#idlr

[imnotinclinedtomaturity]

author question for you: you've mentioned you would have done things differently if you'd started writing ly now - what are the main things you'd write differently if you could start from scratch? have those thoughts changed since some of the oops surprise themes from "season one" have sparked interesting character arcs in the more recent chapters?

mmm yes good question good question.

(ly ask game/ama post)

i think a lot of my would-do-differents center around isabella. granted a lot of these present really good opportunities for growth/follow up scenes i've enjoyed writing or think i'll enjoy

i think the portrayal of isabella skirts into misogynistic at times, so i'd concentrate on ways that vilify her without bringing her femininity into it

probably would not have written the mug scene and certainly wouldn't have let dan fuck after it

i do not know if i would write isabella doing The Main Bad Thing She Did now and days, which obviously would leave the story without a really important catalyst for a lot of things and idk what the answer to that would be. there's so much queer media where queer people don't get to control the narrative of their life, and even though dan takes control into his own hands, it's still an action he makes Under Duress. if i was starting from scratch, i think i'd rather That be a decision dan makes freely

i'd probably write less isabella specifically and more of an overall snapshot of dan's trail of failed and unhealthy relationships

also some structural things i'd do differently, like more robust character backgrounds and write in present tense, which was weirdly taboo at the time but god i love writing in present tense.

as for the alcohol, i wouldn't have (and didn't, obviously) set out to write that theme, but the more i've started working with it, the more it's clear how well it fits dan's character and is a really interesting dimension to his growth and quest for a healthier life, and also colors his past decisions in a way that make a lot of sense. spoiler, the shame from it all also has the potential to tie in really neatly with kink. so, all in all, maybe it's not the arc i would have intended to write, but it fits so well, i probably would do it over again

[imnotinclinedtomaturity]

Hi! I've been reading Love Yourself over the past two months and I just finally caught up. I love it and I'm looking forward to new chapters! I'm really curious to know your current perspective on Isabella as a character. Honestly I found her portrayal misogynistic at times and I'm curious if you would write her any differently now than you did years ago. I mean no offense or anything, you're free to disagree with me I'm just interested to know your thoughts! ❤️❤️

chewed on this one for a while

short answer is yeah, she definitely came out misogynistic at times, esp in the earliest chapters when 1) my writing was not as strong and 2) i didn't have a real concept of what this fic would become. i didn't mean to do that, but like, that's not how internalized misogyny works. there's probably a lot at play here, especially considering the fact that i was both hyperfemme at the time and not yet addressing my own gender feels, which like isn't an excuse but is, i think, important context.

i did (and continue to) make active efforts to surround ly!dnp with other strong female characters, partially because i really didn't want to fall into the trope of the only woman was the male main character's ex and "A Bitch". also, part of the reason we see so much of isabella is that so, when she eventually does The Big Thing She Does, we have a full understanding of the degree of her sucking, to keep her from being a cardboard villain which would have felt a lot more misogynistic.

as i've been rewriting the earliest chapters of ly, i have been tweaking her portrayal a little -- still the same isabella, but hopefully through a less overtly misogynistic lens. more hating on her because she's a shitty person, less being annoyed with the ways in which she is hyperfemme, essentially

[imnotinclinedtomaturity]

been thinking a lot about ly and what i specifically like about it since you asked someone about their notes on it

- i love that even though it starts with dan in an obviously doomed relationship, it doesn't fall into the fanfic trap of "throwaway female character to be a temporary blocker to the boys getting together". like izzy is a fully fleshed out character, she has her own motivations and yeah the relationship is a mess but that comes from both sides. it's not "oh poor baby dan in a shit relationship who needs to be saved by phil" it's two people making what seemed like the right choice at the time and dealing with the consequences of their choices and how their differing goals are impacting them (izzy wants the money and visibility but on some level you can tell she wants *dan* to be that attentive trophy boyfriend and is annoyed he's not living up to that; dan wants love and affection and comfort and izzy *can* give him that but not with the depth of care and understanding he actually needs) and ultimately yes dan starts making better decisions and she goes off the deep end but that's because this is dan's story and his growth, and just because we don't see it, her side of the story could be just as compelling a read as she struggles with losing control of the situation and tries to cling to what she wants and maybe slowly realise there's a better way.

- also the fact that dan is surrounded by other women (louise, addie, his mum) who are also actual characters in their own rights with their own agendas and lives

- the slow burn is delicious and like being a frog in a pot in the best way. by the time you realise the heat is turning up you're boiling but you can't get out (and I'll reuse the phrasing i used in a comment, that i could luxuriate in ly!dnp's dynamic like a hot bath forever)

- the pacing of drama and fluff and smut and *plot* is chefs kiss, and the way they feed into each other is so compelling (see: the contrast of the early izzy smashing things angry sex chapter which said so much about that dynamic with the negotiation and dan learning to treat himself better kink chapter which says so much about him and phil)

- the way being with phil doesn't immediately solve all of dan's problems, he just has someone actively trying to support him in his growth rather than accidentally spiralling with him

- and following on from that, the way dan is slowly learning to communicate better and unlearn unhealthy coping mechanisms and thought patterns. and isn't getting everything right straight away because oh boy baby has a lot to unlearn and that shit gets in deep

- the way the characters are obviously drawn from real life personas but at this point have also taken on lives of their own and this would be a good read outside of the fanfic au world it inhabits

imma shut up before i write a ly chapter length ask about how much i love it, but the joy of tumblr is that i can directly tell creators that i love their work and i wanna take advantage of that (again, lol)

okay first off, thank so fucking much for this message, this literally made my day yesterday (and today). it's so thoughtful and so kind and i'm just so appreciative ❤️

then, to respond to each point:

izzy not being a throwaway female character: this was important to me!! I knew early on (maybe not chapter 1, but for sure within the first five) the *big thing* she was going to do. It's part of why we saw so much of her -- it needed to be believable for her character without feeling like a plot ploy, and I didn't want it to just be "oh she's a bitch". She's a villain here, and she undoubtably does some reprehensible things, but yeah, Dan also does some pretty shitty things within the context of their relationship. Doesn't justify anything she does, but 1) allows Dan the growth narrative, which I wanted to write and 2) makes it so it's not just a story about a terrible woman

I love the other women in this fic! We're not done with addie either! We'll be seeing more of her, probably fairly soon! Also not done with awesome women characters in general 👀 I've got a bigger role planned for someone we've met briefly

god i love a slow burn, frog in the pot really is a good way to describe the heat between ly!dnp & "luxuriate in ly!dnp's dynamic like a hot bath forever" might be one of the nicest compliments ever

i didn't set out of have the kink negotiation chapters contrast the isabella smashing/sex chapter (though there are lots of of contrasts i did plan that we've either seen or will see) but omfg you're so right. i'm so glad it does, so glad ly!dan is learning to be kinder to himself in every way, sex included

relationships don't fix people! it's one of my biggest pet peeves lol. ly!dnp support each other so much, and will continue to support each other and be patient with each other while they grow (because ly!phil isn't perfect either). also i love your phrasing about isabella and dan spiraling together, that's so true

growth isn't always linear!!! we'll keep seeing this too!! sometimes growth arcs are so neat that they can almost be demoralizing? because it's like god, i can never grow like that so I guess I can't grow. and no!!!! shitty habits and trauma and the crap we need to unlearn gets in so deep and often in ways that we spend years discovering, sometimes even years after we've done the bulk of the growing. i've been in my healing era (not just from grad school and burnout, but also shitty people in my own life) and it's definitely impacted Dan's healing journey, especially around trying to communicate better

"this would be a good read outside of the fanfic au world it inhabits" fuck me this is such a nice compliment 😭 i've poured so much of my soul into both ly!dnp but especially ly!dan that they really do feel like OCs at this point, inspired by reality both in personality and some events, but also, very much their own people at this point

@ everyone, please always tell creators how much you love their work! it's always such a joy getting a message like this ❤️