What You Deserve // drabble
Two weeks. Fourteen days. In the middle of a war, it could change everything. For the upcoming two weeks, Dorcas wouldn’t be able or allowed to set a foot in the Ministry, to work in any way. To help things move. To act. She was so terrified of staying still and not doing anything ; now it was the Ministry itself forcing her to. How had her life come to this ? She was supposed to be a good guy, fighting the good fight. But what she was becoming was so terrifying that her superiors were wondering whether she shouldn’t stop fighting altogether.
For once in her life, anger only came second. She was, before anything else, burning with unadulterated shame. And self-hatred, another thing she wasn’t used to. Her anger was usually directed at the whole world, at everyone else who was always too stupid or judgmental to undersand her. But this time it was the opposite. This time the whole world was reminding her that she was completely out of bounds, that she had gone way too far.
Dorcas was leaning against the door outside of Head Chang’s office, her breathing irregular and difficult. For the first time in her life she had got out of a superior’s office in silence, without having contested something she’d been told. Mostly it was because she had been too stunned to do anything upon hearing her sentence.
The massive arrest operation organized by the Ministry had happened two weeks before already, and to be honest she’d been starting to think that she was off the hook. Apparently she hadn’t been. Because people talked, of course people would talk of something like that. She didn’t exactly know who had ratted on her but she had a few ideas. It sure wasn’t anyone from Law Enforcement ; however both Carrows knowing her identity, they sure had enough weapons to do a lot of harm. They had the connexions necessary for her behaviour to get to Chang’s ears.
Two weeks ago, Dorcas had snapped. Bad. She'd been in charge, with her team, to arrest Alecto Carrow at her house. The witch had resisted, so they had fought very violently -- and both got a bit carried away in their mutual hatred. Until Carrow had surrendered. But Dorcas hadn’t stopped punching. She couldn’t even remember what had happened after that, and could only base herself on what she’d been told by Hubert later on, who was covering for her in a way she knew she didn’t deserve.
The muggleborn witch wanted to punch herself for being so stupid. Carrow had seen her face, and then Dorcas herself had bragged to her twin about having his sister’s blood on her knuckes. What was she thinking ? She knew they didn’t have enough evidence to send them to Azkaban, and probably wouldn’t get any confessions. She should have known that they would get out and the word about her slip up would spread. Stupid, stupid, stupid girl.
She didn’t even have the heart to find out who the “very trustworthy source” that had informed Head Chang of her behaviour was, because she knew that she deserved it and in the end, it did not matter. Any other day, in any other situation, that would have been the first thing she would have done. Revenge. I’m going to get the bastard who sold me out. But not today, because today what she had just received was revenge for what she had done.
All she had to do now was to... Go home, probably. Would she tell anyone ? She would have to. What would she do, all alone ? Maybe she should take some vacations ; but she didn’t have a lot of money saved. She looked down at her hands, lost -- what to do with them now ? Very slowly, she started walking back towards her office, almost completely numb. She took her bag, her most personal items, and headed towards the elevator. She heard her name being called but didn’t answer, didn’t even turn around.
Two weeks of suspension would be the end of her -- and yet that was much less than what she deserved for turning into a cold-blooded monster.











