ive had a week to grapple with this but nope brain still whirring over the idea of "you might need to actually get a cane"

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ive had a week to grapple with this but nope brain still whirring over the idea of "you might need to actually get a cane"
To be like Icarus
Who flew too close to the sun
Might I touch the moon
In its stead
As an asexual person, I don't see "attractive" people the same way as other people might.
When I call you beautiful it still means that you are beautiful.
Even if it's different than your version of beautiful.
My asexuality doesn't invalidate my words. My version of beautiful isn't broken. 💜🤍🖤
Things I just found out and they ease me
There are people who would not understand it but I am so happy to have found the "label" of Aegosexual. I found that about a month ago and I have not had the opportunity to talk about this and myself with anyone, so I will take the time to write this post even if no one reads it.
When I discovered the term Asexuality I felt it was mine, but something was there that did not fit me. I thought I was gray, but neither was it.
When I read what it meant to be Aegosexual / Autochorissexual I really felt at ease.
But this is the term that excites me the most:
Since I was little I have fallen in love with fictional characters. Since I can remember. This made me very ashamed to admit it, it still makes me somewhat ashamed. I remember myself when I was 10 years old wondering why this was happening to me, because it couldn't be normal. (At that age my classmates had already kissed and it made me sick to think of kissing a child) Then at 12 I fell for a famous person. This made me suffer a lot when I started going out with people, since all the romantic or sexual fantasies I had with this famous person made me feel good, but with my "real partners" nothing worked, I didn't feel good at all. It was the worst.
And here, around the age of 15 or 16 came the question of What is wrong with me? Why am I not normal? What's happening to me?! Plus the shame of admitting it, of thinking about it .... People would probably laugh knowing that I only worked with unreal characters. They would call me childish. Some called me like that, I felt bad, alone, weird, broken.
So after that ... Finding out this term made me feel ... that there is nothing wrong with me. Yes, I still have to struggle with social constructions, I can't tell anyone that I only fall in love with fictional personalities or famous people, but at least I know now that I am not broken, that there is nothing wrong with me ... And the best is that I am not alone.
So to close this I just wanted to say that it does research on you. You're not alone. We are not strangers, weird people. Do not be afraid to investigate, now there are many terms that are known. And above all, accept yourself as you are. We grew up thinking that there was only one way, only one way of acting, thinking and feeling but ... It's not true!
Somebody once said it was amazing how I use dyslexia to my advantage when I make puns, and it absolutely baffles me how impressed and astounding they thought it was. Mental Disorders are not only bad, people just get wired different and they all have their own advantages. The REAL problem, is that society is built around a specific kind of wiring. This goes beyond mental disorders too, the world is designed to favor the white cis Christian male with no disorders or illnesses of any kind. It's the default setting.
(To avoid complicating this post, I am going to ignore the fact that the 'default setting' is different depending where you are. Ie the nazis favored blue eyed blond males that weren't jewish. This post will use the first mentioned default setting as the basic, globally most dominant default setting)
By structureing society around this default setting, you leave out everything that ISNT. Even by a little. Lets take the 2019 movie Swift as an example. A swift is adopted by a family of seagulls, and when it is time for him to learn to fly, he can't. Because a seagulls teaching instructions for flying is to glide as much as possible. Very difficult for a bird who is not meant to fly like that. The adopted swift bird does not learn to fly until a few swift siblings find and teach him it's easier to flap more often.
When the adopted swift bird returns to his segull family, he is told his way of flying is incorrect - he shouldent flap as much, even if it's the only way he can stay in the air. Not only all this, but after spending more time with a flock of Swift's, the adopted main swift character realizes many things he didn't know he could do. When flying in a big swarm, Swift's can just sense when the flock will turn and such. Swift's can also sense the whether a little, stuff seagulls can't do. The adopted swift actually uses his swift abilities to save the seagull colony.
If every mental disorder is a different species of bird, default setting being seagulls, we can't allow the seagulls to rule over us and dismiss our other bird species abilities. Everyone is wired differently for a reason. I am not broken. I don't need fixing. We need and new and better system. Baby birds should not die because they aren't seagulls, and the parents who does it can't be sympathized for 'struggling with a non seagull'. Birds should not be thrown out of the nest because they can't do something a different species is specifically designed to do.
I'm sitting here crying right now because today was pretty much the first day ever that I've just...been able to do work. I didnt have to motivate myself to work, didnt have to trick my brain into starting on homework, didnt sit there with crushing guilt because I cant just start this stupid fucking problem.
I've spent years feeling guilt ridden and like something in me was broken because everyone around me could just do work when they decided to. I'd spend hours staring at the screen just trying to start working at all and being unable to move a muscle.
I started my first proper dose of ADHD meds today. And it turns out I'm not broken, I'm not weaker or less able than everyone else, I'm not "overreacting to something everyone struggles with sometimes." I have adhd and it literally impacts my ability to start projects.
You either reblog and share this with others or you get the fuck off my blog.
I will not stand for disabled and minority groups needing to be 'fixed' or having their symptoms be masked or hidden.
Because of my limited knowledge of this tech elon musk is making, I am not trying to attack him. I'm attacking the sick fucks who think people need to be changed or fixed or hidden.
This tech he is making is his own and I want everyone to spam him with this so he understands he cant allow it to be used in the wrong way
#iamnotbroken
#idontneedfixing