#ideas .

[acidbodywoman]

( cw discussion of depictions and interpretations of SA in media, and SA in the abw's story overall )

In terms of what the ABW has experienced I made an active choice to restrict experiences of SA to the non-consensual IVF/pregnancy she was put through. This has a few reasons:

one being that her story deals with a lot already and I don't want to feel as if I'm playing trauma bingo with her, as she's a character I've invented and therefore everything in her story is an active choice I've made;

themes of SA in other forms are explored with other characters in her world, characters who have different lives and experiences from the ABW which allows for exploration of how different people cope with their experiences. If I gave ABW all the trauma we're only really seeing one manifestation of coping with that trauma;

this is something I've felt personally as someone who experienced media as a whole- that if there's a woman in a 'dark' piece of media, she will / has been SA'd. I feel it feeds into the idea that SA is a 'female' crime, and due to societal associations with 'female', it creates shame around it... does this make sense. we're all woke here yes. of course girls and women experience SA and are more likely, in some scenarios, to be targeted for it ( SA against girls and women is explored with other characters in the abwverse ), but sometimes when I watch a horror movie, or an adult piece of media, and the female character is sexually targeted-- not to explore themes around assault, or for it to actually MEAN anything for any of the characters involved- while all the men are just killed or harmed... it feels bad to see something like that being treated for shock value. so even if it's "unrealistic" given her backstory, the ABW has not experienced it;

this one is harder for me to feel like I can explain adequately but it's important, it's do to with the idea that SA is the absolute worst thing that can happen to someone forever, and they will never ever be the same no matter what... I've seen discussions that framing SA this way lends into the idea that people who have experienced it are "different", in an isolating way, so having the ABW experience it would have people see that as the overriding, absolute most horrible thing to have happened to her, when she has many other experiences which feed negatively into her perception of herself and the world. Something like the idea of there being tiers to trauma, and SA being a hush-hush trauma. The ABW would not be any different as a person if she had experienced more common forms of SA, just as a person in real life is still a person after they go through it... treating SA as an 'other' results in the survivors being othered. besides, someone does not have to be physically assaulted / r*ped to have sexual trauma.

...does any of this make sense? i touched on this while talking to Tooth, and it means a lot to me so I wanted to have my thoughts written out somewhere.

[acidbodywoman]

✏️ - Why did you choose to write your muse(s)?

i wanted to do something entirely different. when i brought the ABW onto the scene in December 2022 i had been roleplaying another character, in may different forms, for years and was feeling stuck with her. i decided to do the opposite with the ABW than i had with my previous muses- that being, they had extensive plots regarding their histories, families, personalities.

the ABW's lack of personal history is:

a natural result of the life they have been given,

metaphorical ( there is no 'before trauma' for the traumatized to return to as we can only move forward in our lives; and, for many traumatized people, there was no 'before' their trauma ), and

a challenge for myself as a character creator / writer to do something totally different to what i've done before.

the ABW was- and still is- my only oc who was created from the ground up with a particular idea building them, something i as their maker wanted to make a statement with... i initially worked from what i now know to be the "born sexy yesterday" trope and how it would actually result in a very incapable human being, in terms of social aspects, and that soon developed into something like 'people with serious mental issues still deserve respect and safety, even when they will never be "normal"'.

the abw's 'recovery' will never have them looking like a healthy, active member of society- i don't think they could ever financially support themself. the effects of their trauma will always be a roadblock from being a 'contributing' member of society.

and they're still a person. not just a human, but a person.

[acidbodywoman]

on the topic of mental disorder diagnoses- I don't intend to diagnose the ABW with a condition in particular.

of course, with a fictional character you kind of have the ability to put your foot down, however I've found in my own experience that ascribing a particular diagnosis limits how comfortable I feel in my depiction of my character. [VERY PERSONAL EXPERIENCE INCOMING] while I myself undoubtedly struggle with mental illness symptoms and always have, I've found that self-reflection independantly and with professional support has supported me much better to find healthier coping methods than assigning myself a diagnosis ever would- there's only so many things a label can be used to inform you of...

also, i've seen how medical professionals talk about people with mental illnesses whose symptoms align with my own. fuck that.

...anyway. long-winded. I do see a lot of the ABW in disorders where paranoia impedes a person's life in particular, especially in regards to delusions of reference or persecution delusions, however as these are symptoms they can be relevant to a few disorders.

at the end of the day, the main point is always that the ABW will never exist "functionally" within society as, what most people would define, a 'productive member of society' due to the extent of her trauma and abuse. and she is still deserving of respect and right to not just live, but flourish, as others do, no matter what her specific "diagnosis" could be.