Fuck you, Six. I almost gave you a name too!
I realized that I fucked up the order of these dudes/seats. But this one is for sure the right one.
So I download Snapchat again, just for shits and gigs. I add him. Don’t expect him to add me back but if he does, whatever that’s cool.
“------------- added you as a friend!”
And it’s a picture of his face with the simplest caption of “Sup?” Ugh, his face still cute. I guess I reply with a picture of my face, right? Gotta make sure I look REALLY good. This is the first time we’re actually speaking since we stopped speaking. Alright, I can dig it. Bullshit. And you?
And it’s a picture with his good man bun friend with alcohol and large smiles. And then another picture with Six’s good face and the rear end of his friend with a caption containing an invitation to come over. At this point, I don’t even care what I look like in the picture.
Ha, actually I fucking do. But I’m trying to at least look like I don’t care ahahaha
Yooooooo I gotta take a shower before I do this.
Picture of his face with a caption “But let me see that booty”
HOKAY NIGGA. Everyone gets one, even though you technically had a library of them. But eh, why not ahahah! See you in 30 buster.
So, this is the worst route Google could’ve ever taken me to! One lane, car tailgating the shit out of me, up and down and up and down, and I’m high as shit. Like, I’m fucking stoned and driving with both hands on the wheel and laughing at myself rap. Fuck man and this place usually has tons of cops just hiding in neighborhoods, waiting to get you! Fuck and I have so much pot on me it’s not even funny. Like forreal? There’s a fucking town down this country ass road?! Jesus these last 11 minutes are going to be the longest and most nerve wrecking. I mean, this dude barely responds to my texts and yet I’m actually going to meet up with him in a few moments. Fucking hell.
I’m here nigga. Come g-- holy fuck. You look really fucking good....still.
....you WOULD smack my butt like we just saw each other yesterday, dickfuck.
At this point we’re just catching up, small talk, bullshit talk that I honestly don’t even like to partake in. Ha, partake in. But yeah! Drinking a gross ass luke warm beer. I don’t even like beer but I already know where this is going. Yet, I have this weird ass feeling about something. I’m not quite sure what it is, though. But he definitely seems um, just a tad bit different than what I remember.
Unfortunate I can’t fuck your friend. His man bun looks real good.
Another two friends pop up out of nowhere and ask Six if he wants to go with them to a party. He looks at me and asks if I want to go. I mean, nigga I’m going wherever you’re going. Unless I just fucking go back home. I can’t drive though and neither can you. One of the two friends says that we can ride with them. Ugh, I don’t even want to go but I’m not about to seem like that girl. The two go inside though, right? Then his friend goes inside as well. So it’s just me and Six. We turn and look at each other and give each other looks, if that makes sense. I’m not saying shit first homie.
“I’d uh, very much like to have sex with you.”
“Yeah? Um, how would that work though?”
“We’ll just, play it by ear. But I do want you and your butt on my face.”
“Ha alright well, you’re the boss applesauce.”
“Am I?”
He takes my hands and lifts me up, so I’m just standing directly in front of him. Chest to chest. His hands are out of control, but like I said, you’re the boss applesauce. His breathing is SO loud. Ha, nothing much has changed! His hands are going up and down, grab each cheek viciously, then back up. Then they make their way to my face, cupping it so nicely.
And then he smacks me just the way I like it. Now you’re going to fucking get it.
“You sure you want to go to this party? It’s going to be a bunch of people my age who are just as stupid as I am.”
“I don’t think you’re stupid but I don’t care man. I’m drunk. Let’s do this.”
There’s 4 fairly skinny people in the backseat. From my side to the other, me, Six, we’ll say roommate #3, then Six’s friend. Ha, and Six’s hand makes its way to my thigh and then violently shoves his hand to my area. You can’t even wait homie? How am I supposed to introduce myself at this party? Am I your Tinder hoe?
....I think he’s got a girlfriend yo, cause he didn’t really laugh. Oh my fuck. Maybe that’s what this off feeling is! Holy fuck I gotta pay more attention. #wildchild
Short, quick introductions with no title or anything. Just my name and that’s it, no big deal. Do you booboo. Oh you gonna go get alcohol? No, I don’t need another beer thank you. And now here I am, in this fucking circle of strangers with the most obnoxious sense of humor. It’s crazy they ALL have the same kind of humor. Eh, fuck it. I’m drunk/high as hell. I’ll play obnoxious for the evening. One dude in the circle outside asked what my name was. I simply state my name, and that I’m with that dumb fuck Six inside. I mean, this nigga really did just leave me for like a good 30 minutes out here by myself. Oh well. I’m technically not his lady so whatever.
...but who IS his lady?! Ha, oh hey you finally come back as we were just talking about how much of a piece of shit you are.
“My fault. You wanna go out in the backyard?”
“Um, and fucking do what dude?”
“I just wanna go and talk and hang out with you. I like hanging out with you.”
“Do you really?”
“I do actually.”
And we’re just sitting on a fucking playground. His head is laying on my lap with his right arm wrapped around my side, resting his hand on my back. It feels too good so I already prepared myself for some bullshit.
“So, I’ve been weird lately because I kinda have a girlfriend now.”
“Ha! Forreal dude it’s alright. I kind of had the weirdest feeling. I didn’t think you were a relationship kind of dude I guess.”
“I mean, I do do them but I just haven’t in a while.”
“Alright so the morally correct thing to do is not do anything.”
“We’re not. We’re just talking.”
“Ha, okay dude.”
“I’m sorry I’m an asshole. You don’t even know how hard it was to not reply to you.”
“Haha it’s alright man. I just always remind myself that this all started from Tinder.”
“Yeah but, I don’t know this shit sucks. It’s kind of weird talking to you about all this because technically me and you were a thing not too long ago.”
“Yeah but you should kinda know me to some extent. I’m pretty uh, weird ha with emotions and shit. I should be mad but I think I’m fucked up so no emotion is coming out accurate.”
“Haha well, I don’t know. I mean, she makes me happy. But I don’t know. I really want to fuck the shit out of you.”
“I don’t know man. I don’t even know what to say.”
Thankfully, his friend does by screaming “Hey guys we’re leaving with or without you.” Alright, we’re coming.
“You good to drive? We can go back to my apartment.”
“Yeah once we get back to my car just hop in.”
The car ride home was spent with our heads resting on each other’s and hand holding and reminiscing. Then this drunk retard falls forward. Eh, I’ll just let you sleep I guess.
....but not really because we just got here. Wake up nigga. Get in my car and navigate me back to your place from here.
“Only” by Nicki Minaj comes on and here comes the lyric about eating ass like a cupcake.
He turns his head, looks at me and says, “Yep. I’m uh, going to eat your ass like a cupcake. I don’t care. I want it.”
“You do realize dude that if you do that, I’m GOING to want to fuck. No way around that.”
“Okay that’s fine.”
If only I could put a picture of him up on here. Like, when he said that, he genuinely looked happy but completely clueless as to what was going on. Like he could’ve been dreaming all of this! But then he pulls my skirt up and savagely shoves his hand down down and straight up there. Yo, I’m going to crash this car if you continue this. You need to wait forreal because there’s a lot of drugs on me right now!
“Is this okay?”
“I mean yeah but as long as we’re stopped.”
“I shouldn’t even be doing this, huh?”
“Yeah technically not. Dude I can just drop you off and go home if that makes things a lot easier.”
“Or you could come instead and we can just think about this.”
“Okay you gotta grab your visitor’s pass?”
“Uh, well I can’t because she has it.”
“Ha! Dude I don’t want them to tow my car.”
“They won’t. It’ll be alright. Let’s smoke a cigarette before we go in though.”
“Okay fine.”
Ha, apartment still looks the same. Sloppy as hell. Oh but his room CLEARLY has been invaded by this new chick. Because forreal, I have never seen so much pink and print in my life. Jesus I thought you didn’t like retarded girls!
I’m sitting on the edge of the bed, yet he decides to sit directly next to me, arm behind me and everything already set up.
“Should we do this?”
“Dude I don’t know. That’s up to you.”
“She definitely tried calling me just a few minutes ago.”
“Well would she show up unannounced?”
“No I don’t think she would.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah. Let me at least eat your butt.”
“I’m fucking telling you that if you do that, I will most definitely persuade you to fuck me.”
“Okay. Fuck it.”
“I’m turning off the lights then.”
Same Six. Pushing me over and just straight up destroying my butt with his mouth. Ugh, this is unreal. He pulls away and just shoves his dick straight into me like holy fucckkkkkkkkkk I missed that dick. Haven’t had good dick in a while, forreal forreal.
“Let me cum in your butt.”
“Do it.”
He’s pumpin’ like a pro. He wanted it and missed it. He can’t even deny it. I can tell the sex he has with her is boring as fuck. She probably doesn’t let him put it in her butt! I mean, I was fairly cooperative back then and I’m even more so cooperative now! I warmed up to it. This feels pretty good once you accept it and want it more.
“Let’s smoke a cigarette, yeah?”
“Yeah. Then I guess I’m actually going to jet after that.”
“Really?”
“Yeah dude I kind of feel a certain way about this now and I think it’d be better if I did leave now versus later.”
“Alright. Well you can at least smoke your stuff here too before you go.”
“Okay.”
Jesus this is about to be an awkward conversation. Ugh. The second this fucker sits down directly in front of me? Oh it’s going to get weird really fast.
“I am the biggest piece of shit ever. I’m sorry.”
“Dude, ha, you don’t owe me an apology for that.”
“I’m just saying. This is the second time I’ve done this.”
“Well then, I don’t know man. If you like her that much then don’t do it.”
“Yeah. I was so drunk the first time it happened.”
“Uh huh. And what about this time? You were hammered.”
“Yeah but, even before I got this drunk I knew exactly what I wanted to do to you the second you got out of the car.”
“And yet, you still want to stay with homegirl?”
“I mean, I don’t even know what to do. I feel like I just ruined everything with everyone. I mean, we were just a thing not too long ago, you know? And then I just decided to be a dick and not reply back to your texts.”
“It’s whatever dude. I’m not trippin’. I feel like I should but I mean, ultimately we never dated so this should all be alright anyways.”
“Yeah but I mean, at one point I thought maybe I could date you. I don’t know I feel weird and awful now.”
“You’ll feel better in the morning.”
“You’re right.”
“Well, I should go.”
“I feel like the biggest dick and I’m just so fucking sorry.”
“Shit happens man. What can you do?”
I just have this unsettling feeling in my gut at this point. Maybe it’s the beer and tree combo? I don’t know. And the fact I didn’t eat dinner yet could also be a factor. But I kind of feel bad for him a little. He sincerely looks upset about this whole situation. Is it fucked up to admit that it’s a slight ego boost for me? I mean, would he be this upset if I was a normal, basic bitch?! I really don’t think so.
“I feel like we’re not going to be able to hang out.”
“Okay, and I respect that. Totally understandable. I won’t hit you up anymore or send you butt pics or dumb twerk videos...”
“Which are fucking dope by the way.”
“Ha yeah well enjoy the ones you do have I guess.”
“With that being said, I’m probably going to have to delete your number. Because knowing that I have it is probably not a good thing.”
“Alright dude. Fine with me. Take care of yourself.”
“I’m sorry.”
I’m actually pretty bummed, but I did my best to play that shit off like I didn’t give a shit about never seeing him again. I talked mad shit about him before meeting back up with him, but shit man. I’m losing my mind. I leave one, get another. He leaves me before it starts, get another one. Same thing. He leaves before it starts, clearly choosing another female over me. And the ones that want me just don’t vibe with me in the right way.
Hmm, but maybe this one will? Casually swiping and hmmmmm, here’s one. Oh? You’re 7 miles away? You don’t say. I feel like you could have a really sweet man bun. I’m not saying shit first though.
No but forreal I can’t say anything right now. I’m pretty uh, bummed man. Like, bummmmmmeeedddd. It’s a little too late now but I definitely feel like I was supposed to give him a reason to keep me around. I should’ve maybe shown that I cared a little bit more. I mean, he technically showed me that he cared when he pulled me away from the table that everyone else was taking lines off of, which I can’t understand how I even forgot to mention that! Wtf. But yeah, someone offered me a bump and I went for it and this nigga pulls me back and says, “You don’t need to do that.”
Ha! I said, “Is this the --------- that cares?” I shouldn’t even be making fun of that moment because that was kind of the hint that told me that he slightly cared about me outside the bedroom. Aw so cute! Oh, and it’s gone, just like that!