omg modern au conspiracy theorist rerir is soooo canon to me, specifically the type of conspiracy theorist who believes in aliens mind controlling the government, lizard people being real, and somehow also believes the moon is fake??? like brother did you not see the moon landing done by snezhnayans a few decades ago?? but then you hear him scoffing in the vc, and he begins to go on a crazed rant in the middle of the matched game you're playing with him, trying to prove to you why the moon landing was fabricated and that the khaenri'ahn government is trying to hide something from all of you. like, haha.... okay rerir,,,, can you please focus on the game now ^^;;;;; me personally i would listen to him pull out the obscure 400-page document he probably unearthed from some fake moon believers online forum in which he's since been one of the main contributors to said document. but this is all worth it because after the gruelling lesson he gives you, it's dick appointment time !! 😊😊😊
YESYES
Listen I think you have to be Adaptable. I think you start feeling him up the second he jumps on that bullshit because dear god we are NOT doing this today. It’ll probably become obvious to him eventually so he starts talking through it. Does he not grasp that that talking about mind control chemicals in the water kind of ruins the mood? “We TESTED my water and it was fine. I need a shower after this anyway! Rerir, please come to the shower with me. Haha. Please. Seriously. Please.”
The worst thing is probably what he sends you on Instagram. I know his instagram reel situation is so bleak, so abysmal, every time he opens his phone you get a near maternal urge to take it off him like you’ve just seen a baby with a massive ipad in public. And you just pray he doesn’t send you another slideshow with AI voiceover about how the aliens switched out another political figure for one of their own.
The crazy thing is I do think he has a degree I think probably physics, computing, or engineering, and it makes him really unbearable. Because he thinks he’s smart enough to scientifically prove his conspiracies but like, How. Throwing random numbers at you to prove the moon isn’t real is so deeply unserious and you have no idea what’s going on. And it’s like, some of your friends have dated guys with no hobbies and no personality before. At least he has something he’s passionate about it, but is this worth it? Is it?
There are So many things wrong with him. And I think it’s only once he’s built up an emotional dependence on you that you can make any reasonable attempts to fix him (and maybe he’ll even start fixing himself. maybe. maybe. maybe) so if you thought the dick was worth it for that long maybe he’ll actually go out and find a job. And you’re just praying it’s not because he’s being radicalised AGAIN but this time into thinking men should be providers and he needs you to quit your job and any life aspirations asap. But he comes home and says something so shockingly normal it floors you; probably some shit like “Did you have a good day at work” and you’re stunlocked for a good ten seconds. You’re just so used to being met with utter silence or “I can prove to you that they invented mind control in the 1900’s”
Job = less time on phone = less crazy = less time working on the 400 page “the moon is fake” document. And you can say to your friends “please stop calling him a bum, he has a job now. And he only talks about the moon landing being fake SOMETIMES.”
In some ways you might still be in the trenches but at least he doesn’t take cuddling as an opportunity to rant to you about #TheTruth so much. And at least he showers on a daily basis now. And at least he hasn’t been banned from VC in like three weeks.
…. Your bar is on the floor, isn’t it?