So this happened when writing and listening to one of my favorite songs...
When you said your last goodbye
I died a little bit inside
See you brought out the best of me
A part of me I’ve never seen
You took my soul and wiped it clean
Our love was made for movie screens
All I want is
And All I need is
To find somebody
Some lyrics from All I Want - Kodaline
Just sharing some of the lyrics that I thought were Reyloish. It is a beautiful song, definitely makes me think of Ben Solo now.
She had closed her eyes, opened them, and found Kylo Ren there - right next to her where she sat on the stone bench. As if she could actually reach out and touch his hand, his face, his hair.
At the sight of him she’d felt relief surge through her.
Kylo listened intently, his long face impassive, as she told him about being drawn into the cave and into the stone, and how the journey had let to nothing, no revelation except how alone she was.
“You’re not alone,” he insisted, and she believed him.
Happy Kastle Chirstmas @imashybear!! Hope you like this!! Happy Holidays!
Frank had intended to spend Christmas this year alone. Until he got a message on his phone he didn’t expect.
This would be Frank’s first holiday season without Maria and his children. He has been away from them on the holidays before, but that was when he was deployed. This time it was a little different, because he was home, and they are gone.
Frank hadn’t seen Karen in a few days. He had been so occupied keeping his head down and avoiding all the Christmas stuff everywhere. He was more jealous than anything. He walked by couples and families outside of toy stores and jewelry stores. He saw dads holding their young daughters hands, and Frank felt that absence. He just crammed his hands into his pockets to keep them warm from the chill of the wind outside.
That was when he felt his phone buzz, it was in his pocket, and the buzz skimmed his hand. He saw Karen’s number on the phone, and a simple text that said “I need your help with something.”
He and Karen had just begun to fall into a relationship, if that’s what you’d call it. They were tiptoeing around it, but nothing had happened. Frank just found himself going over to her place more and more. She patched him up when he was hurt, but now he found himself going to her place just because her calm presence eased his mind. He’d thought about going over for Christmas but he figured she had plans and he didn’t know how “fun” he would be because he definitely had the holiday blues. But he forgot about all of this when he got her text. He didn’t think she was in danger, but he still quickly made his way over to her place.
When he arrived at her apartment, he didn’t wait, he stepped inside the window near the fire escape. His senses were overwhelmed with the feel of Christmas as he walked in. There was a brightly lit tree in the corner, candles were glowing and flickering on the mantle. There was a wreath on the door, and mistletoe above the mantle. There was also a bowl of Hershey’s Kisses right under the mistletoe and Frank chuckled to himself.
Karen felt the draft from the window, and came out of the bathroom. She was wearing an elegant green dress.
“Goin’ somewhere?” Frank asked. He was a little shocked at how lovely she looked he couldn’t think of anything else to say.
“I just got back from an office Christmas party.” She smiled softly. She could see his cheeks and ears turning red. She knew it wasn’t just from the cold outside.
“What did you need my help with?”
“I just said that to get you over here.” She blushed. “I just didn’t want you to spend Christmas Eve alone.”
He spotted another bowl of candy on the coffee table, red and green M&M’s. He swiped a handful and popped some into his mouth and sat down. Karen laughed; she put that candy there for him.
“Want me to get you some coffee?” Karen asked and headed into the kitchen when he nodded. As she made his coffee she watched him eat the candy. He has a sweet tooth, and she’d put lots of candy in little places around the apartment, just for him. She knew his favorites.
Maria did too. Frank thought about Maria a lot on the holidays. And as Frank watched the lovely blond in the kitchen Frank got an image of when Maria and the kids were making a gingerbread house.
“Actually it’s a Christmas Castle.” Lisa giggled as she told Frank Jr. Frank Jr. had peered over the edge of the table, he didn’t understand why he couldn’t eat any of the candy or any of the gingerbread.
“It’s for decoration sweetie.” Maria had said.
Frank Jr. still didn’t understand, but then he tried to figure out if he could run over the house with his monster truck.
Frank smiled at the memory. He remembered walking in a reaching for a chocolate kiss on the table, but Maria playfully slapped his hand. He leaned in for a real kiss from her and she didn’t slap him away from that one.
“What are you thinking about?” Karen asked as she saw Frank’s eyes moving around the apartment.
“Old Christmas memories.”
“Frank I can take the Christmas stuff down-“
“No, it was a good memory. Maria made a gingerbread house every year, except it was always in the shape of a castle tower.”
Karen laughed at the pun relating to his last name.
“The girls always decorated it, and Frank Jr was always more interested if he could destroy it after Christmas was over, since he couldn’t eat any of it.”
“What about you?”
“I thought I was good at swiping candy. Maria always caught me though.” he chuckled.
Karen smiled fondly, but insider her heart ached. She knew what it was like to have old memories haunt you on the holidays. She handed Frank his coffee and was about to sit next to him when she heard a knock on the door.
Karen had no clue who this was, but she was pleasantly surprised. She opened the door to see the young girl who lived across the hall. Karen had seen her on occasion, and she was very sweet.
“Merry Christmas Miss Karen!” the young girl giggled and handed Karen a small box with a bow on it.
Now since Frank was inside, Karen had only opened the door a crack, but when she knelt slightly to take the box from the girl, the girl peered inside and saw Frank.
“Is that your boyfriend Miss Karen?” the girl giggled and brushed past Karen’s leg into her apartment.
Frank couldn’t help but laugh as he took a sip of his coffee.
“I’m Madi.” She said and stuck out her hand for Frank to shake.
“Frank.” He grinned. “Miss Karen aren’t you going to open your present?” Frank wanted to know what was inside but he was enjoying the flustered look on Karen’s face a little too much.
Madi, unafraid of Frank, hopped up on the couch next to him as Karen stood awkwardly in the doorway. Karen blinked and turned to close the door. She came and sat in a chair across from Madi and Frank and opened the box to reveal a couple loaves of homemade banana bread.
“My grandma helped me make it.” Madi said proudly.
Karen smiled and thanked her, “Banana bread is my favorite!”
“Let’s eat some.” Frank as he stood, he took the box from Karen and walked into the kitchen to cut off some pieces while Karen and Madi chatted a little.
“I like your dress Miss Karen.”
“Thank you Madi.”
“Mr. Frank do you like Miss Karen’s dress?”
“I do, it’s very pretty.” He said with a wink, as he returned to hand Karen and Madi a piece of the bread. Frank didn’t miss Karen’s cheeks flush a little.
He was about to take a bite of his own piece of bread, when Madi gasped.
“Mr. Frank why aren’t you wearing anything red or green??”
“Then I guess it’s time for me to give Mr. Frank his Christmas present.” Karen giggled, and picked up the only box under the tree. She handed it to Frank, and he looked a little surprised. He wasn’t expecting this at all. He set down the piece of bread next to his coffee on the table and began to unwrap the neatly wrapped present.
There were two things in the box, a couple bags of Frank’s favorite coffee, which even he has trouble getting his hands on, and a silly red and green Christmas sweater. The print had castles all over it.
Karen didn’t expect to see Frank get emotional over some coffee and a stupid sweater, but he smiled all the same.
“Thank you.” he nodded while holding the gifts in his hands. Madi had no idea what she had just witnessed, or maybe she did.
“Put on the sweater Mr. Frank!” she giggled and clapped her hands.
Frank smiled because this was not exactly how he was planning to spend Christmas. He honestly didn’t think he’d put on an ugly Christmas sweater – ever – but here he was.
He shrugged off his jacket, and pulled the sweater on over his head. Madi giggled approvingly, and so did Karen. Frank had almost forgotten what it was like to hear that sweet sound, of giggles of him doing something silly.
Karen looked up on the mantle and saw one of the candles had blown out, when she stood to relight it, again matchmaker Madi spoke up.
“Mr. Frank,” Madi whispered loudly, “Miss Karen is standing under the mistletoe. Go give her a kiss.”
Frank looked at Karen and raised an eyebrow at her. He stood and walked over to her and Karen felt her heart rate pick up a little. Karen and Frank had kissed ONCE and that was weeks ago. They were moving so slow, both of them had been through too much to get their hearts broken, but Karen could tell by the look on his face as he walked over to her, he was going to kiss her.
But he did something unexpected, he reached for a chocolate kiss on the mantle and handed it to Karen.
“Like that?” he asked playfully as Madi giggled, but when Frank looked at Karen he saw a hint of disappointment in her eyes.
“No! Not that kind of kiss a REAL one!!” Madi continued to giggle.
Before Karen had time to prepare herself, Frank grabbed her face and kissed her deeply. She froze for a second because their first kiss had not been this intense. She felt her face heat up and her heart rate spike, but she relaxed in his hands and kissed him back.
When Frank pulled away, Karen’s eyes were still closed, and her cheeks were bright pink. He was sure his cheeks were red too. His ears felt hot.
“Like that?” he repeated, but he was still looking at Karen when he said it.
Madi was very pleased with herself as she took her last bite of bread. She had a content little grin on her face as she said goodbye and walked out the door.
Frank shook his head, “kid’s somethin’.”
“I know.” Karen laughed.
“Thank you for this coffee ma’am. Really.” Frank had sat back down and was looking at the coffee she had given him. He didn’t really care too much about coffee brands, but if he had to pick a favorite this was it. And of course the kind he liked was only really sold at a couple places, and considering his punishing habits, he couldn’t really show his face in the same places over and over.
“Do you want me to make some?” Karen offered.
“I…uh…I think I need to head home.”
“Too fast?” Karen winced a feeling of worry surged through her about that kiss.
“No, no. It was…just right. If I don’t leave right now…don’t wanna screw this up.” he rubbed the back of his head and blushed heavier than he had all night.
Karen was trying to wrap her head around all of this. Her heart swelled, Frank didn’t want to ruin anything. And she didn’t want to press him either.
“Is tomorrow good for coffee?” Frank smiled, still a little unsure. He hasn’t done this in a long time.
“I’d like that.” Karen smiled. Even if that offer literally just meant drinking coffee with Frank, it was the first time they had planned something.
In his own way, Frank had asked her on a date.
Frank stood and picked up his jacket, but before he could put it on Karen was in his arms. She wrapped her arms around him and rested her head on his shoulder and hugged him tight. Frank sighed and relaxed into her and let her hug him.
‘What are you doing Castle?’ he thought to himself. He had frozen when she wrapped her arms around him, but he kicked himself out of his stupor and hugged her back. He knew his hold on her was a little tight but damn it felt good to hold her like this.
He pulled away slowly, and gently brushed his lips on hers. Then he kissed her forehead. Frank didn’t care to admit how much Karen’s smile got to him. She was just so beautiful.
Frank put his coat on over his sweater, and put a large handful of chocolate kisses in his coat pocket. Karen shook her head and laughed at him.
Frank was just about to step out of the window, when Karen reminded him about the banana bread. She was giving him one of the loaves to take home. She handed it to him, and kissed his cheek on his way out.
She watched Frank out her window as he walked down the street. It had begun to snow, and she saw Frank turn up his coat against the wind. Then she saw him kneel in the alleyway for just a tiny moment. If she had blinked she would have missed it, it was so quick, but she saw Frank leave the loaf of banana bread in front of what she could tell was a homeless person sleeping in the alley.
She watched Frank walking away, he shoved his hands in his pockets and she watched him until he disappeared behind a building. Her first thought was how it upset her she couldn’t write about the things she had seen Frank do tonight. That he quickly dropped everything to come check on her, that he humored a little girl and made her laugh, that he gives exceptionally good hugs and even better kisses, was humbled by a bag of coffee, and gave a yummy treat he was looking forward to eating to someone who was not getting dinner tonight. She couldn’t write any of those things. Besides who would care? The Punisher is a heartless killer according to all the news outlets. The only peace she had was knowing that maybe she was meant to see the Frank Castle she saw tonight.
Frank walked home that night with a smile on his face. For the first time in a long time he felt like himself. He felt like…Frank. He thought about that kiss the entire way home, as he ate the little chocolate kisses in his pocket. He had fully expecting to spend this Christmas alone, or at least knee deep in someone else’s blood. But instead he had a smile on his face and was wearing a Christmas sweater. And he really could not stop smiling. He didn’t know how long this feeling of happiness would last but for now he was going to call it a Christmas miracle and eat some more chocolate as he felt excitement in his gut for having coffee with Karen tomorrow.
imashybear: Not to sound dumb, but what's a fic list?
Not dumb! It’s just a fanfiction recommendation list. I get asked all the time for happy fics, sad fics, my favorite fics, fics about specific topics. And so, I’m trying to compile those fic rec lists.
