I'll never be pretty...not until I lose weight. Since when did a number decide if you were worthy? Why can't you look past my small rolls? Why can't you realize that my heart, soul, brain, feelings are so much more me. A number can change...but why should it be a deciding factor? Why do I feel like I can never go outside because I'm scared? Why am I given less of a chance? Is it because you're afraid to be seen with a "fat chick?" Why can't I get the same appreciation? Why has no one ever had a crush on me? WHY DO I NEED TO BE SKINNY TO BE LOVED? How did I end up in a friendship with all skinny people? It makes me feel worse...I can't go on like this...I want to be loved, but more than "one of the guys" or a "BFF..." I want someone to genuinely look at me and go: "Hm...I'd date her...I'd like to get to know her..." I'm tired, frustrated and I hate myself. How can I ever be enough for someone? My friends have been liked by all of our guy friends...why was I an exception? I don't need a man to FEEL worthy, I just need myself. But, it's nice to know someone else thinks of you as a relationship candidate sometimes...I'd like to be called beautiful by someone other than my friends or family...