and irritated you at the same time, ‘love is being happy without any explanation. It’s seeing that person and your whole day getting better even if you only saw them for a goddamn second. It’s being willing to go to hell and back if it meant keeping them safe or making them happy. It’s being able to disagree and have them drive you insane and yet still like them. It’s not something you can explain, not really, but it doesn’t mean it’s not there. And a life without it? Well that’s pretty damn bleak in my opinion.’
He was quiet for a moment as were you, hoping your words hadn’t been too obvious that he’d realise the meaning behind your sentiments. Finally he said, ‘wow.’
‘What?’ you breathed, panic grappling at your insides.
‘Nuthin’,’ he said, ‘you just sound sure of yourself like, well like you know how it feels.’
‘Yeah well,’ you replied hoping that was non-committal enough he wouldn’t ask any more questions. Your luck wasn’t that fortunate though.
‘So who’s the guy?’ he asked making your eyes meet.
‘What?’ you asked.
‘Well there must be someone you feel that way about right?’ he asked. He’s stopped the car now somewhere in your ranting and he turned it off and turned to face you, his blue eyes sparkling in he streetlight. This was your chance, you could tell him now and hope that he’d love you back, but you worried because as of five minutes ago he didn’t even believe in love. So instead you lied.
‘Well there’s not.’
‘Not at all?’ he asked sceptically, ‘how do you know then…if there’s no guy I mean.’
‘I just do,’ you said, feeling your cheeks burning as he watched you, ‘I should go my mama will be wondering what’s taking so long.’
‘Okay,’ he said and though you were sure there was a hint of disappointment in his voice you didn’t pause to hear it, fumbling with the car door until you were out, mumbling goodnight and barely hearing his reply before the door slammed shut between you and you were hurtling up the garden path.
When you got inside your mother was up, sitting in her favourite chair as she listened to the radio, her knitting needles clacking alongside it. She peered around as you entered, shirking your coat and shoes off as quickly as possible, hoping she wouldn’t want you to stop and chat. Again you had no luck.
‘Is he not coming inside?’ she asked and because she was looking your way you had to fight not to roll your eyes. You had told her a hundred times before that there had been a change in your lift schedule and yet she had somehow not yet committed it to memory.
‘Mama it was Austin,’ you sighed.
‘I thought Pete dropped you off?’ she said, her brow furrowing.
‘No,’ you said gritting your teeth so that you didn’t snap at her, ‘Aus brings me home now remember? It’s out of Pete’s way so it’s easier for him to.’
‘As long as that’s all it is,’ she said catching you off guard.
‘What’s that supposed to mean?’ you asked.
‘Well it’s just the two of you being alone together,’ she said.
‘Mama he’s just being a friend,’ you said unsure as to why you were getting annoyed at her, probably because the thing she was insinuating was what you longed to happen and yet it never would.
‘And that’s all there is to it?’ she asked making your jaw clench.
‘Yeah, now if you’ll excuse me I better get to bed. I’ve got an early shift tomorrow,’ you said and before she could reply you rushed up the stairs trying to ignore the ache in your gut.
You didn’t sleep well that night, Austin’s hopeless face echoing in your mind until the early hours, so when you awoke the next morning you found dark circles under your eyes. It didn’t mean anything though because you’d cover them with makeup, it was just that unlike every other day your beautifying was more about practicality than praying it’d help Austin see how pretty you were.
Fortunately your mother was nowhere to be seen when you got downstairs which suited you as you weren’t in the mood to speak to anyone. Though as you got outside you noticed there was someone waiting, familiar blue eyes finding yours in an instant. Austin.
‘What are you doing here?’ you asked confused as you met him on the sidewalk.
‘I thought I’d give you a ride to work,’ he said leaning up off the door of the truck and opening it so that you could climb inside but you didn’t move, instead you stood stock still on the sidewalk eyeing him curiously.
‘Shouldn’t you be at work?’ you asked, confused by the whole thing. Whilst he normally gave you a ride home he worked longer hours than you so your getting to the diner was on your own head.
‘I have break,’ he shrugged as if that explained everything. When you failed to move still he hesitated, glancing down at his shoes as he said, ‘and I er, I thought about what you said…about the whole ‘love thing.’’
‘And?’ you asked those nerves from last night creeping back in.
‘And maybe I do know what it’s like,’ he said looking up at you, ‘I just hadn't realised.’
‘Oh,’ you said, the way he watched you making your fears ebb, replaced by hope. So much so you tested the waters and said, ‘and what made you realise that?’
‘How angry I got when I thought there might be another guy,’ he admitted sheepishly.
‘Oh,’ was all you could say, happiness crashing through you yet leaving you unable to vocalise it.
‘You lied right?’ he asked, coming towards you so that you were less than a foot apart, your hands coming up instinctively to touch him, his fingers tracing over your skin.
‘Yeah,’ you breathed.
‘There is a guy huh?’ he asked, your eyes meeting as you looked up at him.
‘Yeah, he just took a lil time to catch up,’ you smiled.
‘And you’re okay with that?’ he asked unsure. Of course you knew why and maybe you should’ve been worried to take a chance on a boy who hadn’t even realised he had feelings for you until they were slapping him in the face but you couldn’t bring yourself to worry. Austin loved you and that was all you needed. And now you weren’t going to risk losing it by brushing it off with a lie.
‘I’d have waited for him forever.’
@caitlin1996
@purejasmine
