#imadeitthisfar

[frm-nevrland]

Here’s to the last damn year of my 20’s. Happy birthday to me #birthday #gemin i#june16th #imadeitthisfar (at Tulsa, Oklahoma)

[findingtopher-blog]

Here’s to the last damn year of my 20’s. Happy birthday to me #birthday #gemin i#june16th #imadeitthisfar (at Tulsa, Oklahoma)

[unlikelyredheadedsuspect]

Celebrating New Beginnings - Again

Today, January 12th 2018 is an important day!

Today marks 3 months since my last Taxol treatment! Three months of chemotherapy plus exactly 3 months without the drug leaves me in a different place. This means that the Taxol drug should be fully out of my system and that all those nasty symptoms associated with Taxol (hair loss, mouth sores, neuropathy, fatigue, nausea, etc.) should be out the window. And if anyone has seen me lately...my hair growth is a definite sign of this change.

Today I also completed my 6 month follow-up appointment and mammogram with my breast surgeon Dr. C. As she felt my swollen and bruised breasts, she explained that there is a 1 percent chance for me to have a recurrence of Breast Cancer and that is due to any potential leftover cells that are lining my breast. Dr. C. also explained that I would feel a lump on my skin rather than under my implant...that there is nothing there so cancer would never grow behind the implant. She commented on how even I looked and we chatted about nipple reconstruction (that which I am uninterested in). I will have another physical mammogram in 6 months (July) before being seen annually. I left the office feeling proud of how far I had come...some of this is really behind me now. 

Not only is today a milestone, but I have encountered many milestones since my last post during Thanksgiving. In the last 6 weeks or so I have had two Herceptin infusions, a consult with the newest member of my team, Dr.H - my Cardiologist, and plastic surgery! Oh...and not to mention my Birthday!

Above is a wonderful selfie of me during Herceptin infusion on 12.14.17

The above and below photos represent Herceptin infusion on 1.3.18 - A day early due to snow “bomb cyclone” where the snow drifted up to the fence line in the backyard. 

Then on January 5th, I dug out of my driveway to travel into the city for a meeting with a cardiologist. My understanding and takeaways from the consult with Dr. H is:

-He thinks the change in valve function is somehow related to the Herceptin (although it is not impacting the squeeze of the heart - which is what Herceptin normally affects)

-He can't say whether the heart or drugs, etc. is causing the fatigue

-He said he is NOT worried about the leakage but he is going to monitor me closely

-He gave the OK for surgery and moderate exercise (no real running)

-He indicated that I can continue with the Herceptin treatment right now as prescribed

-I will have a different kind of echo in 6 weeks to look at left ventricular strain instead of just squeeze

-No need for a stress echo now

-If there is an issue based on further data- could potentially use medication So...with all that being said...I think I am going to live...And I am...still...living.

Then came my Birthday....My day was full - Dim Sum, a movie at a local joint (plus Extreme Sour Patch Kids candy), soup and grilled cheese for dinner, and delicious mini cheesecake and fruit tart from Russos to end the day.

And at Dim Sum I got this fortune “The star of riches is shinning upon you” which was a great way to start of my 33rd year. 

The very next day Jordan and I were up and at ‘em at 5:00, showered with the special anti-bacterial soap, and made it to the hospital at 6:00am. At 7:30am I was headed into pre-op for the second half of my reconstructive surgery with Dr. F. 

This picture was taken right after I changed into my gown before all the REAL stuff happened. Jordan stayed with me, tossing my lavender ball back and forth, until I needed to do all the prep work (IV, blood thinner shot, health care proxy, Tylenol, etc). Then as quickly as I came in I was wheeled down the hallway to Operating Room #5. I remember consciously smiling to doctors and patients alike as I rolled down the corridor in style. I remember being assisted onto what seemed like a thin table and I thought I heard someone say, “here is some oxygen...let’s go someplace nice.” 

The next thing I remember is that I am dreaming and then I am suddenly awakened from my dream too soon. I awoke on the table in the operating room. I saw the multiple big lights in my face and saw an outline of a doctor a few feet away getting something. I heard the anesthesiologist say, “she is waking up” and heard Dr. F explain that he just wanted to finish up a few things. And then all I remember is movement and waking up as they fit the bed into post-op position. Pretty freaky huh? I wish I had a cooler end to that story but it is still neat.

Before I left post-op to go home, the anesthesiologist stopped by and asked me if I remembered anything like waking up in operating room. I told him the story mentioned above and then I asked how long I was awake. The anesthesiologist confirmed that I had woken up at the end (after he had taken the breathing tube out) but before my plastic surgeon properly applied the steri-strips, nitro-something-or-other, and surgical bra. He said I was awake on the table for about 10 minutes...it only felt like a minute to me. 

Since surgery on Monday, I have been home recuperating. In the picture below you can see some of the iodine and black markings. 

Now let me just clarify a few things. First, this surgery was drastically easier than the bi-lateral mastectomy. This makes sense, right? I mean the amputation had occurred in first go around....this time we were looking more at replacement.

Second, the reconstructive surgery wasn’t quite as simple as I originally thought, but comparatively speaking it was. This became apparent when Dr. F started to draw all over my chest with his trusty black marker (which 4 days, 3 showers, and numerous alcohol swaps later is still so ever present). Dr. F began making several lines above my initial scars, in the middle of my chest, and where I had extra skin. I understood that he had to extend my scar to get rid of the extra skin but did not comprehend the other marks. He explained that essentially in order to look more natural he not only had to position the implants correctly, fix the excess skin, but also work with the muscle so that it didn’t look like I was flat and then a bulging round implant and then flat again. There needed to be a more gradual line.

....I think he was successful.

And before Jordan left on Wednesday morning, we celebrated my new breasts by finally eating these chocolate boobies I bought shortly after I was diagnosed. Although my new boobs don’t currently have nipples like the chocolate ones, we just don’t know what the future has in store for “the gals” down the road.

I end this post without exploring/discussing some of the other emotions I am experiencing with this change...such as loss....Instead I choose in this moment to leave you with this quote, “The road doesn’t go where you planned. It goes where it’s written to be.” - Yasmin Mogahed

[tnecnivah]

It's my birthday

It’s 1:11am, I’m just here and I got 3 birthday text and 1 call from my best friend Ali at about 10 because she’s in her finals week at UCSB so she needs the sleep and it was really sweet of her to call even if it was before 12 because it still means a lot. I don’t care to say or tell people it’s my birthday, but I just want them to know, you know? I don’t want to be an attention whore by throwing myself out there in the spotlight, but I love the attention, I mean who doesn’t? It would just be nice to be like one of those people you see get bombarded with texts, calls and notifications that they can’t keep up with. I know people love me, but I just don’t feel it. Even my two best friends, one I truly love to death, and the other I love as a brother didn’t say anything right now and it’s understandable I mean, but ehh, I’ll just brush it off like any other problem. What’s funny is I got a text from Lexus which I for some reason thought it read Lucy in my mind because that’s who I thought had texted me, I just checked it a minute ago and realized the way I texted back to Lexus was meant in a way for Lucy, but I still meant every word none the less, there were just inside jokes she probably wouldn’t have got that’s all. But I don’t know how to feel right now that it’s 1:24, sad I guess? Happy 20. A year that’s kinda pointless before 21 in my opinion. Cheers.

[hannabis15-blog]

Today I got so proud of myself, I almost cried, I didn't think I'd get this far and this successful in one year.