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Andrei: Have you lost your faith in humanity?
Pierre: To lose something, one must first possess it.
Anatole: I don't care what anyone says, the middle of an Oreo is the best.
Pierre: Light without darkness, darkness and no light. One can not exist without the other.
Helene: Yo, Socrates, it's a fucking cookie.
Anatole: You hear me, Pierre?
Pierre: Yes. I wear glasses, not hearing aids, Anatole.
I have the physical ability of a sloth on drugs
Pierre (while figuring out how he’s going to kill Napoleon probably)
Anatole: Have I ever let you down?
Pierre: All the time. You're very unreliable, it's like the hallmark of your personality.
Anatole: Why do you like rollercoasters so much?
Pierre: Sometimes you just want to scream your head off and a rollercoaster is the only place people don't look at you funny for it.
Pierre: You may have gone on a date with the girl of your dreams, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
Anatole: That's a beautiful sentiment.
Pierre: how did you get everyone to betray me?
Anatole: I asked them if they want to have a chance to embarrass you and they all said yes
