I don't expect that anyone is going to see this lol, but just in case...
I will have been friends with my ISTJ friend for a year next February. And we have only seen each other when I go grocery shopping at their work, or hung out irl one time at my birthday party.
We have texted basically every day. I have shared a lot, as I do (xNFP). And he has shared some. I understand that sharing big long stories and emotions and thoughts and everyday stuff comes naturally to me (and my INFJ friend I text as well). But I feel that as much as I understand his *character* now, I don't have a good picture of who he is in my own way of understanding & remembering people, and I need more to feel like I'm not doing him a disservice in my understanding.
He has told me to just tell him when I need something. I know he needs his social space. I know he works a stressful job that asks a lot of him. But, I feel like I really need to hear from him more OR hang out and just chill more.
Is it fair of me to ask that of him? I don't want him to change the way he communicates with me. I know how much I needed to heal from people saying "I only like you communicating with me if you do it *this way*". But I don't know if I can go another year like this without feeling even worse or in danger of making an imaginary version of him in my head.
I think what would help me feel like I have a better picture is things like: more little updates about his day (he always asks me about my day, but rarely says how his day was), what he is watching, opinions on it - whether this is through a few more texts than he would normally send, or hanging out, either works for me.
Is that fair of me to ask for an ISTJ?
He has not held back on letting me know that this relationship is important, and that he values it. He has also said that if I had something I needed advice on to please say it explicitly because he feels like if I dropped hints he would miss it. And other things like that that seem to say that if I need something just ask. (One time I really needed an answer, and I said not getting one had made me feel a little panicked because I was trying to plan what we were eating on my birthday but he wasn't replying if he had allergies, and he was like, "Oh!! No allergies, I'm so sorry I made you start panicking." He is a total sweetheart, and super supportive.) So, I feel like it could be okay of me to say where our conversations could help me feel more secure.
But the last thing I want to do is make him feel like our friendship is something he needs to meet certain minimums in. I don't want to feel like a duty or job. At the same time, being clear about what I would like may just be helpful and maybe he feels like I *don't* want to know these mundane things so showing specific interest may be good as well?