#imbearingtheunbearable

[imbearingtheunbearable-blog]

Unwanted Strength

People say I am the strongest person they have ever met. I have never felt more weak in my life. I don’t tell them that I don’t want the strength. I don’t tell them that the sacrifice was too large for the strength that they so easily say I now have. 

[imbearingtheunbearable-blog]

Clarity

I have moments of clarity; times when I am ultra-focused. They are brief and fleeting but I take advantage. For a few minutes, twenty if I really try, I push the tragedy to the back of my mind and allow whatever I am focusing on to come forward. It takes an incredible, indescribable amount of energy to complete this task. 

[imbearingtheunbearable-blog]

No Hesitation

Sometimes I ask myself if I would have known how it would have ended; if I would have had a taste of the pain I am in now, would I have started it in the first place? I think I ask myself that question just so I can feel proud of the fact that I would say yes without hesitation. I would say yes because I was allowed to love the greatest man I have ever known. I would say yes because I was allowed to be loved by the greatest man I have ever known. Yes, baby, I would have picked you. Every. Single. Time.