My Body Has Nothing To Do With This
It's been two weeks so my fans must be at the edges of their seats! Don't worry, 5MW is back with some hot takes this week.
We're back in beautiful, romantic Pennsylvania, where Chad is roaming the woods whistling and the rest of our guys are celebrating back at the hotel! They have cupcakes and streamers and they pour a little of Chad's protein powder out to scatter his "ashes" in PA. For a very brief moment, Alex is the hero he feels he is meant to be.
But wait a second, Chad comes back! Presumably to get his stuff and say his goodbyes. He gives Jordan a VERY firm handshake and Jordan comments that he isn't intimidated by Chad squeezing his hand too tight. Then in the blink of an eye, he's gone! But don't worry, he'll be back soon as a confirmed contestant on BACHELOR IN PARADISE!
Immediately, Evan is afraid of everyone else. They're all turning into "mini Chads," he says. Indeed, Alex is flexing his muscles and saying super manly things.
Welcome to the first rose ceremony of the evening. JoJo keeps VINNY (SORRY, WHAT?! WHO IS VINNY?!) and sends home James F. (who?) and Daniel. Daniel comments that she's obviously not going for looks, or he'd still be around ("my body had nothing to do with this"), and says something about lightning and shaving his face. Bye Daniel, I'll miss you truly madly deeply.
Time to celebrate because JoJo and her guys are headed to the most romantic place in the world - URUGUAY!
Jordan gets the first international date and they go on a yacht and see seals and have a romantic dinner. Jordan tells JoJo that he is falling in love with her, not just falling for her, and she points out the difference like might not ~get it~. Oh and by the way Jordy, JoJo just so happened to meet your ex girlfriend before coming on the show, who told her that you are not a good boyfriend. What do you have to say about THAT, Jordan? Jordan says he didn't give enough to his ex because he was giving his heart and soul to football, but he's much more mature now. JoJo loves his answer and he gets the rose.
The guys are back at the hotel and now they've decided to question Jordan's motives because JoJo likes him so much, so he's probably ~*~*not here for the right reasons*~*~.
Vinny gives the boys haircuts while they shoot the breeze and - oh my goodness - just happen to all have copies of In Touch magazine with a cover story by JoJo's ex. And it's about HER! Her ex Chad (not to be confused with ~*~*Our Chad*~*~) has written an article about how she did not really love Ben and that she was only there for fame...NOT THE RIGHT REASONS! James Taylor reads the article three times.
JoJo is giving an interview about her love for Jordan when a producer hands her a copy of the article and tells her that the guys have seen it. "My guys?!" Yes, JoJo. Yours. JoJo sobs. She is especially upset that ex-Chad said that she did not really love Ben. “It was true love,” she says, “It was a good love.” OH JOJO!
JoJo heads down in her robe to talk to the guys and they all tell her they don't care about the article. Major crisis averted! Things like that happen, though. Guys get their hands on In Touch even though they are allowed no access to media, books, internet, or their phones! Go figure.
The next day is a group date with Luke, Chase, James Taylor, Alex, Wells, Grant, Evan, Derek, and Vinny. They go sand surfing on sand dunes. Derek tells JoJo that he's feeling insecure and wonders if she remembers their relationship. JoJo announces that she wants to give someone the group date rose to make him feel more secure, and gives it to Derek. Alex is MAD! Derek should not get the rose for being a LITTLE BITCH! He decides to confront Derek later, along with Chase (really, Chase?), about being a little bitch. Derek basically just sits there, but later he himself leads a confrontation! He gathers Alex, Chase, Jordan, and Robby (weird because J + R were not a part of this) and tells them to stop being mean girls.
Finally, the second one-on-one, and Robby is the lucky recipient! They spend their day...walking around? They jump off a cliff, which symbolizes jumping into love. Taking a leap of faith. Diving in head first. Do you get it? Robby wears a really cool neon yellow bathing suit (seriously, it's cool). Then he tells JoJo about a friend who died in a texting and driving accident, which inspired him to quit his job, move, and break up with his girlfriend. He then tells JoJo he is in love with her. JoJo says thanks. I bet it’s a good love.
Rose ceremony #2! BYE VINNY!!!!! Also bye Evan and Grant.
Previews make it seem like JoJo falls in love but turns down the proposal because the man she chose "can't love [her] like [she] wants to be loved." What to believe in this crazy world?!
Xo Fans!
