Penance is a virtue
Yandere!Enji Todoroki x Reader
Enji Todoroki is many things; kidnapper, lover, sadist, hero, villain, husband. He is many, many things. But he isn’t delusional.
Beta-Read by best person: @absolute-flaming-trash
Warning: Yandere content and themes, Angst, Heavy emotional themes, Suicide, Stockholm syndrome, Kidnapping.
---
You wake up, eyes dashing to the clock.
5:55 AM - SUNDAY
Okay, good, you hadn’t slept in. Enji always wanted you to wake him up. He got...mad if you didn’t. You turn over to him in bed, expecting to find him still sleeping.
Teal eyes stare back at you instead.
“Ah!”
His face takes on a sorrowful expression.
“Did I frighten you? Sorry. I could not sleep.”
Not leaving you time to respond, he pulls you into his chest, under the covers. He sighs in content, and you press into him, not wanting him to forget your devotion.
After some time, he pulls you up to his face, kissing your forehead gently.
“Thank you. For everything.”
“U-uh, what do you mean? Are you okay?”
Enji sighs, failing to meet your gaze.
“I never do compliment you that often...”
---
He carries you to the breakfast table, adorned with pancakes, your favourite.
“What’s going on Enj- I mean, dear. I’m meant to make you breakfast?”
He fails to answer you, instead sitting down with you on his knee. He takes a fork and puts some pancake on it.
“Eat.”
And so you do.
When you finish, he moves to wash up.
“W-what are you doing? You told me that was my job.”
Your memory wanders back to your first few months here, when you disobeyed his every command...and received due punishment for it.
“Are you going to punish me again?”
It escapes your lips before you can stop it. The thought of being punished again, like before, makes your veins cool with fear. Your breathing increases and you move down on your knees onto the cold kitchen floor.
“P-please, I swear, I’ll do whatever you want, just don’t-”
“Stop.”
He walks over, his thighs the same height as your head. You move to undo his belt, but a hand puts a stop to that.
“There is no punishment. I am just doing an acceptable act for my spouse.”
The words “but you never do that” get stopped in your throat. You instead swallow and try to weakly smile. Looking up at Enji from your position on the ground, sunlight bathing him in a warm glow, to contrast the unsettled expression on his face.
---
He places you on a stool while he washes up. You fiddle with your hands, nervous. This isn’t how Enji usually acts. He’s so...vulnerable. In all honesty, it’s scary.
“Do you like the sunrise, my sweet?”
You look out to the orange glow emanating from the windows.
“Do you want me to like it, my sweet?”
Enji simply sighs and continues washing up.
“I’m sorry you cannot enjoy it. One should always appreciate what they have...”
---
After breakfast, he walks silently to the study. You follow behind him perfectly, like he trained you to.
He walks into the study, sitting down at his writing desk, and you take your place in his lap. He pulls out pen and paper, and you avert your eyes.
It isn’t for good spouses like you to read.
He spends the better half of 6 hours writing. You entertain yourself by tracing the pattern of the wallpaper. This evolves into focusing on Enji’s breathing, noticing how he breathes in more, not less when he becomes frustrated with something on the page. You eventually move on to thinking about all the things you miss from the outside world, like ice cream, and human connection. You finish out the last hour by thinking about how angry Enji would be if he knew such a perfect little spouse were thinking such nasty little things.
Shuffling about, he motions for you to hop off his leg, and then stands and leaves the room without speaking to you. You get the feeling he’s coming back, though; he left the door open.
You’re worried. You’re scared beyond belief. This isn’t like him, this entire day is wrong. You’re hoping he’ll burst in and start yelling, the anticipation feels worse than any potential punishment. You consider that maybe this is the punishment and that you should perhaps just start apologising regardless. He didn’t take well to that before though.
This day has made little sense. Enji is acting so far out of his usual behaviour that it doesn’t just scare you because he might hurt you. It scares you because you don’t know what is even happening. It takes you back to the days you first came here—a blurry, hazy mess. You struggle to even remember it. You remember bits and pieces. Chains, fire, the cold, the scent of sex. Small things like that.
You turn your head to the papers on the desk, intrigued by what took up so much of his time. Before you can look away, you see what they are. Letters, addressed to countless people, your parents, Shoto, Rei, Hawks, various news stations.
You glance towards the open door...surely what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him right?
You pick up the letter to the Hawks.
Keigo, I write this letter to you as a mentor, and I presume a father figure. I know that in some capacity, you looked up to me. You were just a scared kid, and I helped. That said, if what I have done becomes public knowledge, do not defend me. I do not know how much you know of my dealings, but for the sake of your future, throw me to the dogs. Do not say that I was perfect, or that I did no wrong. When I turn and look at my darling, I see my mistakes for the damning judgments they are. You will be a fine no.1 hero, just let go of your predecessor. Please.
That alleviated little concern. Undeterred, you move onto the letter to the media.
To all the news channels and gossip rags that haunt this city like the festering ghouls you are, I detest you. You created division, turned heroics into a popularity contest, seeded doubt during a time where we needed hope, and fought so hard to bring us all to our knees. I know my story will vilify me, so I accept my place in the burning flames of hell. Just know that when you get down there, I will be waiting to enact justice.
You are practically hyperventilating now. You grab the letter to your parents. You don’t know what these letters are, but they seem like-
The letter is snatched away from your hands. It appears you forgot to watch the door.
Turning around, tears in your eyes, fear in your veins, half-baked excuses running rampant in your mind. You expect to see vengeful Enji with a glint in his eye, telling you it is time for your punishment. Instead, you find an apathetic Enji, eyes soft and watery, stance broken and exhausted.
“I did not want you to see that. I am sorry that you did.”
Enough is enough, you want answers. Pushing against your instincts, you stammer out a question.
“W-What is going on? Why...why are you like this?”
He seems taken aback, eyes opening wide. This minor act of defiance, of speaking out when not spoken to, is enough to break you. Falling to your knees, you look away from him. Aghast that you even thought of defying his wishes.
“I’m sorry! Please, forgive me! I didn’t mean to question you like that! Or read the letters! Please! I didn’t- I don’t-”
A calloused hand grips your shoulder.
“Please. Stop.”
You look up to see Enji’s eyes, dull and watery again.
“Sorry.”
“Trust me, I am sorry too.”
---
The afternoon is spent on the couch, watching TV in Enji’s lap. He seems to notice your nervous disposition, as he slowly envelopes you in a hug the more the hours go by. Eventually, he gets up to make dinner by himself, much to your unvoiced dismay.
You simply stare as he makes it. Both of you silent. He occasionally looks over to you, as if to make sure you haven’t merely vanished into the ether. You feel like you might vanish into the ether, honestly.
You move to the dining table, and a couple of minutes later, he brings out dinner. Silent, he sits down beside you, but a hand stops you from eating.
“Tell me, do you remember when we first met?” he sounds...hopeful.
“Is...Is this a trap?” you ask cautiously. This entire day has put you on edge.
“No. Quite the opposite, in fact.”
“I...I can’t remember it, really. Most of those months are...blank, I remember a few pieces of my first couple of months here. They’re admittedly not pleasant memories.”
“I see.”
“I mean, I appreciate that you did those...things you did to me! If you hadn’t, I wouldn’t be any good at my job.”
He turns to you and raises an eyebrow.
“Your job?”
“Yeah, loving you, being your spouse.”
“Ah.”
Both of you go quiet. You wait on the signal to start eating. It doesn’t come.
“It was a gala event. You told me how much you hated them, and I laughed and agreed.”
“Ah. Gala’s sound so wonderful, don’t they though? Being outside, getting to dance, to listen to beautiful music.~”
You sway slightly thinking that you could have once been permitted to be a part of such a magical event.
“You may eat now.”
Enji’s command breaks you out of your daydream. He watches as you take your first bite, and follows in kind.
---
When you finish, he seems restless. He gets the plates and puts them in the sink. He then takes you to the living room. He fiddles with a speaker for a couple of seconds, before classical music emerges.
“You said you cannot remember our first meeting, and by extension our first dance. I was wondering, would you like to dance with me?”
Confused, but delighted, you join Enji in the embrace. Softly dancing around the living room, you try to imagine what it was like meeting Enji for the first time. He must’ve seemed so sweet, right? That’s how Enji would come off to a stranger, right?
You lose yourself in the moment, allowing yourself to imagine a life outside of these walls. You would’ve met Enji at the Gala. He would’ve laughed. He would’ve given you his number, the gentlemen that he was. He would’ve taken you to a fancy restaurant for your 1st date. You could’ve shown up at his agency while he was buried under paperwork once, and it would’ve made his day. You could’ve kissed him under the rain, snickering as you pulled away and saw droplets evaporate on contact with his blushing face. He would’ve proposed in a quiet place, with a brilliant ruby. You would’ve met Shoto, and figured out what his deal was. You would’ve grown old together.
But this life is just as beautiful, right?
Enji leans down during the dance and kisses you. Softly, unlike all those times before. It’s beautiful to you. And based on the silent tears running down his face, it’s beautiful to him too.
He pulls you down onto the couch, staring into your eyes as the soft music plays.
“I’m sorry, my love.”
“What for?”
“For a lot of things. For kidnapping you. For...training you. For punishing you. For breaking you, beyond belief. For so many, many different things. You are not the person I fell in love with, you are hardly a person. I broke you, I gutted your personality until all that was left was a shell, echoing any command I gave it. You do not have a soul anymore.”
He pauses, seemingly debating over this next part, ignoring your shaky and scared reassurances.
“And I am also sorry for the poison in our food tonight.”
Your world shatters at that.
“The fatal effects should kick in soon enough. It will not be a nasty death. Even in death, I intend to remain dignified. Or at least, I wish to preserve your beauty.”
You cannot vocalise anything, your mind is failing you. From either the poison or situation, you are unclear.
“There is an antidote on the kitchen counter. If you can get there and drink it, you will live. And if you are feeling ever so generous, you may even give some to me.”
He turns and looks you in the eyes.
“My only command is that you do not get that antidote.”
“Wh-what?”
“You heard me. Disobey me, and save yourself. Or obey me, and die.”
He shrugs.
“I did say I was sorry.”
“I-I...why?”
“Like I said. You are a shell. If you get the antidote, maybe I have not entirely broken you, maybe you can still be saved from my conditioning. If you do not get the antidote, I get to make Dabi just that little bit happier.”
You try to get up and into the kitchen. You really try. Your arms try to push up. You try to move off the couch. But...that feeling of fire licking at your body...it’s paralysing.
You instead collapse back onto the couch, and Enji sighs.
“Can you hold me?”
“Sure, my sweet.”
His arms pull you into his body. You feel yourself getting more and more tired.
“I’m sorry...I couldn’t be...what you wanted...”
“I am sorry I could not be what you wanted either...”