#idtaeho

[1024km]

BAD RELIGION

It always comes back to this.

This is the story of her slippage: he pulls her close, she gets attached, he says she never should’ve let herself get this far, so she leaves. Credits roll over, the tape repeats again, and she gets up in the morning feeling like she’s left half of herself behind, another novelty on his bedside table. There’s only so much she can say: it was never supposed to be this way; or, it shouldn’t have come to this. She runs through the excuses like clockwork, like denial. The fact of the matter is that she’s foolish. Nothing good comes from playing with fire, and if Oh Taeho is anything at all, he’s the matchstick that sets her aflame.

Witching hour and she’s past the point of no return. A mixture of tequila, smoke, and bad decisions: at some point, they all taste the same on her tongue. It’s why she’s standing here, hand poised to knock at the door of his hotel room, the resolution of a beck and call that she never should’ve heeded. There’s a part of this that feels right, oddly enough; a commitment to the steep fall of her night, from the top of the world to feeling like she’s hit rock bottom. May as well give up the ghost to a familiar sin.

God, does she (not) want to see his face.

A breath in, a breath out. When dealing with her devil, it’s always a good idea to be prepared. Presentability is an afterthought — unnecessary effort, in her opinion. She’s got nothing to prove when she’s around him; not anymore, anyway. That, in the haze that makes up them, is the only thing coming through crystal clear.

But when she sees him on the other side of that door, she forgets the world, if only for a moment. Guess there’ll never be any pretending that there’s a part of her that cares, that wants, for him. “Hi,” is what she says, for lack of anything else to say, walking into the room, arms crossed, so self-aware of her own vulnerability it’s infuriating. “Had a good night?”

“This isn’t anything.” It’s punctuated, but her words are empty. As if they’re out there to convince someone that isn’t her. No such thing as nothing when it comes to this, to her, to the games they play. “I — maybe I should go.”

Chile ‘19 — @idtaeho

[idryusan]

cunning.

@idtaeho, at the showcase venue, in the wings in slight view of an olympian fan section

san spots them out of the corner of his eye. their fans. it’s hard. there’s equipment, and everyone’s far enough back with cheers and fanfare and flashing lights that it’s hard to spot. but they’re sporting those bright, white light sticks and san can see them craning their necks to catch glimpses of taeho where he’s sitting, waiting for olympus’ set up next. san’s still angry. something that festers and eats away from him, for what taeho had done back on their vlive. he hasn’t spoken with him since, even if taeho might have been trying to goad him into something on the ride over. 

in the past, san might’ve taken it. grit his teeth, swallowed it down, done his best to make taeho look lackluster in the practice room, or on stage. but san’s been reaching the end of his rope. he wants to bite back. so he thinks, maybe, with his image on his side he can pull taeho into something detrimental. san even spots his own fansite master in the crowd, a bulky camera half hidden under a jacket. maybe he can stir up a little trouble for taeho to try and drag himself out of. as far as san’s concerned, he deserves it. 

so he paces forward, hands tucked in his pockets and a smile twisting into place. it’s his signature smile in olmypus. too sweet, and if you know how he really acts, it reads sarcastic in this moment. but to anyone watching, it won’t. “did you like my stages, taeho?” san asks him, because he knows. knows that taeho had hated it, the fact that san got to perform his solo, that he’d gotten his own stage when he hadn’t. and san is more than happy to try and drag that out, get a rise out of him. 

“i think all my practice in japan paid off, don’t you?” he tilts his head to the side. innocuous. innocent. but now, matched with his words, it comes across as mocking. san’s usually not the one to pick fights between them, and he’s half unsure whether taeho will bite down on it and shake with fury. so he tries to dig into what he knows taeho wants. “it’s kind of cool, debuting solo twice.” when you haven’t even debuted solo in korea yet is the unfinished half of that statement, but his smile all but gives it away. a flash of teeth, a sharp laugh. to anyone else, it might look like san was telling a joke. 

[idaroon]

clever.

with @idtaeho at the mv shooting of their chain station song

aroon was raised to believe that giving up is for losers, if you want something you have to fight for it until you get it. failure is not an option for people like him, that is what his parents told him to believe from his early childhood until now. and for that aroon grew not stubborn, but determined; once his mind is set on a goal there is nothing that can stop him from achieving it. 

moving to korea to become an idol? check.

debuting with titanium? check.

releasing solo music? working on that.

it’s difficult, but almost five years into their debut aroon has made himself an asset valuable enough for midas to discard. he promised them he would become whatever they wanted in order to get what he wants, and that he did. now it’s almost the time to reap the benefits. show me the money was the first step, extra work that he had to do, longer hours writing and recording tracks, shooting in front of a live audience, but it’s paying off. a song with san feels more like a deal with the devil, a necessary evil in order to get to the top. it did good for a non promoted track, better than anyone could expect – because of san, they would say, he can put his name on anything and it will be successful. still, it’s his song too, his name now carries minimal weight, and it’s a start.

and now there is oh taeho, of course.

chain station season one was fun, a song with dax in a style they don’t get to do with titanium. aroon thinks that is it for him until he is called by management, told to work on a track with taeho. people like you with san, they will like you with him too, it’s what he is told. it’s not the best collaboration he could have, but taeho is famous and he too wants a solo, so why not throw them both a small bone?

aroon doesn’t think about taeho, not anymore. in the grand scheme of things taeho is not important to him, not even in a negative way. yes, he played aroon, well done, but not even this is enough to make aroon hate him more than he hates san. he is one of those people who thinks so high of himself, who thinks everyone cares about him, the untalented fool.

the director calls for a break and aroon is thankful, already tired of pretending to play taeho’s friend. the whole track and mv are not his style, but it’s good to show versatility, or so midas says. he sees taeho approaching because of course he would, because of course he can’t just sit down and wait. “good job sunbae,” aroon says, voice devoid of emotion. it’s protocol, leaving his lips before he can think of something else. “it’s turning out to be a good video, don’t you think?”

[idaroon]

deep end.

with @idtaeho at gayo daejun afterparty, trying to keep a friendship and failing at it.

there are things aroon grew used to during the past month: sleepless nights, long hours spent in a studio, wether by himself or with one of his friends and parties. there were many of them, nightclubs with names he can’t remember, lines he could skip because of who he is, vip areas he had instant access to because of who he was with.

it’s still strange, to think he and taeho grew closer like this. he remembers jingyi telling him they matched, two assholes. remembers being pissed over it, but the more time he spent with taeho the more he realized that yes, he was right. taeho is not a nice person, not by the usual standards, but they fit well together, they had fun. or as much fun as it was possible with aroon nursing a broken heart and taeho dragging him to extremely heterosexual places.

( aroon is still haunted by the particular memory of a girl whispering filth into his ear, not even his vivid imagination could turn that situation around. )

but that was then, this is now. now things are changed, again. now he is supposed to meet jingyi somewhere they can sit together and talk, enjoy the party and maybe escape this place earlier. now aroon feels the desperate need to run away when he sees taeho approaching him because he knows what taeho wants and things are changed.

still, aroon sits pretty on the bar, elbows leaning against the wooden surface as he watches taeho. that is his problem, he could never turn down his friends, it’s not who he is. maybe they can make conversation, maybe aroon can give him an excuse and disappear. maybe someone else will come along and taeho will leave him here, chasing some girl because aroon got boring – he has done it before, he could do it again.

so aroon smiles, greets taeho with his usual cheerful voice. “hey hyung.” things are too good in between them, too easy. “nice performance back there.” it’s more of a teasing than a compliment, he knows. his smile feels too stretched on his face, his voice too high pitched. aroon takes a sip of his drink and doesn’t say anything else, only counts the minutes until he can leave. and to think years ago he would dream of being in taeho’s presence, of being his friend if anything else. but this was then, and this is now. and now aroon wants to run, but he doesn’t, he can’t. not from taeho.

[idsungyeol-blog]

❄️

—send me ❄️for my muse’s response to being underneath mistletoe with your muse. specify whether it’s accidental or on purpose.

there is a part of him that wants to smack taeho senseless and throw him out of the nearest window of his apartment.

there is another part of him that takes it as a challenge, though. because everything became a challenge to sungyeol under a camera. even if it’s a phone camera.

therefore, he’s left staring at the small branch the other held up, eyebrows knitted together. as if he was trying to compute what exactly he was looking at but couldn’t get the full picture. “what do you expect me to do now?” a deadpan tone matching his expression. an answer is received quickly (kiss me, hyung!). what a joke. why was sungyeol even considering it? 

eyes landing on the younger, a disapproving shake of his bangs was caught on camera. “this is a stupid tradition that’s not even ours, why are we promoting this?” the right wing politician in him spoke up first, multiple ‘tsk’ sounds leaving his mouth right after. he makes it into a deal. a drama, before turning to wave at any viewer and wishing them merry christmas. 

his hands do stretch out towards taeho right when he’s done with season’s greetings. “cm’ere now,” it’s fun to watch, he figures. a small, fun goose chase across the floor they were sitting on that dragged on into the last ten minutes of their broadcast. if this were years back, sungyeol might have actually pulled a hand on taeho’s cheek before giving an audience a spectacle. however, that just screamed discomfort. who is he to pull something like that, even for views, likes and increased income. taeho was a brother before he became a stranger. which is worse than being completely unfamiliar. a new person means a fresh start. building to trust. comfort. however, once that’s broken, there really is no way of going back. there’s an ever-hungry black hole there, sucking all good in and leaving them empty.

[archivedidjowi-blog]

❄ on purpose lol

under the mistletoe with your best friend’s nemesis.

this is exactly the type of utter bullshit she expects of taeho, when she sees him holding up the little sprig of plant life, a grin that ought to read lecherous on his features but, in fact, just appears mischievous and adorable. his angelic looks offset the personality within, proving once again that all one needs to do is be born attractive in order to succeed. she scowls at him, in a display of her displeasure. 

does that mean she doesn’t find him attractive? no, it surely doesn’t. 

but there are so few people in her life that she loves, that she feels worthy of loving, and ryu san is one of them. perhaps she loves him with all the desperate affection she cannot turn on herself, given that they are mirror image to one another. and so, to kiss his tormentor, even in jest, would require her to be far, far drunker than she is right now. 

(which is to say, on a blacked out night, there is no real clue what she might do)as it is, two drinks in and pleasantly buzzed, she snatches it from his hand and presses it against his chest, ignores the well muscled physique she finds there. “take this over to prey on some starry eyed rookie, or i’ll make you eat it.” 

[idsungyeol-blog]

—echoes.

halloween party october 2018

ft. @idtaeho

an allude to the past. that’s how it felt to be sitting down next to taeho in an environment that technically didn’t have much to do with their job, even if the floor was filled much too relaxed idols. they hung out like this before, didn’t they? back then, when sungyeol could place the younger above himself and put all of his selfishness aside for a few seconds. enough to fall under many different labels of a relationship, all under an umbrella term of ‘family’. 

kim sungyeol, selfless. what a fascinating phenomena.

it’s hard to run from reality. in fact, it might even be impossible. you can’t outrun yourself. thus, the greed he was born with caught up with yeol and made him falter into a black hole. to the point where a fit coming from a twenty-something year old that didn’t get what he wanted led him into a period of hibernation. his dark years, like sungyeol likes to call the particularly ugly part of his life, when he shut down from everyone with no exceptions. even someone he and many around them considered his brother.

you’re the sole reason being in this group doesn’t suck completely. words of similar weight and context were forgotten with one shift of a gear. all doors locked shut for years until they creaked open once more only to push sungyeol into a silent competition. for spotlight, for hearty laughs in the audience. one in which he might have been the sole competitor. however, overpowering enough to never try and patch their relationship up. jealousy was a blinding feeling, stealing him of any class he could have had.

however, moments of silence between them picked at sungyeol the wrong way. guilt was just as powerful as greed making him wish he could push his own wants aside and be happy for taeho throughout his career. because in that dead silence, somehow, taeho still felt like a brother. a connotation that still lingered in his mind and came out onto the surface whenever there was a lack of managers and cameras. 

like then.

“so what are you supposed to be?“ sungyeol finally spoke up, having placed himself next to taeho just to sit there in silence after his second-- or fifth drink. smiling. once again in many years, seemingly harmless and wanting to engage.

[idaroon]

not that lonely to love you.

with @idtaeho at the halloween party, telling a lie

it starts, as many things do, with dahye. or at least this is what aroon will tell when asked about this whole thing.

if it wasn’t for dahye and her stare, her blond wig and having her towering over him – and this means nothing, because everyone towers over aroon – he would be somewhere in this party drinking or maybe he would skip it entirely and drag jingyi back to the dorm, enjoy the time alone.

but dahye challenged him and aroon is a competitive little shit, which means he has to go around doing the dares to try and one up her. objectively he knows dahye will win, she knows more people, she is smarter than him. but aroon will be dammed if he doesn’t give her a run for her money.

which brings him to this moment.

aroon has two drinks in hand and walks over to the one person he can tell a lie to and won’t be called on his bluff: taeho. because the thing with taeho is, he only hears what he wants to hear and only does what he wants to do, so aroon can tell him whatever he wants and taeho will only laugh and brush it off.

he used to find that very attractive, now he finds it annoying.

still, telling a lie is a dare and one aroon can do quickly before he moves to something else. so he takes the drinks to taeho, pushes around the crowd until they are close. it’s easy to find him because there’s always people around taeho, he is like a magnet. aroon too once felt deeply attracted to whatever magnetic field taeho has, but now that doesn’t have any effect on him.

“hyung, here you are, i was looking for you.” aroon says, stopping besides taeho and smiling sweetly. aroon doesn’t wait for the other people to leave, he talks over them because this is what he always does, deems himself and his needs more important than the others. and it works, it always does because no one has the heart to be angry as someone who looks as adorable as he does.

“here, i got you a drink.” he pushes the drink on taeho’s hand, takes a sip of his. it’s something good, fruity, he can barely taste the alcohol. “can we talk for a minute?” aroon asks, offering taeho his best puppy eyes. he hasn’t even spoken yet and he knows this dare is already on the bag.