This Week was Just Plain Hard
Every time I think I’ve gotten “used to” Israel, I find myself in yet another situation that pushes me even more than the previous ones. This week I started really working at my job in the army, & it’s been quite the test so far. I quite like the job itself, especially because I have contact with a part of Israel that most people don’t (because I work in Judea & Samaria). It’s really cool getting to see, hear & learn from a closer perspective than that from just reading the news. The thing is, like many other offices in Israel, I feel like everything is disorganized & inefficient.
I’m also having a terribly difficult time with the social aspect of it, & feeling rather like an outsider--& only slightly because of the language. It’s because I’m coming from a completely different place & perspective than most of my comrades, & there are so many things we DON’T have in common: conversation topics, attitudes toward authority, many smoke & I do not, & we just plain come from vastly different backgrounds. I knew it would be different, but I didn’t know that I would feel it so strongly.
I will never know what it’s like to grow up here.
I will also never know what it’s like to not CHOOSE to go into the military here, & right after high school at that. I also did not grow up through every war, with family members or friends being killed defending this place, with constant hate & the threat of terrorism constantly flashing in front of my face. I imagine all of these experiences can easily make a person hard, protected & bitter...constantly in defense mode, & much more difficulty with having compassion & empathy for the perspective of the people on the other side of the Green Line.
I am coming from the perspective of someone who’s finished college, already lived on my own for a while, & then moved here completely on my own. I grew up somewhere very quiet, with smaller threats. I am coming from the perspective of a God who loves & saves, the God of the Tanakh & of this glorious Land--even when nothing about it seems glorious. I CHOSE to join this military, to give my all for a cause I greatly believe in. I want to work hard, do my best, & treat every Palestinian I meet with respect, no matter how much he or she may not “deserve” it.
But now, as I get to know real people [Israelis] with real stories, I must remember that they are that: real people with real stories. Every seemingly careless 19-year-old that I may work with has a story too, & a reason for seeming careless. Each one has hopes & dreams. I can’t hold on to all my expectations of what I want others to be, & then become bitter when those expectations aren’t fulfilled. I can only pray & humble myself before God, that He continue to mold me into someone who is compassionate, seeks to understand, & loves.
