What if seeing each other again changed everything?
so with this we did something that hasn’t been done before, we decided to collab four people on a little something. @simonanddemi, @joys-stuff, @idreamtofdemi and myself wrote this together and we’re pretty happy with the result so we hope you all like it.
Don’t Let Go Just Yet ( @simonanddemi )
Words were dressed up as subtle shivers; as lastly liberated sighs. Words were dressed up as a warm hug; as a firm yet soft embrace; as my face reuniting with his chest and our hands with each other’s backs. It felt natural. Calm. Like a language both of us were suddenly fluent at.
We had seen one another from across the room. My heartbeat had started sprinting at a speed I did not remember it being capable of. It would not stop, and it just kept making me smile. I felt alive. At peace. There was no longer any sign of anger in me; all I sensed was raw and pure relief that my body did contain deep feelings after all.
It had been so long since our last touch, I think the memory of it had almost completely evaporated. It was as though bringing it back was finally allowing me to breathe again. Breathing. That was all I did as I felt his lips through my hair, his face pressed against the top of my head.
We hadn’t said a word. Not a sound had come out of us as we eventually stood face-to-face. Instead, we’d simultaneously opened our arms, almost as if it had been choreographed. Our bodies had melted into each other. And there we were, making the very most out of our moment.
I lightly lifted my head when I realized that I no longer knew where I was. My notion of time and space was fully gone; it was something like conscious dreaming.
“Don’t let go”, said my eyes, to which his lips smiled something back. “I won’t”, it must have been.
Not yet. Just not yet.
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Nameless ( @idreamtofdemi )
It took the smallest taste of that sweet sensation to be reminded of the many times I had craved for it before. It took the softest touch of his lips on my forehead and a seemingly infinite second for my brain to paradoxically explode into the most incredible relaxation. My limbs limp but somehow still holding onto his waist, my muscles soft and tender but still able to mold themselves to the perfect spot between his arms. How can you ever crave something you can’t name? But this was it, this nameless thing.
How had I ever been able to forget this feeling? Had I forgotten it? How had my brain managed to not want this? Not need this? How in the world had I ever been as dumb as to think that I would find this again? In different arms. How did I ever let go of this when right there and then, as I gently rubbed my fingers onto his back, I could not have enough of how good it felt.
“I’ve missed you”
I heard him whisper, the shy tone to his voice a symptom of both our rapid beating hearts and closed eyes. I smiled, with my lips pursed, I smiled, with my mouth shut, I smiled, with my whole body as it wrapped even tighter around him; I smiled with my arms that squeezed him and with my feet that suddenly lifted me to my toes.
“I’ve missed you more”
I whispered, my voice almost trembling and breaking with each drop of air that fell past my lips onto his chest. In my mind, I wondered if the warmth that was both new and oddly familiar was going to be snatched off of us, of this moment, length-less and unmeasurable, but still, nothing more than a moment, so I wondered, and almost feared, that it would soon stop like the sharp end of a lost road.
So I took a deep breath and held on as hard as I could, for what must have been milliseconds, just diving deep into it, savouring it, burning it into my mind as it was imprinted onto my heart…
That nameless thing.
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As If ( @joys-stuff )
It seemed as if no matter how long or how strongly we held onto each other, or how perfectly we fit together, molding into each other like two missing pieces of a puzzle, it just wasn’t enough. We held on for those precious few seconds, but close wasn’t close enough, it never had been, and I think that, deep down, we knew there wasn’t anything that would ever be enough when it came to us, we always craved more, craved the impossible, and maybe that was why we could never work.
We let go, reluctantly, as if by doing so we experienced physical pain, and maybe some parts of us did. He was just like I remembered, but different in ways I couldn’t yet place, it was like my memories could never do him, us, justice, now that he was here again. The way everything and everyone around us just faded away from the moment we saw each other again made me smile. And I was, once again, reminded that only he could ever make me feel that way.
Our eyes met again and I knew there was no going back now, even if I wanted to. I didn’t.
It only took that slight tilt of his head towards the doors, the heat and the rush of emotions I could clearly read in his eyes, which must’ve been mirrored in mine, the warmth of his hand as his fingers touched mine slightly, shyly, as if it was the first time he did it, and the tingles his touch sent all over me, that’s all it took for me to nod my head in answer to his unspoken plea, his urgent eyes asking me even though we both knew the answer.
“Let’s get out of here.”
As if I would ever say no.
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Unconditional ( @tasteoflovato )
He said it with a heartbeat. My head against his chest on the white sheets, his arm wrapped around me as he kissed the top of my head. All those feelings I had tried my hardest to get rid of, the words I had tried to explain with that never came out in full sentences, only in occasional late-night whimpers and cancelled phone calls before the first ring. And all that time I had spent wondering if his chest had been hurting with the same irresolution and refusal to let go. Back then I would’ve asked, I would’ve begged him to tell me I wasn’t alone. Tonight, I didn’t have to.
He told me with a heartbeat.
And I felt it. Closer than I ever had, deeper than I ever had. What we had created together that had never gone away, the warmth and the calm - whatever it was, it was effortless.
Unconditional.
I didn’t have to wonder, it didn’t need explanation, didn’t need justification. It just was. As that beautiful, rare feeling that only happens a few times in a lifetime if you’re lucky. I had never considered myself lucky to have fallen for him, I had cursed it, cursed him for doing it to me. But we were lucky. And I was thankful for him. I was grateful for the accidental somethings that had led us here. I was accepting of him, of us, as he stared so deep into my eyes when I undressed him that I wondered if I still owned all of me. If I ever had. It was okay if I didn’t because I trusted him with me.
And I told him with a heartbeat.
