Discover Top Posts Tagged with #incorrect parenting

1 1/2yo: *climbs on table*

Dad: *in scary dad voice* hop down!

1 1/2yo: *pops out bottom lip and looks heartbroken*

Dad: aw, no baby! It's okay, you can climb on the table.

Me: *holds up pinky* this is 1 1/2yo *winds other finger around it* this is you

Dad: but look at her! She's so cute!

Me: ...

Me: *grumbles* fucking sucker

Me: *has two kids*

Best friend who also has two kids: I missed my period

Me: Aha! Hahahahahahaha!! That's fucking hilarious

Best friend: *groans* fuck up, you bitch

Bonus:

Me: *still pissing myself* it could be twins

Best friend: I fucking hate you

Me: I don't swear around my kids

Me the moment they are in bed: fuck the fucking fuck

My baby: da-da, da-da!

Me: no, say mama. Ma-ma

2 years later..

Now 3 yo: Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum-my!!

Me: ...why did I teach you that fucking word...?

Kids: *behaving well and watching Peppa Pig*

Me: if I take a shit now, there should be minimal destruction

Kids: mum's in the toilet...

Me: *comes out feeling relieved with zero apprehension*

3yo: look mummy!

Me: *sees entire hallway stripped of wallpaper*

Me: ...

Me: FML

#incorrect parenting