#inda writes

[ponypedia]

Mother Mary

Why do I clean when I’m afraid?

Why do I buy things to fill the emptiness inside of me?

Why do I eat filth when my heart is at it’s lowest?

Why do I swallow my thoughts like poison

letting them well up inside me until I wish I were dead?

Just once, I’d like to ask you these things

and instead of “lazy pig”

“ungrateful cow”

“little child”

you would look at me like the newly risen Christ

fall to my feet

and tell me you don’t want me to die

and leave my blood on your walls, floors, and hands

[ponypedia]

けつじょうする

くるしいだけど

こけません

To miss a person

It’s painful, but then again

I am not hollow

[ponypedia]

Dictionary

Her vocabulary is better than mine

she teaches me how to pack away ugly words

fuck

family

love

and replace them with kakorrhaphiophobia

my fingers knotted those words out of her throat

like ash

hard and colorless

except the flecks of black

a burn of smouldering loathing popped from the kiln

too soon

I traced the ants of verbosity up a tree

with a rotting heart

that gum of Hamlet

held together weeping branches

and pearls of blood were nothing more than a brother and sister

or a king and queen in sunset magic and sweet cakes

give sun, give water, see growth

but I asked and built a fence

let the ants crawl over me

in me

until I too saw the core

was the core, and the tree too

and put up roots

branches tangle

her palms sweat in thunderstorms

I am restless at 5:35 pm

Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays

we grow together

rot

and watch a garden bloom

while pushing lilies and poppies from our toes