#idinaversary

[thecitykeepsevolving]

Sometimes manifestation works, even if it takes a little more time ❤️

[thecitykeepsevolving]

I’ve been an Idina fan for 16 yrs today LOLOL what a joke

[thecitykeepsevolving]

I’m not emotional fuck you I’ll kill you. 7.12.15. <333

[thecitykeepsevolving]

Today is my 21st anniversary of being an Idina fan (!!) and since I already covered everything in her bday post/video, I'm going to share a random story/thought instead of writing another repetitive reflective post.

On Wednesday, I will be returning to the same theatre I saw Skintight at in 2018. I asked my sister where we ate before, because for some reason I didn't remember the name of the restaurant. I barely ate anything, and I only remember getting locked in the bathroom and panicking. I loved the show, but I was angry after the stage door because for some reason, they didn't allow people to take individual photos with anyone in the cast that night. (I know that sounds spoiled, but whatever. No one was even waiting.. only like 20 people). I was happy Idina came out and remember her briefly saying hi to me, but that's it.

To make matters worse, my sister tried to get a candid pic instead while Idina signed by playbill, but my phone went haywire and the camera wasn't working. (THIS NEVER HAPPENS!!!) Of course, by the time I got on the subway it was working again. I was salty for the rest of the night and didn't sleep. I don't know why I was so upset. I had thoughts about dropping everything and not being an Idina fan anymore. I imagined myself putting all of my Idina-related memorabilia in a box and leaving it in the basement. I now know these were unnecessary, intrusive thoughts.

Even though I've been frustrated with being a fan at times, I didn't give up and I'm STILL HERE. Time has passed, and despite taking the same medication I take now at the time, I finally got the help and therapy I needed on top of that five years later in 2023. I met Idina in a more low-key setting and got the picture with her that I had been wanting for nearly 20 years. I saw her live FOUR times this year, and was anxious but I still went. While it didn't always go smoothly, I was able to take in the experience more and enjoy it.

Two months ago, I started my own blog and Instagram page dedicated to going to events in NYC (and beyond). I'm happy to be at the place where I can push myself out of my comfort zone as long as I am comfortable without feeling overwhelmed or anxious.

Now, when I visit the same theatre again for a different show starring a different actor that I may not be as invested in, I can be more calm, present, and actually remember the experience.

[thecitykeepsevolving]

I went to my second Idina concert 9 years ago, and in one month I get to do it again. I could not be more excited!!

[thecitykeepsevolving]

A decade and a half.

15 years ago, on July 14, 2004 I became an Idina fan. It’s incredible to even think it’s been that long. It feels like it was long and short at the same time. i can’t say it’s been easy. There have been a lot of highs and lows.

I have been a fan of Idina for a long time, but I’m not her “#1 fan,” whatever that means. I don’t go to every show, concert, and event. I haven’t seen her Broadway shows and concerts multiple times, just once or twice. But I can say that I’m a devoted fan. And that has nothing to do with money or constantly posting about her on social media. The genuine fans keep it in rather than publicizing it every minute. And no, I am NOT a “Fanzel.” I crashed a few times because it became too much; i.e. after some of the craziness like the I Stand album, Christmas album, and idina. album releases. I always second-guessed (and still do) the way I felt about her and I shouldn’t have to. Just because I don’t like or support everything she does, doesn’t mean I don’t care about her as a person because I have and always will ever since the day I saw her in Wicked.

But there have been some GREAT moments that I’ll never forget. I’ve always cherished every time I’ve gotten the opportunity to see Idina live whether it was in Wicked, sitting front row at my first concert during the I Stand tour, the INCREDIBLE times I’ve had at World Tour 2015 and 2017, Tribeca Film Festival Talk, the first time I saw If/Then when I lost my shit after Idina said “hey, it’s me,” the second time I saw If/Then when I sobbed during “You Learn to Live Without” and met Idina at the stagedoor (STILL A BLUR BUT I WAS ON CLOUD 9), and seeing Skintight and meeting Idina again (also partially a blur). 

Then there were other times I saw her not live, but through the TV screen; HONORABLE MENTION TO BOTH WATCH WHAT HAPPENS LIVE APPEARANCES, talk shows. Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade, Oscars, Tonys, Billboard Awards, Glee, Beaches, Private Practice, the list goes on. Whenever I see Idina on TV I am always in complete shock even when I know it’s coming. And for some reason, it still feels new again.

My emotions about Idina have been a rollercoaster ever since a few years ago, and I was even talking to another fan the other day about I meeting her at Skintight and still being upset that I don’t have a picture with her. She said that my moment with her was even more important than the fans who did get a picture because we were both in the moment and connected. I still remember when she she said hi to me and my stomach felt like it was being pushed out of my body, even if that was the only word she said to me. And that I am grateful for. I constantly think about having closure and waiting for the “right” time where I can tell her everything I have been feeling these past 15 years but maybe just a “hi” was enough.

[thecitykeepsevolving]

On this day 14 years ago, I officially became a fan of Idina Menzel when I saw her in Wicked. Since I was a teenager, I dreamed of meeting her one day and what that would be like. I figured it would be at some kind of CD signing or meet and greet. I would walk up to Idina excitedly, introduce myself and shake her hand. She would smile at me and sign whatever I had. Maybe we would take a picture together. It would be the best moment of my life.

.... that’s not how it happened.

I met her for the first time on October 24, 2014 at the If/Then stage door (see first photo above). I wasn’t nervous, but I wasn’t mentally coherent either. It was late at night, I was sleep deprived. She walked out of the SD and I lost my mind (literally). I remember when she finally got to me to sign my playbill I mentally blacked out and looking back on it, I could only remember what happened before and after I met her and it killed me. Either way, between meeting her and Anthony the same night it was the best day of my life even if I didn’t get a photo with her.

I was lucky enough to meet Idina again two weeks ago after Skintight on June 29th (see second pic above). Since I blacked out last time, I had a whole plan of what I would say to her and even found ways to prevent myself from freaking out or getting nervous. That didn’t go as planned either. I got to the SD and was shaking a lot. She came out about 5-10 minutes after I got there and it didn’t give me enough time to calm down or prepare myself. She signed my playbill and ONCE AGAIN, I MENTALLY BLACKED OUT. SORT OF. I think she said hi to me, or so my sister says she did. I don’t think I said anything to Idina though because I couldn’t bring myself to speak. I was pissed because security said she wasn’t allowing anyone to take pics with her that night, and I was so excited to finally be able to get one but of course I’m not that lucky as usual. I was still happy that she came out even though I was so nervous I felt like there were a million rubberbands wrapped around my body. To be honest, I was happy to see her but I wanted the whole night to be over. It was painful for me to feel so starstruck and tense. I thought that being able to meet someone who I cared about for so many years would be exciting and it would be easy to talk to her, but that wasn’t the case. It wasn’t the experience I had dreamed about as a kid but things don’t always happen the way I imagine them in my mind.

Maybe it will be my time and we’ll cross paths again one day and have a photo together. It will probably be 100 years before that happens, but for now I’ll look back on these memories and be grateful.

[thecitykeepsevolving]

9 years ago, I went to my first Idina concert and paid $40 for front row tickets in a 375 seat theater. Idina, I’m happy for your success and I can’t wait to see you AGAIN in May (in a 3,200 seat theater with tickets that cost almost 3x as much) but I will forever be proud to be a part of your “virgin audience.” <3