If you watch movies, read this.
No matter what country you're from. Just follow these rules when you're in a movie hall/theatre. For the love of humanity, and this human-infested shithole (read: earth), please do. Unless you're a misplaced caveman or cavewoman.
a) BEING LATE. Oh come on. For fuck's sake. Be. On. Time. PERIOD. Nobody likes their heads being grabbed by your anxious, phobic hands as you grope your way in the dark; or their knees getting knocked into by your frantic sidestepping body, as you shove your crazed way into your row in the dark.
b) NO FUCKING TALKING. Like, for the love of Goodness, Hope and Light. This is NOT your home. Remember what you want to ask your friend/spouse/bf/gf and ask them - AFTER the damn movie ends. I don't need to know that you're too stupid to catch major plot points. And yes, it distracts me from getting into the movie. I paid to WATCH the movie, not hear your DAMN conversation/discussion. If you don't understand half the time, here's the truth - you're too stupid for movies. And even if you're a first-class whisperer, it's NOT okay. Cheers.
c) DON'T CHECK YOUR DAMN PHONE. Unless George Clooney said he'd propose to you via SMS, Facebook or Twitter. Even then, he can bloody wait. Look. Here's why. It's a DARK hall. Your phone has a LIGHT. This will make it really OBVIOUS to others. In other words, only fools, retards, idiots and slaves of Facebook and Twitter do this. Don't be one of them.Will you REALLY die if you miss just ONE Facebook update - that your friend just got laid doggy style?
d) DON'T BRING YOUR DAMN KID IF HE OR SHE IS TOO YOUNG. Okay, so I get that you want a life. But I was watching Rise of the Planet of the Apes that day, and a BABY started yelling and screaming when Caesar went nuts. Needless to say, it was music to everyone's ears. Like, seriously?! Are you an ape too?
e) DON'T TEXT IN THE DARK. Refer to point b). Same reason - just that the light is on for far longer. And also, if you are a noisy texter or if you didn't mute your keypad tone, you should be mauled by Caesar the Talking Ape.
f) DON'T EAT SMELLY SHIT. Nobody wants to emerge from the theatre smelling like your overdone cheeseburger or Korean fry-up. Please. Some basic consideration here.
g) DON'T KICK THE CHAIR IN FRONT OF YOU. Are you like what? Five? Stop being a moron. If your legs are too long, swing them over your shoulders - or better yet, I'll hack them off for you. FOC.
h) DON'T LEAN YOUR MELON HEAD TOWARDS YOUR PARTNER. Ooooh, so you wanna cuddle. Great. But get a damn room at home, and do it. Do you know each time you cosy up, and rub your misshapen heads together, you are depriving screen space for the hapless fuck behind who usually has to watch the movie from the space between your heads? If you're in the last row, by all means turn into Chang and Eng. Who gives a shit. But if you're not, get a life.
i) NO GROUP MURMURING, HOOTING AND GIGGLING WITH YOUR BROOD OF PALS DURING HORROR MOVIES. What are you (again)? Three? If you're too chicken to watch a horror show, bloody get the DVD and yell yourself hoarse at home. The rest of us would like an atmospheric build-up of cinematic tension, thank you very much.
j) RESPECT YOUR NEIGHBOUR'S PERSONAL SPACE. Please don't shove the person's arm off their armrest, you rude fuck. Take the other one. And please don't swing your smelly feet over in my direction, or sprawl your ungainly body near me. Because the truth is, you kinda stink (usually, anyway).
Some morons reading this will invariably be wondering why I don't rent a DVD instead and watch it at home - if I have so many rules that I think movie goers should adhere to.
All I got to say is - you're missing the point here. Everyone has a right to go to a movie. But no one should have any right to ruin people's movie experience with stupid, thoughtless, inconsiderate and just plain rude behaviour. Please have some respect/regard/thought for others.
Thank you.