Second mood of the day is: I've lost just about everything before. All within less than two months, at the age of 21, in 2018, I lost my dad, my home and everything in it, was fired by my mother twice (I worked at my dad's buisness he owned) and stood up for my sister in an argument against my mom which resulted in her telling me that once she got a new house, I had no home to come back to. (She's not a bad person, she's done a lot of good things for me too) In this same time frame my fiance was accused of a crime he did not commit but supposedly committed years earlier (before he was even an adult and living in another state) and this all happened in a short span between January and February.
But if all that had never happened, I wouldn't have went to see a psychiatrist. One who also has ADHD. I would've never known why I couldn't just be "normal"
My dad never got to learn I had ADHD. I found out after he passed. My mom didn't understand what all ADHD really was and mistook me asking questions at work as not listening or trying hard enough. (Which is why she fired me) my dad thought the same thing. My mom still doesn't understand what it all it means. I spent 21 years of my life feeling like I was crazy, useless, broken, lazy, weird, and WRONG.
But I wasn't. I was exactly how a person with ADHD is. I was wonderful and not crazy and I tried so SO hard. I was always tired and cried myself to sleep and nobody but my eldest sister believed me when I said I was TRYING.
Not to mention because of all the tragedy I suffered in a short time, I'm afraid to become too attached to things or to start to look for or build a future. I know all too well how quickly it can all be taken away.
And nobody understood why I "wasn't trying?"
So next time someone wants to look at you and say "it's not that hard" or "why aren't you trying?" Or anything even remotely close, just remember, YOU DON'T OWE THEM AN EXPLANATION. YOU ARE TRYING. YOU KNOW THAT AND I KNOW IT TOO.
Tl:dr YOU'RE TRYING SO HARD AND I'M PROUD OF YOU!
