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Y'know, I did use to like Harry Potter enough, like a normal person, but I have noticed that I can't help but feel some mild, bitter disgust whenever it's brought up or discussed anymore. Not because of the author surprisingly, but because it's what my ex was watching the first time she cheated on me, and I know that's what they celebrate as their first kiss or whatever now.

So yeah, I just can't enjoy Harry Potter like I used to be able to. Too bad. So sad. Still like Harry's original round glasses, though.

Edit: on another note, sometimes I can't help but but have a negative bias (? Is that a correct representation of biased? I dunno. Association) to some medias when it's connected to a person who wronged me and if it's also connected to the source of their wrong doing. Especially if I didn't especially care much for it before.

For example, yes, it's been nearly a decade and I still think about this, but a person who was once a long time best friend of mine also dumped me into the garbage because she was insecure and thought I was trying to steal her boyfriend, when I absolutely wasn't. She was never able to get into anime or geek stuff when I was suggesting it, but after she got together with her now fiance(?), then boyfriend, suddenly she's into it and was even cosplaying with him. All this to preface the fact that he introduced her to Sword Art Online, which luckily for me is really not a great anime anyway, and that's what they cosplayed together. So basically, I easily jumped on the hate bandwagon from back then despite not having watched it yet at the time. I refused, until I ended up watching it with my ex, if I can get my memory to work, I believe it was after we already broke up. So double win.. yay. At least now after all this time I'm able to separate Sword Art Online from that ex friend, still don't really like it, though. It left no impression on me.

On that subject, I believe I've always been like this; more than liking something itself, I feel more importance in the time spent with a person i care about more than pieces of media itself. Like, if I start a show with a friend or my mom, I usually have no desire to then watch the show separately from them. There have been times where my mom was like "just go ahead and watch it without me, I'll catch up later", and for some reason I just felt a bit dissappointed. I was like "Nah, " I didn't really care about the show, I just wanted us to have something together. She still ended up watching it separately, so I actually never finished the show. Quality time is really that important to me, I guess. I eventually realized I put more weight and myself into my relationships more than people put into me, and I learned to hate that it felt like I was the only one who ever cared. I don't understand human relationships, they just seem so fragile.

#Puku's Random Thoughts #negative #Sorry if that's random. The comic I started reading wouldn't stop referencing HP and I wasn't sure why I was steadily wanting to stop read #ing it

did i just always know that i'd grow up to be a butch dyke totally incapable of dressing feminine without feeling and looking awful? so my brain was like nah babe skip that socialization it won't do anything for you? genuinely it's pretty possible that in the back of my mind i knew i'd end up like this i've felt uncomfortable with society's womanhood ever since i was a kid. or more like, i have always felt the way i did when i was a kid, which is untaught, tumbling, t-shirt-and-shorts, something i couldn't put away when i eventually grew towards a certain set of expectations. probably i put on the dresses my mom made me wear to church and was told not to roll around in the grass with them on and looked at makeup, young, and made the connection, and was like no fucking way that's never going to be a part of me. i am going to grow up and not care. and then i grew up and didn't care

#there was a post before this that was talking about my relationship with makeup but i worried it'd make me sound like an ass so i'm not post #ing it

The feeling of wanting to draw but having no inspiration or energy to draw sucks

#eggspelling my thoughts #plus idek what i would draw? cryptids? zelda and sheik? pretty girls? I mean I should really work on environments and animation I'm not feel #ing it

Chrome/Chromium consumes a lot of energy no matter which platform you’re using, it seems.

#or whatever way it's packaged #e.g. as an electron app #I really want to continue using Franz as a multi-protocol chat app but it uses electron and my battery life decreases substantially while us #ing it #meanwhile I'm not really getting this problem on firefox as much #also pro-tip noscript on tumblr with certain scripts disabled #plus the anti-capitalism extension on xkit makes for a slightly better experience #the post window is still slow as fuck though

honestly it’s so fucked up that there are literally so many girls who will realize that they don’t like kissing boys at all and that it’s actually really gross to them and who shudder whenever boys are too close, and they’ll genuinely believe that the best course of action is to… kiss more boys bc they think that’ll fix the situation somehow