#idnhaed

[khalemchurstcomics]

I DO NOT HAVE AN EATING DISORDER - Page 247

I still have trouble with this. These days I tend to only drink socially, but I still have a hard time drinking an appropriate amount. It’s like... once the drinks start flowing, my brain just says ‘go for it! You’re allowed to drink!’ and I can’t stop. It feels a little like a binge to be honest - I just keep pouring it in my mouth without thinking until before I know it, I’m 3/4 of the way through a bottle of wine while everyone else is still on their first glass. I will probably just come to a point where I have to stop altogether (I’m not supposed to be drinking anyway with my meds). Look, I’m not a healthy example to follow now - my anxiety has led me to make some pretty stupid choices. We all make mistakes. I’m working on it, and I am getting better, but I still have a ways to go. 

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[khalemchurstcomics]

I DO NOT HAVE AN EATING DISORDER - Page 246

Everyone has a different definition for what they call problem drinking, but mine was bad enough to concern me. I was so ashamed to tell my girlfriend, but she was so supportive. She saw that it was a problem, an addiction, not something I was actively choosing to do. She was so compassionate. 

Posting this a day early due to the holidays - I’m going away for the first week of January for some much needed R&R so I will queue the next comic to go up on time. 

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[khalemchurstcomics]

I DO NOT HAVE AN EATING DISORDER - Page 245

Geez, I am so ashamed of this. Drinking bottle after bottle of wine alone at home. At first I would only buy decent wine, in the $20 a bottle type range, but soon that became too expensive, so I got cheaper and cheaper until I was just buying casks and drinking anything I could. It became an absolute addiction for me, and although I have some healthier boundaries now (I don’t tend to drink alone, usually save it only for weekends), I still have an emotional attachment to alcohol which means that I can abuse it. 

At first I thought this was just a turn that my eating disorder had taken. The more I read though, the more I learn about the propensity for people with bipolar disorder to fall victim to drug and alcohol addiction. That scares me. I don’t want to be an alcoholic. The best thing I did was start talking about it, but it took me a long time to get to that point. I’m not proud of it, but I’m working on it. 

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[khalemchurstcomics]

I DO NOT HAVE AN EATING DISORDER - Page 255

I wish I hadn’t been so scared. I wish I could have kept my tears inside. Is this just what it’s like to navigate the world as a woman? Would I be afraid my whole life? 

Sorry, I guess I’m pretty sensitive today. I just have a lot of feelings rattling around in this body and when they have nowhere to go they just sort of crash into each other and cause chaos. I’m working on it. 

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