Okay so part 8 yaaaasssss. Originally I was going to put the parts in order of like xNTx, xNFx, xSxJ, and xSxP, but it’s so out of order that it’s whatever now. Anyway, if this is the first part of the ‘Why Are You So…’ series that you’re seeing, this is essentially where I yap and explain the cognitive functions of the MBTI types. The first part of this series is the introduction, history, and table of contents. I will link that here if you are interested. So now, without further ado, the worldly ENFJ!
Dominant: Fe
If Extraverted Feeling were to be summarized into a phrase, it would be ‘concerned with people.’ Fe is all about people; connecting with people, understanding people, observing people, understanding morality, and understanding the ‘why’ behind how people act. For people who have Fe as a dominant function (ExFJs), their personalities reflect this. Even when socially introverted, Fe dominants crave some form of connection with people and have a deep understanding of how people are. It is because of this that many Fe dominants have an air of “forbidden knowledge” or “motherliness” about them. For ExFJs, because Fe is their dominant function, this response feels much more automatic and unconscious. It’s their go-to point of view in every situation, so it feels more automatic/ like a feeling than something they have to think about.
To make Fe a bit more clear, I’ll explain it in relation to Fi. As I explained in a previous post, Fi is all about understanding what the individual person expects from themself, what they feel, what they think of a situation, etc. Fe is like if you took all of those qualities but then directed them outward. So Fe understands what others expect of them, social norms, absorb what others feel, and what people generally think of certain social situations. The main reason behind this is because, well, Fe is extraverted. This constant “outwardness” is also what can cause Fe-dominants to freeze up with someone “exposes” a part of the Fe-user. It’s not that they don’t enjoy being complimented or being helped, but they’re so use to putting themselves out there, that when they’re put back inwards (and ultimately reflect on themselves) it can feel “out of their comfort-zone.” So with that, Fe also needs other people to “bounce off of” so they can:
Understand what they individually think of a situation and work on their internal thinking.
Come to a conclusion on a topic, even if they don’t morally necessarily agree with the conclusion.
Understand themselves through others without risking awkwardness/breaking social norms.
A major influence into this need is because Fe is a judging function, which means it is primarily concerned with making decisions or judging how things are. Most of the time, people. However, it is also concerned with understanding people so that it can make a “good” decision for everyone. This is where Ti sort of plays a part. Fe dominants want to do what’s best/accurate for people, especially those they love, so they look for others opinions. These opinions are then taken into consideration to help the Fe dominant make their decision. To some people this can appear like being indecisive or being a “people pleaser.” However, this is just how Fe makes decisions and makes sure it makes the right decision.
In an earlier post, I believe I explained the process of looking for opinions as like Fe needs other people to have an opinion. As I’m thinking about it, I’m starting to realize that that could be taken as “Fe dominants don’t have opinions and just go with whatever people tell them to.” That is wrong, and actually many Fe users are the first to point out when something isn’t right. While some immature Fe-dominants can definitely have a codependent quality, what I meant was more along the lines of that in order to completely understand their own thoughts/feelings, Fe dominants HAVE to “air it out” in some way. For example, talking to someone they trust about something they need to make a decision on. This does not mean that they do not have opinions of their own or do not value their alone time. It simply means that their ability to connect with people is crucial to their ability to live, not just survive.
This need to “air out” can cause ENFJs to appear emotional. However without the ability to “air everything out,” Fe dominants become unhealthy and can enter a grip/loop, which is what will cause them to actually be emotional. A big factor into this is that they have inferior Ti, which means that without access to interpersonal relationships, Fe dominants can become huge over-thinkers. This can cause Fe dominants to appear “obsessive” or “controlling” in their own way. I will explain more of this under ‘Inferior: Ti,’ but essentially as long as the ENFJ has access to other people and they are able to build connections, they will be happy.
With that being said, ENFJs have the tendency to overextend themselves because of their need to try to fit in. This stems from the need for reliable relationships. This typically happens because dominant Fe users are not naturally in-tune with how they feel, so they can easily “forget” themselves for the sake of other people. This can make the ENFJ highly aware of other’s conflicting opinions/emotions, which is also because of this that Fe dominants can experience “feeling everyone in a room.” Their ability to understand every single person’s experience and fundamental way of being can cause the Fe-dominant to feel as though they have “absorbed” everyone. This can cause issues, such as a lack of personal identity, exhaustion, create an emphasis on “keeping the peace,” and make them people pleasers. The best way to overcome this is to work on boundary setting, which can feel very selfish. However, boundaries are crucial for the health of the Fe dominant.
Auxiliary: Ni
Introverted Intuition is the helper to Fe. Simply put, Ni takes in the information absorbed by Fe and then directs the train-of-thought on where to go with said information. Think of it like a train. Yes, there is a train, and yes, there are people on that train who pay for that train, but the train would be useless without a conductor. Ni is sort of like the conductor in this case.
For ENFJs, because Fe identifies what other people feel/expect, Ni tells the ENFJ what to do about it. For a lot of ENFJs, this can look something like:
Fe: Yo, so I just noticed that my best friend went silent after I mentioned her fiancé and I can't help but feel like something bad happened.
Se: Also, her ring was gone? What was that about?
Ni: Oh, so that probably means that they broke up. If we ask her about it, she may feel bad. If we don't mention it, she might stuff her emotions up and then lash out/feel lonely/get mad at us or other people. We should ask her if she wants to talk about it.
Ni, in the auxiliary position is right next to Se. This creates a conflict, yes, which I will explain in a second, however it also allows the two to work hand-in-hand. For Ni, the relationship with Se is like being the "older sibling." Se provides a grounded-ness to Ni, as in Se allows Ni to create assumptions based off of real-world "facts." Ni guides Se by giving Se a path to use its talents, such as fixing real-world problems. For ENFJs, this appears mostly in relationships or with other people's problems.
However, I cannot say this without explaining that Ni and Se often do not get along. I've sort of explained this in previous posts, but the auxiliary and tertiary functions often conflict. It's like when you have two people in a kitchen trying to work but they keep having to reach over each other and end up bumping into one another. Both parties are obviously needed for the function of the kitchen, but it can get extremely annoying for the two to constantly be around each other.
Ni has the tendency to get carried away with how things will happen, also considering that Ti presents itself through Ni. You know, taking an observation and running with it with seemingly "logical" conclusions, and then insisting that it knows the best plan of action. Se is concerned with how things are, as in what is actually happening in real time. What ends up happening is that the two become frustrated with each other. This creates conflict. Because the auxiliary and the tertiary functions are the more "conscious" functions, this tends to be observed consciously by the ENFJ, leading to stress. Usually, Ni tends to come out on top of this conflict. However, when it doesn't, this usually triggers a loop which can then sometimes lead to a grip.
Tertiary: Se
Extraverted Sensing is the main part of the ENFJ that creates both a sense of freedom and stress. On one end, ENFJs tend to do better in learning if they can apply their knowledge in hands-on/practical ways. Likewise, getting into the world around them, such as through walking or talking to others, is beneficial to their mental stability. This is where many ENFJs end up developing hobbies, such as playing an instrument, hiking, biking, writing, sewing, baking, cooking, woodwork, etc. This also allows them to be in-tune with aesthetic elements. These characteristics/hobbies not only allow the ENFJ to experience new sensations, but they also allow the ENFJ to get out of their head and into the real world.
However, with that being said, Se is where ENFJs can hit a “stress-point.” This typically happens because when Fe and Se get together, it can allow the ENFJ to enter a “flow-state” with their environment. What I mean by that is that ENFJs can feel as though they are completely one with their environment, the people in their environment, and the actions that they are performing. While this can be beneficial, as it can allow the ENFJ to “melt” into their environment, it can cause the ENFJ to feel as though they “feel everything.” Such as, for example, feel the emotions that others are feeling, understand what someone is thinking, and understand what their environment, in general, needs without really needing to think about it. This can cause the ENFJ to appear as though they can forget themselves and take on the identity of everything around them. They also can use this quality to distract themselves from stressors affecting their life. Simply put, they are at high risk of lacking boundaries.
Another characteristic I'd like to throw in is that because Se is a "weaker" function, it can become irritated with concepts that do not fit what it wants. Such as impracticality.
On a more conscious level, the ENFJ can enter a Se loop. To recap on what a loop is, it is when the dominant function, instead of going to the auxiliary function, skips over it and goes to the tertiary function. While on paper this doesn't sound bad, this usually doesn't happen unless a type is under stress. You also have to keep in mind that the tertiary function is a weaker function and isn't usually developed until later on in life, like around the early-mid 20s. Even then, the function isn't that strong; it's not equipped to be depended on. It's like if you had a felon running your country (oh, wait-).
Se loops can look like becoming more impulsive, taking on other people's emotions/problems impulsively, over-indulgence in the physical (like eating too much of a certain food, drinking), and trying things you normally wouldn't because of impulsivity. Also, it can appear as desperately trying to interact with people and feeling as though you're not showing your true self. This is where the stereotype of ENFJs being "fake" comes from.
Now, this brings up another question: "If Se is weak and becomes stressed when someone is already stressed, doesn't Se eventually crash?" Yes, anonymous person in my head, yes it does. Most of the time a grip can be stopped and usually is. To stop a Se grip, you have to reinforce Ni. So, try to start thinking about what you're doing before you do it, ask yourself how you taking on other's problems will stress you later, how an impulsive decision will negatively impact you, etc.
However, when a grip is not stopped, this is when someone can enter a grip. I explained in the next section what a grip is, however, I'll explain it here as well. A grip is when all of the other three functions are burnt out, so everything is left up to the inferior function. I go into more detail about this in the next section, but basically, a loop can create a grip. This doesn't always happen, obviously, but it can. So take care of yourselves!
Inferior: Ti
Introverted Thinking is the part of the ENFJ that makes them obsess over finding out how things ‘are.’ This can come in handy, especially for when they have to figure out technical problems or learn something new. However, because it is in the inferior placement, this is all it can really be good for, as it is also the part of the ENFJ that they feel they have to hide. For healthy types, Ti finds a way to redirect itself through Fe in social situations. This means that Ti will be shown through how the ENFJ interacts with people, for example, unconsciously understanding why most people react a certain way to a certain statement. In situations where the ENFJ has to learn something technical or less people-based, Ti will present through Se.
The negative part of this need to figure things out is that Ti can cause the ENFJ to obsess over behaviors and/or relationships. Ti, especially in this type, acts like an analyst, always looking for inaccuracies, errors, and sometimes underlying meanings. For ENFJs, because they are people-oriented, this is shown through how they think about their interactions. This can appear one of two ways:
They try to figure out why someone does a certain thing which then can lead to;
They feel as though others judge them for not adhering to unknown expectations.
Both of these cases are due to the feeling of lack of adherence to a specific sense of morality.
This then causes the ENFJ to think over their situations with people, try to figure out “why” someone responded a certain way and/or that person’s intentions. This can then sometimes lead to the ENFJ blaming themself and then reinforcing pressure to meet other people’s expectations. To others, this can appear like a need for reassurance, people-pleasing, low self-esteem, and insecurity.
The other conclusion to this train of thought is a Ti grip. To recap, a grip is when a person uses their other three functions to the point of exhaustion, so there is no other choice but to rely on the inferior function. This is most common in people who are stressed, and those who have experienced trauma are more prone to falling into these grips. For ENFJs, they enter a Ti grip.
The biggest characteristic of a Ti grip is the thought that, as an ENFJ, they have been used by everyone around them and that they cannot give anymore. This then causes the ENFJ to become resentful, move away from other people, and become highly suspicious of other people’s motives. They also may feel caught between a rock-in-a-hard-place because the ENFJ ends up not communicating their needs properly (typically out of fear of being selfish), so they still want other people in their lives. However, they’ve learned that unless they are taking on other people’s problems, playing a parental role in someone’s life, or giving to others, then they are ultimately undesirable. This just then reinforces the process of leading to a Ti grip. It also explains why many ENFJs identify as an enneagram 2.
I would also like to throw in that these moments can look very similar to an unhealthy Ti-dominant type (INTP and ISTP). It can cause ENFJs, especially those with trauma, to mistype as some of these types. As someone who is a high Fe-user who's diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, when in a depressive episode I tend to have a striking resemblance to my dad (INTP w/ clinical depression). The main difference is to understand that this is not who the Fe dom is all of the time, and that these are mostly just responses to stressors/triggers. These moments generally should not last super long, and if they do, I advise that you look into considering that you could be an unhealthy Ti-dominant. Yay life!
The best way to get out of this state is by reinforcing a higher function, particularly Ni, but Fe will also work. Fe will allow the ENFJ to tie in the “judgement” of how people are. Ni will then allow the ENFJ to take that judgment and see the situation for how it is then move to potentially solve the problem.
For ENFJs, they end up feeling used because they are not surrounded by the right people. This usually comes from a lack of boundary setting. While I understand that everyone must walk their own path, boundary setting will help eliminate people who do not truly care for you and will make room for people who do care for you.
That is it for part 8! If you are wondering, the header is of the wonderful Dr. Maya Angelou. She was a wonderful writer, poet, and activist, and I 100% recommend you check out her literature. Her poetry is just ‘phenomenal.’
If you have any questions, comments, or concerns please ask! I have fixed the ask button at the top of my page (please let me know if it actually works)! However, you are also free to ask in the comments. Have a great day, council! Till next time.
“I can be changed by what happens to me, but I refuse to be reduced by it.”
unlike how you normally read a topster, i arranged the tracks to sides A (left column) and B (right column) like a normal album would! here's the tracklist to cut out confusion:
ZETAK - AAZTIYEN [stereotype #1]
Hannah Peel, Beibei Wang - Awaken The Insects [Ti #1]
65daysofstatic - Drove Through Ghosts to Get Here [Se #1]
Restless Mosaic - Tiles on the Tiles [Ni #1]
Fillas de Cassandra - lodos [Fe #1]
Ian McConnell - Mechanic [stereotype #2]
Torc - Ten Rules - acapella [Ti #2]
Nuhara - Sbògghia (Cantu ri Pisatura) [Se #2]
Shkodra Elektronike - Deri n'fund [Ni #2]
DJ Seinfeld - Come Thru for U [Fe #2]
explanations for each track is under the read more box, with actual proper punctuation :)
ZETAK - AAZTIYEN
Zetak has mentioned in a Mondo Sonoro interview that he made the album AAZTIYEN to explore his Basque identity, and found through research that the sounds that he associates with "Basque-ness" are modern inventions ("aaztiyen" being the Basque word for "recently" in the artist's dialect) . So the whole point of the album is examining revisionism and finding a neutral position to view his heritage. The artist also noted his general skepticism as a person, a common stereotype about ISTPs I feel.
Soul seraching and refining internal frameworks is apparently an IxxP thing. I as an ISTP think about my identity somewhat often, not really feeling rooted in a single place due to emigrating. Drastically changing your location even once was enough to feel this way; I am now listening to folk songs from almost everywhere in the hopes of personal connection. You'll notice over half of this playlist contains some homage to the artist's own folklore. "Why don't you learn songs from your own birthplace?" I hear you ask. That's an entirely seperate question to unpack for another day.
Hannah Peel, Beibei Wang - Awaken the Insects
This is the closest to my heritage but being honest I'm still not 100% sure on what's actually going on. I and my Ti know the title and the piece is meant to refer to 驚蟄, a day on the lunar calendar where insects will start to appear out of the ground, but not a lot more than that. Maybe the insects correlate to the bamboo clappers used?
Wang Beibei (surname always goes first in a lot of Chinese languages) also recites a tongue twister that I don't recognize. At first listen I didn't understand anything despite having learned the language in my childhood, which is a sign that I need to brush up in Mandarin. All the instruments makes coherent sense with each other eventually and that's very cool in my books. Chaotic at first listen but it's a grower, I promise.
65daysofstatic - Drove Through Ghosts to Get Here
The song that inspired this playlist!! This was recommended by a certain Restless Mosaic on his MBTI in Music writeup in his website. I agree with his reasoning and I'll let you read his explanation, which he articulates much more concisely that I ever could. link here
Restless Mosaic - Tiles on the Tiles
Given the recommendation you've seen and heard, how can I not include a track by the artist himself? Despite being an Ne user, I find this one particularly Ni coded. The piece involves a central house beat made by ceramic hits (Restless Mosaic himself in a different universe/timeline) on a night out. The hits themselves become increasingly microtonal as stress increases and cracks to its death at the end. Combined with a narrative video and it makes one of the most infectious and memorable examples of (at least semi) musique concrète tracks that I have heard and known. Writeup detailing Restless Mosaic's process is here
Fillas de Cassandra - lodos
This is the resident Fe song from the lyrics and harmonized vocals, which is a loop of:
Galician (original):
Tantos lodos quedan por vivir contigo
Cantas ganas teño de morder se vivo
Para comprobar que acaso ten sentido
Cantar e ser abrigo
English (translated):
So much mud remains to be lived with you
How much I want to bite if I live
To see if it makes sense
To sing and give shelter
You analyze this one for yourself.
Ian McConnell - Mechanic
Immediately we go to disco-flavoured Ti denial of the Fe message just before with lyrics like "I'm not your friend / I'm not your lover / I'm not your mother / I'm your automechanic". Self-evident.
The interjections of "squeak" and "drip drip" is satisfying, especially as house songs (which is a significant proportion of music that I like) add these mid-verse "woo!"s in a similar manner and house is originally an offshoot of disco. Which is a marginally sensible justification of this tangent, but there you go. Can you tell my brainpower juice energy is depleting as I type
Torc - Ten Rules - acapella
This is originally a fairly viral Youtube tutorial of techno production, presented appropriately in the techno genre. *Klaxons go off now Ti Ti Ti* None of the versions that are avaliable to stream are 1:1 identical to the OG, but the acid and acapella edits are the most faithful versions.
I'm treating this version I'm including here as a spoken word piece. I originally thought the spoken bits of this playlist would solely lie in the intro or interlude, but I guess not.
Nuhara - Sbògghia (Cantu ri Pisatura)
ALBUM OF THE YEAR ALBUM OF THE YEAR ALBUM OF THE YEAR
Seriously, thank you to The Quietus for putting this album on my radar and platforming underground folk music. Nuhara on said album (titled Rama btw) presents 12 Sicilian work songs sung by ordinary working people on the island, 1 of which is sung by the grandfather of a band member so that's cool.
Most importantly as to why this is an Se pick and not Ti is because I have no idea what words the singers are singing (Sicilian? Italian?) and what they mean. This is purely from a sensory perspective, which is frequently and perfectly monstrous in all the right spots. Music truly transcends language barriers here and when it does, you know you have a hit on your hands, lightning in a bottle.
Shkodra Elektronike- Deri n'fund
"I found a new wound. If I haven't found it, you wouldn't have gone deep."
This eccentric track with a 7-beat time signature is an electronic reflection of Albanian folk music. The drone quality of iso-polyphony lends a hypnotic sort of ecstasy that I have yet to experience anywhere else. My favorite response is a Youtube comment that went something along the lines of "did Kolë and Beatriçe take mushrooms when making these songs?" If so, then I am grateful that they did so that I don't have to.
The Ni thread here is again mainly through the lyrics. I found them to be hard to understand the meaning of sometimes; they are more vague than I am used to with the lack of clear cut sensory data. My current theory is an "I told you so" message told through the perspective of Jesus (religious allusion, "wound" = stigmata & "gone deep" = hell). But then the 2nd verse wouldn't make sense, with the narrator describing an almost exile from a village along with the un-google-translatable words "peja" and "sevda". Peja is the name of a Kosovar town so fits but what about "sevda"? Is it an exclamation similar to "aman"? Is the disjointed narrative intentional to show and not tell? Something something the confusing ways of lack of information online.
DJ Seinfeld - Come Thru for U
Feel good vibes with feel good lyrics backed by a feel good lofi house beat.
Over the years I have realized that not every single track ever created in the world needed to be galaxy-brained, novel and niche to the point of inaccessibility to the ears in order for the track to be enjoyable. This is one of such examples, with reheated topics like love & relationships and chord progressions. There are hyperbolically a million house songs in existence; it's the quality that differentiates. I just spewed a bunch of words just to say "it's really well made".
and that's it!! i tried to set up the 2 sides as unhealthy vs healthy istps that mature & grow as the playlist progresses, hence the order. go and compile the playlist yourself (it's Part Of The Fun, you see) and listen away :)
I do them as maiar because personifications of types should be something close to high spirit or something. And I do all the F types this time and I think in the Tolkien University they would supposed to all be in forms of female, since Feeling is something rather closer to the feminine power in the Tolkien philosophy.
ESFJ:
Melwen "Maiden Dear", a maia of Yavanna
ISFJ:
Oiotiriel "Ever Guardian", a maia of Estë
ENFJ:
Arammacille "the King’s Sword", a maia of Manwë
INFJ:
Aistaniel "Blessed Daughter", a maia of Varda
INFP:
Villótë "the Flying Flower", a maia of Niënna
ENFP:
Anarincë "Little Sun", a maia of Nessa
ISEP:
Erien "the woman who is alone", a maia of Ulmo
ESFP:
Vanimë "the Fair One", a maia of Vana
The following would be names for the T types and I would hopefully do them later:
ESTJ: Túrion “he who rules”, a maia of Ulmo
ISTJ: Quildo “Quiet One”, a maia of Vairë
ENTJ: Tárwë “Lord”, a maia of Manwë
INTJ: Aikamir “Dire Jewel”, a maia of Namo
INTP: Ilmo “Star Ray One”, a maia of Varda
ENTP: Norrillo “the Running Light”, a maia of Oromë
ISTP: Calimaitar “the Bright Maker”, a maia of Aulë
ESTP: Árundo “he that under sunlight”, a maia of Tulkas
I impulsively took the test thing and it said I'm an(?) Infp-t so whatever that means now you nerds(kindly, respectfully, lovingly, directed toward any of my moots that know anything about this) know. I guess. Idk.
