❛ is wake me up inside by evanescence a sexual metaphor?
❛ sometimes you just need to sleep in your day clothes.
❛ you know it’s not your high school when they give you condoms at the door.
❛ it’s like when you turn the shower off, but the water keeps going.
❛ shhhh! the window’s open.
❛ can you whistle without vocal chords?
❛ you can whistle with grass and it doesn’t have vocal chords.
❛ that’s a squishy cheese.
❛ well technically, EVERYONE’S hair is colored.
❛ i’m sorry, i hate pasta.
❛ we could have another lincoln as president!!
❛ it looks like what buttered popcorn jellybeans would look like if they were actual food.
❛ yeah, so it looks like ______ lost a tentacle.
❛ oh my god who put harpoons on the floor.
❛ they were soggy!
❛ we are NOT watching avatar. they have sex with weird tail things.
❛ i forgot about the sex tail!
❛ are you proud of me? i just ate 240 individual smarties!
❛ how many calories is a person?
❛ i’ve seen so many babies this week.
❛ wow, isn’t this silence super nice? it’s almost like we’re never not talking.
❛ were those bikers in cosplay?
❛ i’ve had the ‘we just got a letter’ song from blues clues stuck in my head all day.
❛ i didn’t know it was possible to have a sexual experience while bagging food.
❛ put things on a board that make sounds and then touch them! it’ll be like you’re in a band!
❛ and also make it a maraca.
❛ did you just put half and half in microwavable potatoes?
❛ don’t judge me, i know what i'm about!
❛ college debt is the boogieman of american millennials.
❛ it’s ____’s fault. fuck ____.
❛ that was NOT a knock.
❛ it was my personal knock. so you know it’s me and not your roommates.
❛ my roommates usually just open the door. since it’s, you know, their room.
❛ what am i ever going to use a welcoming pineapple for?
❛ why are pineapples considered welcoming? they have spines on them.
❛ you could kill someone with a pineapple.
❛ don’t you dare turn my guitar into a social justice issue.
❛ yeah? well my headband’s louder than yours.
❛ i fucking hate art kids.
❛ you can’t hate art kids, you are one.
❛ the mystery shower girl has listened to both country and rap. the two worst musical genres.
❛ dude, there’s a UK version of the mail song from blues clues.
❛ who the fuck says ‘post.’ are they too good for mail?
❛ just write ‘fuck ___’ in puffy paint.
