untold words!
Unfortunately, I screwed up, with this confusion I couldn't honestly understand if there's a need to heal. Am I broken, looking for something scared or I just couldn't love? what is beyond bound of this emptiness it's fascinating and heartless. Up to this point, the hollowness inside is uncertain of me. Objectively, couldst scrape together the love that I want to perceive for them. Whenever I'm committed, I have this strong sense of feels that I'm suffocating innermost whichever I hardly cannot understand why I'm like that, in fact, I'd say no for responsibilities. Moreover, there are times I kinda yearned for someone who indeed without a doubt to fully accept me, the sensation of being loved by someone is very tempting that you want to be spoiled. Therefore, I ended up alone because I don't want their love anymore, I'm scared that what if his feelings gotten strong and there's no way in hell I can get out from that situations when I want, especially I tend to lose interest easily if there’s unnecessary action or things that turned me off, and hurting that person who did nothing but gave me love is unforgivable, so to prevent things before it gets worse I’d cut ties sooner the better in order to not leave big impact. I don't want people tying me and being in a serious relationship means there are those responsibilities to comply. Moreover, which I'm not yet ready because there's a lot of things that I want to accomplish and lubricate for myself before settling into that kind of relationship. Also, when you say seriously, it means connected to future for the both of you and this partner was like rushing things out when in the first place you made clear that you're still figuring most of your self and sometimes there's a need for space and he understood so I agreed. Then, later on, he started saying this and that and want, why of course, I was like what the fuck is going on. I definitely can't figure out what's scaring me the most, is it the responsibilities or unable to commit such serious relationship. OH HELL IN FUCK I'M IN DEEP TROUBLE. These things are troubling me recently after all my friends were trying hard to find me a man.
