Chapter 7 of Ivan Locke: Whatever People Say I That I Am, That's What I'm Not.
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Excerpt: “I’m pregnant, Ivan. I’m fucking pregnant!”
Ivan felt his guts contract with adrenaline almost instantly, a cold rinse of shock closing over his head like a riptide dragging him under. Almost as instantly, he was back in his bathroom a few weeks ago, watching the torn condom being sucked out of sight by the toilet flush. He closed his eyes, his brain flailing momentarily. This, this was the thing he had pushed away, the thing he had denied would ever happen! Just as quickly, Ivan’s practical nature kicked in and he anchored himself to the rock of reason in the middle of the storm.
“Are you sure? You... you’ve taken a test? Seen a doctor?”
He kept his voice steady, one hand rubbing Kat’s tense shoulder gently. He wasn’t entirely sure of the process of confirming pregnancy but he would find out, just as soon as possible. Go through the correct channels. That was the first step.
“Two tests. No doctor yet. Ivan, we always used condoms, didn’t we? They were always OK, weren’t they, on properly and stuff?”
“Of course, Kat, of course. We’ve always used them.” Ivan kept his voice soft and low and hoped Kat would not notice the infinitesimal drop of his eyes from hers, or the tiny pause before he had answered her. It was true wasn’t it? Ivan was telling her the truth, they did always use condoms, he was just omitting the part about them always being OK. That wasn’t lying. And anyway, what did it matter how they had got here – they were here, and it must be dealt with, that was all.
“Then, how...” Kat began desperately. Her voice was hoarse and Ivan realised she must have been crying for a long time. Ivan ignored the tug of guilt which wrenched insistently at his conscience.