Hang on Me
~~~
Ikemen Vampire
Dazai Osamu x Reader, pt 1
A/n: First part of the Stalker series, also I am NOT fluent in Japanese at all, I apologize as there are most likely many mistakes in translations of informal/formal speech and so on, I mostly used google translate and other websites. But expect there to be mistakes. Additionally, I don't know if Dazai has a pen name in the events of the his route so I just didn't give him one directly. I also don't remember the editor having a name so I also gave him a random name.
Tw: Contains depression, stalking, destruction of property, threats
Translations:
Dazai: Ohayo/ Morning (informal)
Sebastian: Ohayo Gozaimas/ Good morning (formal)
Y/n: Ohayo/ morning (informal)
Sebastian: Matte/wait (informal)
Dazai: gochisosama, itte kimasu/ thank you for the meal, I'm leaving (informal, formal)
Y/n: Deeto/ Date (informal(?))
Dazai: nande/ why (informal)
Y/n: iya-dōiu imidesu ka? Shuji-kun?/ no,what do you mean? Shuji-kun (formal)
Dazai: Dou shita no?/ What's wrong? (informal(?))
Y/n: kiete shimatta, kako ni wa inai!/ It's gone, it's not here! (informal(?))
Theo: dwass/ fool
Theo: Verdomme/ Dammit
~~~
Dazai's blissful slumber crudely comes to an end as the suns glare unwelcomingly attaches itself to his face. As his face scrunches in brief discomfort, he opens his eyes and his gaze travels downwards to what, or rather who, should be occupying the space next to him, his sleeping lover. His discomfort from the sun intensifies as he opens his eyes to see that you were not in his arms. A shiver racks his body, he'd left the window open and the winter months have not been kind.
As he shielded his face a groan escapes his lips when he decides to haul himself up and look around the room for you, a pout rests on his face and he sighs as you are nowhere in his peripheral vision. Dazai knows there are only two options as to where his beloved is.
Quickly changing from his yukata into his daily kimono, he sets out to your room.
You weren't in your room Dazai crossed off one place from his mental list and quickly made his way to the kitchen in search of you.
~~~
Upon nearing the kitchen he heard Sebastians most recent scolding. "...honestly" the butler sighed more in concern than in irritation or anger.
"Ohayo~" a light smile graced Dazai's face as he made himself known. Upon taking in your latest creations "oh my, Toshiko-san, you've truly outdone yourself a true pâtissier" Dazai says as he picks up a piece of cut bread, 'mm banana' he thinks as he chews it. "Ohayo gozaimas Dazai-sensei" Sebastian greets, "Ohayo" you say rising from your apologetic bow. Dazai hides his frown as he takes in your appearance, disheveled sleeping attire, hair partially rusted, most likely from the little sleep you were able to get, eye bags darker than they were before, you could almost confuse them for a make up look.
"I'll go out and get more now" at your words Dazai's attention was gathered, "matte, at least wait until after breakfast" Sebastian pleaded. You nodded and started gathering the many pans and platters filled with pastries and cookies, etc.
As both men watched you exit the kitchen "Dazai-sensei..." Sebastian knew he didn't need to make his concerns vocal, but he knew you weren't well. He could see it, they all could. "Mm" Dazai agreed, his smile vanishing, while he was concerned for his lover he trusted that you would come to him, if and when you needed him, which you do. He was aware of your 'coping mechanisms' as you put it, it was healthy and yummy, in his opinion, but he knew that wasn't enough sometimes. After all you were approaching the one year mark of your saying good-bye to your home...and your time.
Putting the last of breakfast on the table as everyone, almost everyone, sorry Napoleon, trickled in. You took a seat, still in your pajamas, as opposed to everyone who were dressed for the day. "Hondje" you looked up from your plate. "Yes?" you answered, "do you need more training or did you actually forget your brains this morning" Theo confidently asked, he was worried. "Huh? Oh, no, I just didn't want my clothes to smell like food for when I go out later so.." you trailed off. You wanted to get an early start on the groceries, to make it up for Sebastian for using most of the baking ingredients for tomorrows breakfast. "Is anybody else finished?" you ask, multiple heads turn to look at you.
"You're done already?" Isaac asks, making a rare appearance at breakfast. "Ah, I'm not really that hungry, kept snacking while I was baking" you say as a matter of factly, you smile at the rest of them and take your plate to the kitchen.
Dazai decided, this was his time to act, "gochisosama, itte kimasu" he said as he followed you in pursuit.
"Shuji-san" you called him as you turned on the tap "you're not going to eat more?" you wonder if the food was to his liking, he usually likes the food, seeing as it is usually a traditional Japanese breakfast, but you made it like you always do, so maybe you did something wrong? "Mm-mm" he dissuaded your worries, "I've got and early meeting with my editor, after that I am mostly free. I thought we could get the groceries together and after..." he trailed off.
"Deeto!" a brilliant smile lit up your face in turn let up his and he nodded in affirmation.
Finishing up the dishes you animatedly told your boyfriend to wait for you by the stairs as you briskly walked to the doorway, then hiking it up to your room to change and fix your-everything.
~~~
You held a bit of breath as Shuji helped you down from the carriage. Still not used to balancing your weight on such a small step.
"This meeting shouldn't take long" he said hoping it would ease you, you nodded not worried at all. Happy wherever and whenever you were with him.
"You made it" Dazai's editor stood from the booth, as he greeted you both. After shaking Dazai's hand he took yours, you gave a slight bow more out of habit than anything else. He clumsily returned your slight bow as best he could, not wanting to be rude. He only stopped when you gave him one of your kind smiles.
Ever the gentleman Shuji let you sit first while he and his editor, Auguste, got their greetings out of the way and settled down into the booth to discuss Dazai's newest short story. As you waited for their meeting to end you pulled out your latest re-read, 'The Call of Cthulhu', H.P. Lovecraft. Though you knew to be careful, this book wouldn't be written for almost, another twenty years. You had carefully folded a cover over the book, a simple Lovecraft written on top.
As the meeting came to an end barely an hour later, Auguste took notice of your book. "Love..Cra..ft" he announced, gathering yours and your lovers attention. "English?" he questioned, you nodded, "I have to say I've never heard of them" he looked up at you, eyes shining with childlike curiosity.
"Ahh, he is..rather unknown..mostly known in Japan. Not very popular here" you chose your words very carefully. "Really, well you should introduce him to me then!" You and Shuji gently laughed as Auguste playfully boasted about his profession and skill. As you three stood up to say your goodbye's and leave.
"Monsieur, would you like me to pack this to go?" the waitress asked the elderly man sitting at the counter. His eyes which were so glazed over only moments before they sprang to life once more, "No!" he hollered moving fast enough that his hand had gotten caught on the edge of the cake, sending it toppling over, plate and all. Making a rather loud crash, as the plate broke in three and the cake landed smack onto the floor. Gathering the attention of many in the cafe, including your boyfriend, yourself, and the seniors son.
"Papa!" Auguste turned to the scene. "Please accept my apologies. I'll pay for the plate of course. Papa are you alright" you and Shuji watched in silence, while most of the cafe patrons went back to their own business. "If it's not too much trouble, can we have two cakes to go?" He asked the waitress as went to get something to clean up the mess only bending down to help once he received an affirmative nod. Your heart cracked as you saw his expression, grief and sadness written all over him "She was going to take it away, how will she know we're waiting for her if there's no cake. She loves cake" he accentuated his point with his hands and body. You could tell by what seemed like gibberish to most were the signs of something much more painful.
"I know papa..." you didn't need to see his face to know Auguste had a painful expression on him. One that you and Shuji wore often. "Please excuse me" he briefly excused himself to Dazai before fussing over his father and trying to get him to calm down.
As Auguste's father was calming down he turned his head to the side, where the glass window was and locked eyes with you. "Anne!" you could have sworn you saw tears in his eyes "Anne!" the elderly man eagerly made his way towards you, a look of fatherly love evident on his face, only now did you take in the rest of his appearance. Well dressed for a person of upper middle class, though the type of coat he's wearing was generally something you'd seen on a younger sort of man. "Anne where have you been, your brother and I have been waiting for hours! You didn't go off with that Beaudet boy did you? He's not as kind as he seems." You watched him go off in a fatherly rant, that seemed familiar in a way. You didn't pull away as he took hold of your hands and engulfed them in his own gaunt and thin hands, holding strong and firm the opposite of how he was perceived. "Would you like to sit down" you offered a kind smile gracing your features.
Dazai was unsure of what to do.
The older man did as you asked but kept his hands on your own regardless.
"Papa..." his son looked at his father a deep sense of sadness in his eyes.
"Why don't you go on to your next appointment and I'll see you later" you ended in a question so as to give him control, just like a daughter would with her father. "Ohh.." he trailed off seriously thinking it over "al-alright we'll see you at home, come Auguste say goodbye to your sister. I'll wait for you by the entrance" he said not looking back once.
You all watched him walk off in the direction of the entrance of the cafe, muttering to himself, but more calm than he was moments ago.
"Are you alright" your beloved asked you, worried of you'd been shaken up at all. "I'm alright" you eased his worries.
"I'm sorry about him, it's..it's gotten worse these days..he was confused because your stature and features well, they remind him of my sister, Anne. She has long since passed" you gave your condolences and shook your head in understanding. "I went through something similar like this with my grandfather, in my experience it's best not to try a break them out of it." you recounted. "Hm, yes that's what the doctor has been telling us as well" Auguste explained. You both saw how he didn't want to go much farther into it, so you decided to say your goodbye's and quickly took your leave.
~~~
"I think we can make it to the supermarket on foot from here" you leaned outwards on the curb than on the sidewalk, looking out as far as you could while trying to balance your lower half on the curb and your upper half trying to catch sight of the grocery store. Shuji kept his arm around your waist, firmly, as you leaned out further, "be careful" he reminded you, you mindlessly agreed and set yourself straight again. "Okay, I think I see it from here" you say, matter of factly, when you didn't get an answer you turned to your lover to find him staring off into space. "Shuji-san" he looked down to you as he felt your hand softly caress his cheek, your expression tightening with worry. His hand easily encompassed your own as he met your worry with his own gentle smile.
As you two started to walk he asked "Y/n, is it common there? That people are aware, and know what to do with elders who aren't well?" As you walked together through the semi crowded sidewalk Dazai took hold of your bag so you could hold hands, you were always more comfortable with affection than he was. Though, you trusted he would tell you if he was uncomfortable with anything. "Hm, of you mean back at the cafe right?" you asked, to which he nodded. "Not really, in my case it was because I was exposed to it so much. But unless you work in that sort of field or you or someone you know are affected by it, not many people know how to act." you finish. "it was like that before too" you were surprised by his answer, not by what he said, but because Dazai doesn't talk about his past very often.
"I think I heard about a Love-uh Craft-eh, when I was young" Dazai admits changing the topic quickly, "really?" while you knew they operated around the same time period you didn't think he would be big or even available in Japan at that time. "Ah" he confirmed, "do you like him" you hear a tinge of jealousy in his voice, swallowing your humor you answer. "As a writer, sort of...yeah" you shake your hand to and fro to accentuate. "As a person absolutely not" the matter of fact tone in your voice makes Dazai press further, "oh? Why is that" he turns to you. "Well" you start "it doesn't help that he was a raging white supremacist" you finish, "hm?" oh, 'that term might not be in use yet', "he was really really racist." you explain, "ahh" you saw him nod in understanding.
"After we're done maybe we should visit the children in the park?" he proposed, changing the subject. "Mmm, maybe, though they might not be there, it's getting colder now" you answer, winter was getting closer and it was getting dark earlier as well. You thank him as he holds door open for you, "do you wanna split up or do you want to get everything together" as if you even have to ask, he smiles at you. You converse as you gather the essentials flour, sugar, yeast, etc.
You were almost done with the list, you and Dazai split up to get the last two ingredients. Unfortunately for you, the sugar you needed was on the top shelf. Your face turns red from frustration as you try and fail to grasp the item. An angry pout settles on your face, as you drop your feet evenly back to the ground. Taking a deep breath, you reach up again, this time your fingers grasp it wobbling it back instead of forward. you squint in concentration.
You feel a hand on your shoulder, pushing your weight back down. They go for the item, reaching farther than you could. Your brief surprise dissipates as you realize who it is from their side profile. "François!" your surprised voice reaches his ears. The young man s boyish smile accentuated by the light outside. "Thank you" he sheepishly waved you off, his smile softening for you. "How was your day" he asks "oh, it was good, my boyfriend's taking me out after this" You replied unable to hide your blush at the mention of your lover, though you were surprised by his question, even so you shouldn't have been considering he almost always asks how you are.
"Hello" the way Dazai lowers himself to your ear to whisper softly to you has you scarlet red. "Dazai!" Neither man miss the way your face brightens when you notice his presence. "François" you motion to the young boy, "Dazai" you motion to your love. "Dazai Osamu" Shuji said cooly, offering his hand, he saw the way François looks at you.
Shuji looks at you the same way.
"Ah, François Beauvais" he hastily shook Dazai's hand as he introduced himself, Dazai's eyes narrowed ever so slightly as he felt François' grip squeeze. A sensation he returned, his Cheshire smile widening by a fraction.
Sensing the tension you put your hand on Dazai's arm and asked "did you find it alright", as the sound of your gentle voice serenaded his ears, Dazai's tense expression lifted as his eyes met your own.
'You are the Euridyce to my Orpheus', Dazai thought as stars were held in his eyes.
An uncomfortable cough breaks you two out of your reverie. "Please pardon us" your sheepish answer only makes Dazai inwardly swoon more, you're so cute when you're flustered. "Did you find it alright" you repeat, to which he replies "yes, are you ready" as you nodded Dazai got ready to depart.
"Are you ready to pay, I can go with you to the register that way you won't have to wait in the line" the young man rushed out. Jealousy dripped down into Shuji's stomach, a silent breath made its way out his mouth. "Are you sure that's alright, won't you get in trouble?" Your worried expression matched the tightness in your chest. Dazai nodded in agreement wondering the same thing.
"Don't worry just don't tell anyone" François playfully winked at you as he held his finger to his lips. Shuji doesn't like him, "that's alright, I don't want you to get in trouble" you decidedly announced, "hm?" the young man voiced his confusion, not expecting your rejection. "Thank you for your assistance" Shuji abruptly ended the interaction. As he took the woven basket, provided by the store, in one arm placing the item he'd gotten in alongside the rest and took hold of your arm in a gentle yet firm grip, making his way toward the cashier.
You fell into step with him as you both heard the owner call out "François! Get moving!".
As you two made your way to the front to pay, your eyes met François' once more, a quick flat smile made it's way onto your face as you waited for him to finish bagging your items and for Dazai to finish paying the cashier. "Thank you" you bowed slightly, he waved you off, "it's nothing, this is my job".
You and Shuji walked out of the store hand in hand as he held the bag in his other hand.
"You wanted to go to the-" "Ggrrrrrr..." your blush more apparent then Isaac's bright hair. "Hey!" a chuckle Shuji failed to hide made it so much worse, you looked like you were ready to cry. "Ahh, I can't help it when my beautiful dove makes such noises" he confessed as his laugh died down. "You keep saying stuff like that people are going to get the wrong idea" you mutter an out evident on your lips as you look away in embarrassment.
~~~
You leaned back as a waiter brought your sweets and tea over, you both thanked him quietly. You don't think you'll be able to see the children today, looking at Shuji noticed the forlorn look upon your lovers face, "what's wrong" your worried tone reached him. "Y/n, are you unhappy" his grave tone and matching expression put you off guard "eh?" small, curt and full of confusion "iya-dōiu imidesu ka? Shuji-kun?" being completely unprepared by such a confrontation, it felt like your defenses and walls were being pulled apart. Like you were put bare for the world to see, you wanted it to stop, but you knew you couldn't do that. Not to him. "Is this about from this morning" you continued switching back to French, gathering enough of your bearings to switch languages.
"Mm" he confirmed, "are you unhappy here...with me" he added the last part quietly casting his head down in fear, maybe it's not that you don't want to be with him maybe it's that you don't want to be awa-"No" he looked up your eyes full of resolve. Sure and as unwavering as the glaring sun. "No I am not unhappy here nor am I unhappy with you" you repeat, "if this is about this morning, I just..get tired sometimes and...that's just my way of dealing with things, I have other ways but not many that I feel secure doing..here anyways" your confident look washed and faded away as you answered him.
"If that's what it is then why don't you come to me about this, that's what we're here for" you know what he means. Not the others not Le Comte, not Napoleon, not Leonardo, him, just him. "There are so many reasons as to why I don't talk about this to people, but one of the most common reasons is because..." he waited for you to continue as a lump formed in his throat from anticipation? Anxiety? Fear? Still he kept quiet as you found the words.
"I tried that before-before I met you that is..." your voice trailed off, your hands fiddled with one another your gaze downcast in anxiousness. "'Stop being lazy', 'we all have problems', 'you have too much time on your hand you just need to exercise'... I've told people close to me about this before and they always told me stuff like that, eventually...I just..stopped" your confessions tore a crack in his heart. How can someone, anyone, say this to you. You who are so kind, so amazing, so beautifully you.
"When I decided to tell them that what they said wasn't helpful..." he waited in silence as you tried to find the proper words "they would just stop...in-in a way...when I got more comfortable telling them that I wasn't..okay. They would always get this despondent, sorrowful look their face and that felt worse then being pitied...because I knew that they didn't know how to help me. And I don't want to make anyone feel like that, least not-especially not you. You are my happiness, how could I do that to you"
"I'm sorry" you bowed, you didn't mean to hurt him. "I'm-I'm not angry, I'm worried, I don''t want to lose you. I want to be someone you rely on" you look up at him your gaze filled with pure adoration, love and affection swirl in your heart. Your eyes water as you nod.
As you begin to eat he tells you about some of his ideas for his next stories. Never once missing how your face softens every time as you converse back and forth.
~~~
An irritated breath left your lips as you hastily emptied your bag and its contents onto the desk.
You two had gotten back barely an hour ago, you were supposed to meet him in la thermae, but when you began to empty your bag from the day you noticed, it wasn't there. The knot in your chest getting bigger and bigger.
"Dou shita no?" you were so worried about your missing item, Shuji's voice and the light from the hall surprised you. "The book, the one I had with me today, kiete shimatta, kako ni wa inai!" you cried in fear and self blame. He put a comforting hand on your shoulder, a sigh of defeat exits from you "perhaps Auguste has it? If not we could go looking for it tomorrow" he began listing off the numerous places it could be. "I can't tomorrow I promised to help Theo with prepare for the upcoming gallery" you whined in exhaustion and defeat. "Still, if it turns up it'll most likely end up at Theo-kuns office" he reminded you.
You'd forgotten, you asked Theo if it was alright to write his office address on the inside of your books incase any of them ever got lost. Since the mansion can be hard to find with it being deep in the woods. He'd said it was alright as long as you help him out from time to time.
It was getting late, while you were anxious about your missing book you were also worried about bothering everyone who were all most likely starting to get ready for bed.
~~~
While you found it hard to fall asleep completely beside yourself with worry. What if someone finds it and it and you end up ruining the future? But with Shuji soothingly rubbing circles on your back as you clung to his yukata, your mind going in circles from anxiousness.
While the thought of baking again did seem appealing you knew that Sebastian wouldn't have enough of the ingredients he would need for tomorrow's breakfast. Also you have not had a full nights sleep in almost 48 hours.
The lack of sleep did outweigh your anxiety eventually, you and Shuji fell asleep intertwined with one another.
~~~
"Ready" Theo turned to you checking his pocket watch, one of his treasured gifts from Vincent. Yawning you nodded in response while covering your mouth, he looked at you eyebrow raised in slight concern, to you it came off as offense "sorry, I didn't get much sleep yesterday" you answer sheepishly. "I don't need to know your night activities hondje" he teases turning away so you won't see his face. "What? No! I lost one of my books so I was worried about how to find it, I have the address of your office written down but still" he turned back around at the sound of your worried voice reached his ears. "Tucking your tail between your legs isn't going to solve anything, it should turn up sooner or later, I'll have some of the others keep an eye out at the office incase someone comes in" he told you as he tussled your hair.
"Thank you" your worry mostly easing over at the moment, you bow slightly in thanks. "Tch, you don't need to thank me, let's go hondje" he tells you as he starts walking back not looking back once. You wordlessly follow him jogging up to match his pace.
Dazai smiles at you as he watches silently behind the stairs railings.
~~~
A little while after you'd reached the gallery Theo noticed that some of the papers he'd needed weren't with him. You offered to help him look for them.
"Did you find them?" He hollered from across the room. It was mostly just you and a couple of Theo's employees. Most of which were moving the paintings around. The others were helping to look of rhte papers, "No" you called out definitively. "Is it possible you left it back at the office?" You turned back to look at him walking over, "If not maybe they're still at the mansion" your voice quieter not only so no one else would hear you but also because Theo was right in front of you.
He nodded in agreement "Verdomme!!!" He exclaimed, you quickly leaned back and away from him as he quickly breathed out through his nostrils to calm himself down. "Sorry, sorry" he apologized and took a few more calming breaths, "lets's-let's look again" he decided pinching around his eyes in frustration.
"We've searched three times" you reasoned. "Look, if it's not here then it's at the office. If it's not at the office then it's in your room. Documents don't just disappear like that, they have to be somewhere" you really hope you're right.
"You're right, let's head to the office and search there if not then I'll head back and you and one of the others can hold down until I get back." Theo decided, you nodded in agreement and you two swiftly made your way to his office in town. Luckily it wasn't far from the gallery.
~~~
"You start by the door, I'll start by the-" "Theodore!" you both turned to the voice that cut Theo off, it was the owner of the gallery. "Go on ahead I'll meet you inside" he told you while handing you the key, which you accepted.
You locked eyes with the other person who was staying at the office that day, the acknowledged you and went back to their cigarette.
Opening the door your gaze was immediately drawn to the papers on the floor.
"Wha...!!!" your train of thought was cut off by the sight in front of you.
~~~
"Theodore, I'm not so sure about-" "AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!"
The two turned immediately at the high pitched shriek of terror. And before the owner could ask, he saw Theo darting towards the door and up the stairs.
It was you
"HONDJE!!! WHAT-!!!" he froze at the sight in front of him. Upon entering the room a foul familiar smell of iron intruded his nostrils. Covering his nose and mouth with his arm, he reached down to help you off the floor where you fell. "We-we need to...we need to call the constable"
~~~
Tag list: @loverofmanyrandomthings
A/n: I am so sorry this took so long. 😓
Please interact and tell me what you think, I would like to know what I should improve on.
