So I know no one will read this but I just have to say something bcuz honestly, I'm feeling pretty shit and I can't talk to anyone about it either.......... I don't have a lot of friends and the ones do have I feel like I can't really tell them things about me that they don't know and I certainly can't tell me family.......... I don't sleep a lot. I get nervous around people. I'm prone to lie about myself so that people don't have to deal with me and my problems. I'm socially awkward and can be found by myself just looking like I'm pissed off or about to cry. I pretend that I'm happy when I'm so far from it. I can't ever tell anyone no bcuz I don't want to disappoint them. I shut people out which makes people think I'm a bitch. I'm cripplingly antisocial. I want to cry almost everyday but don't bcuz I'm scared of someone hearing me. I don't want to be around people when they're there but I want them when they're not. I'm a lot of things but these r some that people see, or, rather, don't see.................................. I'm a lot... but I can't ever tell anyone these things. My family would think I'm doing it to get attention or that I'm sick and need a doctor and medication. I can't tell my "friends" bcuz I feel like they wouldn't understand or that they'll take advantage of me. I can't tell anyone bcuz they'll all think I'm insane and just and idiot for being scared of myself........ And honestly, I don't want to give a fuck about it anymore but I know that no matter how much I try this, it won't ever happen. I'm not strong like the rest of my family, nor am I as open and "perfect." I'm a failure compared to them and they know it. I'm a disappointment.. But, yea, I'm all these things I no one who knows me outside of this place wants to acknowledge it or knows it...... But I figured no one here would care either so I'm just being a sad, dramatic teenage girl about it now that no one will want to believe................................ ...No one cares about me anyways so why does it matter...?
