Half-Mass Baby Chat: Hokery Pokery
Hols: *runs in, out of breath, her hair half braided and half loose, and devoid of shoes* I got here as soon as I could, what happened?! "Something horrible" isn't descriptive enough, are you- *she pauses, her brows furrowing in confusion as the wheels slowly begin to turn. She had been duped by Keagan into coming* ...So no one's hurt?
Keagan: *had been leaning against the wall near the door staring her brother down until Hols came in, quickly turning to lock and magically lock and bar the room in general as soon as she did, almost managing a smile at the state Hols is in* Something horrible did happen, and someone is hurt. Very hurt. So hurt, I don't even know if it can be fixed.
Corey: *had been brought into the room under the pretense that Evan was turning in front of Keagan and is sitting on an armchair with his arms crossed and his face scowling* Keagan is being ridiculous, as usual.
Keagan: Me! I'm hurt! And neither of you has even noticed because you're too busy being busy not being friends and totally ruining everything! I hate it! I hate the fact we never do anything anymore, and I hate the fact that you two can't even talk like normal human beings because of pride or new friends or whatever and I hate that we broke our promises. All of them are broken, and it's all you two's fault! So yes. You two are going to stay in this fucking room until everything is mended to MY satisfaction. Got it? *nearly yelling at that point, near-tears and gesturing wildly until she finishes, clearing her throat before saying normally* I miss us.
Hols: *Oh Lord, the dramatics were going to begin she could almost feel it. Hols looked between the twins, one a scowling face, the other a frantic one but Hols couldn’t decide at that moment which expression she hated the most. Sighing, she began to undo the braids that she had managed to finish before she got the urgent and misleading message, if only so she could have something to do instead of fidget and shuffle nervously. Clearing her throat, her usual excuse was already coming out of her mouth before she realized* I’ve been busy, stuff with the trip, you know-- *she cut herself off as Keagan continued, the redhead’s voice growing louder and louder. She looked at the floor because it was easier to look at the floor. Hols missed them too, sometimes it actually felt like a physical pain that didn’t allow her to breathe. She didn’t want it to have been her fault though, that was her worst nightmare. Visibly frowning now, she looked up again at Keagan, saying stubbornly* It’s not my fault….it’s not Corey’s fault, these things just…happen.
Keagan: *actually screams a little as she lets her arms swing down in fists to hit the door at Hols' excuse - one that she had heard so many bloody times - and then takes a really deep breath as she makes herself slide down to the door, watching them* No excuses. None. Absolutely, none.
Corey: *briskly* Of course it's no one's fault. People grow apart all the time.
Keagan: *fiercely* I am not being replaced by other redheads or by potion ingredients goddamn you both. Cut it with the bullshit. You. *looks at Hols* You are my best friend. We cooked together, and took pictures together, and told each other everything, and when I was slowly killing myself you handcuffed yourself to me and it was one of the first things that helped me get better. But I don't even know you any more! I don't know anything about you. I don't know that you're okay. I need to know that you're okay. I can't eat I'm so worried! Do you want me to go back to that skeleton?? And you!
Corey: *got up to stare out the window instead, hands gripping the windowsill*
Keagan: You're my brother. My twin, brother. We came from the same crazy workaholic and you pinky-swore me when we were kids that we were never going to be like that but you've taken it to a whole new level. We don't talk anymore. I don't know what you're doing unless I barge into your little powwows and experiments with Evan and I am completely and utterly disgusted with you by what you've been doing lately! You can't become a healer. *purses her lips* No matter how smart you are, you're an idiot. And it's your fault that we're all not strutting down my red carpet together to create scandals in tabloids to help along my career or flying off to god knows where to find Yeti or just being in each other's lives in general!
Corey: *sighs* Just because you don't understand my work doesn't mean it's disgusting, Keagan.
Keagan: ... *counts to ten* Of all the things to comment on, of course it was your work. THAT'S ALL YOU CARE ABOUT ANYMORE!
Corey: *turns around* Fine. I'm sorry we don't talk. I'm sorry I'm ambitious, and I'm sorry our childish dreams did not pan out the way you wanted them to. I'm sorry our relationship pulled apart when we all grew differently, and I hope you both the best. Now I need to get out of this room to check to make sure one of my disgusting potions is working right.
Hols: *She winces at the scream, then again when Keagan hits the door. Hols was not usually one to feel awkward, or uncomfortable, but this moment had her feeling like both of those. Maybe thoughts of her trip had been leaving her more emotional than usual, but that just seemed to make her more sad, when once she had been her most natural –with- these two. Biting on her bottom lip, she actually managed a small but pained smile as Keagan reminded her of the time when Hols had just been a…well, a stupid little girl with no idea on how to help her slowly spiraling friend. She wiped at her eyes even though they were dry, her eyes widening as Keagan mentioned not eating again* Of course I don’t! Keagan- *she breathes out, her heartbeat elevated. Her brows furrowed further as she listened, shaking her head silently, stubbornly unwilling to believe that Keagan and Corey themselves had lost touch. No, that wasn’t supposed to happen, none of this was supposed to happen, fuck.* But you’re twins…you’re family, you shouldn’t have…*the noise that came out of her mouth was most akin to a whimper, but she wasn’t entirely sure it was human, that sound was just not normal. She closed her eyes really tightly, wondering when things had gotten so bad. It must have been ages ago, but Hols did such a good job at ignoring most of the time, staying busy, that she didn’t…she licked her dry lips. If possible, Corey’s words hurt more than Keagan’s. At least Keagan was genuine, sincere, expressing her hurt and her anger; all Hols got from her twin brother was aloofness.* I never meant to replace you…either of you…That summer three years ago..Keagan you were in that institute and I sent only one letter when I should have sent a hundred, and Corey was worried sick about you and therefore distant, moreso and I –should- have just been there for both of you, but instead I…ditched to go hiking. *she frowned, exhaling* I mean how fucked up is that? *she laughed once, humorlessly, shaking her head.* Maybe it is my fault, I know it’s also a lot more than just that…*frowning, she passes a hand through her hair* Keagan, we can’t fix this. How can we, when it’s been three years? When we’re next to strangers now? *She turns to Corey now, talking to him* When you haven’t even looked at me once?
Keagan: *huffs out a breath* Well don't feel bad, I'm still monitored anyways. I couldn't even if I tried. *tilts her head at Hols' panick* You disappeared from our group and Corey became an asshole who only cares about his stupid potions and Evan.
Corey: Just because we're twins doesn't mean anything. *rolls his eyes* It's a common misconception that being a twin means you're completely connected in any which possible way. We couldn't be more different.
Keagan: You have that right. I have morals. *pauses and shakes her head* That is not what this is about! Stop striding around the subject! *listens to Hols with just the barest flinch at the mention of the institute* Well, maybe it was the anorexia that did it.
Corey: *lets his head fall forward with a thunk against the windowpane* Yes well, worrying sick about people gets me absolutely nowhere.
Keagan: *snaps* So he's just decided to be a total prick and care about no one.
Corey: *grimaces* She's right, Keagan. Three years is too long. It's not fixable.
Keagan: *stubbornly* Then we're going to sit down and tell each other everything we've been doing, what we're going to be doing, who we're doing, whatever. And we're going to catch up, and talk, and be friends again. Because so help me merlin, I will not let us out until we find a solution. I can't lose both of you and I figure it's your friendship that was a better glue than mine had been. Clearly.
Corey: *spine stiffens, raising his head to look at his reflection for a moment before rising to the bait and turning around to look at her, his eyebrow raising in a clear 'happy now?' before saying dryly* Beautiful as ever, Hols.
Hols: *She rolled her eyes too, answering back quickly* You’re still siblings, family, and you were always so close with each other, I never thought…*In her mind she had always pictured it as a split of two directions, not three. She didn’t know why she felt responsible for the twins’ separation too, logically she knew she shouldn’t, but when had speaking logical ever worked with her? She frowned, rubbing her face with her hands, absolutely frustrated with herself by now, and slowly getting more and more frustrated with Corey as well. She used to get frustrated back then too, not very often, but she did. She used to say he had more moods than her. Keagan always preached the ‘leave him alone, he’ll come around’ tactic, which had worked back then. Now they were…very different people. But Keagan was still the same stubborn ball of fire she had always been, that almost made her smile too. Hols was less sure of that idea, though. It sounded good in theory but years all blended together, and what if they ran out of things to say too quickly and they really found out that it couldn’t be fixed? That seemed a lot more unbearable to her than not trying. As Corey turned around, Hols’ eyebrows rose as well, before she snorted at the comment while shaking her head, and tried to keep her jaw from trembling as she crossed her arms in front of her chest.* Yeah, I see what you mean about that ‘better glue’ thing, Keagan. *She could speak dryly too. She sighed, wiping at her eyes prematurely and turned to look at Keagan again, licking her lips before she admits her voice breaking a bit at the end* I miss you too. *She put her hand over her mouth and didn’t move it until she was sure she could speak again without her voice going up an octave. She looked at Corey* Just like I miss you. *Hols looked at the ceiling for a few moments and then exhaled, looking at both of them* You were my best friends. And no one else will be able to fill the hole you left behind. Call me dramatic, *she sniffs before shrugging and lifting her chin* but I guess that’s one thing about me that hasn’t changed.
Keagan: Were being the key word. That summer I was at that stupid place he became obsessive about his crap and when I came back this was in my protective, sweet brother's place. *gestures at Corey*
Corey: *completely ignoring Keagan, as he had gotten good at tuning out people he didn't care to be listening to, and his other eyebrow went up at Hols' snort*
Keagan: *quietly* Well clearly me being friends with you and me being his sister didn't keep us together.
Corey: *frustrated* People grow apart. It's a fact of life! I cannot fathom why this is such a huge deal, for the love of god. We had some good times. Some really good times. Can't that just be enough?
Keagan: *sighs out in relief as Hols says that at least she did miss her, when Keagan was afraid that maybe she really didn't and the drama was just too much for her to even want to continue being with them. Hearing her voice crack though, Keagan jumped up automatically, as if she were to hug and comfort Hols, but stopped. Three years was a long, long time.*
Corey: *strides to the door as soon as Keagan left it to try the nob, and then mutter a few spells to try to get it to unlock. When it didn't, he couldn't decide if he was impressed that Keagan, who he really didn't think was all that impressive, could figure out how to keep him in or annoyed that he really couldn't leave. Hearing Hols say that she did miss him didn't change on his face, but he stopped meeting her eyes again*
Keagan: Well I can't say it's not gratifying to know no one can fill our shoes.
Corey: Alleluia. Why don't you throw a dramatic fit and make Keagan let us out of here?
Keagan: *hisses* Evan will be fine! I already told you I'm not letting any of us out of this room until we fix it!
Corey: *shakes his head and walks over to a chair, sitting down in it with his arms crossed again*
Hols: *Frowning, she rubbed at her lip in a subconscious effort to attempt and hide her shame at hearing Keagan talk about their friendship in that way. Not one person kept them all together, all of them just…they used to work. Now this seemed more like a ticking time bomb than anything else. Dropping her hand again, she exhaled in frustration.* You seem to be throwing dramatic fits just fine on your own, diva. *She crossed her arms in front of her chest, turning away from both of them for a few minutes to stare hard, really hard at the wall. She needed a fixed point to concentrate on to calm down, as she was sure she was half a moment away from either crying, or shouting, or jinxing, or roaring. Turning around again, she made to sit down as well, turning the chair around and straddling it, leaning her chest on the backrest and her head on her arms.* That’s gonna take a long time….if at all. *Licking her lips, she clears her throat and then nods* So there better be food here.
Keagan: *had really, pointlessly hoped that this would be a simple reunion and that having them all in the same room together would make them just be as they used to be, and seeing that it was not going to be like that at all, Keagan lost all her anger and quietly started to cry, burying her face into her hands*
Corey: But I'm not getting us out of here, am I? Don't you need to get back to your Slytherin friends? *shifts uncomfortably as he glances at Keagan but otherwise ignores it* Food. Of all the bloody things...
Keagan: *looks up at the 'if at all' and asks in a small voice* So you don't think we can be friends again. *and if her genius brother thought they couldn't and her once best friend thought they couldn't, who was she to force them to try? They clearly didn't care: she buried her head against her knees and shivered* Fine. You're free to go.
Corey: *looks at her sharply but...doesn't get up from the chair, gently asking* What exactly did you hope this would result in, Keagan?
Keagan: *shakes her head vaguely, gesturing at a photobook of them she'd left on one of the tables* Forget it. *whispers*
Hols: *Her expression softened from anger into sadness as she watched Keagan start to cry, and she actually had to turn away lest she wind up in tears as well, or trying to comfort her and after three years, that would seem…it just wouldn’t work. Problem was, the other way was Corey, acting like an ass. She didn’t know which one was worse at the moment. His comment had her returning back to anger again.* That’s rich coming from you, given that the only person you seem to care about anymore is a Slytherin too. *she rolled her eyes* I get bitchy when I’m hungry, not unlike yourself at the moment. *She thought she was glad to have a reason to turn away from him again, but quickly thought otherwise upon seeing Keagan’s face again. Frowning, she explained slowly* I just…don’t want to get my hopes up, and end up disappointed…*It was better that way. Once you start expecting things out of people, they start letting you down. Blinking as Keagan said they could go, Hols didn’t move at first, and wondered if this was supposed to be some sort of reverse psychology thing, she thought bitterly that Corey would know. Licking her dry lips, she turned her head to follow Keagan’s gesture, only now noticing the big book on the table. Looking between the door and the book, she stood up and headed towards the book. Curiosity got the best of her, but…she also didn’t want to leave. Picking up the heavy album, she brought it back and sat it on the table directly in from them, hesitating slightly before opening it. That did it, and her tears started falling from her eyes, a whisper of ‘oh Merlin’ leaving her lips as she wiped at her eyes. The very first picture was one that Hols’ had taken, on the train to Hogwarts the first time where she had met Keagan and Corey. They were such small and pudgy little things. Well, Corey had always been freakishly tall, and Keagan had always been stick thin, but it was still so different from the people they were now.* You know *her voice was a little shaky again, but she kept talking even if she couldn’t bring herself to look up from the pictures* the first time I met you Keagan I remember thinking that if I were a redhead, I’d be you. *She licked her lips, tasting salt on them* I thought to myself ‘we’re going to be the best of friends, I know it, I’ll make sure of it.’ *And they had been, but no longer. Taking a quiet breath to steady herself, she continued* I also remember thinking ‘I’m going to get this shy boy to smile, even if it kills me.’ …I used to be really good at that, making you smile. *Now she could barely illicit a scorn. Her bottom lip quivered and she sat back down in front of the album, feeling as if her legs could barely support her anymore*
Corey: *looks levely at Hols* That's untrue. I care about Gryffindors as well...but you wouldn't know that. *watches her head over to the book, ignoring her commentary about 'not being disappointed'; people were only disappointed if they weren't good enough* You used to be able to, yes, likely because I couldn't understand how anyone could be so abolutely crazy and still be likeable. Don't worry about it though. This is the circle of life, right here. Darwinism of friendships.
Keagan: *quietly* If we aren't going to try and make up then maybe you both need to just leave. Just leave me alone. You can go back to your redheaded friends and Slytherin boyfriend and you go back to Evan and we can just pretend we weren't ever here or that we didn't have the courage to even try. I thought our friendship meant more. I thought we could get through this. Obviously both of you have just changed too much. *gets up and goes to open the door herself, wanting to just run away and leave, and runs straight into Evan*
Evan: Oomph. *had been about to knock on the door, a little pale but otherwise looking completely find as he catches Keagan and then holds her tight against his chest as he realizes she's crying, looking up in surprise at the rest of the people in the group, his gaze lingering on Corey for a moment before giving a smile to Hols, stroking Keagan's hair* I guess you're the famous Holly-Rae. I'm Evan.
Corey: *had sat up straight when he saw their newcomer, eyes raking over him to make sure he was okay before relaxing a little*
Evan: *lips lift* Two girls crying in what, 10 minutes? That's got a be a record for you, mate.
Corey: *hesitates before shrugging a single shoulder* Unfortunately not.
Hols: *Looking up from the open book, her mouth had opened a bit in brief disbelief at what she was hearing before she just scoffed, shaking her head, tears falling to the ground as she did* You’re right, I must be absolutely crazy to still care about the complete dick you turned out to be. *She turned away from him, shutting her eyes close tight, rubbing at her warm cheeks before her head snapped up, eyes opening as Keagan told them to go and leave her alone. Her mouth opened and closed, unsure of what to respond to that. Hols…didn’t want to leave. She didn’t. Keagan was depressing her and Corey was infuriating her (and they were both making her cry) but this was the first time they had been in the same room, not counting classes or the Great Hall, in three years and…she didn’t want to leave. Hols stood up, taking a step forward to try and stop Keagan with a-* Keagan, wait- *but then she saw someone at the door when it opened, someone she only recognized by sight. Standing up straighter, she immediately wiped at her eyes, muttering a curse under her breath. She sniffed and wiped her nose with the sleeve of her hoodie before turning back to Evan* Infamous, maybe. *Her reputation had taken a bit of a downright spiral all these years, and she doubted that the twins had anything positive to say about her after all of this, if they had even said anything at all.* Nice to meet you. *It was mumbled, and difficult to say when all she wanted to tell him was to go fuck himself, but it wasn’t he she was angry at, it was at herself. And Corey, Corey too. But she couldn’t help feeling like she was looking face to face with her replacement. She knew she had no right to feel that way, that she had tried to do the same (and failed), but she didn’t care. They seemed to have been a lot more successful than her. Keagan cried without shame into his shirt and Corey was already visibly more relaxed; this was torture, but only of her own making. Wiping at her eyes again she cleared her throat and closed the photo album.* How surprising. *It was a bitter comment that served no purpose yet she couldn’t hold it in either. Biting on her bottom lip from trembling, she gathered her hair all over one shoulder, moving away from the table* I should go. Clearly, the preferable company is here now. Make sure Corey takes his Midol, Evan.
Corey: *frowns at her* Somehow I have a really hard time believing you still care. In fact, I think the last time we talked I was dashed from the "friends list" because I said something you didn't like.
Keagan: *sighs out a big, shuddering breath before just clinging to Eavn and letting him give her the comfort she'd really been expecting from the hokery pokery friendship reigniting*
Evan: *eyebrows slightly twitching, but he kept his smile easy and trained on her, taking in the situation without any assumptions but with some concern* Why surprising?
Corey: *recognizing the spark in Evan's eyes, he suddenly stands up and shakes his head* We were all just leaving.
Evan: *looks at him and narrows his eyes* Sit.
Keagan: *mumbling something to Evan, letting him brush her face and refuses to look at any of them as she follows his command for Corey instead, pulling her knees up to her chest*
Evan: *closes the door behind him again and looks pointedly at Corey*
Corey: *purses his lips, but after one look at Keagan, sat back down again with a frustrated sound*
Evan: *keeps his body language open as he looks back at Hols* Why do you think it is surprising that they talked about you?
Keagan: *whispers* Please don't go, Hols.
Hols: *she exhales in exasperation, honestly two minutes away from roaring at him. Maybe if she tackled him to the floor in lion form he’d think twice about being so insensitive…except, probably not. She pulled in frustration, remembering the conversation too. She had been 15, he was being an insensitive jerk when all she wanted was one of her best friends, and she had been emotional and had gotten furious and yelled at him and stomped away. She had regretted it immediately, but pride kept her from apologizing. That and-* You told me I was a stupid little girl and that if I had gotten pregnant it was my own damn fault- GEE! I wonder why I got mad! *She wanted to hit something, or go flying, or running, or actually there was leftover firewhiskey in the bottom of her trunk- she’d reacquaint herself with it and wouldn’t her parents be proud she hadn’t resorted to violence this time? It was almost funny, see: sad, how two minutes ago she hadn’t wanted to leave and now she wanted to run away and never look back. If Keagan and Corey had felt even half as lousy as she felt now…she didn’t blame them for being angry with her. This was quickly turning into an ‘only have yourself to blame’ situation, and she didn’t like those. Watching in surprise as both Keagan and Corey did as Evan told them to do, Hols was starting to feel –very- out of her element. She didn’t feel like she belonged there, with them, and that was an emotion she could do without. Licking her lips, she cleared her throat and shrugged* Well, we spent a good deal of time trying to pretend the other didn’t exist, talking about me would have been counterproductive. *She paused, her shoulders dropping as she heard Keagan’s whispered request and she sighed, turning to the girl* Half a minute ago it was ‘get out, find your Slytherin boyfriend’…*she licked her lips and then turned to Evan again* You seem like a natural mediator, Evan, and I’m going to be completely honest right now: I half want to punch you in the face and half want to thank you for being in their lives. And absolutely no half of me wants to be judged by someone who’s probably heard every single complaint and insult they’ve had to say about me.
Corey: *blanches slightly at the words Hols reminded him up, shooting up from his chair regardless of Evan's order* You were being a stupid little girl and if you had gotten pregnant it would have been all your fault! How the fuck was I supposed to protect you when you did everything you could to put yourself in danger of being hurt, whether it be physically, emotionally, or both? I'm not a fucking miracle worker, Hols, and you refused to listen to me. You always refused to listen to me no matter how hard I tried to make you see that you weren't being healthy! You know what, fuck you. Just fuck you. I was your project, a challenge to see if you could get me to love you just like every other person and as soon as I stopped being that silent kid, as soon as I loved you, you dumped me and moved onto something or someone else to become your project. *shakes his head and returns back to the window, staring out it angrily* I am no one's project.
Evan: *nonargumentally* Which is why everyone else is his.
Keagan: *shoulders slumping* We never pretended you didn't exist, Hols. And I know. Because it hurts. I know we weren't...together but the phrase still works! My heart is broken.
Evan: I haven't heard one bad thing about you. Actually, *grins* You seemed like someone made up, hearing some of the adventures you all went on. *gestures to his face* You're very welcome to, if it'll make you feel better. I'd punch Corey instead. He might like it.
Keagan: *lifts her head* You're making jokes?
Corey: Forget it, Evan. This isn't going to make any of us happy. It's not going to 'fill holes'. This is a waste of our time. Did you put the paperwork in my cabinet?
Evan: No, I burned it. *rolls his eyes* Of course I did. Can we focus for a second? *clears his throat and walks over to sit on the arm of the chair Keagan's in, turning back to Hols* For the sake of knowing who I'm graduating with, why don't we just start, clean slate. *holds out his hand* I'm Evan. I test Corey's potions because I have to be masochistic or something, and I have a weakness for red hair. I felt for a long time like I was trying to fill some likely very stylish stilletos but now I feel like I've carved my own place into the Clemens crazy circle? *grins* I like long walks on the beach and pickles. Sweet and spicy midgets, mostly.
Hols: *It would have hurt less to have been slapped. She certainly took a step back as if she had been, her eyes had welled up with tears again as if she had been. Pursing her lips together, she noticed her hands were shaking when she moved them over her mouth in an attempt to stop her lips from quivering.* I didn’t…no, I never meant….Cor- *oh god she was going to throw up. Now it was she who had to turn away, who couldn’t meet his gaze. She would have doubled over if not for her firm determination not to appear like a weak girl in front of Evan. She had a reputation to maintain…and a horrid one at that, if half of what Corey was true. She wasn’t, she couldn’t be that cruel, no. That’s what had happened, he had just twisted it around in his mind, that’s what must have happened, right?....Right? What had she done to these siblings? She had…toyed with one, and then abandoned the other one during the worst months of her life. Her tears only spilled further as she looked at Keagan, whom she could previously tell anything. She just wanted the girl to hold her like she used to, to assure Hols that she hadn’t done any of the horrible things she thought she had. Hols couldn’t do that, so she crossed her arms in front of her chest and held herself. And then this damn Evan was smiling at her, he was –smiling- at her and telling her that he’d only heard wonderful things. If anything, it only made her feel worse. She shook her head stubbornly, lips pursed. No, she didn’t want to deal with this, this hurt, she didn’t want to hurt. It always hurt, it always damn hurt every single day, but it had never hurt as much as this. She didn’t know how long she had been shaking her head for, only that as Evan started talking about pickles, she spoke out again, her voice hoarse* STOP! Just stop! Stop it, stop talking, stop being so fucking nice to me, I’m supposed to hate you damnit! *she sniffed, crying without a sound* And you’re supposed to hate me- look at what I’ve done to them! Punch you in the face?! You should punch –me- in the face! You want to get to know me? I’m Holly Rae. I’m a prejudiced, judgemental, insecure, jealous, bossy and a preachy little bitch who ditched her best friends because for one single moment, the attention wasn’t on me. I just- *she dropped onto a chair, lucky it was there otherwise she would have fallen straight to the floor. Curling her arms around her knees, she hid her face behind her hair and legs, her chest shaking with the effort of her sobs. She couldn’t face them, didn’t want to see their gazes, or how they ignored her, she just wanted to leave, and retreat and lick her wounds.*
Corey: *with a lot of effort, closes his voice back down into the calm, settled voice and disagreed* You did. Of course you didn't mean it, Hols. You never meant any of it. You'd talk about hating me and then one second later I was "your favorite person'. It didn't really matter as long as you were happy...that's all I cared. But I knew I wasn't enough. Don't you get it? Don't you see? That's why we stopped talking, Hols. I've never wanted so badly to live up to your high expectations and I always fell short. *wry smile at the window* Not literally, of course. That is why it's so much easier if you just hate being with us. We don't make you happy. *shrugs*
Keagan: *stares at his back* Don't speak for me. I don't... I didn't think any of that!
Evan: *tugs on Keagan's hair gently and then watches Hols falling apart, sighing slightly as he got up and brought her a tissue, completely ignoring the Clemens for the moment* I would prefer if you didn't hate me, actually, since I believe we'll be in each other's lives. I don't at all hate you. I don't really know you past the stories of your childhood. Here's the thing, love. *gives her the tissue and crouches before the chair, speaking quickly, and quietly* You haven't done anything to them. Keagan is like this right now because she finally got up the courage to face whether or not you still want her. To her, you were always her better half. Stronger. More daring. Bringing her into new things that she would have been too scared to do on her own. You kept her grounded in reality rather than what the world of modeling gives her. When she was in that institute? The one thing she said was that the only reason she actually started trying to fix herself was because she had disappointed you and Corey, and that's why no one came to visit or wrote. And whether or not that's true, she did gain the strength to get past herself. Look at her. I think she's past training bras, even. *smiles and then tilts his head over at Corey* Corey's not like this because of you. So, maybe you are a little self-blaming. He may have sped into it but have you met their mom? Her twin? *crinkles his nose* This poor boy has the makings of being an obsessive compulsive workaholic with no relationship skills whatsoever. He's never learned that the best way to love someone is to let them make their mistakes and to just be there for them when they crash and burn. But it's always been too hard for him to see you get hurt. Then when he starting having no idea what was going on, and no idea what you were going through, and no idea how to help you or talk to you and his sister was dying...*shrugs* he cracked and went to potions. Because he thinks he can fix everything with potions. *looks a little sad for a moment* And there's just some things that cannot be fixed. But he has missed you every single day since you all split. They both have, though they had opposite reactions. Keagan was angry, and then slowly began talking about how much she missed you. Corey would sing your praises and then slowly stopped talking about you at all because he didn't have anything new to say and I've heard it all. *chuckles* And merlin, did I hear it all. I practically feel like I knew you as a kid. So please, please don't give up on them. They didn't replace you...they've never stopped thinking of you. So...I think maybe the best thing to do is to break out drinks and just start catching up. Start fresh. get to know each other all over again. We need a nonjudgemental floor where past things have nothing to input into the present and future. I can help with that, if you're willing to take the chance. If not, then you're free to go and I will be forced to pick up the pieces. Just know they never gave up hoping they could go back to those fifteen year old selves. Jealousy and eating disorders aside, anyways.
Hols: *she rubbed at her face and rubbed and rubbed and she honestly wondered whether or not that was an unconscious effort to rip off her skin.* Shut up, shutupshutup. *He needed to stop talking, he needed to stop twisting their past friendship into something so vile and repulsive. Did Keagan feel the same way, about the expectations that were impossible to meet? She couldn’t chance a look at her, because while her words said no…words could lie. She didn’t look up at first as she felt someone approaching, realizing it was Evan when he spoke up. Hols wasn’t sure if she was disappointed or relieved it was him instead, but she still couldn’t bring herself to look up, though she did take the tissue. She felt horrible, was pretty sure she looked horrible and that wasn’t who she was supposed to be. This moment of weakness would follow her around for the longest time, and she was already ashamed of herself, more than she had ever been last year when those pictures of her got leaked. And how in the fuck did Slytherin house breed such a nice person? It was torture to have to listen to a guy she barely knew try and comfort her, explain the way her ex-best friends worked. And he was very good at it, this psychologist and analyzing crap. Keagan did seem stronger, and she had been the one to get them all there, the one that actually had all the faith, in the beginning at least. Hols didn’t have anything to do with that though. At one point she actually did have to look up, and scoff, though she did keep her thoughts to herself: Corey didn’t seem to have much of a problem watching her get hurt now, and do the hurting himself. But she wanted to believe what Evan said about both of them missing her…Hols had missed them like crazy. She already admitted they’d left a huge hole in her life, she had already admitted damnit, to their faces. What more could she do, beg forgiveness? Hadn’t she already humiliated herself enough? She just wanted them back. Wiping her nose with the tissue, Evan actually managed to extract a small smile from her for the briefest of moments; those were the twins she used to know: stubborn and proud Keagan, and secret sweetheart Corey. She didn’t know the people she was sitting in front of right now…but she wanted to. She exhaled, her sobs diminished to the point of almost non-existence and she sniffed* That’s it, just like that? And just…what, take it in stride? *She sighed, wiping at her eyes again, cradling her head on her knees, she remained silent for a long moment and then nodded, licking her lips.* Okay…okay. But lots of drinks.
Evan: *intruiged that she continued to not want to hear his truths, but was gratified that as he continued to quickly speak only to her, she seemed to react...to listen, and to react. When he finished he took a deep breath, pressing his hand to his chest to help the pressure a little as Corey's latest didn't exactly seem to like human functioning systems. Really, he'd like to just go to sleep but he needed to do this for them...for Corey, at least, for everything he had done for Evan* Just like that. It's only as difficult as you all make it to be, and this resistance is natural...you're all scared that you won't work anymore. *pauses* Don't let this exterior of his scare you into thinking he's the coldest, uncaring asshole in the world. *concerned* It's not true. He's thought of you every day, whether or not he'll admit it. *grins* There's this one girl, a skank really, her name is Hayley? She's been trying to get him to date her for ages. As it is, their relationship is really simple; she like to play around with her image. She comes in brunette, she comes in raven-haired, she comes in purple or auburn or red...*shrugs* She comes in blonde and she's out on her ass faster than she can whine in that vile voice of hers "but Coreeyyyy.' *imitates it and rolls his eyes* Just think about that. *stands back up and grins at Keagan, who had finally wiped her eyes and had been staring at them with hope and confusion warring on her face* Feel up to a drink?
Keagan: *looks between the two for a moment and then shoots up, heading over to a cabinet out of the way* does everyone feel like?
Corey: *turns slightly, looking at all of them out of the corner of his eye and then turns back around to avoid looking at Evan as the boy comes up to him completely, now speaking only to him* I don't know why you're doing this.
Evan: *sighs and leans against his back* Because you're unhappy, and you have been the entire time I've known you.
Corey: I'm not unhappy, I'm just busy.
Evan: *firmly* You're going to tell her about what you've been doing and what you're working for, you're going to listen to her tell you what she's been doing and what she's working for, and let Keagan tell both of you what she's doing and what she's been working for, and then we're going to all work out a way to make those at least have each other entwined through that by lunch dates and correspondance. If you won't do this for your sister or the girl who has clearly ruined you just the right amount for me. *grins* Then do it for me.
Corey: *rolls his eyes* I was not ruined for you.
Evan: Did you think about guys before she left?
Corey: *purses his lips* I was too busy making sure she didn't get herself killed to think about attraction.
Evan: *smirks* Exactly. Now go sit, stop putting on that grumpy face, and let me get you some scotch.
Corey: *doesn't answer, just moves away from him to go back and sit...this time on a couch, not a chair, resting his palms on his knees instead of leaving his body language closed*
Evan: *triumphantly flashes a smile at all of them* Scotch for your brother and me pretty please.
Keagan: *goes to pour herself a shot and then reconsiders, putting the tequila bottle under her arm as she holds a glass in both hands, bringing them to the boys before stopping in front of Hols* Do you...can I make you something?
Hols: *This felt like a therapy session, and she supposed that’s part of the reason why she felt so adverse to it, on top of all the other details and complications she meant. But even her stubborn ass couldn’t deny…things probably wouldn’t have calmed down without him. Actually, Hols was half sure she’d have aimed a jinx at Corey if Evan hadn’t gotten there. The guy insisted the cold and brittle exterior was just an act though, but boy was it convincing. Hols wiped at her nose again with the tissue, folding it and nodding absently because she wanted to believe it. Wanted to, didn’t quite get there yet but it was a start. She looked up in confusion and curiosity at the anecdote, head tilting to the side, her gaze flicking over to Corey for a moment before it returned to Evan. She wasn’t really sure what the purpose of that had been, but that whiny imitation of a voice really was annoying and her nose wrinkled just thinking about it. She nodded slowly, letting her knees fall from her chest as she attempted to sit up straight and well…pretend she hadn’t just gone nuclear psycho and embarrassed herself. Sitting up straighter, first she watched Keagan run over to the drinks, her mind immediately remembering that time Hols had nicked a half unfinished bottle of cranberry vodka from Belle and snuck it to their dormitory. They didn’t even glasses, just drank straight from the bottle. It was cheap and completely disgusting, but it had been…pretty fun; Hols smiled a little at the memory. Then her head turned to look at the boys, her curiosity rising to a peak. Her mouth had even dropped a little in the surprise, but she quickly realized that gaping like a fish…was probably not the way to go. Well then…that looked quite interesting. Hols looked forward when she realized Keagan was in front of her.* Brandy, preferably cognac…the bottle’s fine. *she licked her lips, meeting her gaze* Thanks. *Hols was more of a beer girl, but this time she definitely knew she needed something stronger. She turned to look at Evan.* …So, how exactly do we start this, Dr. Phil?
Keagan: *looks at Hols with the barest of smiles, noting her surprised expression at the boys* He doesn't lead him around like you used to be able to but it's pretty damn close...and funny to watch. *bit her lip* It kinda...surprised me too. *just accios the cognac to her, holding it for a moment before handing it to Hols, hesitating for a moment more before taking her own bottle and heading to a seat, unscrewing the top to take her own first, long drink*
Evan: *had been grinning at Corey attempting to temper his 'grumpy look' but turns back to Hols as she speaks, shrugging a little* We could play a game. A drinking one, if that's what makes people more comfortable. However instead of a usual outcome, we can tell facts. Secrets. Catch each other up on who they are now. Get to know new people?
Corey: *takes a deep breath and looks down into his cup, glaring at it for a moment before throwing it back*
Evan: *looks at him for a moment and then conversationally says* And I can always answer for people who aren't forthcoming with their answers. For the most part. Stop acting like a two year old. *rolls his eyes and leans forward* So what'll it be? King's cup? Never have I ever? Truth, dare, or strip...no, shot. We're not needing to become that comfortable yet. *teasing*
