Im literally so sick of thinking of consequences. I know its obvious that I or anyone could die at any given time or minute, but I always say if my life were to end I would be completely upset at all the opportunities I let pass and all the things I havent done. Im so fed up of thinking 'what COULD happen to me if I do this' or 'what if so-and-so hears about this or how will they react'. I used to not give a fuck about anything or anyone, I used to have all the confidence in the world because I just flat out didnt give a shit unless it was for my own well being. Even if I wouldnt admit it to a single soul otherwise than here, I, lately, give way to much of a fuck. I worry about other peoples problems before my own. I think way to much of how to make other people happy and not make myself happy. At the end of the day that makes me a good friend/son/brother/etc, and thats all well and dandy, but im still not pleased with myself and that HAS to change. I want to live freely. I want to party until my legs fall off, I want to travel and spend my money on foolish things I know I dont need but do want, I want to miss sleep because im to busy spending time with good people, I want to make friends I wouldnt normally think of even talking to, I want to work at a job that I love and go to school and learn about something I love, I want to eat new foods, I want to taste new drinks, I want to appreciate the small things, I want to be healthy, I want to fall in love, I want to be an open book thats still being written not a closed book that has to hide away details, I want to reach inner peace and happiness or atleast as damn close as I can get to it, and I most of all just want to feel again.
