10 vs. 11
I don’t even have anything witty to say here. I’m pretty fucking irritated.
So Ten, right? That’s family history of wealth and good health. Those two things don’t sound bad. I mean, I’m not interested in just that, but then again, I am. I just get this sense that he’s aware of our differences and has accepted them. He sees me, and is totally cool with sharing his time with me. I believed that to be sincere.
The way he goes about himself, there’s something about how poised he is. I want to involve myself with him just so I can have some motivation. No man like that wants to sincerely bring home someone like me long-term. He’s a sweet dude, so far. But I’ve seen the sweetest turn into the nastiest mother fuckers. Those are the ones I always end up with. They linger so hard that I just cannot trust anyone anymore. Like, I just fucking can’t. Saw a fucking meme that said “Pretty girls always have trust issues.” I think people in general should. People are deceiving as fuck. Ugh, I guess it’s kind of clear how I feel about Ten.
Then there’s Eleven. No man ever has an excuse not to text me ever again if this man is texting me from jail. Technology is crazy for allowing people to text through laptops. Nothing has been sexual. If anything, I was the one that voluntarily sent the leotard picture. No big deal though, no shame in my game.
We’ve literally talked nonstop since we first started texting. The only times we aren’t texting are when he’s at soccer practice and of course over the weekends when he can’t use his laptop. While we’re both working, we’re texting. Like one after another after another. I don’t have to wait long for him to reply back. I appreciate that. But then again, I already know how toxic it’ll be to be with someone nonstop like my last relationship. Speaking of which, you dead yet?
Yet, I’m really sad in all honesty. I’m actually pretty bummed if Ten doesn’t work out. So far, he’s said nothing. Just, nothing. How are you going to just do that? How can people just fucking do that?! It’s fucking rude. It’s such a coward thing to do. Be a man and tell me you’re not feeling it or you’re into someone else or whatever the reason may be. Fucking hate liars and cocky cocks that feel like they don’t owe it to the person. You know, thanks for your company? Thanks for all the good morning texts/butt pics? Thanks for holding my hand throughout the movies. Thanks for letting me hold you while you slept? The second fucking night we met?! Ugh, now I’m just getting mad.
I told myself when this all started happening that I’d probably be okay if one or the other decided to pull out. That would’ve made it easy on me to “decide” on which one to go with. But in all honesty? I’m bummed that that person may be Ten. I’m literally about to close my eyes and just type it as I remember it.
Worst case scenario, he never surfaces again. It’s just sad dude. I just fucking loved the way he gripped me and held me. I loved the way he’d just casually reach over and hold my hand. I appreciated the fact that he didn’t expect me to talk a lot. He was totally okay with sitting in silence, just being in each other’s company. Jesus fucking Christ what did I do?! I even admitted how submissive I was towards him because of how he made me feel. Maybe he saw that as an advantage on his part. He can get what he wants and then toss it to the side until it’s needed again.
But I can’t forget about Eleven. He has 7 more weekends to complete. He says that he may have a free night from soccer sometime, and that he was trying to take off of work a couple of days. If he did, I told him I’d take off work as well. Fuck it. I can’t ever see him during the week because he kind of lives pretty far out. But the fact that he’s willing to skip work to be with me is so like high school. He brings me back to that era though.
We sent each other videos all day just talking random bullshit. His accent is so fucking sexy. Ugh, kill me! Knees buckle and everything.
But Ten....