Insecure-plus size C.H
This has to be posted in 2 because I literally got carried away bc I am also a plus size insecure mess.
Word count: 2,523
Fluffy angst
Your hair could just choose which way it wanted to be, either be curly or straight. No, it has to have both of the choices. It looks horrible.
It’s really dry for hair and it’s super frizzy, you need to dye it again. Your roots have grown out too much. Have you ever heard of a brush?
Your skin is pasty and a little dry. You need to get out more and maybe multiply the amount of moisturizer. Ugly skin y/n, ugly skin.
Your thighs are chunky, jiggle a lot and deflate when sitting down. It looks bad and super fat. Same for your arms. Lose some weight Y/n.
Your stomach is not flat, you have some rolls, not some... a lot. Your boobs are too big for someone who is so ugly. God, why are you this fat and ugly?
Your have one lazy eye, yeah it’s not bad but you look stupid. Your cheeks have too many freckles and your mouth is super small, looks sad... always. Your eyebrows need to be waxed or plucked, you look horrible with them like that. Your eyelashes are too short. Your acne is out of control. The circles under your eyes? Yeah, they could house a family. Just ugly.
Your ears are too small, just like your lips. You should change out your earrings every once in a while.
Your butt is too big and it sticks out like a sore thumb when you’re wearing jeans. Your calves are super wide, no wonder you have trouble with wearing boots. You really need to do some more exercise.
I turn to look at anything else in the mirror, I couldn’t see any thing else to judge about myself. I throw my hair back into its usual bun, all kinds of curls were sticking out, why couldn’t my whole hair just be curly?
“Ready to go?” Calum’s voice cuts through my thoughts, I straighten out the striped shirt with roses on it. I looked bad in this shirt, too late to change though. I put on the jean jacket Calum gave me for Christmas and then grab my wallet.
“Yeah, ready when you are.” I smile up at him, well fake smiled. He gives me a soft smile and puts his hand out for mine, I gladly take the offer. “You look hot, as always. So, I thought we’d go eat somewhere before we head to the guys house. Is that okay?” He asks and I nod, I honestly didn’t care what we did as long as he was there.
When we finally started to drive into town, Calum tried to cup my thigh into his hands but I slyly just took his hand to wrap it in mine. I did not want him to grab my thigh when I look this bad and when I obviously feel like shit.
—
When we get our food, I find myself pushing most of my food around with the fork. I honestly didn’t feel like eating right now when I knew I was gonna regret it.
“Does it taste bad? I can order you something else?” Calum interrupts my thoughts for the second time, I snap my head upwards and give him a nice smile. “I just don’t feel like eating, my stomach is a little queasy.” I lie, well my stomach hurt from all the anxiety and self-conscious building in it, not the food.
“Do you need some meds? We can run to Walgreens.” He sounded concerned, so I take his hand from across the table. “Thanks babe for being so sweet, but I’ll be fine.” I coax and he rubs small circles over my hand.
“Well, try to eat because you might be hungry. It could be a reason for the queasiness.” He tried to help and I fake smile again. “Okay, I’ll try. I mean how could I resist those puppy eyes.” I tease.
—
I sat by Crystal on the couch, Michael and Calum were deep into some video game. I look over to her and see her smiling towards Michael.
She is so pretty, much thinner than me and her hair was so nice. She was literally perfection compared to me. Calum could easily pick a girl who was as gorgeous as Crystal.
“So, that is an adorable shirt on you, where’d you get it?” Crystal asks and I smile, it felt good to know that maybe it didn’t look as bad as I thought. “Uh, I think my mom said she ordered it off of Etsy, she gave it to me for an early birthday present.” I explain and she smiles. “So cute, I might have to order one and we can match.” She puts her hand on my arm and I feel myself cower a little. “That would be so cute.” I fake my excitement. How could I compare to her?
“Ok, I’ve had enough of games, I want to watch some movies now.” Luke exclaims once Michael won. “Sounds good to me.” Cal said as he moved to the other couch.
I look at him and he’s wearing a grin because Ashton told him something. The little crinkles by his eyes made my heart flutter because he was so happy. The black leather jacket began to come off, his old Maine shirt clung to his body.
He was gorgeous, almost too gorgeous for me. I hear his laugh and my heart flutters, his laugh always makes my day. I literally am so in love with him, but how could he be in love with someone like me?
“Here Michael, I’ll move so you can be with Crystal.” I smile up to him and stand up quickly. “Thanks Y/n.” He smiled and I walk towards the couch that Calum was sitting on. “C’mere.” He was sticking his hands out and then patted his lap. No way, I’d fucking break his cute little legs. I just plant myself on the beside him.
He engulfs me into his arms and I lay my head on his chest. He started kissing the side of my head rapidly and I feel my cheeks turn red. Luke put on some action movie and I find myself ignoring whatever it was.
Suddenly, Calum puts his hand on my stomach and I flinch. I try to pull the same move where I hold his hand and he pulled his hand away. I feel my heart sink when he retracts and it’s probably because I’m a insecure piece of shit.
——
“Night Cal. Love you.” I peak my head into his music room. He smiles at me and I feel myself shrinking into myself. His eyes always fucking finds out what’s going on in my head.
“Come in, I have to get my goodnight kiss.” He makes kissy faces and I finally step into the room. I situate my shorts so my thighs didn’t look as bad.
He pats his lap again and I shake my head, but he yanks my arm to pull me down to him. I try to get up but he makes sure his grip is tightened.
I kiss his lips quickly and try to stand again, but he didn’t even budge. I felt his eyes staring me down and I wanted to wrap myself in a blanket and hide. “Why are you staring at me like that?” I ask after I turn to see him all heart eyes.
“Because you’re beautiful.” He boldly tells me, my cheeks feel flushed and I turn my head to the opposite side. I nod as a thank you. “Good night Calum.” I mumble and finally escape his grip. I couldn’t stand to sit here and think about how he deserved better, it broke my heart.
