My newsletter subscribers had to feel my pain...so, now you have to too 😭 Betty!
The question was what celebrity would you try to save during the zombie outbreak...I picked Betty White:
Operation Save Betty White
So, it’s the first week of the outbreak. My family is safe, I’ve got them held up with food and water. We even got a tv. We don’t run it often, every morning and every night. Tonight during our random scans for information we see a TMZ shot of a small mansion being surrounded by the dead. Is it The Donald? The Rock? Demi Lovvato? No, No, and No...it’s someone far more valuable to mankind...it’s Betty White!
(Stay Calm GG Army...this is just a what if?)
I wait for my family to go to sleep and then I grab my bug out bag and take a tricked out electric car to save Rose from her final destination. I leave in the middle of the night because my wife wouldn’t want me risking my life for Ms. White, but my wife has never watched The Golden Girls, so she has no idea what is at stake.
The car is set up with solar panels on the roof, so I wouldn’t have to make any unnecessary stops, but of course I get a flat just miles away from Ms. White’s house. I have to fight my way through a zombie infested Hollywood, taking down stars that I used to love, like Michael J Fox...all while singing, the Golden Girls theme song.
It’s a hard couple of hours but I finally make it to the house...the door’s broken off its hinges. Blood stains the hardwood floors. It was a fun adventure, I was the chosen one meant to save the last of a dying breeding...but that was all a game in my head...this was reality.
I walk through the house calling her name, for a moment it’s dead silent and then I hear her moan “Over here” I race into the kitchen. The floor is lined with dead bodies, Betty put up one hell of a fight, but now she’s sitting on the blood soaked floor, staring at the bite mark on her arm. She looks up at me through tear filled blue eyes, “the sons of bitches got me”
I slowly get down on the floor next to her. I look at the wound, “We can-“
She puts her finger on my lip and shakes her head, “I’m ready now, I’m ready to go.”
I shake my head and she laughs, “Don’t be a ball sack, everyone has to die Sylvester”
I put my arms around her and we rock back and forth singing in unison, “Thank you for being a friend, traveling down that road and back again...your heart...your heart-“ I pull the trigger and her head flys back before her body goes limp in my arms. I sit there in the blood bath and question if this world is really worth fighting for anymore.