https://archiveofourown.org/works/28971531/chapters/71096313#workskin
Secrets Best Left Buried
Desperation And Regrets
Even stared at the place where Ienzo had summoned and run through a Dark Corridor, something the boy should not have been able to do, his hand still in front of him from his desperate reach for the clearly hurting teenager, boy. His mind was racing and his face pale. Shaking, Even fell to his knees, trying to process what had just happened.
"I GREW UP AS ZEXION, AS A NOBODY!!!"
The deafening silence which followed that had been filled with so many thoughts as Even had stared at the Dark Corridor summoned by built up emotions. Oh Ienzo, the scientist thought with despair, how did we forget you this badly? Suffering with our own memories as we are... we forgot that you too would be struggling in your own way... Even's hand came up to his face just as Ansem the Wise ran in.
The elder King crouched beside Even and placed a hand on his Apprentice's shoulder, asking if he was alright, calling for Dilan and Aeleus, asking about Ienzo. Even's mouth was dry, how could he explain this to them? How could he explain this to the man who had promised to do better by all his apprentices, how could he explain this to the apprentices who had been through the same Organisation as Ienzo? Ansem's voice cut through his thoughts.
"Focus on me, Even," he said. "What happened? Where is Ienzo?"
"We failed him, Master," Even replied around the lump which had grown in his throat. " We never noticed... we never saw...!"
"You never saw Ienzo's struggle to adjust to being back," Ansem stated as fact, just as Dilan and Aeleus entered the room. "So caught up in your own regrets you never realised that Ienzo's struggle is different from your own."
The three Apprentices stared at their Master with varying degrees of dismay. Ansem sighed and stood, pulling Even to his feet as well. He took one look at his Apprentices and gestured to the door, leading the shaken Even out of the room, while Dilan and Aeleus followed behind. He took them to the kitchens, devoid of staff, and sat Even on a chair.
"This unfortunately was not something I could simply bring to your attention," Ansem explained with a quiet voice as he set about making tea. "I did try, but you always assured me that it was fine, despite the fact it clearly wasn't. It is not something I can teach Ienzo myself either. For ten years he learned from you, and the one you call Xemnas. Anything from me would stand in conflict to his learnings of a decade, he wouldn't accept the correction from me, it has to come from you."
As he set down the teapot, Ansem looked up at his three Apprentices.
"And so, Vexen, Xaldin, Lexeaus, I ask you; how do you plan on helping him?"
Even's mouth ran dry as he looked upon his teacher who looked back with sorrowful regret. There was nothing Even could say. Vexen... Even wanted so dearly to let Vexen fade into the past. But now his teacher was here evoking that name and it felt like a reprimand. But it wasn't. It was a simple reminder of who they were... to Ienzo.
-----
Even found he had a dilemma. It was true that as Vexen he had taught Zexion when he could, but in truth it was Xemnas whom the boy had followed around. It was Xemnas who had taught Zexion, had taught Ienzo, and as much as a Nobody could, Zexion had idolized Xemnas. It was the Superior of the In-Between who had taken Zexion aside for different projects. The Replica Program had been Vexen's project, but that was merely one project out of many which had been undertaken.
Xemnas had a charisma that Even, and Vexen, did not. Twelve individuals had chosen to follow the man, for he knew the words to speak to get them to do so. In the face of this knowledge, Even felt insignificant. Ten years, ten years of Ienzo's education, filled by words no one ever protested. How differently the Organisation may have ended had Xemnas taken on teaching Roxas and Xion instead of passing them onto Axel.
Even pushed that thought aside, not wanting to entertain the past or Vexen any further. Besides, Ienzo had not returned yet. That was the second great dilemma; no one in the castle could use the Corridors anymore. There was no way to chase after Ienzo, save talking to those who could, but even then, it wasn't known where Ienzo had run off to. And thus, as to not send the Guardians of Light on a vast search and find mission which was as broad as the worlds Zexion had traveled, no one on Radiant Garden sent word to the Keyblade Wielders. Holding his head in his hands, Even sat there trying and failing to find a solution to all these problems.
"We could call upon Terra's knowledge," Aeleus suggested, having walked in to see Even in despair. "Xemnas would know."
"I will not do that to Terra," Even replied, not looking up, causing his voice to be muffled. "I do not blame him for wanting to avoid us. Ienzo will return to us, we don't need to ask Terra to relive those memories."
"And what if Ienzo still doesn't come back?"
It was a question that Even refused to consider. He stood up, fury filling his gaze as he glared up at the taller man. It took him a few seconds to formulate his response, trying to at least remain articulate.
"Of course he will come back!" The scientist spat at the guard. "We are his family!!"
Even spun on his heel and stalked away. He could feel Aeleus staring at him as he walked away, silent and pitying.
"Are we though?"
The blonde scientist sneered and didn't respond. What kind of question was that? Of course they were his family.
"Grow up Ienzo."
"I GREW UP AS ZEXION!!"
-----
Aqua,
Even doesn't wish to ask, but we cannot sit around and do nothing. Ienzo has gone missing, off world missing. Things fell out of control and we made a mistake. Please don't mention this to Terra, we don't want to force him to remember Xemnas anymore than we wish to recall our own Nobody lives. We're sorry to cause you trouble.
- Dilan
-----
Dilan,
I have many questions, about Ienzo, and about Terra and Xemnas, but I shall refrain from asking over Gummiphone. I will be on Radiant Garden tomorrow and I will find you then. I'll be there with Riku. Terra is currently on a mission with Lea.
- Aqua
------
Aqua,
I'll wait for you in the square... where you fought Terra.
-----
There was a certain chill which followed Even after he woke up. Ienzo still had not returned he had been missing for a day and a half now. Where was he? Even did his best to stay calm but his mind kept turning to what he had said to Ienzo.
"Grow up, we don't do it that way anymore."
Grow up
GROW UP
Ienzo was eighteen. He was grown up. And he had grown up as Zexion. Ienzo, where did you go? How did we fail you so badly?
Even stumbled and dropped the books he was holding, catching himself on the wall. He brought his hand up to his face. He tried to summon up his own Dark Corridor, as he used to, tried to disappear into darkness as Ienzo had. But as always, nothing came of it. There was no answer of cold power, just taunting stillness.
"When Dilan told me what happened, I didn't quite believe it," a soft voice said gently, making Even look to see Aqua picking up his dropped books. "But being told and actually seeing are two different things. May I ask where you were headed?"
The scientist was barely able to answer with Ansem's study before the woman smiled and stood up, walking towards the aforementioned room, taking his books with him. Even called out after her, but she didn't pause, leaving the man with nothing else to do except follow her. He asked her questions as to why she was here but she did not answer. Aqua smiled and said she would explain once they had reached Ansem's study.
Riku was there, talking to Ansem and Dilan, and clarity struck Even.
"You called the Guardians of Light?" he asked, his voice slightly strangled.
"We can't do nothing, Even," Dilan replied.
"We'll be doing nothing anyway!" Even snapped. "We don't know where he is, and we can't leave Radiant Garden ourselves!"
"What if he went to the Castle That Never Was?"
Riku's question knocked the fight from Even. There was no way, no way at all, Ienzo wouldn't go there, that was a place of bad memories, a reminder of the worst years of their lives. But not for Ienzo, a tiny voice in the back of the scientist's head whispered. It was that voice that Riku echoed.
"For Ienzo, he is Zexion still," the silverette continued. "He remembers Radiant Garden, but the Castle That Never Was is most likely where he considers to be his home. From what Dilan told Aqua and I, here he was confused, he wants something normal. I... I understand that feeling."
The teen shook his head and Even was briefly reminded of the boy's time under the tutelage and control of Maleficent and Ansem, the Seeker of Darkness. Was there a part of Riku as well, that longed for a time gone? A hidden darkness to not tell anyone. Even let his head drop, blonde hair covering his face. Ienzo had run away, it was time to stop denying it. He had failed Ienzo badly and all he could do bow was accept the offered help. Aqua stepped forward and placed a hand on Even's shoulder.
"I know you don't want to," she hummed. "But we're going to ask Terra for his knowledge from his time as Xemnas. It's... not your choice to make, and I think you'll find Terra will want to help more than you realise."
"Come with us, Even," Riku invited, holding out a hand. "I think you have unfinished business with the Land of Departure."
Castle Oblivion.
-----
Messages from Aqua weren't strange. They contained updates, seeking of advice, general discussion. Messages asking for him and Lea to return early, however, those were rare, almost never happening. That's why he was now on the Gummiship with Lea, returning to the Land of Departure, discussing potential causes for this call back. For some reason, a deep pit had formed in his stomach, and he was almost certain whatever the reason was, it had to do with Xemnas.
When he shared his thought with Lea, the red haired man gave him a shakey smile and suggested that Ienzo had finally demanded his attention. Lea had been trying to lighten the mood a bit, but that didn't stop the wave of guilt that had crashed over Terra. He knew he should have approached Ansem the Wise and his apprentices earlier with his memories, but fear kept him away... he'd already hurt them enough...
The pair of Keyblade wielders made their way back to the Land of Departure as quickly as possible, informing Aqua when they were landing the Gummiship. Then they walked to the room where Eraqus used to address his three apprentices. Aqua was standing in the room with Riku and they were watching... Even pace the floor back and forth? That certainly was even less expected than the summons home. That pit in Terra's stomach sunk further. What had happened?
In between calming breaths, Even told his story, of how Ienzo had withdrawn into himself after the Keyblade War, and what the younger man had said before running into a portal of darkness. Terra knew where Ienzo had gone before Riku shared the theory that he had run to the Castle That Never Was. Of course he ran there, Xemnas whispered in his mind. Where else would Zexion go?
However as he shuddered the thought away, Lea spoke up.
"So basically, Terra should go after him," he said, as if the answer was obvious. "Or more accurately, Xemnas should go after him."
Terra's eyes widened, and he took a step back. What did Lea mean? He wasn't Xemnas anymore, he had the hair length, nor had he regained the decade lost to his possession, but he wasn't Xemnas. Terra's hair was brown, eyes blue--
"How much more are you going to let Xehanort steal from you, Terra?" Lea, no, Axel challenged. "He already stole your body from you once, are you really going to let him steal it again with your Nobody? Those memories are yours. What would Xehanort do, knowing Ienzo was missing, with Xemnas' memories?"
"I don't..." the brown haired wielder started before trailing off. He could see where Lea was going. And he already knew his answer to Lea's next question.
"And what are you going to do with his memories?"
A portal of Light was hard to summon, and corridors of Darkness wouldn't open on the Land of Departure. But Terra resolved himself to get to the Castle That Never Was. Lea nodded. Even stepped forward looking hesitant.
"Please... find Ienzo," he said, swallowing his pride. "And... help him understand what's changed from the Organization."
-----
Ienzo sat on his own throne in the Room Where Nothing Gathers, the old Round Room. He was shaking, gripping the edges of the throne, staring across at where Saïx and Demyx used to sit. There were even Dusks here still who answered his call, albeit only after he affirmed he was Zexion. He was Zexion, he knew this. He was no longer denying it!
So why did sitting here, on this throne, make him shake; what was this feeling in his chest which made him want to curl up and cry?
